The Closer Quotes
Fritz: I've got to tell you, Brenda, I am so sick of this double standard.
Brenda: What double standard?
Fritz: You sent me on a needless and very expensive stakeout, you undermined three years of hard work, and if I had done anything remotely similar to that, if I had screwed with your case, my God, you would have changed the locks on the doors. I would have been so far out of line, but here is the difference: I would know it and I would try to correct it somehow.
Brenda: Now wait a minute! Just hold on! I never lied to you. I gave you exactly what you asked for. Exactly! Now, I'm sorry. I should have called you when we took Dean into custody, so I apologize for that.
Fritz: That. That's what you're sorry for?
Brenda: Yes.
Fritz: Really. That's it? Apology not accepted. [turns and walks away]
Brenda: [chases after Fritz until he stops] Now, wait a minute! All I did -- all I did was try to get the justice system to work for my victim! That is all I did!
Fritz: That is bullshit! You didn't do it for the justice system! You didn't do it for the victim! You did it to close your case! That's it! It's obviously the most important thing to you. It's clearly not me, and you know, maybe that's fine, but Brenda for once in your life be honest with yourself!!
Brenda: What double standard?
Fritz: You sent me on a needless and very expensive stakeout, you undermined three years of hard work, and if I had done anything remotely similar to that, if I had screwed with your case, my God, you would have changed the locks on the doors. I would have been so far out of line, but here is the difference: I would know it and I would try to correct it somehow.
Brenda: Now wait a minute! Just hold on! I never lied to you. I gave you exactly what you asked for. Exactly! Now, I'm sorry. I should have called you when we took Dean into custody, so I apologize for that.
Fritz: That. That's what you're sorry for?
Brenda: Yes.
Fritz: Really. That's it? Apology not accepted. [turns and walks away]
Brenda: [chases after Fritz until he stops] Now, wait a minute! All I did -- all I did was try to get the justice system to work for my victim! That is all I did!
Fritz: That is bullshit! You didn't do it for the justice system! You didn't do it for the victim! You did it to close your case! That's it! It's obviously the most important thing to you. It's clearly not me, and you know, maybe that's fine, but Brenda for once in your life be honest with yourself!!
TV Show: The Closer
Flynn: I can't decide what's more nauseating: her trying to kill her husband or watching her come on to Provenza. Chief, we have guns, we can stop this.
TV Show: The Closer
Pope: Well, congratulations, lieutenant.
Provenza: [facetiously] Yeah, I know, you're trilled. I just dropped by to tell you that I am never going to retire. Ever.
Pope: Why?
Provenza: Look. I'm not going to tell you I'm Charlie Hustle. The only thing I chase these days are women who have had a few drinks.
Pope: Okay.
Provenza: But if you want to save a couple of bucks out of our division by trading my experience for a rookie?! I have a civil service job, and the only way that I am going to leave the Los Angeles Police Department is if I get shot, have a heart attack and then you run me over! After which, I will consider a disability position.
Pope: But you really still haven't told me why.
Provenza: When my first wife and I divorced, I agreed to split my pension with her from the day I retire. I'll be damned if she gets a nickle.
Pope: That I understand.
Provenza: Really?
Pope: I made a distressingly similar agreement with my first wife. You do realize that I may eventually be forced to put you in some crappy desk job.
Provenza: Then expect me to die with a stapler in my hand.
Provenza: [facetiously] Yeah, I know, you're trilled. I just dropped by to tell you that I am never going to retire. Ever.
Pope: Why?
Provenza: Look. I'm not going to tell you I'm Charlie Hustle. The only thing I chase these days are women who have had a few drinks.
Pope: Okay.
Provenza: But if you want to save a couple of bucks out of our division by trading my experience for a rookie?! I have a civil service job, and the only way that I am going to leave the Los Angeles Police Department is if I get shot, have a heart attack and then you run me over! After which, I will consider a disability position.
Pope: But you really still haven't told me why.
Provenza: When my first wife and I divorced, I agreed to split my pension with her from the day I retire. I'll be damned if she gets a nickle.
Pope: That I understand.
Provenza: Really?
Pope: I made a distressingly similar agreement with my first wife. You do realize that I may eventually be forced to put you in some crappy desk job.
Provenza: Then expect me to die with a stapler in my hand.
TV Show: The Closer
Fritz: You want to call off the critical missing?
Pope: This kid, Sergei, has an extensive juvenile record and a history of running away. It appears that his father punished him, not unjustly, and the boy ran off in the middle of the night.
Brenda: If we investigated everything based on appearances we'd have a whole lot less to do.
Pope: This kid, Sergei, has an extensive juvenile record and a history of running away. It appears that his father punished him, not unjustly, and the boy ran off in the middle of the night.
Brenda: If we investigated everything based on appearances we'd have a whole lot less to do.
TV Show: The Closer
Brenda: Would you preserve the wounds for me, doctor?
Dr. Morales: With a casting or the epidermis itself?
Brenda: Cut out the actual wound, please.
Dr. Morales: Would you like that for here or to go?
Dr. Morales: With a casting or the epidermis itself?
Brenda: Cut out the actual wound, please.
Dr. Morales: Would you like that for here or to go?
TV Show: The Closer
Brenda: What makes a child go bad, nature or nurture?
Tau: Unfortunately, chief, by the time we get involved it really doesn't matter.
Tau: Unfortunately, chief, by the time we get involved it really doesn't matter.
TV Show: The Closer
Brenda: If I hear one more mention of weddings or chapels, I swear I am going to kill someone.
Fritz: They're just excited. That's all.
Brenda: No, no, no. You don't understand my daddy. When he wants something he will not stop until he gets it. Trust me on this.
Fritz: So it runs in the family then.
Brenda: Ha. Ha.
Fritz: They're just excited. That's all.
Brenda: No, no, no. You don't understand my daddy. When he wants something he will not stop until he gets it. Trust me on this.
Fritz: So it runs in the family then.
Brenda: Ha. Ha.
TV Show: The Closer
Ryan Hughes: Rachel was murdered trying to help someone else?
Pope: Yes, she was. And now, to finish up here, on behalf of the entire LAPD, allow me to say how sorry I am that you lied to us so much and that you knocked your wife around to such an extent that we considered you a suspect in her murder.
Ryan Hughes: That's your apology?
Pope: [nods] Mm-hmm.
Ryan Hughes: You people have no idea what I'm going through, do you. Excuse me. [exits Pope's office]
Brenda: I'd still like to arrest him.
Pope: Odds are, one day you will.
Pope: Yes, she was. And now, to finish up here, on behalf of the entire LAPD, allow me to say how sorry I am that you lied to us so much and that you knocked your wife around to such an extent that we considered you a suspect in her murder.
Ryan Hughes: That's your apology?
Pope: [nods] Mm-hmm.
Ryan Hughes: You people have no idea what I'm going through, do you. Excuse me. [exits Pope's office]
Brenda: I'd still like to arrest him.
Pope: Odds are, one day you will.
TV Show: The Closer
Provenza: I remember Raider back when she was a sergeant; filed a complaint against my old partner, George Andrews, said he was misogynistic. We had to look it up! Got both of us four months of sensitivity training.
Brenda: Well, that was a complete waste of time.
Brenda: Well, that was a complete waste of time.
TV Show: The Closer
FEID Agent: [sees Provenza tear through some red tape around a crime scene] Hey, hey, hey! What are you doing!
Provenza: We're headed to the newsstand to pick up a paper, read about the two FEID guys who got fired because they disregarded orders from the Pope.
FEID Agent: Listen, I'm not going to --
Brenda: Tone. Tone, tone. That's not any way to talk to a lieutenant or a deputy chief for that matter. Sir, if you do anything to interfere with my murder investigation I'll see to it that you spend the next month on unpaid leave. Is that understood?
Provenza: We're headed to the newsstand to pick up a paper, read about the two FEID guys who got fired because they disregarded orders from the Pope.
FEID Agent: Listen, I'm not going to --
Brenda: Tone. Tone, tone. That's not any way to talk to a lieutenant or a deputy chief for that matter. Sir, if you do anything to interfere with my murder investigation I'll see to it that you spend the next month on unpaid leave. Is that understood?
TV Show: The Closer
Brenda: I hate to ask ya'll this since I know it's against your nature, but do you think you could distract Eric's parents and his lawyer, sort of irritate them down the hall.
Provenza: [makes grand gesture in front of Lt. Flynn] After you!
Provenza: [makes grand gesture in front of Lt. Flynn] After you!
TV Show: The Closer
Charley: You know you're in the red zone, right?
Brenda: The red zone is for the police. I am the red zone! Keep your head down and stay in the car!
Brenda: The red zone is for the police. I am the red zone! Keep your head down and stay in the car!
TV Show: The Closer
Brenda: I have to check the schedule?
Charley: He thinks I'm a youth volunteer.
Fritz: And the nurses think you're his sister?
Charley: They only allow family members in the ICU. Thank God I hear you use his mom's name. Obviously Jake knows I'm not his sister, so I told him I was a youth volunteer. It was easier than explaining that you're my aunt.
Fritz: [laughs] You two are so related.
Charley: He thinks I'm a youth volunteer.
Fritz: And the nurses think you're his sister?
Charley: They only allow family members in the ICU. Thank God I hear you use his mom's name. Obviously Jake knows I'm not his sister, so I told him I was a youth volunteer. It was easier than explaining that you're my aunt.
Fritz: [laughs] You two are so related.
TV Show: The Closer
Brenda: [points at door] Read what it says here, Will.
Pope: Hard interview room.
Brenda: What kind of message is that supposed to send to suspects?
Pope: Maybe it's supposed to be intimidating.
Brenda: I decide when to intimidate people around here, not the building.
Pope: Hard interview room.
Brenda: What kind of message is that supposed to send to suspects?
Pope: Maybe it's supposed to be intimidating.
Brenda: I decide when to intimidate people around here, not the building.
TV Show: The Closer
Pope: Well, the media just can't get enough of the new building.
Brenda: I hate it.
Pope: Cops aren't happy unless they're miserable. Look at me. I broke my hand helping my daughter out of a tree in the backyard, now of course I haven't been to the gym for weeks. I feel fat. Do I look fat to you?
Brenda: I have a murder. Do you want an update?!
Brenda: I hate it.
Pope: Cops aren't happy unless they're miserable. Look at me. I broke my hand helping my daughter out of a tree in the backyard, now of course I haven't been to the gym for weeks. I feel fat. Do I look fat to you?
Brenda: I have a murder. Do you want an update?!
TV Show: The Closer
Fritz: And you've been having an affair for how long?
Brenda: Less than a month, but I sort of fell into it because you've been away a lot.
Fritz: So I want to kill you?
Brenda: No, not me. My boyfriend.
Fritz: Why not the both of you?
Brenda: Because we were on the roof together for a while, but you waited until my boyfriend was alone to shoot him.
Fritz: Are you sure my motive's jealousy and not irritation that everything you promised me you would bring to your new office is still boxed up in here?
Brenda: It's not my fault! I park blocks from where I work! And you don't want to kill me, anyway, you want to kill my boyfriend.
Fritz: I certainly do. So if I don't blame you for the affair, I have to blame the guy who seduced you.
Brenda: That's right. But just so you know, I'd never blame the other woman. It would be your fault a hundred percent.
Fritz: Who's the killer here, me or you?
Brenda: You, you, you. Sorry, go ahead.
Fritz: Jealousy can provoke a crime of passion, but it can also arrive in stages, like grief.
Brenda: Shock. Denial. Rage.
Fritz: Followed by gunshots to the head.
Brenda: Less than a month, but I sort of fell into it because you've been away a lot.
Fritz: So I want to kill you?
Brenda: No, not me. My boyfriend.
Fritz: Why not the both of you?
Brenda: Because we were on the roof together for a while, but you waited until my boyfriend was alone to shoot him.
Fritz: Are you sure my motive's jealousy and not irritation that everything you promised me you would bring to your new office is still boxed up in here?
Brenda: It's not my fault! I park blocks from where I work! And you don't want to kill me, anyway, you want to kill my boyfriend.
Fritz: I certainly do. So if I don't blame you for the affair, I have to blame the guy who seduced you.
Brenda: That's right. But just so you know, I'd never blame the other woman. It would be your fault a hundred percent.
Fritz: Who's the killer here, me or you?
Brenda: You, you, you. Sorry, go ahead.
Fritz: Jealousy can provoke a crime of passion, but it can also arrive in stages, like grief.
Brenda: Shock. Denial. Rage.
Fritz: Followed by gunshots to the head.
TV Show: The Closer
Tau: The constellation of Sagittarius. In particular, the Milky Way. Hundreds of thousands of stars crammed together at the center of the galaxy, shining brightest in north America during the months of July and August. In fact, during a recent gathering --
Provenza: Thank you, Dr. Sagan! Can you please just scroll through the photos?
Provenza: Thank you, Dr. Sagan! Can you please just scroll through the photos?
TV Show: The Closer
Pope: [dressed in a tuxedo] How do I look? Seriously.
Brenda: Fine. Nice. Where are you going, anyway?
Pope: This event slash dinner thing with a bunch of city council members. Blah. You don't know how lucky you are that you don't have to do this stuff. What about Taylor?
Brenda: What about him?
Pope: You know, for Major Crimes. Well, think about it. He's been very supportive.
Brenda: [sarcastically] So send him a basket of muffins!
Brenda: Fine. Nice. Where are you going, anyway?
Pope: This event slash dinner thing with a bunch of city council members. Blah. You don't know how lucky you are that you don't have to do this stuff. What about Taylor?
Brenda: What about him?
Pope: You know, for Major Crimes. Well, think about it. He's been very supportive.
Brenda: [sarcastically] So send him a basket of muffins!
TV Show: The Closer
Brenda: Before you get angry, last night Lieutenants Flynn and Provenza --
Pope: Yep, already angry. What have they done this time?
Brenda: While escorting a fugitive back from Dallas they struck up a date with a couple of stewardesses.
Pope: What is this, the 70s?
Pope: Yep, already angry. What have they done this time?
Brenda: While escorting a fugitive back from Dallas they struck up a date with a couple of stewardesses.
Pope: What is this, the 70s?
TV Show: The Closer
Brenda: Lieutenant, has it even occurred to you that these women just asked ya'll out because they were using you?
Flynn: That's crazy!
Provenza: I won't even dignify that with a response!
Flynn: That's crazy!
Provenza: I won't even dignify that with a response!
TV Show: The Closer
Morales: Frankly, I'm not even sure I would call this a murder. Seems to me more like, uh...accidental death in the middle of someone else's hissy fit.
TV Show: The Closer
Brenda: So the baseball bat didn't kill him?
Morales: No, though it probably really annoyed him as he was dying from a broken neck.
Morales: No, though it probably really annoyed him as he was dying from a broken neck.
TV Show: The Closer
Tao: Just to be clear, we're calling this a major crime because...?
Brenda: Look, whenever a member of my division stumbles on a body, it is automatically a major crime.
Brenda: Look, whenever a member of my division stumbles on a body, it is automatically a major crime.
TV Show: The Closer