The Cosby Show Quotes
Cliff: Claire, Claire. Claire! [kisses Claire] Claire, Claire, it's the first day of school!
Claire: It's the first day of school?
Cliff: First day of school!
Claire: We get the house back?!
Cliff: We made it through the summer! And now all we have to do is get them out of the house, and if you and I are good about it, we can get them out in ten minutes!
Claire: It's the first day of school?
Cliff: First day of school!
Claire: We get the house back?!
Cliff: We made it through the summer! And now all we have to do is get them out of the house, and if you and I are good about it, we can get them out in ten minutes!
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Cliff: [to Theo] You worked hard this summer. I've never seen anyone work so hard at begging. Begging for money for pizza. Begging to stay up late to chase after little girls who don't love you.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Claire: What is this?
Cliff: Dear. This is a stainless steel maintenance free appliance which provides nutritious drinks for just pennies a day.
Claire: And it's going to end up with the rest of the stainless steel self maintenance appliances in the appliance graveyard underneath the counter. [opens up the counter] Lets see. [pulls out a waffle-maker] The answer to Sunday breakfast?
Cliff: Yes I bought that.
Claire: 'Waffle's Claire. I'm going to make waffles every Sunday morning!' Until you had to clean it! And this... [pulls out a special pan]'Crepes, Claire. Think of all the different kind of crepes we can make with this.' Turned out to be none.
Theo: Yeah but mom, remember the sausage stuffer?
Claire: Didn't stuff a thing!
Cliff: Et tu, Brute?
Cliff: Dear. This is a stainless steel maintenance free appliance which provides nutritious drinks for just pennies a day.
Claire: And it's going to end up with the rest of the stainless steel self maintenance appliances in the appliance graveyard underneath the counter. [opens up the counter] Lets see. [pulls out a waffle-maker] The answer to Sunday breakfast?
Cliff: Yes I bought that.
Claire: 'Waffle's Claire. I'm going to make waffles every Sunday morning!' Until you had to clean it! And this... [pulls out a special pan]'Crepes, Claire. Think of all the different kind of crepes we can make with this.' Turned out to be none.
Theo: Yeah but mom, remember the sausage stuffer?
Claire: Didn't stuff a thing!
Cliff: Et tu, Brute?
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Sondra: We thought it would be nice if we cooked the meal for grandma and grandpa's anniversary.
Theo: And I'm sure you girls will do a great job.
Sondra: Theo, I mean all of us.
Theo: I don't cook.
Claire: Maybe you should learn.
Theo: Why?
Claire: Theo, you're going to leave this house one day and you're going to want to eat.
Theo: I'll have my girlfriend cook!
Claire: Now where are you getting this attitude from?
Theo: Cockroach.
Claire, Vanessa, and Sondra: Ohhh Cockroach.
Theo: You see, we decided, we're only going to date girls who cook.
Sondra: Theo, the women of today have better things to do than to stay in the kitchen.
Theo: That's because the women of today haven't met the man of tomorrow.
Theo: And I'm sure you girls will do a great job.
Sondra: Theo, I mean all of us.
Theo: I don't cook.
Claire: Maybe you should learn.
Theo: Why?
Claire: Theo, you're going to leave this house one day and you're going to want to eat.
Theo: I'll have my girlfriend cook!
Claire: Now where are you getting this attitude from?
Theo: Cockroach.
Claire, Vanessa, and Sondra: Ohhh Cockroach.
Theo: You see, we decided, we're only going to date girls who cook.
Sondra: Theo, the women of today have better things to do than to stay in the kitchen.
Theo: That's because the women of today haven't met the man of tomorrow.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Sondra: Every time he goes out with the guys, he expects me to sit and wait for him, his plans are always more important than mine!
Cliff: Why do you keep going back to this boy?
Sondra: Dad, because he's wonderful! He's intelligent, he has a good sense of humor, and we have a great time together.
Cliff: When? [Claire smacks him]
Sondra: When we're not fighting.
Claire: Well when is that? [Cliff smacks Claire]
Cliff: Why do you keep going back to this boy?
Sondra: Dad, because he's wonderful! He's intelligent, he has a good sense of humor, and we have a great time together.
Cliff: When? [Claire smacks him]
Sondra: When we're not fighting.
Claire: Well when is that? [Cliff smacks Claire]
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Cliff: So, you'll stay!
Darell: I don't want to impose.
Cliff: Ha! You're not imposing, have a little dinner with the Huxtable family.
Darrell: Well okay, but only if you let me help with the meal.
Cliff: You cook?
Darrell: Yes, Dr. Huxtable I believe I told you that.
Cliff: [in Sondra's direction] Ha-ha! Come on, we'll all go to the kitchen.
Sondra: That way we'll be done before my ride gets here.
Cliff: That's right, and by the time your ride gets here, maybe you'll have a new ride.
Darell: I don't want to impose.
Cliff: Ha! You're not imposing, have a little dinner with the Huxtable family.
Darrell: Well okay, but only if you let me help with the meal.
Cliff: You cook?
Darrell: Yes, Dr. Huxtable I believe I told you that.
Cliff: [in Sondra's direction] Ha-ha! Come on, we'll all go to the kitchen.
Sondra: That way we'll be done before my ride gets here.
Cliff: That's right, and by the time your ride gets here, maybe you'll have a new ride.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Claire: Would you and Dr. Huxtable like some coffee?
Elvin: Coffee?
Claire: Yes, coffee.
Elvin: You mean, you're gonna get it?
Claire: Yes, you're surprised?
Elvin: I'm sorry Mrs. Huxtable, I didn't think you did that kind of thing.
Claire: What kind of thing?
Elvin: You know....serve.
Elvin: Coffee?
Claire: Yes, coffee.
Elvin: You mean, you're gonna get it?
Claire: Yes, you're surprised?
Elvin: I'm sorry Mrs. Huxtable, I didn't think you did that kind of thing.
Claire: What kind of thing?
Elvin: You know....serve.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Claire: Serve whom?
Elvin: Serve him. [pointing to Cliff]
Claire: Oh, serve him! You mean like, serve your man?
Elvin: Well yeah.
Claire: Let me tell you something Elvin. You see, I am not serving Dr. Huxtable. Okay?
Elvin: Okay.
Claire: That's the kind of thing that goes on in a restaurant. Now I am gonna bring him a cup of coffee just like he brought me a cup of coffee this morning. And that, young man, is what marriage is made of, it is give and take 50/50. And if you don't get it together, and drop these macho attitudes, you ain't never gonna have anybody bringing you anything anywhere anyplace anytime evah! Now what would you like in your coffee?
Elvin: Maybe I could get you some coffee.
Claire: Elvin that's all right. I don't mind getting it. But thanks for offering.
Elvin: Serve him. [pointing to Cliff]
Claire: Oh, serve him! You mean like, serve your man?
Elvin: Well yeah.
Claire: Let me tell you something Elvin. You see, I am not serving Dr. Huxtable. Okay?
Elvin: Okay.
Claire: That's the kind of thing that goes on in a restaurant. Now I am gonna bring him a cup of coffee just like he brought me a cup of coffee this morning. And that, young man, is what marriage is made of, it is give and take 50/50. And if you don't get it together, and drop these macho attitudes, you ain't never gonna have anybody bringing you anything anywhere anyplace anytime evah! Now what would you like in your coffee?
Elvin: Maybe I could get you some coffee.
Claire: Elvin that's all right. I don't mind getting it. But thanks for offering.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Cliff: Elvin?
Elvin: Yes sir?
Cliff: When she brings the coffee back, if I were you I wouldn't drink it.
Elvin: Yes sir?
Cliff: When she brings the coffee back, if I were you I wouldn't drink it.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Denise: Daddy, did you know that Susan is coming over today?
Cliff: The girl from your social studies class?
Denise: Yeah. You're in your pajamas.
Cliff: Right, well you said the two of you wanted to observe normal everyday activities.
Denise: And this is what you're wearing?
Cliff: Denise, today's Saturday, you're lucky I have on, what I have on.
Cliff: The girl from your social studies class?
Denise: Yeah. You're in your pajamas.
Cliff: Right, well you said the two of you wanted to observe normal everyday activities.
Denise: And this is what you're wearing?
Cliff: Denise, today's Saturday, you're lucky I have on, what I have on.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Claire: [about gardening] If this is so lovely, how come you're not down here giving me a hand?
Cliff: Because that's dirt.
Claire: No, to you it's dirt. To me, it's life.
Cliff: Ha ha. Then why is it that you get upset when the children track life into the house?
Cliff: Because that's dirt.
Claire: No, to you it's dirt. To me, it's life.
Cliff: Ha ha. Then why is it that you get upset when the children track life into the house?
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Cliff: [about Theo flirting on Denise's friend] The girl doesn't understand that the boy is fifteen years old. At fifteen the boy would hit on a snake.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Claire: You might even like trick or treating!
Cliff: Trick or treating? Why don't we call it what it is? Begging!
Cliff: Trick or treating? Why don't we call it what it is? Begging!
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Cliff: Our daughter has been in here for ten minutes, filling up bowls with peanuts.
Claire: Mmm-hmm. [nodding]
Cliff: Why is she doing that?
Claire: Robert Foreman.
Cliff: Robert Foreman wants all those peanuts?
Claire: Mmm-hmm. [nodding]
Cliff: Why is she doing that?
Claire: Robert Foreman.
Cliff: Robert Foreman wants all those peanuts?
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Claire: I remember this guy named Jimmy Peterson. Now you see, Jimmy Peterson used to hang out at the city pool everyday, all summer long, and he was the finest thing there. And I knew that if I wanted to be his girlfriend, I had to get him to notice me. So, one day, I climbed the high-dive, which was something that only the absolute coolest girls did, because, see I knew he was gonna be watching.
Vanessa: What happened?
Claire: Well I got up on the high-dive, and I strutted out on that board to try and do the meanest swan dive in the history of swimming, got to the edge of the board, looked down and discovered why they call the high-dive, the high-dive. I stood there trembling, with Jimmy Peterson and everyone up there looking up at me!
Vanessa: What did you do?
Claire: I did the only thing I could do. I made everybody waiting on the ladder get off so I could get down! I walked past Jimmy Peterson, I was so embarrassed, I couldn't even look him in the face. I never spoke to him again! That's how I ended up with your father.
Vanessa: What happened?
Claire: Well I got up on the high-dive, and I strutted out on that board to try and do the meanest swan dive in the history of swimming, got to the edge of the board, looked down and discovered why they call the high-dive, the high-dive. I stood there trembling, with Jimmy Peterson and everyone up there looking up at me!
Vanessa: What did you do?
Claire: I did the only thing I could do. I made everybody waiting on the ladder get off so I could get down! I walked past Jimmy Peterson, I was so embarrassed, I couldn't even look him in the face. I never spoke to him again! That's how I ended up with your father.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Cliff: We've decided to move the party up to this room here. Mom's gonna put the music on for you and you can all hang up here and party, but I don't want anybody on these beds in a horizontal position!
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Claire: I bet I know what she wants. She wants to borrow your car.
Cliff: No, I think she want's to borrow your car.
Claire: I don't think so.
Cliff: Why?
Claire: Because my car is a Station Wagon. Now when was the last time you saw a teenager driving a Station Wagon?
Cliff: I better hide my car.
Cliff: No, I think she want's to borrow your car.
Claire: I don't think so.
Cliff: Why?
Claire: Because my car is a Station Wagon. Now when was the last time you saw a teenager driving a Station Wagon?
Cliff: I better hide my car.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Theo: It's important for a young, available man to have wheels.
Denise: Why is that?
Theo: Because he who walks, walks alone.
Denise: Why is that?
Theo: Because he who walks, walks alone.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Cliff: All right, now everyone's in the car, come on.
Claire: If you don't mind, I think I'd rather stay here.
Cliff: But today, is your daughter's football debut! Today, we're going to watch the Gray Ghost gallop!
Claire: Cliff, I really don't think I can take this.
Cliff: Yeah but you said to me, when our son was going to play, you said 'Cliff, I think it's important that the father be down there to watch the boy.' Now I'm telling you, 'Claire I think it's important for the mother to go down and watch the daughter.' Now come on.
Claire: All right I'm gonna go, but I'm telling you right now. If anybody, ANYBODY at all, tries to hurt my baby, I'm gonna go out there and stop them.
Cliff: This is gonna be a wonderful game, see a mother running out on the field throwing somebody's child up in the stands.
Claire: If you don't mind, I think I'd rather stay here.
Cliff: But today, is your daughter's football debut! Today, we're going to watch the Gray Ghost gallop!
Claire: Cliff, I really don't think I can take this.
Cliff: Yeah but you said to me, when our son was going to play, you said 'Cliff, I think it's important that the father be down there to watch the boy.' Now I'm telling you, 'Claire I think it's important for the mother to go down and watch the daughter.' Now come on.
Claire: All right I'm gonna go, but I'm telling you right now. If anybody, ANYBODY at all, tries to hurt my baby, I'm gonna go out there and stop them.
Cliff: This is gonna be a wonderful game, see a mother running out on the field throwing somebody's child up in the stands.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Theo: Hey, dad.
Cliff: [setting up a chess board] Hey, son. Did you get the record you wanted?
Theo: Yes, and I was lucky. This was the last one in the store.
Cliff: How much did it cost?
Theo: Uhh, $7.88.
Cliff: And how much money did I give you?
Theo: Ten dollars.
Cliff: [setting up a chess board] Hey, son. Did you get the record you wanted?
Theo: Yes, and I was lucky. This was the last one in the store.
Cliff: How much did it cost?
Theo: Uhh, $7.88.
Cliff: And how much money did I give you?
Theo: Ten dollars.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Cliff: So...?
Theo: So?
Cliff: [Cliff holds out his hands in a shaking motion, Theo gives him a high five] NO! No, no no! Where's my change?
Theo: Change?
Cliff: Change!
Theo: Well, I didn't know you wanted it back.
Cliff: Well since when have you know for me to give somebody a three dollar bonus for borrowing seven dollars?
Theo: So?
Cliff: [Cliff holds out his hands in a shaking motion, Theo gives him a high five] NO! No, no no! Where's my change?
Theo: Change?
Cliff: Change!
Theo: Well, I didn't know you wanted it back.
Cliff: Well since when have you know for me to give somebody a three dollar bonus for borrowing seven dollars?
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Al: Sarah, I'm not sure I want you to get married.
Sarah: Why not?
Al: [hugging Claire] Well I lost one girl, already. I'm not sure I'm ready to lose another.
Cliff: Well you can have that one back if you want.
Sarah: Why not?
Al: [hugging Claire] Well I lost one girl, already. I'm not sure I'm ready to lose another.
Cliff: Well you can have that one back if you want.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Garvin: What are they laughing at?
Al: Us.
Cliff: They're laughing at what we are, and what you're going to be.
Garvin: What's that?
Cliff: A husband.
Al: I wonder how they'd feel if we all laughed at them.
Cliff: We can't.
Garvin: Why not?
Cliff: Because they're not funny.
Al: Us.
Cliff: They're laughing at what we are, and what you're going to be.
Garvin: What's that?
Cliff: A husband.
Al: I wonder how they'd feel if we all laughed at them.
Cliff: We can't.
Garvin: Why not?
Cliff: Because they're not funny.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Denise: [enters] Hi dad.
Cliff: [rough voice] Oh, hi.
Claire: I'm just having a talk with your father.
Cliff: No no, see this woman is just trying to strangle me.
Denise: Well what did you do?
Cliff: I made a mistake, and I proposed to this wo- [Claire tightens her grip]
Cliff: [rough voice] Oh, hi.
Claire: I'm just having a talk with your father.
Cliff: No no, see this woman is just trying to strangle me.
Denise: Well what did you do?
Cliff: I made a mistake, and I proposed to this wo- [Claire tightens her grip]
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Claire: Don't remember ONE thing about that night! I am going to burn this sweater!
Cliff: You don't have to burn anything, I told you, I don't have to remember everything, I remember the important things. Ask me another question.
Claire: What was playing on the car radio when you proposed?
Cliff: When I proposed? On the car radio? Ray Charles, I Can't Stop Loving You, 1962, sold 14 million copies!
Claire: lovingly] Cliff-
Cliff: Now deal with that!
Cliff: You don't have to burn anything, I told you, I don't have to remember everything, I remember the important things. Ask me another question.
Claire: What was playing on the car radio when you proposed?
Cliff: When I proposed? On the car radio? Ray Charles, I Can't Stop Loving You, 1962, sold 14 million copies!
Claire: lovingly] Cliff-
Cliff: Now deal with that!
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Rudy: Hi Denise!
Denise: Hi.
Rudy: Whatcha doing?
Denise: Waiting to talk to dad.
Rudy: What are you gonna talk about?
Denise: Just things.
Rudy: What things?
Denise: They're private.
Rudy: Tell me.
Denise: No.
Rudy: [demanding] Tell me.
Denise: It's none of your business.
Rudy: I know what you're gonna talk about.
Denise: Well really, what?
Rudy: I'm not telling.
Denise: Hi.
Rudy: Whatcha doing?
Denise: Waiting to talk to dad.
Rudy: What are you gonna talk about?
Denise: Just things.
Rudy: What things?
Denise: They're private.
Rudy: Tell me.
Denise: No.
Rudy: [demanding] Tell me.
Denise: It's none of your business.
Rudy: I know what you're gonna talk about.
Denise: Well really, what?
Rudy: I'm not telling.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Cliff: Your mother and your sister are absolutely correct. You see, we´re your family. We love you. We let you borrow money even you´re not qualified to pay it back. If you get out in the real world, it´s going to be different.
Theo: But when I get in the real world, I´m doing just fine, ´cause I´m gonna have a lot of money.
Cliff: I hope you´re not waiting for me to die.
Theo: No, I´m gonna earn it.
Cliff: How?
Theo: I´m going to be a model.
Theo: But when I get in the real world, I´m doing just fine, ´cause I´m gonna have a lot of money.
Cliff: I hope you´re not waiting for me to die.
Theo: No, I´m gonna earn it.
Cliff: How?
Theo: I´m going to be a model.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Vanessa: Okay, here we go. "The Reptile Family." Sort of a who's who of snakes. [chuckles and give the book to Cliff]
Cliff: Okay, here we are. [opens the book to the first page]
Rudy: [immediately points to the page] THAT'S IT! [short pause] That's it!
Cliff: [in disbelief] This is the snake? [Rudy nods] That's an anaconda. It lives in Brazil.
Vanessa: Rudy, it's 25 feet long and weighs 200 pounds!
Rudy: That's what I saw.
Cliff: I don't think this snake lives in the United States.
Rudy: It could come for a visit.
Cliff: Okay, here we are. [opens the book to the first page]
Rudy: [immediately points to the page] THAT'S IT! [short pause] That's it!
Cliff: [in disbelief] This is the snake? [Rudy nods] That's an anaconda. It lives in Brazil.
Vanessa: Rudy, it's 25 feet long and weighs 200 pounds!
Rudy: That's what I saw.
Cliff: I don't think this snake lives in the United States.
Rudy: It could come for a visit.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
[Elvin and Sondra's diplomas have just fallen off the wall of their run-down apartment]
Cliff: These are your degrees from Princeton.
Elvin: Yes.
Cliff: Fell down.
Elvin: Yes.
Cliff: Rather symbolic, don't you think?
Cliff: These are your degrees from Princeton.
Elvin: Yes.
Cliff: Fell down.
Elvin: Yes.
Cliff: Rather symbolic, don't you think?
TV Show: The Cosby Show