The Daily Show Quote
Jon Stewart: We have complete coverage of Bin Laden's death from the "Best Fucking News Team on Television." We're gonna start with Aasif Mandvi—spent the last several years deeply embedded in the lawless border province of Waziristan. Aasif, your reaction to the news.
Aasif Mandvi: Well, I guess surprise, you know. Just because of that thing where everyone, including me, thought Bin Laden had been holed up in a cave here in the world's most remote mountains. Turns out the son-of-a-bitch was living in the SUBURBS! Nice suburbs! A million-dollar mansion in Abbottabad? That's like the Greenwich of Pakistan! While I've been humping it up the Hindu Kush, puking from altitude sickness and wiping my ass with scorpion husks, Osama Bin Trust Fund was living two miles from a GOLF COURSE!
Jon Stewart: I'm sorry, Aasif. I didn't know that...does Abbottabad really have a golf course?
Aasif Mandvi: It literally does! I could've embedded myself in the fourteenth fairway. FUCK YOU, OSAMA BIN LADEN!
Jon Stewart: All right, Samantha Bee is actually tonight in Abbottabad...
Samantha Bee: Yes, that's right, Jon, and Aasif is right. Abbottabad is exactly what you wouldn't have expected—a relatively affluent bedroom community.
Jon Stewart: And how are the residents that live there—we saw that the guy who Tweeted the news of what was happening. How are they taking the news of this?
Samantha Bee: Well, they are shocked. Shocked that so few Westerners had ever heard of this picturesque hamlet famed throughout Pakistan for its mild climate and top-ranked schools. A well-healed retirement haven for high-ranking Pakistani military men, but also just an hour's drive from the bustling capital Islamabad. Just take a look at this hidden gem. [Shows artist rendering of the compound] Four baths, eight bedrooms, space for all your wives, plenty of room for a pool there right on the
Aasif Mandvi: Well, I guess surprise, you know. Just because of that thing where everyone, including me, thought Bin Laden had been holed up in a cave here in the world's most remote mountains. Turns out the son-of-a-bitch was living in the SUBURBS! Nice suburbs! A million-dollar mansion in Abbottabad? That's like the Greenwich of Pakistan! While I've been humping it up the Hindu Kush, puking from altitude sickness and wiping my ass with scorpion husks, Osama Bin Trust Fund was living two miles from a GOLF COURSE!
Jon Stewart: I'm sorry, Aasif. I didn't know that...does Abbottabad really have a golf course?
Aasif Mandvi: It literally does! I could've embedded myself in the fourteenth fairway. FUCK YOU, OSAMA BIN LADEN!
Jon Stewart: All right, Samantha Bee is actually tonight in Abbottabad...
Samantha Bee: Yes, that's right, Jon, and Aasif is right. Abbottabad is exactly what you wouldn't have expected—a relatively affluent bedroom community.
Jon Stewart: And how are the residents that live there—we saw that the guy who Tweeted the news of what was happening. How are they taking the news of this?
Samantha Bee: Well, they are shocked. Shocked that so few Westerners had ever heard of this picturesque hamlet famed throughout Pakistan for its mild climate and top-ranked schools. A well-healed retirement haven for high-ranking Pakistani military men, but also just an hour's drive from the bustling capital Islamabad. Just take a look at this hidden gem. [Shows artist rendering of the compound] Four baths, eight bedrooms, space for all your wives, plenty of room for a pool there right on the
TV Show: The Daily Show
