The Cosby Show Quotes
Rudy: Mom?
Clair: Yes honey.
Rudy: This is the dress I'm wearing to kelly's party, okay? Okay Bye!.
Clair: Just a minute, Rudy.
Rudy: Yes mom.
Clair: Come here please.
Rudy: What for?
Clair: Come here. You know just last month. We put that dress in all your summer clothes in a trunk and I told you it's getting too cold for you to wear them.
Rudy: Yesterday it was hot.
Clair: But I know but yesterday was an unusual day today it's 52 degrees.
Rudy: It's probably going to get hot when the party starts.
Clair: I don't think so, Rudy. The weatherman says it's gonna get colder so why don't you take that dress and put it back in the trunk.
Rudy: But this is my favorite dress. Can I wear it to the party please?
Clair: Mmm... I want you to dress warm.
Rudy: I am warm.
Clair: Well you're in the house. But Rudy if you go outside dress like that you gonna catch cold.
Rudy: I don't care, as long as I can wear my dress.
Clair: I'm sorry, the answer's no.
Rudy: But I wanna wear it.
Clair: Well I'm sorry sweetie, you're not wearing it.
Rudy: Yes I am.
Clair: Yes honey.
Rudy: This is the dress I'm wearing to kelly's party, okay? Okay Bye!.
Clair: Just a minute, Rudy.
Rudy: Yes mom.
Clair: Come here please.
Rudy: What for?
Clair: Come here. You know just last month. We put that dress in all your summer clothes in a trunk and I told you it's getting too cold for you to wear them.
Rudy: Yesterday it was hot.
Clair: But I know but yesterday was an unusual day today it's 52 degrees.
Rudy: It's probably going to get hot when the party starts.
Clair: I don't think so, Rudy. The weatherman says it's gonna get colder so why don't you take that dress and put it back in the trunk.
Rudy: But this is my favorite dress. Can I wear it to the party please?
Clair: Mmm... I want you to dress warm.
Rudy: I am warm.
Clair: Well you're in the house. But Rudy if you go outside dress like that you gonna catch cold.
Rudy: I don't care, as long as I can wear my dress.
Clair: I'm sorry, the answer's no.
Rudy: But I wanna wear it.
Clair: Well I'm sorry sweetie, you're not wearing it.
Rudy: Yes I am.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Cliff: I don't know what it is between your ears and brain that is dislodged. So whenever we tell you "watch your sister", by the time it travels to your brain it turns to "let her go wandering around the mall." And I just pray to the heavens that I could find something to fix it. A screwdriver, or maybe a brick!
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Clair: [Talking to Vanessa and Theo] Just go wait in the car.
Cliff: No wait under the car.
Cliff: No wait under the car.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Kim: Are you lost?
Rudy: I was with my brother and sister but I left cause they were stupid.
Rudy: I was with my brother and sister but I left cause they were stupid.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
[Rudy and Vanessa are drinking orange juice]
Rudy: It's easy, for me, because I have better manners than you.
Vanessa: Rudy, its not nice to say that you have better manners than someone.
Rudy: Its true, because if you had any manners at all, maybe you have a boyfriend right now, and you don't because you're a pig.
Vanessa: You're the slop that pigs eat.
Rudy: You are the piggy that make all the other piggies sick.
[Vanessa starts strangling Rudy. Cliff comes in the kitchen]
Cliff: Stop it! What are you doing?
Vanessa: I just wanted to straighten out her shirt.
Rudy: It's easy, for me, because I have better manners than you.
Vanessa: Rudy, its not nice to say that you have better manners than someone.
Rudy: Its true, because if you had any manners at all, maybe you have a boyfriend right now, and you don't because you're a pig.
Vanessa: You're the slop that pigs eat.
Rudy: You are the piggy that make all the other piggies sick.
[Vanessa starts strangling Rudy. Cliff comes in the kitchen]
Cliff: Stop it! What are you doing?
Vanessa: I just wanted to straighten out her shirt.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Clair: Denise is married and I don't even know her last name.
Cliff: Mrs. Stupid.
Cliff: Mrs. Stupid.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Girl#1: Starting with Cassie, go!
Girl#2: Atlanta!
Girl#3: Buffalo!
Girl #4: Chicago!
Girl#5: D.C.!
Girl#2: Atlanta!
Girl#3: Buffalo!
Girl #4: Chicago!
Girl#5: D.C.!
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Vanessa: Daddy? Oh, Daddy...My stomach hurts. My head...EVERYTHING hurts. Please...give me something, anything...!
Cliff: (gently) Nothing I can give you, kid. There's no cure for this.
Cliff: (gently) Nothing I can give you, kid. There's no cure for this.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Theo: I never thought Vanessa would crack under the pressure.
Clair: What pressure?
Theo: The pressure of growing up in this family. Because of what you guys have accomplished, people expect a lot more from us than other kids. Think about it, you're a lawyer, dad's a doctor. That's a lot of pressure mom.
Clair: We never said "become a doctor" "become a lawyer", we said "go to school, get good grades, become whatever you want".
Theo: There you go, pressure! "Go to school" "become something", that's a lot of pressure, mom. All my friends see it.
Clair: Theo, when do you feel this pressure?
Theo: Every now and then.
Clair: This isn't about pressure, Vanessa got drunk because she and her friends were bored. Although they had television, VCR, video cassettes, audio cassettes, books.
Cliff: And each other.
Clair: Thank you.
Cliff: That they call every five minutes when they're away, yet they were bored together.
Clair: So you see, she did not feel any pressure from us, the only pressure she felt was from her friends.
Clair: What pressure?
Theo: The pressure of growing up in this family. Because of what you guys have accomplished, people expect a lot more from us than other kids. Think about it, you're a lawyer, dad's a doctor. That's a lot of pressure mom.
Clair: We never said "become a doctor" "become a lawyer", we said "go to school, get good grades, become whatever you want".
Theo: There you go, pressure! "Go to school" "become something", that's a lot of pressure, mom. All my friends see it.
Clair: Theo, when do you feel this pressure?
Theo: Every now and then.
Clair: This isn't about pressure, Vanessa got drunk because she and her friends were bored. Although they had television, VCR, video cassettes, audio cassettes, books.
Cliff: And each other.
Clair: Thank you.
Cliff: That they call every five minutes when they're away, yet they were bored together.
Clair: So you see, she did not feel any pressure from us, the only pressure she felt was from her friends.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Mrs. McGee: Rudy, finish cleaning the blackboard and go home! Clarence, pick up your books and go home! And I'm going to go home, and sit in a hot tub... and re-evaluate my life!
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Cliff: There's your dumb canned pumpkin, your stupid eggs, and your silly nut.
Claire: Nutmeg, and thank you. [kisses Cliff] Will you take those wet things off before you catch a cold? [begins to unpack the groceries] Cliff, there are no eggs in here!
Cliff: There's eggs in there! I put eggs in there, I bought eggs! [Claire lifts up the bag to show him it is empty] I don't care what that bag says, there's eggs in there!
Claire: Nutmeg, and thank you. [kisses Cliff] Will you take those wet things off before you catch a cold? [begins to unpack the groceries] Cliff, there are no eggs in here!
Cliff: There's eggs in there! I put eggs in there, I bought eggs! [Claire lifts up the bag to show him it is empty] I don't care what that bag says, there's eggs in there!
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Claire: How am I supposed to make corn bread without eggs?
Cliff: People don't need, uh, corn bread! Let- let 'em eat soda crackers!
Cliff: People don't need, uh, corn bread! Let- let 'em eat soda crackers!
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Cliff: And here we have the basement. This is the only room in the house where I can enjoy complete privacy because of the offspring repellent.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Clair: [Singing the blues] What am I to do? Surrounded by all these men. My sailor man is at sea. Now what was his name again?
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Cliff: I want you to do me a favor: Measure my heels from where I jump to the tips of my feet where I land. [He jumps across the living room.]
Claire: [Counts and calculates.] One... two... about eight feet.
Cliff: Eight feet? Add another three. Because when I see Vanessa, that's how far from her I will have to be.
Claire: [Counts and calculates.] One... two... about eight feet.
Cliff: Eight feet? Add another three. Because when I see Vanessa, that's how far from her I will have to be.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Elvin: Why can't we just have simple bodies....like Dad.
Cliff: This is your piece.
Sondra: Elvin, I don't know what you see when you look in the mirror but your body is certainly not complicated.
Elvin: Thank you Sondra, I'll be sure to keep my feelings about your body to myself.
Sondra: What feelings?
Elvin: It is not the time or place.
Sondra: No, what feelings?
Elvin: Your neck.
Sondra: What's wrong with my neck?!
Elvin: It's a shade thin, sometimes I wonder how you swallow.
Cliff: This is your piece.
Sondra: Elvin, I don't know what you see when you look in the mirror but your body is certainly not complicated.
Elvin: Thank you Sondra, I'll be sure to keep my feelings about your body to myself.
Sondra: What feelings?
Elvin: It is not the time or place.
Sondra: No, what feelings?
Elvin: Your neck.
Sondra: What's wrong with my neck?!
Elvin: It's a shade thin, sometimes I wonder how you swallow.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Theo: I know I've been there.
Clair: Where? Where have you been? You have been nowhere. And that is where you're going to stay if you don't quit stirring up trouble.
Clair: Where? Where have you been? You have been nowhere. And that is where you're going to stay if you don't quit stirring up trouble.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Rudy: This is woman stuff. I really need to talk to mom.
Cliff: I'm a gynecologist and you want to talk to a lawyer.
Cliff: I'm a gynecologist and you want to talk to a lawyer.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Clair: How about getting in the car to got to work and discovering your daughters understanding of 'empty' is 'I'll just park the car over here and mom fill it up'.
Cliff: How about leaving the car radio on so that both of us have a heart attack. Last time you left the thing on so loud your mother's hair went straight up!
Cliff: How about leaving the car radio on so that both of us have a heart attack. Last time you left the thing on so loud your mother's hair went straight up!
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Theo: Mom, you guys don't give us enough credit for understanding you.
Clair: When have you understood us? And what have you understood? You, who are beyond understanding yourself. I don't understand, how could you possibly understand me?
Clair: When have you understood us? And what have you understood? You, who are beyond understanding yourself. I don't understand, how could you possibly understand me?
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Cliff: [About Theo in little league] We watched the ball hit you in the face, we watched the ball hit you in the back, and a couple of times we watched you say as the ball went past, "Hey, what's the big deal?" And finally the big game. The final score was 75 to 98. Between the two teams there was three hits, 672 errors, 547 walks, three kids were beaned, and we had to wait two hours for one kid to stop crying. The game was busted open by a grand-slam bunt!
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Denise: How about when you have a date with a guy you really like?
Vanessa: Go ahead, tell him Denise.
Denise: And your father insists on meeting him. So what does he do? He takes the guy into the kitchen...
Cliff: Have a little talk.
Denise: Yeah, have a little talk with your four-foot buck-knife!
Vanessa: You took Jeremy into that kitchen, took two apples put them on top of each other. Said that was us. Took one of the apples, skinned it, and said that was him. I haven't heard from the boy since.
Vanessa: Go ahead, tell him Denise.
Denise: And your father insists on meeting him. So what does he do? He takes the guy into the kitchen...
Cliff: Have a little talk.
Denise: Yeah, have a little talk with your four-foot buck-knife!
Vanessa: You took Jeremy into that kitchen, took two apples put them on top of each other. Said that was us. Took one of the apples, skinned it, and said that was him. I haven't heard from the boy since.
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Theo: Dad, all those stories we have come to find out are not true.
Cliff: What? Who said? From who?
Denise, Theo, Rudy and Vanessa: Grandpa!
Cliff: You're going to believe a man that age?!
Cliff: What? Who said? From who?
Denise, Theo, Rudy and Vanessa: Grandpa!
Cliff: You're going to believe a man that age?!
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Theo: Ah, your just in time, turkey burgers all around.
Clair: Alright, put one on my plate please? It looks good, I don't know what to put on it.
Cliff: How about some mustard.
Clair: Don't patronize me! I know what I want. I want some of the red stuff.
Theo: Mom, it's ketchup. [Clair gives him a look]
Cliff: Theo...[shakes his head no]
Theo: Right mom, red stuff.
Clair: Go get me a glass of water Rudy!?
Vanessa: Mom, I'm Vanessa.
Clair: Whoever you are, go get me a glass of water! No forget the water just give me ice, lots of ice! Pam get me a warm towel!?
Pam: Coming right up.
Clair: Oh, never mind, get out of my way! Ah this is so much better! [puts her face in the freezer]
Cliff: Would you get me some ice cream while you're in there?
Clair: Have you lost your mind, an ice cream would melt in this room, a person could burn up in this room. Never mind lets just get through this dinner! [slams the freezer door] Now where is Rudy?
Vanessa: Don't you remember, Denise took Rudy out tonight.
Clair: And who is Denise! Oh, that's right, that's the child's sister.
Theo: Mom would you like some peas?
Clair: I was hoping we have carrots. [starts crying]
Theo: We can make carrots mom.
Clair: It's too late, it's too late, I wanted something orange.
Cliff: Why didn't you fix some carrots boy? You kids are not worth a nickel around here.
Vanessa: Mom, its ok, they have tear ducts specialists for this.
Clair: My tear ducts are fine, it's my children who are so stupid!
Clair and Cliff: Gotcha!
Clair: Alright, put one on my plate please? It looks good, I don't know what to put on it.
Cliff: How about some mustard.
Clair: Don't patronize me! I know what I want. I want some of the red stuff.
Theo: Mom, it's ketchup. [Clair gives him a look]
Cliff: Theo...[shakes his head no]
Theo: Right mom, red stuff.
Clair: Go get me a glass of water Rudy!?
Vanessa: Mom, I'm Vanessa.
Clair: Whoever you are, go get me a glass of water! No forget the water just give me ice, lots of ice! Pam get me a warm towel!?
Pam: Coming right up.
Clair: Oh, never mind, get out of my way! Ah this is so much better! [puts her face in the freezer]
Cliff: Would you get me some ice cream while you're in there?
Clair: Have you lost your mind, an ice cream would melt in this room, a person could burn up in this room. Never mind lets just get through this dinner! [slams the freezer door] Now where is Rudy?
Vanessa: Don't you remember, Denise took Rudy out tonight.
Clair: And who is Denise! Oh, that's right, that's the child's sister.
Theo: Mom would you like some peas?
Clair: I was hoping we have carrots. [starts crying]
Theo: We can make carrots mom.
Clair: It's too late, it's too late, I wanted something orange.
Cliff: Why didn't you fix some carrots boy? You kids are not worth a nickel around here.
Vanessa: Mom, its ok, they have tear ducts specialists for this.
Clair: My tear ducts are fine, it's my children who are so stupid!
Clair and Cliff: Gotcha!
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Boy: I don't care if he does leave the door open I'll do whatever I want.
Raheem: So go close it.
Boy: I'm doin' my homework u go close it!
Raheem: So go close it.
Boy: I'm doin' my homework u go close it!
TV Show: The Cosby Show
Cliff: Mrs. Minifield! I told you to go to the hospital!
Mrs. Minifield: But you were on the way!
Mrs. Minifield: But you were on the way!
TV Show: The Cosby Show