The Golden Girls Quotes
Blanche: What's the point of wearing this if I've got nothing to put in it?
Sophia: I say that every morning when I'm putting on my bra.
Sophia: I say that every morning when I'm putting on my bra.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Dorothy, in times like these, you have to hold on to your faith. Just like Hans Gluckenflanken: St. Olaf's greatest explorer.
Dorothy: Rose, please, let me have a little recovery time before you start a St. Olaf story--
Rose: You see, Hans Gluckenflanken, set out for Florida, to find the Fountain of Intelligence. Unfortunately, when he got to Duluth he took a left, instead of a right and wound up back in St. Olaf. That's how he got his nickname, Wrong Way Gluckenflanken.
Dorothy: Rose, how is this a story about faith?
Rose: Well, when he got back it was the dead of winter. Tired and hungry, but still clinging to his belief that he would find the Fountain of Intelligence. He saw the miracle water, trickling out of the ground, and he fell to his knees and tasted it. Unfortunately, it was a broken sewer main. Two days later, he died of cholera.
Dorothy: What is the point, Rose?
Rose: He was positive he had found the Fountain of Intelligence. In fact, his dying words were, "I think I've learned something from this."
Dorothy: Rose, please, let me have a little recovery time before you start a St. Olaf story--
Rose: You see, Hans Gluckenflanken, set out for Florida, to find the Fountain of Intelligence. Unfortunately, when he got to Duluth he took a left, instead of a right and wound up back in St. Olaf. That's how he got his nickname, Wrong Way Gluckenflanken.
Dorothy: Rose, how is this a story about faith?
Rose: Well, when he got back it was the dead of winter. Tired and hungry, but still clinging to his belief that he would find the Fountain of Intelligence. He saw the miracle water, trickling out of the ground, and he fell to his knees and tasted it. Unfortunately, it was a broken sewer main. Two days later, he died of cholera.
Dorothy: What is the point, Rose?
Rose: He was positive he had found the Fountain of Intelligence. In fact, his dying words were, "I think I've learned something from this."
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [sees Dorothy and Sophia in their Sonny and Cher outfits] Oh, for goodness sakes, why you two could be celebrity lookalikes!
Dorothy: Oh, Blanche, honey, you really think so?
Blanche: Well, absolutely! So, which one's Cheech and which one's Chong?
Sophia: I'm Sonny Bono, you idiot!
Dorothy: Oh, Blanche, honey, you really think so?
Blanche: Well, absolutely! So, which one's Cheech and which one's Chong?
Sophia: I'm Sonny Bono, you idiot!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Mary Ellen: Hello, my name is Mary Ellen.
Thinking Group: Hi, Mary Ellen. You're special.
Mary Ellen: Thank you. You're special too. Do you know why? Because there's no one else in the world like you. Do you understand?
Dorothy: [To Sophia] Only an idiot wouldn't understand that.
Rose: [Stands up] Mary Ellen, I'm completely lost. Could you run that by me again?
Mary Ellen: After the lecture, Rose. Just like last week.
Thinking Group: Hi, Mary Ellen. You're special.
Mary Ellen: Thank you. You're special too. Do you know why? Because there's no one else in the world like you. Do you understand?
Dorothy: [To Sophia] Only an idiot wouldn't understand that.
Rose: [Stands up] Mary Ellen, I'm completely lost. Could you run that by me again?
Mary Ellen: After the lecture, Rose. Just like last week.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [to Miles' daughter] Oh, Caroline, one year after your mother's demise is more than respectable. Why, I've had people call me when their wife was in intensive care!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Boy! Mother Devereaux was dead set against me marrying George. She wanted her little boy to marry a virgin.
Rose: How did she know you weren't?
Sophia: Maybe it was all those Honk if You've Had Blanche Bumper Stickers.
Rose: How did she know you weren't?
Sophia: Maybe it was all those Honk if You've Had Blanche Bumper Stickers.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: Dorothy, do we know anybody named Cecelia?
Dorothy: Your cousin, Ma. She only has weeks to live.
Sophia: Oh. Next time I'll accept the charges.
Dorothy: Your cousin, Ma. She only has weeks to live.
Sophia: Oh. Next time I'll accept the charges.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [returning from a date with Miles to see The Glass Menagerie] Frankly, I was a little disappointed.
Miles: Really?
Rose: Yeah. When you told me you were taking me to a revival of Tennessee Williams, I was expecting something more along the lines of a seance.
Miles: [laughing] Rose, I have never met anyone like you!
Sophia: Check the cornfield on Hee Haw.
Miles: Really?
Rose: Yeah. When you told me you were taking me to a revival of Tennessee Williams, I was expecting something more along the lines of a seance.
Miles: [laughing] Rose, I have never met anyone like you!
Sophia: Check the cornfield on Hee Haw.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [on her scheme to put a fake ad in the paper for a Mercedes for sale, in order to meet men] I'm renting [a Mercedes] and pretending it's for sale. All day tomorrow, men are going to be showing up here for a test drive! You can tell a lot about a man by the way he drives.
Dorothy: You know, that's true. Sometimes Stan couldn't even get the key in the ignition.
Dorothy: You know, that's true. Sometimes Stan couldn't even get the key in the ignition.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [looking at old family photos] Ah, look, the Jersey shore, summer 1939.
Sophia: Pop sure loved playing with you kids... why do I look so upset?
Dorothy: Oh Ma, don't you remember? Pop was a big fan of Jean Harlow's back then, you hated it when he made sand breasts in front of the children.
Sophia: Pop sure loved playing with you kids... why do I look so upset?
Dorothy: Oh Ma, don't you remember? Pop was a big fan of Jean Harlow's back then, you hated it when he made sand breasts in front of the children.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [about Sophia] Oh, damn it, I hate watching what this is doing to her.
Blanche: I hate watching what it's doing to you.
Rose: I hate watching those FBI warnings at the beginning of video rentals.
Blanche: I hate watching what it's doing to you.
Rose: I hate watching those FBI warnings at the beginning of video rentals.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Sophia, Dorothy, how'd it go at the doctor's?
Dorothy: It was great. He says that Ma's memory problem could be related to a nutritional imbalance, so he put her on a special diet and if she follows it, she'll be fine from here on out.
Sophia: [sarcastically] Oh, lucky me, I can remember from now on, my whole past is gone! I could have slept with JFK and don't even know it!
Dorothy: Ma, I don't think so, you're not mentioned in any of the books.
Blanche: Well, that doesn't necessarily mean anything...
Dorothy: It was great. He says that Ma's memory problem could be related to a nutritional imbalance, so he put her on a special diet and if she follows it, she'll be fine from here on out.
Sophia: [sarcastically] Oh, lucky me, I can remember from now on, my whole past is gone! I could have slept with JFK and don't even know it!
Dorothy: Ma, I don't think so, you're not mentioned in any of the books.
Blanche: Well, that doesn't necessarily mean anything...
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: You know, I hate getting old. You always seem to be losing something. First, it's your eyesight. Then people are telling you to turn down the TV set when you can barely hear it, and you could live with that. But this, they're trying to take something from me that I just won't give. I can't let this happen, Dorothy. I can't lose my Sal, not again.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: Isn't it good to be back in the old neighborhood, Dorothy? Watching the kids play stickball on the corner?
Dorothy: Ma, they were beating a man! That was sort of why I called the police.
Dorothy: Ma, they were beating a man! That was sort of why I called the police.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Oh, here you all are!
Dorothy: How'd your physical go?
Blanche: Oh, just fine. The doctor just could not believe it when I told him my age.
Dorothy: Why? What age did you tell him?
Dorothy: How'd your physical go?
Blanche: Oh, just fine. The doctor just could not believe it when I told him my age.
Dorothy: Why? What age did you tell him?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: I remember an old lullaby my mother used to sing to me, so whenever I'm scared or alone, I sing it.
Blanche: I don't need a song.
Rose: [singing]Over there, over there, send the word, send the word over there, that the Yanks are coming, the Yanks are coming!
Dorothy: THAT was the lullaby your mother sang to you?
Rose: It was the only song she knew.
Blanche: I don't need a song.
Rose: [singing]Over there, over there, send the word, send the word over there, that the Yanks are coming, the Yanks are coming!
Dorothy: THAT was the lullaby your mother sang to you?
Rose: It was the only song she knew.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [about singing "Over There" to stop being afraid] It works! My mother said that no one can be afraid when they hear that song...except maybe the Kaiser.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: I've been to enough funerals to see how they make up dead people. They look like clowns. You expect to see ten of them come out of one coffin.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Oh, I cannot have any scars. You see, all my clothes are off the shoulder...sooner or later.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy, Sophia and Rose: [singing to Blanche as she is wheeled off to surgery] Over there, over there, send the word, send the word, over there, that the Yanks are coming, the Yanks are coming, the drums rum-pumming everywhere. Send the word, send the word, to beware...[An old World War I doughboy comes by and salutes]
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Rose, no encyclopedia saleman lugs around twenty-six volumes door to door.
Rose: Are you kidding? In St. Olaf they carry fifty-two.
Blanche: Why?
Rose: Balance!
Dorothy: Rose, why don't they just carry thirteen in each hand?
Rose: [thinks] Excuse me, I have to make a phone call. [leaves]
Rose: Are you kidding? In St. Olaf they carry fifty-two.
Blanche: Why?
Rose: Balance!
Dorothy: Rose, why don't they just carry thirteen in each hand?
Rose: [thinks] Excuse me, I have to make a phone call. [leaves]
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [dressed as Sonny Bono] Well, Rose, do I look like the mayor of Palm Springs?
Rose: Doug Henning is the mayor of Palm Springs?
Sophia: ...Just play the music, Rose.
Rose: Doug Henning is the mayor of Palm Springs?
Sophia: ...Just play the music, Rose.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: I stopped in a truck stop in Georgia, and did you know they have an egg dish named after you, Blanche?
Blanche: Oh, really? How are they prepared?
Sophia: Over easy.
Blanche: Oh, really? How are they prepared?
Sophia: Over easy.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
(Rose sits in the kitchen with Blanche)
Rose: God, why me? Why does this have to be happening to me?
(She gets up to go to the living room)
Rose: I mean...you must have slept with hundreds of men!
Blanche: Hey, wait a minute! Are you saying that it should be me going through this and not you?
Rose: Of course not, Blanche. All I'm saying is that I'm a good person. Hell, I'm a goody-two-shoes! This kind of thing shouldn't happen to a good person!
Blanche: AIDS is not a bad person's disease, Rose. It is not God punishing people for their sins.
Rose: God, why me? Why does this have to be happening to me?
(She gets up to go to the living room)
Rose: I mean...you must have slept with hundreds of men!
Blanche: Hey, wait a minute! Are you saying that it should be me going through this and not you?
Rose: Of course not, Blanche. All I'm saying is that I'm a good person. Hell, I'm a goody-two-shoes! This kind of thing shouldn't happen to a good person!
Blanche: AIDS is not a bad person's disease, Rose. It is not God punishing people for their sins.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Is it possible to love two men at the same time?
Blanche: Set the scene, have we been drinking?
Blanche: Set the scene, have we been drinking?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Ma, we need to talk. I waited up for you until two in the morning, and you still weren't home.
Sophia: Oh, yea, Gertie and I and some of the girls went to Wolfie's to pick up guys.
Dorothy: I called Wolfie's at 11, you weren't there.
Sophia: Guess who got lucky?
Dorothy: Oh God!
Sophia: Oh, yea, Gertie and I and some of the girls went to Wolfie's to pick up guys.
Dorothy: I called Wolfie's at 11, you weren't there.
Sophia: Guess who got lucky?
Dorothy: Oh God!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [after Miles forcefully tells her to stop seeing Buzz] Oh, Miles. I find this side of you very exciting!
Miles: Well, it's the jungle cat in me. I try to keep it very carefully hidden, of course.
Rose: [smiling seductively] M-R-R-R-OWL!
Miles: Well, it's the jungle cat in me. I try to keep it very carefully hidden, of course.
Rose: [smiling seductively] M-R-R-R-OWL!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: Oh, my God. Now she's with the other boyfriend. It's like living with Cher. [goes into the kitchen]
Dorothy: Ma.
Blanche: Sophia, you're here. And you have your suitcase. Does that mean you're moving back?
Sophia: I don't get it. I'm gone a few days and the dumb one's in there acting like a slut, while the slut's in here being stupid.
Dorothy: Ma.
Blanche: Sophia, you're here. And you have your suitcase. Does that mean you're moving back?
Sophia: I don't get it. I'm gone a few days and the dumb one's in there acting like a slut, while the slut's in here being stupid.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: Ciao, Auf Wiedersehen, arrivederci and sayonara.
Rose: Gee, she could have at least said goodbye.
Rose: Gee, she could have at least said goodbye.
TV Show: The Golden Girls