The Golden Girls Quotes
[rehearsing The Sound of Music]
Rose: The Nazis are coming, the Nazis are coming!
[Sophia runs into the room]
Sophia: Everybody grab a gun and run to the basement! Come on! Move, move!
[Rose and Blanche help Sophia onto the couch and try to calm her down]
Blanche: Sophia, now just relax, we're just going over our lines for The Sound of Music.
Sophia: Oh, thank God!
Rose: The Nazis are coming, the Nazis are coming!
[Sophia runs into the room]
Sophia: Everybody grab a gun and run to the basement! Come on! Move, move!
[Rose and Blanche help Sophia onto the couch and try to calm her down]
Blanche: Sophia, now just relax, we're just going over our lines for The Sound of Music.
Sophia: Oh, thank God!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [coming in from the pouring rain] Whew, it is really coming down!
Rose: What's coming down?
Dorothy: [pauses, then responds crossly] The Liberace marquee at Caesar's Palace.
Rose: What's coming down?
Dorothy: [pauses, then responds crossly] The Liberace marquee at Caesar's Palace.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [meeting Angelo; in nun's costume, panties in hand] We're here collecting, uh, lingerie... for needy sexy people.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [upon learning that the airport is closed because of the hurricane] That means we could be trapped together for days!
Blanche: [still in nun's costume] Oh, JESUS!
[Angelo, who is unaware that Blanche isn't really a nun, looks at her with a shocked expression.]
Blanche: ...Please protect us and watch over us in this our hour of need!
Dorothy: Amen!
Blanche: [still in nun's costume] Oh, JESUS!
[Angelo, who is unaware that Blanche isn't really a nun, looks at her with a shocked expression.]
Blanche: ...Please protect us and watch over us in this our hour of need!
Dorothy: Amen!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Hurricanes can be kind of fun. I remember one when I was married!
Angelo: Married?
Blanche: Uh... Mary. When I was Mary in the Christmas pageant at the convent, remember that, Sister Rose?
Rose: Oh, yes, Sister Blanche is quite an actress.
Stan: She'd have to be, to make anyone believe she was a virgin!
Dorothy: Stanley, you're a pig in a cheap suit!
Stan: Ya know, for two cents...
Dorothy: ...you could get a better toupee?
Stan: Okay, that's it, I've had enough, I'm not going on with this anymore!
Sophia: [pointing] Angelo, look! Saint Francis of Assisi!
[While Angelo is looking away, Sophia slaps Stan across the face.]
Sophia: Shut up and play ball, you yutz! [To Angelo] False alarm, never mind.
Angelo: Married?
Blanche: Uh... Mary. When I was Mary in the Christmas pageant at the convent, remember that, Sister Rose?
Rose: Oh, yes, Sister Blanche is quite an actress.
Stan: She'd have to be, to make anyone believe she was a virgin!
Dorothy: Stanley, you're a pig in a cheap suit!
Stan: Ya know, for two cents...
Dorothy: ...you could get a better toupee?
Stan: Okay, that's it, I've had enough, I'm not going on with this anymore!
Sophia: [pointing] Angelo, look! Saint Francis of Assisi!
[While Angelo is looking away, Sophia slaps Stan across the face.]
Sophia: Shut up and play ball, you yutz! [To Angelo] False alarm, never mind.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Angelo: Sophia, you're lookin' terrific! You haven't changed a bit in 40 years!
Sophia: Angelo, you're a priest, you shouldn't lie!
Angelo: Ah, don't worry about it, don't worry about it. Before the trip I said an extra fifty Hail Mary's in case I felt like cutting loose. ... Dorothy!
Dorothy: Uncle Angelo, it is so good to see you!
Angelo: Dorothy, you know something, you look more beautiful now than you did on your wedding day.
Stan: He just used up all fifty Hail Mary's on that one.
Angelo: Stan, you still a funny guy, got a sense of humor still, eh? [To Dorothy] He still make you laugh like he used to?
Dorothy: Well, not really, but then again I haven't seen him naked lately.
Sophia: Angelo, you're a priest, you shouldn't lie!
Angelo: Ah, don't worry about it, don't worry about it. Before the trip I said an extra fifty Hail Mary's in case I felt like cutting loose. ... Dorothy!
Dorothy: Uncle Angelo, it is so good to see you!
Angelo: Dorothy, you know something, you look more beautiful now than you did on your wedding day.
Stan: He just used up all fifty Hail Mary's on that one.
Angelo: Stan, you still a funny guy, got a sense of humor still, eh? [To Dorothy] He still make you laugh like he used to?
Dorothy: Well, not really, but then again I haven't seen him naked lately.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [crawling between Dorothy and Stan in bed] Stanley, think of me as the Berlin Wall! Try to climb over me, and you'll know what barbed wire between your legs feels like!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [on the phone, unaware that Angelo is in the kitchen] Hi Walter, how are you? ... Yeah, I feel like a caged animal in heat too. ... Walter, you naughty boy! Keep on talkin'! ... What am I wearing? Well, to be perfectly honest, A NUN'S OUTFIT! ... Oh, sounds good to me, uh huh. I'll be over just as soon as this storm lets up! [hangs up, then sees Angelo staring at her quizzically; to Angelo] He's a leper. And I'm the only one who'll touch him.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: You're gonna dump your own mother?
Dorothy: Faster than CBS dumped Jimmy the Greek.
Dorothy: Faster than CBS dumped Jimmy the Greek.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Okay girls, I need your help: the silver chain or the pearls?
Rose: The chain.
Blanche: An amateur's mistake. Can't you see that the chain accentuates the many folds of that turkey-like neck?
Rose: Yes, but the pearls draw attention to the non-existent bosom.
Blanche: Yes, but the chain leads the eye even lower, to this huge "spare tire," jutting out over those square manly hips.
Dorothy Why don't I just wear a sign that says "Too Ugly To Live"?
Blanche: Fine, but where are you going to hang it from the chain or the pearls?
Dorothy: Neither, I'm going to spray paint it on my hump!!!!
Rose: The chain.
Blanche: An amateur's mistake. Can't you see that the chain accentuates the many folds of that turkey-like neck?
Rose: Yes, but the pearls draw attention to the non-existent bosom.
Blanche: Yes, but the chain leads the eye even lower, to this huge "spare tire," jutting out over those square manly hips.
Dorothy Why don't I just wear a sign that says "Too Ugly To Live"?
Blanche: Fine, but where are you going to hang it from the chain or the pearls?
Dorothy: Neither, I'm going to spray paint it on my hump!!!!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: See, Blanche, you know as much about fashion as I do. I've decided I'm going to run.
Blanche: Well, you are wasting your time. Who on that committee is going to vote for you? I'm going to win.
Rose: I don't see how, because all the people on the committee are female. Who are you going to sleep with?
Blanche: Are you saying that I cannot win this on merit alone? ... All women?
Blanche: Well, you are wasting your time. Who on that committee is going to vote for you? I'm going to win.
Rose: I don't see how, because all the people on the committee are female. Who are you going to sleep with?
Blanche: Are you saying that I cannot win this on merit alone? ... All women?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [reading from Rose's diary] Dear Diary, I don't know how much longer I can stand living with these two pigs. At first, moving in with them seemed like a good way to save money, but it's just getting out of hand. If one isn't keepin' me awake all night with her squealin', the other one is belchin' in my face! [stops reading] You do that sometimes, Dorothy. After you've had a Denver omelet.
Dorothy: Look, this is a real invasion of Rose's privacy. And it's a Spanish omelet.
Dorothy: Look, this is a real invasion of Rose's privacy. And it's a Spanish omelet.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Gee, what's my diary doing here? [picks it up from the table] Next to a pair of pliers?
Blanche: Rose, whatever it is you're thinking, it isn't true.
Rose: Good, then George Bush isn't married to his mother.
Blanche: Rose, whatever it is you're thinking, it isn't true.
Rose: Good, then George Bush isn't married to his mother.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: The most romantic thing was when Stan proposed. I went to the powder room and when I got back there was two long stem glasses filled with Dom Perignon. We clinked the glasses and Stan gave me a coy smile and I winked at him and I just down the champagne in one gulp....and it didn't go down smoothly. Later he told me that he put my engagement ring at the bottom of the glass. It turned up three days later.
Rose: Where'd it turn up, Dorothy?
Dorothy: On the Home Shopping Network, Rose.
Rose: Where'd it turn up, Dorothy?
Dorothy: On the Home Shopping Network, Rose.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Ernie: [about the guestroom] Mrs. Devereaux, please. Do you want it fast or do you want it good?
Sophia: Before you answer that Blanche, the man's talking about a guestroom.
Sophia: Before you answer that Blanche, the man's talking about a guestroom.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Ernie, listen to me and listen good. If you walk out that door right now, you can forget about ever coming back. I sound like I'm on Ryan's Hope.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [translating for Vincenzo] Before we begin, [Vincenzo speaks between each line] let's make one thing clear. I am in charge. I am the boss. I am the master. I Am the Walrus.
Dorothy: Ma, either your Italian is rusty or he's the world's oldest hippie.
Dorothy: Ma, either your Italian is rusty or he's the world's oldest hippie.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [sees Vincenzo's elderly crew working on the guestroom] Looks like the road company of Cocoon.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [seeing Vincenzo's elderly working crew] Who are all these old men?
Dorothy: The Osmond Brothers, Rose. The years without Donny have not been kind to them.
Dorothy: The Osmond Brothers, Rose. The years without Donny have not been kind to them.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [onboard cruiseship] Ahoy girls. Quick, grab some champagne.
Blanche: Ooh, I just love champagne!
Dorothy: Oh so do I. The only problem is after a few glasses I'll kiss any man in sight.
[commotion in background] MAN OVERBOARD!
Blanche: Ooh, I just love champagne!
Dorothy: Oh so do I. The only problem is after a few glasses I'll kiss any man in sight.
[commotion in background] MAN OVERBOARD!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Rose! It is 2 AM! What are you still doing up?
Rose: Well I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd get up and make a batch of Sparhuven Krispies. It's an ancient Scandinavian midnight snack.
Dorothy: I guess after a night of pillaging and raping, a Viking wants a little something to go with his cocoa.
Blanche: Well they smell God awful!
Rose: Yeah just when you're about ready to throw up from the stench, that's when they're done. Who wants some?
Dorothy: [commenting on the smell of Rose's snacks] Rose, if these had been offered to the Donner Party, they still would've eaten each other!
Rose: Don't be silly Dorothy. They're delicious. You just have to know how to eat them. You hold your nose with one hand [holding nose] and you pop a krispie in your mouth with the other. Mmm! That tastes like cheesecake, fresh strawberries, and chocolate ice cream.
Blanche: [tries one] My gosh, you're right. That is the best thing I have ever tasted!
Dorothy: [eating a krispie] This is delicious!
Sophia enters kitchen Hey, give me a break. You can't smell that from the hall!
Rose: Well I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd get up and make a batch of Sparhuven Krispies. It's an ancient Scandinavian midnight snack.
Dorothy: I guess after a night of pillaging and raping, a Viking wants a little something to go with his cocoa.
Blanche: Well they smell God awful!
Rose: Yeah just when you're about ready to throw up from the stench, that's when they're done. Who wants some?
Dorothy: [commenting on the smell of Rose's snacks] Rose, if these had been offered to the Donner Party, they still would've eaten each other!
Rose: Don't be silly Dorothy. They're delicious. You just have to know how to eat them. You hold your nose with one hand [holding nose] and you pop a krispie in your mouth with the other. Mmm! That tastes like cheesecake, fresh strawberries, and chocolate ice cream.
Blanche: [tries one] My gosh, you're right. That is the best thing I have ever tasted!
Dorothy: [eating a krispie] This is delicious!
Sophia enters kitchen Hey, give me a break. You can't smell that from the hall!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia[Vincenzo gives Sophia instructions on who does what]
Dorothy, you'll hold the window in place.
Rose will do the hammering.
Blanche you'll do the screwing...and he came up with that one on his own, I swear.
Dorothy, you'll hold the window in place.
Rose will do the hammering.
Blanche you'll do the screwing...and he came up with that one on his own, I swear.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: You know Dorothy, I just thought of something. Lorraine’s family’s gonna be black too, aren’t they?
Dorothy: Yes Rose. You know, you could probably make them feel welcome if you do your version of that dance that the Huxtable’s do at the beginning of The Cosby Show.
Dorothy: Yes Rose. You know, you could probably make them feel welcome if you do your version of that dance that the Huxtable’s do at the beginning of The Cosby Show.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Can I ask a dumb question?
Dorothy: Better than anyone I know…
Rose: What color is black people’s dandruff?
Dorothy: Rose, black people don’t have dandruff. God figures they’ve been through enough already.
Dorothy: Better than anyone I know…
Rose: What color is black people’s dandruff?
Dorothy: Rose, black people don’t have dandruff. God figures they’ve been through enough already.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [to Greta] Look, race is not even an issue. I mean, your daughter is twice my son's age! What can a woman in her 40's possibly have in common with a boy in his 20's?
Blanche: Sex! At 20, a man is at his peak. And a woman in her 40's is also at her peak, so when the two come together, hot damn !
Blanche: Sex! At 20, a man is at his peak. And a woman in her 40's is also at her peak, so when the two come together, hot damn !
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Look, Mrs. Wagner, I’m not thrilled about my son marrying your daughter either.
Greta: Oh yeah? Why, you got something against black people?
Blanche: Of course not! And I resent the insinuation! Why, we firmly believe that all men are created equal!!
Rose: That’s a bunch of bologna!
Dorothy: Rose!!!
Rose: Well it is! If you don’t believe me, just turn on your television set and watch a white person dance down the line on Soul Train.
Greta: Oh yeah? Why, you got something against black people?
Blanche: Of course not! And I resent the insinuation! Why, we firmly believe that all men are created equal!!
Rose: That’s a bunch of bologna!
Dorothy: Rose!!!
Rose: Well it is! If you don’t believe me, just turn on your television set and watch a white person dance down the line on Soul Train.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Rose, will you excuse us?
Rose: Sure, where're you going?
Dorothy: Nowhere. Get out!
Rose: Sure, where're you going?
Dorothy: Nowhere. Get out!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Greta: Honey, it's just a phase! Ever since Diana Ross started marrying white men, everyone's gotta have one!
Sophia: [Sophia walks in and sees Lorraine and her family, of African American decent] What is this, a revival of A Raisin in the Sun ?
Michael Zbornak: Grandma, this is my fianceé, Lorraine, and this is her mother and her two aunts.
Sophia: Oh, wait-wait-wait-wait-wait... This is your fianceé?
Michael Zbornak: Yep, that's right.
Sophia: You couldn't find someone your own age?
Greta: What is that supposed to mean?
Sophia: No offense, but it means your daughter's been around the block more times then a Good Humor man!
Greta: [turns to her sister] Hold my purse - those are fightin' words!
Rose: Stop it all of you! What difference does it make that Lorraine's a little long in the tooth and Michael's a skinny white boy? Can't you see they love each other? We should be celebrating not arguing whether or not it's right. Now what do you say we all join hands and sing a chorus of 'Abraham, Martin and John'?
Greta: [turns to Dorothy] Is she for real?
Dorothy: Yep - frightening isn't it?
Sophia: [Sophia walks in and sees Lorraine and her family, of African American decent] What is this, a revival of A Raisin in the Sun ?
Michael Zbornak: Grandma, this is my fianceé, Lorraine, and this is her mother and her two aunts.
Sophia: Oh, wait-wait-wait-wait-wait... This is your fianceé?
Michael Zbornak: Yep, that's right.
Sophia: You couldn't find someone your own age?
Greta: What is that supposed to mean?
Sophia: No offense, but it means your daughter's been around the block more times then a Good Humor man!
Greta: [turns to her sister] Hold my purse - those are fightin' words!
Rose: Stop it all of you! What difference does it make that Lorraine's a little long in the tooth and Michael's a skinny white boy? Can't you see they love each other? We should be celebrating not arguing whether or not it's right. Now what do you say we all join hands and sing a chorus of 'Abraham, Martin and John'?
Greta: [turns to Dorothy] Is she for real?
Dorothy: Yep - frightening isn't it?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: Is it true what they say about black men in bed?
Blanche: Oh yes definitely...[everybody stares at her] Oh yes. Definitely, that is something I would like to know too.
Dorothy: Come on Blanche, that's a stereotype.
Trudy: Call it whatever you want, I'm just grateful it's true.
Blanche: Oh yes definitely...[everybody stares at her] Oh yes. Definitely, that is something I would like to know too.
Dorothy: Come on Blanche, that's a stereotype.
Trudy: Call it whatever you want, I'm just grateful it's true.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Oh, Blanche, how would you feel if your son were marrying an older woman?
Blanche: Dorothy, when my son was five years old, he nearly burned down our whole town. Since then, nothing he does upsets me. Hell, he could marry Lillian Gish and I wouldn't care.
Blanche: Dorothy, when my son was five years old, he nearly burned down our whole town. Since then, nothing he does upsets me. Hell, he could marry Lillian Gish and I wouldn't care.
TV Show: The Golden Girls