The Big Lebowski Quotes
[the Dude, Walter, and Donny walk out of the bowling alley, to find the three Nihilists waiting in front of the Dude's car, which has been torched]
The Dude: Well, they finally did it. They killed my ****ing car.
Nihilist: Ve vant ze money, Lebowski.
Nihilist #2: Ja, uzzervize ve kill ze girl.
Nihilist #3: Ja, it seems you have forgotten our little deal, Lebowski.
The Dude: You don't HAVE the ****ing girl, dip****s! We know you never did! [the Nihilists, stunned, confer amongst themselves in German]
Donny: Are these the Nazis, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: No, Donny, these men are nihilists, there's nothing to be afraid of.
Nihilist: Ve don't care. Ve still vant ze money, Lebowski, or ve **** you up.
Walter Sobchak: **** you. **** the three of you.
The Dude: Hey, cool it Walter.
Walter Sobchak: No, without a hostage, there is no ransom. That's what ransom is. Those are the ****ing rules.
Nihilist #2: His girlfriend gave up her toe!
Nihilist #3: She though we'd be getting million dollars!
Nihilist #2: Iss not fair!
Walter Sobchak: Fair! WHO'S THE ****ING NIHILIST HERE! WHAT ARE YOU, A BUNCH OF ****ING CRYBABIES?
The Dude: Hey, cool it Walter. Look, pal, there never was any money. The big Lebowski gave me an empty briefcase, so take it up with him, man.
Walter Sobchak: And, I would like my undies back. [Stunned, the Germans confer amongst themselves again]
Donny: Are they gonna hurt us, Walter?
Walter Sobcha
The Dude: Well, they finally did it. They killed my ****ing car.
Nihilist: Ve vant ze money, Lebowski.
Nihilist #2: Ja, uzzervize ve kill ze girl.
Nihilist #3: Ja, it seems you have forgotten our little deal, Lebowski.
The Dude: You don't HAVE the ****ing girl, dip****s! We know you never did! [the Nihilists, stunned, confer amongst themselves in German]
Donny: Are these the Nazis, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: No, Donny, these men are nihilists, there's nothing to be afraid of.
Nihilist: Ve don't care. Ve still vant ze money, Lebowski, or ve **** you up.
Walter Sobchak: **** you. **** the three of you.
The Dude: Hey, cool it Walter.
Walter Sobchak: No, without a hostage, there is no ransom. That's what ransom is. Those are the ****ing rules.
Nihilist #2: His girlfriend gave up her toe!
Nihilist #3: She though we'd be getting million dollars!
Nihilist #2: Iss not fair!
Walter Sobchak: Fair! WHO'S THE ****ING NIHILIST HERE! WHAT ARE YOU, A BUNCH OF ****ING CRYBABIES?
The Dude: Hey, cool it Walter. Look, pal, there never was any money. The big Lebowski gave me an empty briefcase, so take it up with him, man.
Walter Sobchak: And, I would like my undies back. [Stunned, the Germans confer amongst themselves again]
Donny: Are they gonna hurt us, Walter?
Walter Sobcha
Movie: The Big Lebowski
Maude Lebowski: Does the female form make you uncomfortable, Mr. Lebowski?
The Dude: Uh, is that what this is a picture of?
Maude Lebowski: In a sense, yes. My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.
The Dude: Oh yeah?
Maude Lebowski: Yes, they don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say whereas without batting an eye a man will refer to his dick or his rod or his Johnson.
The Dude: Johnson?
The Dude: Uh, is that what this is a picture of?
Maude Lebowski: In a sense, yes. My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.
The Dude: Oh yeah?
Maude Lebowski: Yes, they don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say whereas without batting an eye a man will refer to his dick or his rod or his Johnson.
The Dude: Johnson?
Movie: The Big Lebowski
The Dude: Also, my rug was stolen.
Younger Cop: The rug was in the car?
The Dude: No. It was here.
Younger Cop: [eager] Oh, separate incidents.
Maude Lebowski: [on answering machine] Jeffrey, this is Maude Lebowski. I need to see you. I'm the one who took your rug.
Younger Cop: Well. I guess we can close the books on that one.
Younger Cop: The rug was in the car?
The Dude: No. It was here.
Younger Cop: [eager] Oh, separate incidents.
Maude Lebowski: [on answering machine] Jeffrey, this is Maude Lebowski. I need to see you. I'm the one who took your rug.
Younger Cop: Well. I guess we can close the books on that one.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
Maude Lebowski : What do you do for recreation?
The Dude : Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback.
The Dude : Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
Walter Sobchak : When we make the handoff, I double back, grab one of 'em and beat it out of him! Huh?
The Dude : That's a great plan, Walter. That's fuckin' ingenious, if I understand it correctly. It's a Swiss fuckin' watch.
The Dude : That's a great plan, Walter. That's fuckin' ingenious, if I understand it correctly. It's a Swiss fuckin' watch.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
[ Maude shows the porn video starring Bunny to the Dude ]
Sherry in 'Logjammin' : [ on video ] You must be here to fix the cable.
Maude Lebowski : Lord. You can imagine where it goes from here.
The Dude : He fixes the cable?
Maude Lebowski : Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.
Sherry in 'Logjammin' : [ on video ] You must be here to fix the cable.
Maude Lebowski : Lord. You can imagine where it goes from here.
The Dude : He fixes the cable?
Maude Lebowski : Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
The Dude : Fuck sympathy! I don't need your fuckin' sympathy, man, I need my fucking johnson!
Donny : What do you need that for, Dude?
Donny : What do you need that for, Dude?
Movie: The Big Lebowski
The Dude : God damn you Walter! You fuckin' asshole! Everything's a fuckin' travesty with you, man! And what was all that shit about Vietnam? What the FUCK, has anything got to do with Vietnam? What the fuck are you talking about?
Movie: The Big Lebowski
Walter Sobchak : You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.
The Dude : Yeah, but Walter...
Walter Sobchak : Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon... with nail polish. These fucking amateurs...
The Dude : Yeah, but Walter...
Walter Sobchak : Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon... with nail polish. These fucking amateurs...
Movie: The Big Lebowski
The Dude : Walter... what am I going to tell Lebowski?
Walter Sobchak : I told that fuck down at the league office... who's in charge of scheduling?
The Dude : Walter...
Donny : Burkhalter.
Walter Sobchak : I told that kraut a fucking thousand times that I don't roll on Shabbos!
The Dude : Walter...
Donny : They already posted it.
Walter Sobchak : Well they can *fucking unpost it*!
The Dude : Who gives a shit! They're gonna kill that poor woman, man! What am I gonna tell Lebowski?
Walter Sobchak : C'mon Dude, eventually she'll get sick of her little game and, you know, wander on back.
Donny : How come you don't roll on Saturday, Walter?
Walter Sobchak : I'm shomer shabbos.
Donny : What's that?
The Dude : Yeah, and in the meantime, what do I tell Lebowski?
Walter Sobchak : Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit *don't fucking roll*!
Donny : Sheesh.
Walter Sobchak : Shomer shabbos!
The Dude : Walter, how am I going to...
Walter Sobchak : Shomer fucking shabbos.
The Dude : Oh fuck it. I'm out of here.
Walter Sobchak : Come on, Dude... [ rolls his eyes at Donny ]
Walter Sobchak : Fucking BABY... [ Donny nods ]
Walter Sobchak : I told that fuck down at the league office... who's in charge of scheduling?
The Dude : Walter...
Donny : Burkhalter.
Walter Sobchak : I told that kraut a fucking thousand times that I don't roll on Shabbos!
The Dude : Walter...
Donny : They already posted it.
Walter Sobchak : Well they can *fucking unpost it*!
The Dude : Who gives a shit! They're gonna kill that poor woman, man! What am I gonna tell Lebowski?
Walter Sobchak : C'mon Dude, eventually she'll get sick of her little game and, you know, wander on back.
Donny : How come you don't roll on Saturday, Walter?
Walter Sobchak : I'm shomer shabbos.
Donny : What's that?
The Dude : Yeah, and in the meantime, what do I tell Lebowski?
Walter Sobchak : Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit *don't fucking roll*!
Donny : Sheesh.
Walter Sobchak : Shomer shabbos!
The Dude : Walter, how am I going to...
Walter Sobchak : Shomer fucking shabbos.
The Dude : Oh fuck it. I'm out of here.
Walter Sobchak : Come on, Dude... [ rolls his eyes at Donny ]
Walter Sobchak : Fucking BABY... [ Donny nods ]
Movie: The Big Lebowski
Walter Sobchak : I'm saying, I see what you're getting at, Dude, he kept the money. My point is, here we are, it's shabbas, the sabbath, which I'm allowed to break only if it's a matter of life or death...
The Dude : Will you come off it, Walter? You're not even fucking Jewish, man.
Walter Sobchak : What the fuck are you talkin' about?
The Dude : Man, you're fucking Polish Catholic...
Walter Sobchak : What the fuck are you talking about? I converted when I married Cynthia! Come on, Dude!
The Dude : Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
Walter Sobchak : And you know this!
The Dude : Yeah, and five fucking years ago you were divorced.
Walter Sobchak : So what are you saying? When you get divorced you turn in your library card? You get a new license? You stop being Jewish?
The Dude : It's all a part of your sick Cynthia thing, man. Taking care of her fucking dog. Going to her fucking synagogue. You're living in the fucking past.
Walter Sobchak : Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax... [ shouting ]
Walter Sobchak : You're goddamn right I'm living in the fucking past!
The Dude : Will you come off it, Walter? You're not even fucking Jewish, man.
Walter Sobchak : What the fuck are you talkin' about?
The Dude : Man, you're fucking Polish Catholic...
Walter Sobchak : What the fuck are you talking about? I converted when I married Cynthia! Come on, Dude!
The Dude : Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
Walter Sobchak : And you know this!
The Dude : Yeah, and five fucking years ago you were divorced.
Walter Sobchak : So what are you saying? When you get divorced you turn in your library card? You get a new license? You stop being Jewish?
The Dude : It's all a part of your sick Cynthia thing, man. Taking care of her fucking dog. Going to her fucking synagogue. You're living in the fucking past.
Walter Sobchak : Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax... [ shouting ]
Walter Sobchak : You're goddamn right I'm living in the fucking past!
Movie: The Big Lebowski
Walter Sobchak : [ shouted repeatedly while smashing a car with a crow bar ]
Walter Sobchak : This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!
Walter Sobchak : This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps! [ censored version ]
Walter Sobchak : This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!
Walter Sobchak : This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps! [ censored version ]
Movie: The Big Lebowski
The Dude : Also, my rug was stolen.
Younger Cop : The rug was in the car?
The Dude : No. It was here.
Younger Cop : [ eager ] Oh, separate incidents.
Maude Lebowski : [ on answering machine ] Jeffrey, this is Maude Lebowski. I need to see you. I'm the one who took your rug.
Younger Cop : Well. I guess we can close the file on that one.
Younger Cop : The rug was in the car?
The Dude : No. It was here.
Younger Cop : [ eager ] Oh, separate incidents.
Maude Lebowski : [ on answering machine ] Jeffrey, this is Maude Lebowski. I need to see you. I'm the one who took your rug.
Younger Cop : Well. I guess we can close the file on that one.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
The Dude : These are, uh...
Brandt : Oh, those are Mr Lebowski's children, so to speak.
The Dude : Different mothers, huh?
Brandt : No.
The Dude : Racially he's pretty cool?
Brandt : [ laughs ] They're not literally his children. They're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers - inner city children of promise but without the necessary means for a - necessary means for a higher education. So Mr Lebowski is committed to sending all of them to college.
Brandt : Oh, those are Mr Lebowski's children, so to speak.
The Dude : Different mothers, huh?
Brandt : No.
The Dude : Racially he's pretty cool?
Brandt : [ laughs ] They're not literally his children. They're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers - inner city children of promise but without the necessary means for a - necessary means for a higher education. So Mr Lebowski is committed to sending all of them to college.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
Blond Treehorn Thug : [ holding up a bowling ball ] What the fuck is this?
The Dude : Obviously you're not a golfer.
The Dude : Obviously you're not a golfer.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
The Dude : Walter, what is the point? Look, we all know who is at fault here, what the fuck are you talking about?
Walter Sobchak : Huh? No, what the fuck are you... I'm not... We're talking about unchecked aggression here, dude.
Donny : What the fuck is he talking about?
The Dude : My rug.
Walter Sobchak : Forget it, Donny, you're out of your element!
The Dude : Walter, the chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill, so what the fuck are you talking about?
Walter Sobchak : What the fuck are you talking about? The chinaman is not the issue here, Dude. I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line, you DO NOT... Also, Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.
The Dude : Walter, this isn't a guy who built the railroads here. This is a guy...
Walter Sobchak : What the fuck are you...?
The Dude : Walter, he peed on my rug!
Donny : He peed on the Dude's rug.
Walter Sobchak : Donny you're out of your element! Dude, the Chinaman is not the issue here!
Walter Sobchak : Huh? No, what the fuck are you... I'm not... We're talking about unchecked aggression here, dude.
Donny : What the fuck is he talking about?
The Dude : My rug.
Walter Sobchak : Forget it, Donny, you're out of your element!
The Dude : Walter, the chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill, so what the fuck are you talking about?
Walter Sobchak : What the fuck are you talking about? The chinaman is not the issue here, Dude. I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line, you DO NOT... Also, Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.
The Dude : Walter, this isn't a guy who built the railroads here. This is a guy...
Walter Sobchak : What the fuck are you...?
The Dude : Walter, he peed on my rug!
Donny : He peed on the Dude's rug.
Walter Sobchak : Donny you're out of your element! Dude, the Chinaman is not the issue here!
Movie: The Big Lebowski
Walter Sobchak : Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
The Dude : Look, just stay away from my fucking lady friend.
Da Fino : Hey, I'm not messing with your special lady.
The Dude : She's not my special lady, she's my fucking lady friend. I'm just helping her conceive, man!
Da Fino : Hey, I'm not messing with your special lady.
The Dude : She's not my special lady, she's my fucking lady friend. I'm just helping her conceive, man!
Movie: The Big Lebowski
[ the Dude, Walter, and Donny walk out of the bowling alley, to find the three Nihilists waiting in front of the Dude's car, which has been torched ]
The Dude : Well, they finally did it. They killed my fucking car.
Nihilist : Ve vant ze money, Lebowski.
Nihilist #2 : Ja, uzzervize ve kill ze girl.
Nihilist #3 : Ja, it seems you have forgotten our little deal, Lebowski.
The Dude : You don't HAVE the fucking girl, dipshits! We know you never did! [ the Nihilists, stunned, confer amongst themselves in German ]
Donny : Are these the Nazis, Walter?
Walter Sobchak : No, Donny, these men are nihilists, there's nothing to be afraid of.
Nihilist : Ve don't care. Ve still vant ze money, Lebowski, or ve fuck you up.
Walter Sobchak : Fuck you. Fuck the three of you.
The Dude : Hey, cool it Walter.
Walter Sobchak : No, without a hostage, there is no ransom. That's what ransom is. Those are the fucking rules.
Nihilist #2 : His girlfriend gave up her toe!
Nihilist #3 : She though we'd be getting million dollars!
Nihilist #2 : Iss not fair!
Walter Sobchak : Fair! WHO'S THE FUCKING NIHILIST HERE! WHAT ARE YOU, A BUNCH OF FUCKING CRYBABIES?
The Dude : Hey, cool it Walter. Look, pal, there never was any money. The big Lebowski gave me an empty briefcase, so take it up with him, man.
Walter Sobchak : And, I would like my undies back. [ Stunned, the Germans confer amongst themselves again ]
Donny : Are they gonna hurt us, Walter?
Walter Sobchak : No, Donny. These men are cowards.
Nihilist : Okay. So we take ze money you haf on you, und ve calls it eefen.
The Dude : Well, they finally did it. They killed my fucking car.
Nihilist : Ve vant ze money, Lebowski.
Nihilist #2 : Ja, uzzervize ve kill ze girl.
Nihilist #3 : Ja, it seems you have forgotten our little deal, Lebowski.
The Dude : You don't HAVE the fucking girl, dipshits! We know you never did! [ the Nihilists, stunned, confer amongst themselves in German ]
Donny : Are these the Nazis, Walter?
Walter Sobchak : No, Donny, these men are nihilists, there's nothing to be afraid of.
Nihilist : Ve don't care. Ve still vant ze money, Lebowski, or ve fuck you up.
Walter Sobchak : Fuck you. Fuck the three of you.
The Dude : Hey, cool it Walter.
Walter Sobchak : No, without a hostage, there is no ransom. That's what ransom is. Those are the fucking rules.
Nihilist #2 : His girlfriend gave up her toe!
Nihilist #3 : She though we'd be getting million dollars!
Nihilist #2 : Iss not fair!
Walter Sobchak : Fair! WHO'S THE FUCKING NIHILIST HERE! WHAT ARE YOU, A BUNCH OF FUCKING CRYBABIES?
The Dude : Hey, cool it Walter. Look, pal, there never was any money. The big Lebowski gave me an empty briefcase, so take it up with him, man.
Walter Sobchak : And, I would like my undies back. [ Stunned, the Germans confer amongst themselves again ]
Donny : Are they gonna hurt us, Walter?
Walter Sobchak : No, Donny. These men are cowards.
Nihilist : Okay. So we take ze money you haf on you, und ve calls it eefen.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
The Dude : [ repeated line by The Dude and others ] That rug really tied the room together.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
The Dude : Walter, ya know, it's Smokey, so his toe slipped over the line a little, big deal. It's just a game, man.
Walter Sobchak : Dude, this is a league game, this determines who enters the next round robin. Am I wrong? Am I wrong?
Smokey : Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker Dude, I'm marking it 8.
Walter Sobchak : [ pulls out a gun ] Smokey, my friend, you are entering a world of pain.
The Dude : Walter...
Walter Sobchak : You mark that frame an 8, and you're entering a world of pain.
Smokey : I'm not...
Walter Sobchak : A world of pain.
Smokey : Dude, he's your partner...
Walter Sobchak : [ shouting ] Has the whole world gone crazy? Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules? Mark it zero!
The Dude : They're calling the cops, put the piece away.
Walter Sobchak : Mark it zero! [ points gun in Smokey's face ]
The Dude : Walter...
Walter Sobchak : [ shouting ] You think I'm fucking around here? Mark it zero!
Smokey : All right, it's fucking zero. Are you happy, you crazy fuck?
Walter Sobchak : ...It's a league game, Smokey.
Walter Sobchak : Dude, this is a league game, this determines who enters the next round robin. Am I wrong? Am I wrong?
Smokey : Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker Dude, I'm marking it 8.
Walter Sobchak : [ pulls out a gun ] Smokey, my friend, you are entering a world of pain.
The Dude : Walter...
Walter Sobchak : You mark that frame an 8, and you're entering a world of pain.
Smokey : I'm not...
Walter Sobchak : A world of pain.
Smokey : Dude, he's your partner...
Walter Sobchak : [ shouting ] Has the whole world gone crazy? Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules? Mark it zero!
The Dude : They're calling the cops, put the piece away.
Walter Sobchak : Mark it zero! [ points gun in Smokey's face ]
The Dude : Walter...
Walter Sobchak : [ shouting ] You think I'm fucking around here? Mark it zero!
Smokey : All right, it's fucking zero. Are you happy, you crazy fuck?
Walter Sobchak : ...It's a league game, Smokey.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
[ when making the payoff ]
The Dude : Dude.
Nihilist : [ on the phone ] Who is this?
The Dude : Dude. The bag man, man. Where do you want us to go?
Nihilist : Us?
The Dude : [ to Walter ] Shit! [ to Nihilist ]
The Dude : Uh. Yeah, uh. Me and, uh, the driver. I'm not handling the money, driving the car and talking on the phone all at the same time.
Nihilist : Shut the fuck up.
Walter Sobchak : Dude, are you fucking this up?
Nihilist : Who the fuck is that?
The Dude : That is the driver. [ Nihilist hangs up ]
The Dude : Shit! Walter, you fuck... you fucked it up! You fucked it up! Her life was in our hands, man!
Walter Sobchak : Nothing is fucked here, Dude. Come on, you're being very un-Dude. They'll call back.
The Dude : Dude.
Nihilist : [ on the phone ] Who is this?
The Dude : Dude. The bag man, man. Where do you want us to go?
Nihilist : Us?
The Dude : [ to Walter ] Shit! [ to Nihilist ]
The Dude : Uh. Yeah, uh. Me and, uh, the driver. I'm not handling the money, driving the car and talking on the phone all at the same time.
Nihilist : Shut the fuck up.
Walter Sobchak : Dude, are you fucking this up?
Nihilist : Who the fuck is that?
The Dude : That is the driver. [ Nihilist hangs up ]
The Dude : Shit! Walter, you fuck... you fucked it up! You fucked it up! Her life was in our hands, man!
Walter Sobchak : Nothing is fucked here, Dude. Come on, you're being very un-Dude. They'll call back.
Movie: The Big Lebowski
The Big Lebowski : They did not receive the money, you nitwit! They did not receive the money! Her life was in your hands!
Brandt : This is our concern, Dude.
Brandt : This is our concern, Dude.
Movie: The Big Lebowski