The Golden Girls Quotes
Blanche: I saw some of the sketches that Laszlo has done of me and they're horrible. The hair is all big and frizzy and the body is all droopy and saggy. The woman in those pictures is a dog!
Rose: Blanche, the woman in those photos is me.
Blanche: I know she sounds like you dear, but she's not.
Rose: Oh, yes she is. [pulls out key], I wanted to tell you a long time ago.
Blanche: Oh God, strike me here and now if Laszlo prefers Rose Nylund over me.
Rose: He said he wanted someone with more innocence.
Blanche: With more cellulite is more like it.
Rose: You take that back!
Blanche: I will not!
Rose: Yes, you will!
Blanche: No I won't!
Dorothy: Girls, girls what's going on here.
Blanche: Nothing, Rose here just stabbed me in the back.
Rose: I did not, Laszlo asked me to pose for him.
Blanche: I don't know why, he'd go to Sea World if he wants to see a naked whale.
Rose: Or to your bathtub!
Blanche: Oh, all right Missy, this is war, both of us will continuing seeing Laszlo.
Rose: Fine, he is going to pick me.
Blanche: No he's not, he's going to pick me.
Dorothy: Girls, girls I can solve this.
Blanche: All right Dorothy, tell her who he is going to pick.
Dorothy: It's going to be me. [pulls out key]
Blanche: You too?
Dorothy: He asked me last Thursday.
Blanche: Well, I am stunned.
Rose: I'm relieved!
Blanche: Relieved.
Rose Yeah, the woman you saw in those horrible drawings must have been Dorothy!
Rose: Blanche, the woman in those photos is me.
Blanche: I know she sounds like you dear, but she's not.
Rose: Oh, yes she is. [pulls out key], I wanted to tell you a long time ago.
Blanche: Oh God, strike me here and now if Laszlo prefers Rose Nylund over me.
Rose: He said he wanted someone with more innocence.
Blanche: With more cellulite is more like it.
Rose: You take that back!
Blanche: I will not!
Rose: Yes, you will!
Blanche: No I won't!
Dorothy: Girls, girls what's going on here.
Blanche: Nothing, Rose here just stabbed me in the back.
Rose: I did not, Laszlo asked me to pose for him.
Blanche: I don't know why, he'd go to Sea World if he wants to see a naked whale.
Rose: Or to your bathtub!
Blanche: Oh, all right Missy, this is war, both of us will continuing seeing Laszlo.
Rose: Fine, he is going to pick me.
Blanche: No he's not, he's going to pick me.
Dorothy: Girls, girls I can solve this.
Blanche: All right Dorothy, tell her who he is going to pick.
Dorothy: It's going to be me. [pulls out key]
Blanche: You too?
Dorothy: He asked me last Thursday.
Blanche: Well, I am stunned.
Rose: I'm relieved!
Blanche: Relieved.
Rose Yeah, the woman you saw in those horrible drawings must have been Dorothy!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [upon meeting Blanche's overweight daughter, a former model] What did she model, car covers?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [to Becky] Let me get a look at you.
Sophia: This could take several hours.
Sophia: This could take several hours.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: So Becky, what brings you to Miami?
Sophia: My guess is a small barge!
Sophia: My guess is a small barge!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rebecca: Mama offered to drive us over to Vero Beach to see the Dodgers play. Jeremy's a big baseball fan.
Jeremy: Becky's a bigger one. Becky's a bigger everything.
Dorothy: Not everything, Jeremy.
Jeremy: Becky's a bigger one. Becky's a bigger everything.
Dorothy: Not everything, Jeremy.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [on Rebecca marrying Jeremy] It's her daughter, it's her choice. It's like something that happened back in St. Olaf...
Dorothy: [furious] Oh, Rose, STOP! Rose, why is it when any one of us makes an observation, the first thing we hear from you is "Back in St. Olaf"?! Did it ever occur to you that we might be sick and tired of hearing, "Back in St. Olaf, back in St. Olaf, back in St. Olaf"?!!!
Rose: [surprised] Gee, no, I never realized. I'm sorry.
Dorothy: Oh, that's okay.
Rose: Back in that town whose name you're tired of...
Dorothy: ROSE!!!!
Dorothy: [furious] Oh, Rose, STOP! Rose, why is it when any one of us makes an observation, the first thing we hear from you is "Back in St. Olaf"?! Did it ever occur to you that we might be sick and tired of hearing, "Back in St. Olaf, back in St. Olaf, back in St. Olaf"?!!!
Rose: [surprised] Gee, no, I never realized. I'm sorry.
Dorothy: Oh, that's okay.
Rose: Back in that town whose name you're tired of...
Dorothy: ROSE!!!!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: Picture it! Sicily, 1922. An attractive peasant girl who has saved her lire embarks on a glorious vacation to a Crimean resort on the Black Sea. For weeks, she frolics at the seaside resort and enjoys the company of many young men, all of whom adore her.
Edna: ALL of them?
Sophia: Shut up, Edna, I work alone. All of them. When it's time to return to Sicily, three different suitors beg her to stay. But she can't decide who to choose, so she chooses none of them. But she agrees to meet with them at the same resort many years later. To her trio of suitors, that eventful gathering was referred to as "Rendezvous with Sophia." But to the rest of the world, it was better known as the Yalta Conference.
Edna: ALL of them?
Sophia: Shut up, Edna, I work alone. All of them. When it's time to return to Sicily, three different suitors beg her to stay. But she can't decide who to choose, so she chooses none of them. But she agrees to meet with them at the same resort many years later. To her trio of suitors, that eventful gathering was referred to as "Rendezvous with Sophia." But to the rest of the world, it was better known as the Yalta Conference.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rebecca: Oh, I hate these moments.
Blanche: Me too. I never did learn how to say goodbye.
Rose: Oh, there are so many ways to say farewell. Auf wiedersehen, arrivederci, adiós, hasta luego...
Dorothy: Get lost.
Rose: See, there's another one. Good, Dorothy!
Blanche: Me too. I never did learn how to say goodbye.
Rose: Oh, there are so many ways to say farewell. Auf wiedersehen, arrivederci, adiós, hasta luego...
Dorothy: Get lost.
Rose: See, there's another one. Good, Dorothy!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [on first impressions] I remember when I was a little girl back in St. Olaf. There was this old lady who lived up the street. She never smiled. I mean, she always looked angry. The kids said she'd kill anyone who even stepped on her property. We used to call her Mean Old Lady Hickenlooper.
Blanche: Yeah, kids can be pretty cruel.
Rose: No, that was her name, Mean Old Lady Hickenlooper. She had it changed legally, 'cause everybody called her that anyway.
Blanche: Then how come your name isn't "Big Dummy"?
Rose: Well, there were already three other people in town with that name.
Blanche: Yeah, kids can be pretty cruel.
Rose: No, that was her name, Mean Old Lady Hickenlooper. She had it changed legally, 'cause everybody called her that anyway.
Blanche: Then how come your name isn't "Big Dummy"?
Rose: Well, there were already three other people in town with that name.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Rose, what was your first impression of me?
Rose: I thought you wore too much makeup and were a slut... I was wrong. You don't wear too much makeup.
Rose: I thought you wore too much makeup and were a slut... I was wrong. You don't wear too much makeup.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Oh Blanche honey, I hope you don't mind, I borrowed your rhinestone necklace.
Blanche: No, that's alright, but I think I should point out it was designed for a dainty neck.
Dorothy: Yes Blanche, but I don't know Mike Tyson well enough to borrow his jewelry.
Blanche: No, that's alright, but I think I should point out it was designed for a dainty neck.
Dorothy: Yes Blanche, but I don't know Mike Tyson well enough to borrow his jewelry.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Barbara, I picked up your first novel the other day.
Barbara: Ah, yes. "So Dark the Waves On Biscayne Bay", I've grown so much as a writer since then.
Blanche: Well, I should hope so.
Dorothy: Blanche!
Barbara: It's alright. Did you have a problem with my book, dear?
Blanche: Yes, as a matter of fact I did, all those waves! Big waves, little waves, dark waves, rollin' in! Page after page! I had to take a Dramamine to get through chapter three!
Barbara: Blanche, the waves are a metaphor. You see, a metaphor...
Blanche: I know what a metaphor is, dear. I'm not a dummy.
Rose: Blanche, what's a metaphor?
Blanche: It's when you use a phrase to mean somethin' else. Like when I say "Men are blinded by my beauty." They are not really blinded. They get their sight back in a day or two!
Barbara: Ah, yes. "So Dark the Waves On Biscayne Bay", I've grown so much as a writer since then.
Blanche: Well, I should hope so.
Dorothy: Blanche!
Barbara: It's alright. Did you have a problem with my book, dear?
Blanche: Yes, as a matter of fact I did, all those waves! Big waves, little waves, dark waves, rollin' in! Page after page! I had to take a Dramamine to get through chapter three!
Barbara: Blanche, the waves are a metaphor. You see, a metaphor...
Blanche: I know what a metaphor is, dear. I'm not a dummy.
Rose: Blanche, what's a metaphor?
Blanche: It's when you use a phrase to mean somethin' else. Like when I say "Men are blinded by my beauty." They are not really blinded. They get their sight back in a day or two!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: I cannot believe my mother is hanging out with that cheap hood!
Rose: You mean Rocco?
Dorothy: No, Rose, I mean Spiro Agnew. He gave her a highway contract instead of an ID bracelet.
Rose: You mean Rocco?
Dorothy: No, Rose, I mean Spiro Agnew. He gave her a highway contract instead of an ID bracelet.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Now Dorothy, if you're saying you can't get stimulating conversation around this house, I beg to differ.
Rose: [enters, reading a tabloid newspaper] I can't believe it. It says here that since Michael Jackson can't buy the Elephant Man, he's now put in a bid for the remains of the Big Bopper.
Blanche: Rose, you can't believe everything you read in that rag! It caters to people of the lowest intelligence.
Rose: Then why do you buy it?
Blanche: Because it's the only newspaper Elvis will talk to from beyond the grave!
Rose: [enters, reading a tabloid newspaper] I can't believe it. It says here that since Michael Jackson can't buy the Elephant Man, he's now put in a bid for the remains of the Big Bopper.
Blanche: Rose, you can't believe everything you read in that rag! It caters to people of the lowest intelligence.
Rose: Then why do you buy it?
Blanche: Because it's the only newspaper Elvis will talk to from beyond the grave!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Barbara Thorndyke is coming here? Wow, I've never met a real author before.
Blanche: I have. I once stood in line two hours at a bookstore for Arnold Schwarzenegger's autograph!
Dorothy: You know, when I think of great literary figures of our time, it's usually Faulker, Fitzgerald, and, uh...
Dorothy, Blanche: Schwarzenegger.
Rose: Did he sign your book?
Blanche: Yes. But only after he refused to sign my thigh.
Dorothy: He was probably intimidated to see a thigh bigger than his.
Blanche: I have. I once stood in line two hours at a bookstore for Arnold Schwarzenegger's autograph!
Dorothy: You know, when I think of great literary figures of our time, it's usually Faulker, Fitzgerald, and, uh...
Dorothy, Blanche: Schwarzenegger.
Rose: Did he sign your book?
Blanche: Yes. But only after he refused to sign my thigh.
Dorothy: He was probably intimidated to see a thigh bigger than his.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Rose, honey, would you pass me the tuffie.
Rose: With pleasure, Blanche.
Blanche: Thank you, Rose.
Rose: You're more than welcome, Blanche. You can always count on me to hand you the tuffie.
Blanche: I know, that's why I always ask you.
Dorothy: You know, I think I saw Jack and Janet give Chrissy this treatment on an episode of Three's Company.
Blanche: Oh, at last a reference from Dorothy that even we illiterates can understand.
Rose: I guess her well of knowledge has run dry. That's a metaphor Dorothy.
Rose: With pleasure, Blanche.
Blanche: Thank you, Rose.
Rose: You're more than welcome, Blanche. You can always count on me to hand you the tuffie.
Blanche: I know, that's why I always ask you.
Dorothy: You know, I think I saw Jack and Janet give Chrissy this treatment on an episode of Three's Company.
Blanche: Oh, at last a reference from Dorothy that even we illiterates can understand.
Rose: I guess her well of knowledge has run dry. That's a metaphor Dorothy.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Look, why don't you just admit that this is all because you don't like Barbara Thorndyke.
Blanche: Alright, I don't like Barbara Thorndyke. I think she's a phony.
Dorothy: Oh, this from a woman who tells her dates that she was Angie Dickinson's body double in Dressed To Kill.
Blanche: That's just a little white lie.
Dorothy: Oh yeah? Then why is it on your job resume?!
Blanche: Alright, I don't like Barbara Thorndyke. I think she's a phony.
Dorothy: Oh, this from a woman who tells her dates that she was Angie Dickinson's body double in Dressed To Kill.
Blanche: That's just a little white lie.
Dorothy: Oh yeah? Then why is it on your job resume?!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: What do you think?
Rose: There's something about her I don't like.
Blanche: Me too.
Rose: I find her hard to talk to.
Blanche: Me too.
Rose: She thinks I'm dumb.
Blanche: Me too.
Rose: There's something about her I don't like.
Blanche: Me too.
Rose: I find her hard to talk to.
Blanche: Me too.
Rose: She thinks I'm dumb.
Blanche: Me too.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Sophia, honey, the key is to make a man think you're not interested in him! Offering to make him dinner just made you look too easy.
Sophia: Please, black underwear and pasties couldn't make me look easy.
Sophia: Please, black underwear and pasties couldn't make me look easy.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Well, Barbara, Dorothy tells us you're an author.
Barbara: No, I'm just a writer. Malamud's an author.
Rose: I thought Malamuds were chocolate cookies with marshmallows in them.
Dorothy: Those are Malomars, Rose.
Barbara: No, I'm just a writer. Malamud's an author.
Rose: I thought Malamuds were chocolate cookies with marshmallows in them.
Dorothy: Those are Malomars, Rose.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [on why the girls made up on their return flight] There was nothing else we could do. It was either that or watch Three Amigos! with a headset.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [suggests a way to get to the TV studio in time] I have a better idea - we can hitchhike. See, I can lift up my skirt, you know, like in that Clark Gable movie, It Happened One Night. Boy, we'll have a ride in no time.
Sophia: Please! You lift up your skirt, and someone might mistake your thigh for the on ramp to the freeway.
Sophia: Please! You lift up your skirt, and someone might mistake your thigh for the on ramp to the freeway.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: Dorothy, I'm in the ladies room, I look in my brassiere. What do you think I find?
Dorothy: Hopefully, what we all find when we look in our brassiere.
Sophia: Please, I haven't been able to find those since I nursed your brother Phil.
Dorothy: Hopefully, what we all find when we look in our brassiere.
Sophia: Please, I haven't been able to find those since I nursed your brother Phil.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: Rose is my daughter now. And you, Dorothy, are the biggest disappointment to hit the streets since the AMC Pacer!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Guy: For another 100 points, Complete this famous saying: "Better Late Than..."
[Blanche rings in]
Guy: Blanche.
Blanche: Pregnant!
Guy: That's incorrect, but certainly not untrue.
[Blanche rings in]
Guy: Blanche.
Blanche: Pregnant!
Guy: That's incorrect, but certainly not untrue.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Nancy, honey. Now I don't generally like to throw my name around but you really leave me no choice. It so happens that I am Miss Angie Dickinson! And now, if you don't mind, I would like two rooms.
Nancy: You don't look like Angie Dickinson to me.
Blanche: I know, I have altered my appearance for a very important movie role.
Dorothy: Yeah, it's about a woman who eats her way from behind the Iron Curtain.
Nancy: You don't look like Angie Dickinson to me.
Blanche: I know, I have altered my appearance for a very important movie role.
Dorothy: Yeah, it's about a woman who eats her way from behind the Iron Curtain.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Guy: For another 100 points, Who is the current Secretary of State?
[Willard rings in]
Guy: Willard?
Willard: Charles Schulz.
Dorothy: He created Peanuts!
Willard: I thought that was George Washington Carver.
Dorothy: [scoldingly] Willard, don't ever touch your buzzer again.
[Willard rings in]
Guy: Willard?
Willard: Charles Schulz.
Dorothy: He created Peanuts!
Willard: I thought that was George Washington Carver.
Dorothy: [scoldingly] Willard, don't ever touch your buzzer again.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Dorothy and I are gonna team up with the Kaplan brothers.
Rose: The Kaplan brothers! You mean you and Dorothy are joining a country western band?
Dorothy: That's the Gatlin brothers, Rose!
Rose: The Kaplan brothers! You mean you and Dorothy are joining a country western band?
Dorothy: That's the Gatlin brothers, Rose!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: Back in Sicily, I was on a game show. It was torture!
Rose: What was it called, Sophia?
Sophia: I just told you: Torture! Mussolini asked the questions, and you better have the right answers. Things like, "Who do you like better, me or Hitler?" "Who's got the snappiest boots, me or Hitler?" "Who's got the cuter girlfriend, me or Hitler?" And you always had to answer, "Mussolini!" Otherwise, they forced you to play the lightning round. And they used real lightning!
Dorothy: Come on, Ma, you're making this up.
Sophia: Like hell I did. Goodson-Todman brought it to the United States, changed a few rules and called it Tattletales!
Rose: What was it called, Sophia?
Sophia: I just told you: Torture! Mussolini asked the questions, and you better have the right answers. Things like, "Who do you like better, me or Hitler?" "Who's got the snappiest boots, me or Hitler?" "Who's got the cuter girlfriend, me or Hitler?" And you always had to answer, "Mussolini!" Otherwise, they forced you to play the lightning round. And they used real lightning!
Dorothy: Come on, Ma, you're making this up.
Sophia: Like hell I did. Goodson-Todman brought it to the United States, changed a few rules and called it Tattletales!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Hi girls, tell me, how did the audition for the play go?
Blanche: Awful! We just got two tiny parts.
Rose: We're doing The Sound of Music and Blanche is mad 'cause she didn't get the lead.
Dorothy: Oh, I can't believe that you weren't cast in the lead role! You've gotten it the past five years in a row!
Blanche: Well, they hired a new director this year, and he has no taste.
Rose: Blanche used to sleep with the old one. The new director's gay!
Blanche: A gay theater director, did you ever hear of such a thing?
Dorothy: That's absolutely shocking. The next thing you know, they'll have black basketball players in the NBA.
Blanche: Awful! We just got two tiny parts.
Rose: We're doing The Sound of Music and Blanche is mad 'cause she didn't get the lead.
Dorothy: Oh, I can't believe that you weren't cast in the lead role! You've gotten it the past five years in a row!
Blanche: Well, they hired a new director this year, and he has no taste.
Rose: Blanche used to sleep with the old one. The new director's gay!
Blanche: A gay theater director, did you ever hear of such a thing?
Dorothy: That's absolutely shocking. The next thing you know, they'll have black basketball players in the NBA.
TV Show: The Golden Girls