The Golden Girls Quotes
Blanche: [on why she never suffered from Empty Nest Syndrome] I couldn't wait for my kids to get out on their own. I got depressed watching them grow older, 'cause it meant I was gettin' older. They were like noisy little calendars. The minute they all entered high school, I told everybody they were my husband's from a previous marriage.
Dorothy: And you wonder why they're in therapy.
Dorothy: And you wonder why they're in therapy.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Girls, guess what I found. [takes a teddy bear from behind her back] Fernando!
Rose: That's not Fernando.
Blanche: Well what do you mean that's not Fernando? How could you tell?
Rose: All you have to do is look in his eyes.
Dorothy: Or at the price tag stuck to his back.
Rose: That's not Fernando.
Blanche: Well what do you mean that's not Fernando? How could you tell?
Rose: All you have to do is look in his eyes.
Dorothy: Or at the price tag stuck to his back.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: I'm making a scarf for a friend I don't have anymore.
Rose: I know exactly how you feel. [holds up a pair of teddy bear-sized overalls] I made these for Fernando.
Rose: I know exactly how you feel. [holds up a pair of teddy bear-sized overalls] I made these for Fernando.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Daisy: [holding a water pistol to Fernando the teddy bear's head] See this water pistol? It's loaded with red ink!
[Rose walks in]
Blanche: Oh Rose, don't move, honey! She's got the teddy bear and a water pistol!
[Rose walks in]
Blanche: Oh Rose, don't move, honey! She's got the teddy bear and a water pistol!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Rose, see, honey, Fernando doesn't exactly belong to you anymore. Well I kinda gave him to Daisy by mistake. So, you understand now-just a silly misunderstanding! See? [everyone except Rose is laughing nervously]
Rose: No. Get him back. I want my teddy!
Blanche: But honey, she's a child! You can't expect a child to give back a toy! Now, you do understand, don't you?
Rose: Just cut the crap and get back the damn bear!
Rose: No. Get him back. I want my teddy!
Blanche: But honey, she's a child! You can't expect a child to give back a toy! Now, you do understand, don't you?
Rose: Just cut the crap and get back the damn bear!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [referring to the bench] Someone sitting there?
Alvin: Cataracts or glaucoma?
Alvin: Cataracts or glaucoma?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: She's not a sweet kid anymore. She is holding Fernando for ransom!
Dorothy: Come on....
Blanche: Dorothy, she sent me one of his ears!!!
Dorothy: Come on....
Blanche: Dorothy, she sent me one of his ears!!!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: So that's when this saleman from men's sportswear walks clear across the store into ladies' petite and says, "Oh excuse me, miss, but I noticed you've been having a hard time deciding between the turquoise strapless and the flaming red backless. Well, personally I'd like to see you in the backless." And I said, "When?" And he said, "How about Saturday night?" And I said, "How about in your dreams, sleazo!" Can you believe the nerve of that guy?
Rose: What were you doing in ladies petite?
Rose: What were you doing in ladies petite?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [referring to who's buying her breakfast] It's Alvin.
Rose: Alvin from the boardwalk?
Sophia: No Rose, Alvin from The Chipmunks.
Rose: Alvin from the boardwalk?
Sophia: No Rose, Alvin from The Chipmunks.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
(Daisy comes over holding Fernando)
Daisy: Hello.
Dorothy: What do you want?
Daisy: Well...I decided that it was wrong to ask for all those gifts.
Blanche: Oh, see, Dorothy? I knew that she was a sensible kid! She just needed-
Daisy: I've decided that cash is better. That way I can buy exactly what I want.
Blanche: ...I'll get my purse.
Rose: No, Blanche, I'm not going to let you do that. I've thought long and hard about this. If after all those years of love and companionship it's time for Fernando and I to part, well...I guess I have to accept that.
(She walks Daisy over to the door, and opens it for her)
Rose: I guess we all learned something here today. Sometimes, life just isn't fair, kiddo.
(She grabs Fernando and hurls Daisy out of the front door, slamming it behind her)
Daisy: Hello.
Dorothy: What do you want?
Daisy: Well...I decided that it was wrong to ask for all those gifts.
Blanche: Oh, see, Dorothy? I knew that she was a sensible kid! She just needed-
Daisy: I've decided that cash is better. That way I can buy exactly what I want.
Blanche: ...I'll get my purse.
Rose: No, Blanche, I'm not going to let you do that. I've thought long and hard about this. If after all those years of love and companionship it's time for Fernando and I to part, well...I guess I have to accept that.
(She walks Daisy over to the door, and opens it for her)
Rose: I guess we all learned something here today. Sometimes, life just isn't fair, kiddo.
(She grabs Fernando and hurls Daisy out of the front door, slamming it behind her)
TV Show: The Golden Girls
(Sophia sits on Alvin's bench at the boardwalk at night, alone. Dorothy comes up behind her.)
Sophia: He's not coming back, is he?
Dorothy: No, Ma. His daughter took him to a clinic in New York.
Sophia: You think he'll remember me?
Dorothy: I don't know, Ma.
Sophia: I'll remember him.
(They get up and start to walk away)
Sophia: It figures. I just finished the scarf today.
Dorothy: That's nice, Ma! Next time we're in New York, you can stop by and bring it to him.
Sophia: No, I think I'll mail it. That way, I can always think of him as being here.
(A man comes along behind them, takes out a pipe, and sits down on Alvin's bench. Sophia turns and sees him.)
Sophia: Hey! Someone's sitting there!
(The man gets up and hurries away. Dorothy and Sophia slowly walk as the camera pans up on the empty bench.)
Sophia: He's not coming back, is he?
Dorothy: No, Ma. His daughter took him to a clinic in New York.
Sophia: You think he'll remember me?
Dorothy: I don't know, Ma.
Sophia: I'll remember him.
(They get up and start to walk away)
Sophia: It figures. I just finished the scarf today.
Dorothy: That's nice, Ma! Next time we're in New York, you can stop by and bring it to him.
Sophia: No, I think I'll mail it. That way, I can always think of him as being here.
(A man comes along behind them, takes out a pipe, and sits down on Alvin's bench. Sophia turns and sees him.)
Sophia: Hey! Someone's sitting there!
(The man gets up and hurries away. Dorothy and Sophia slowly walk as the camera pans up on the empty bench.)
TV Show: The Golden Girls
[Dorothy and Blanche enter the kitchen. Dorothy is holding a pizza box.]
Dorothy: Hi, Rose.
Blanche: We brought dinner.
Rose: What'd you get?
Dorothy: [gestures with the pizza box] A bucket of chicken. I hope you like it extra flat and crispy.
Dorothy: Hi, Rose.
Blanche: We brought dinner.
Rose: What'd you get?
Dorothy: [gestures with the pizza box] A bucket of chicken. I hope you like it extra flat and crispy.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
[the doorbell rings]
Blanche: Who on earth could that be at three o'clock in the morning?
Dorothy: Maybe it's a Jehovah's Witness with a caffeine problem?
Blanche: Who on earth could that be at three o'clock in the morning?
Dorothy: Maybe it's a Jehovah's Witness with a caffeine problem?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [in a flashback] Where are you goin'?
Sal: To get some air.
Sophia: We got air in the house.
Sal: I like beer with my air.
Sal: To get some air.
Sophia: We got air in the house.
Sal: I like beer with my air.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: I think I have a little more endurance than you.
Dorothy: Blanche, we are not dancing on our backs.
Dorothy: Blanche, we are not dancing on our backs.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Girls, wait a minute! We're talking about the sacred institution of marriage here! Are you willing to sacrifice the happiness of these two kids for the almighty dollar?
Blanche, Dorothy, Sophia: Yes!
Rose: I just wanted to be sure we were in agreement.
Blanche, Dorothy, Sophia: Yes!
Rose: I just wanted to be sure we were in agreement.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [handing Priscilla a crystal goblet after Priscilla announces she and Ramón are eloping] Listen, we were going to give you your wedding gift tomorrow, but since we won't see you, why don't you take it home with you tonight?
Priscilla: Oh, thank you! [she quickly leaves]
Blanche: Good night. [To Dorothy] Dorothy, are you crazy?! We're going to lose a fortune on this wedding!
Rose: And you let her march out that door with your best piece of crystal!
Dorothy: [into the telephone] Hello, police? Yes, I'd like to report a robbery.
Priscilla: Oh, thank you! [she quickly leaves]
Blanche: Good night. [To Dorothy] Dorothy, are you crazy?! We're going to lose a fortune on this wedding!
Rose: And you let her march out that door with your best piece of crystal!
Dorothy: [into the telephone] Hello, police? Yes, I'd like to report a robbery.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [arriving at the dance tournament and seeing Blanche and Dorothy there] Hi, girls!
Dorothy: Et tu, Judas?
Rose: No, it's me, Rose. I'm just wearing my hair a little differently.
Dorothy: Et tu, Judas?
Rose: No, it's me, Rose. I'm just wearing my hair a little differently.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Well, let me give you a little friendly advice - you're wasting your time, because that $1,000 prize is going to be mine. When I was younger I was known as the Dancing Fool.
Dorothy: How old were you when they dropped the "Dancing" part? [she and Blanche crack up]
Dorothy: How old were you when they dropped the "Dancing" part? [she and Blanche crack up]
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [to her dance partner] You know, this reminds me of the big dance back in St. Olaf to kick off Pretzel Week. My Uncle Gunther, after the Great Beernut Shortage of '29---
Dorothy: Foul! Foul! Send a judge over here! [pointing at Rose] This woman is trying to put us to sleep!
Dorothy: Foul! Foul! Send a judge over here! [pointing at Rose] This woman is trying to put us to sleep!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [to Baby] There you are; you get into the kitchen and eat your slop before I spank that little pig fanny!
Sophia: All right, I'm going, I'm going... oh sorry. That's the way they used to call us for dinner in the home.
Sophia: All right, I'm going, I'm going... oh sorry. That's the way they used to call us for dinner in the home.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Dorothy, I cannot let you do this.
Dorothy: Blanche, get out of my way.
Blanche: I want that car, Dorothy. I will give you anything.
Dorothy: Blanche, we have to tell Rose the truth.
Blanche: I'll give you one of my sons. I have given this a lot of thought, Dorothy. I have had four sons, I have never had a Mercedes. What do you say? Which one do you want? Biff, Doug, Skippy-- no, don't take Skippy. He's got asthma.
Dorothy: Blanche, this has gone far enough.
Dorothy: Blanche, get out of my way.
Blanche: I want that car, Dorothy. I will give you anything.
Dorothy: Blanche, we have to tell Rose the truth.
Blanche: I'll give you one of my sons. I have given this a lot of thought, Dorothy. I have had four sons, I have never had a Mercedes. What do you say? Which one do you want? Biff, Doug, Skippy-- no, don't take Skippy. He's got asthma.
Dorothy: Blanche, this has gone far enough.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [about Baby] In a lot of ways, he reminds me of Jimmy Dean.
Dorothy: The actor or the sausage?
Dorothy: The actor or the sausage?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: Twenty-five grand in 10 seconds? Now I know how Johnny Carson feels!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [describing what happened after she broke her glasses] It took me six hours to find my way home.
Dorothy: Ma, if you couldn't see, why didn't you call me to come get you?
Sophia: I tried to, but every time I put in a dime and dialed, a condom popped out. I've got 5 in my pocket, here Dorothy. A lifetime's supply.
Dorothy: Ma, if you couldn't see, why didn't you call me to come get you?
Sophia: I tried to, but every time I put in a dime and dialed, a condom popped out. I've got 5 in my pocket, here Dorothy. A lifetime's supply.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dororhy: [asking the veterinarian after Baby's collapsed] How is Baby, doc?
Sophia: I read in Newsweek they ran him out of Haiti!
Sophia: I read in Newsweek they ran him out of Haiti!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Marguerite: Alright, I won't go on with this charade any longer... there is something else -- I'm black. If that's a problem for you, I'm white. Of course that will cost you extra.
Dorothy: Oh, Marguerite, I could kiss you!
Marguerite: And I don't go for that freaky stuff.
Rose: [while Blanche is sitting next to them] Neither do Dorothy and I.
Dorothy: Oh, Marguerite, I could kiss you!
Marguerite: And I don't go for that freaky stuff.
Rose: [while Blanche is sitting next to them] Neither do Dorothy and I.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Marguerite: [after the girls discover what purports to be a charm placed under Dorothy's bed to help her sleep] I was just trying to be helpful. I figured with those terrible bags, you needed the rest.
Rose: Dorothy always looks like that.
Blanche: Besides, it would take a lot more than rest to get rid of those babies.
Dorothy: Listen, I have an idea; why don’t you all take turns hitting me with a two-by-four?
Rose: Dorothy always looks like that.
Blanche: Besides, it would take a lot more than rest to get rid of those babies.
Dorothy: Listen, I have an idea; why don’t you all take turns hitting me with a two-by-four?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Girls, we can't fire her now. She's making me an aphrodisiac.
Dorothy: Use vodka and black underwear like everyone else!
Dorothy: Use vodka and black underwear like everyone else!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: I mean, when you look at it, has anything that out of the ordinary really happened?
[suddenly a man in a crow costume parachutes down onto the lanai.]
Man: This isn't the Orange Bowl, is it?
[suddenly a man in a crow costume parachutes down onto the lanai.]
Man: This isn't the Orange Bowl, is it?
TV Show: The Golden Girls