The Golden Girls Quotes
Blanche: [on Rose's feelings for Buzz] First love can be very powerful. I felt the same way about Heywood Boyle, the star pitcher on our high school baseball team. Oh, an amazing athlete. That man had exceptional control... [gets a far-away, aroused look on her face] ...he was always up for extra innings... and his delivery, oh!...
Dorothy: ALL RIGHT, BLANCHE, ENOUGH!
Rose: Yeah, we get it. ... So what was he like in bed?
Dorothy: ALL RIGHT, BLANCHE, ENOUGH!
Rose: Yeah, we get it. ... So what was he like in bed?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: I would kill Gloria if she ever wrote about my sexual escapades.
Sophia: You'd kill your sister over a pamphlet?
Sophia: You'd kill your sister over a pamphlet?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [in the bookstore] If you need me, I'll be in the "Bitter Children of Celebrities" section.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Magda: [marveling at Blanche's house] Such a beautiful home! Who sleeps with government official?
Dorothy: That would be my friend Blanche.
Dorothy: That would be my friend Blanche.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Magda: [on Communism] The way things were, we knew what to do, the choices were easy. When there is one road, no one gets lost.
Rose: Not necessarily. Back in St. Olaf---
Dorothy: Rose, is this a story about someone getting lost?
Rose: Uh-huh.
Dorothy: Well, don't tell us, show us.
Rose: Not necessarily. Back in St. Olaf---
Dorothy: Rose, is this a story about someone getting lost?
Rose: Uh-huh.
Dorothy: Well, don't tell us, show us.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [confronting Charmaine at her book-signing] Well, I should've known I couldn't trust you, that all that "Let's be sisters" stuff was just a bunch of bull! You had no right to use my life for your book, to twist facts so that beautiful, sacred love became so much tawdry trash! I earned that "A" in History! For the first time in my life, I am ashamed to be a Hollingsworth. Vixen: Story of a Woman is nothing but a vulgar collection of perverse sexual acts that are sheer and utter FILTH!
[Blanche slams her copy of the book down on Charmaine's table and storms away. Immediately, upon hearing Blanche's description of the book, a large group of people - including Magda and Sophia - runs toward the table, snatches up copies of the book, and begins eagerly reading.]
[Blanche slams her copy of the book down on Charmaine's table and storms away. Immediately, upon hearing Blanche's description of the book, a large group of people - including Magda and Sophia - runs toward the table, snatches up copies of the book, and begins eagerly reading.]
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: You know something, Blanche, you're not the only one who ever had a problem with sisters. When I was a kid, I had a doll named Mrs. Doolittle, and Gloria was not supposed to---
Sophia: Do we have to listen to that damn Mrs. Doolittle story again?! So your sister broke your doll! It was 50 years ago!
Dorothy: It was very traumatic. [voice breaking] She was my favorite doll! I didn't talk to Gloria for months. But eventually, Blanche, I realized, sisters are harder to replace than dolls, so we made up. And I vowed right then and there never, ever to fight over something so childish and silly again---[to Sophia] ---MY FAVORITE!
Rose: I have a sister story I think you'll find interesting...
Dorothy: She didn't just break it, she made it so the eyes would never close again! She made Mrs. Doolittle look like a morphine addict!
Sophia: Do we have to listen to that damn Mrs. Doolittle story again?! So your sister broke your doll! It was 50 years ago!
Dorothy: It was very traumatic. [voice breaking] She was my favorite doll! I didn't talk to Gloria for months. But eventually, Blanche, I realized, sisters are harder to replace than dolls, so we made up. And I vowed right then and there never, ever to fight over something so childish and silly again---[to Sophia] ---MY FAVORITE!
Rose: I have a sister story I think you'll find interesting...
Dorothy: She didn't just break it, she made it so the eyes would never close again! She made Mrs. Doolittle look like a morphine addict!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
[Rose has begun to tell a St. Olaf story but Dorothy and Sophia haven't forgotten Mrs. Doolittle.]
Rose: Now, here's the scary part. Suddenly I realized I was this frightened little girl alone in the big city.
Dorothy: [to Sophia] Accident, my foot!
Rose: It started to rain, and I stood there in the middle of the town square and cried...
Sophia: Gloria was the one who had to get the rabies shot!
Dorothy: [turns to Blanche] I was a biter.
Rose: Now, here's the scary part. Suddenly I realized I was this frightened little girl alone in the big city.
Dorothy: [to Sophia] Accident, my foot!
Rose: It started to rain, and I stood there in the middle of the town square and cried...
Sophia: Gloria was the one who had to get the rabies shot!
Dorothy: [turns to Blanche] I was a biter.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Magda: I had very bad fight with my sister once.
Blanche: Oh, really? Tell us about it.
Magda: I turned her over to secret police.
Blanche: And?
Magda: And what? I turned her over to secret police. No more to tell.
Blanche: Oh, really? Tell us about it.
Magda: I turned her over to secret police.
Blanche: And?
Magda: And what? I turned her over to secret police. No more to tell.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Magda: Rose, how can you say America is the best. Everywhere you look, you see the rich take advantage of the poor, there is so much inequity.
Rose: Well sure there's inequities but at least we treat everybody the same.
Rose: Well sure there's inequities but at least we treat everybody the same.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: I had the strangest dream last night. I was at a baseball game. Charlie Brown was pitching, Schroeder was behind the plate, Lucy and Snoopy were in center field, and they wouldn't let me play. When I woke up, I was crying. What do you think it is?
Dorothy: Peanuts envy?
Dorothy: Peanuts envy?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: He was trapped in a bad marriage.
Sophia: There is no such thing being as trapped in a marriage. In this country, you can get divorced, in Sicily there was no divorce, you had to resort to lupara.
Rose: Is that some kind of legal loophole?
Sophia: It's some kind of sawed-off shotgun.
Sophia: There is no such thing being as trapped in a marriage. In this country, you can get divorced, in Sicily there was no divorce, you had to resort to lupara.
Rose: Is that some kind of legal loophole?
Sophia: It's some kind of sawed-off shotgun.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: I was in a room with you once before when your wife called, and you told her you were alone... then you were cheating on her.
Glen: Yeah, with you.
Dorothy: But I've also been Bernice, and I've had my husband call me, and he was always alone too.
Glen: Yeah, with you.
Dorothy: But I've also been Bernice, and I've had my husband call me, and he was always alone too.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Glen: Our entire block was Irish, the kids on the next block were all Italian. We all took turns beating each other up on the way home from school.
Rose: I think it's nice when children take turns.
Rose: I think it's nice when children take turns.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: It's the oldest confidence game in the world, the pigeon drop.
Sophia: It wasn't his idea, the nun suggested it.
Rose: She was in on it too, that's why it's called a confidence game. They have to win your confidence so you'll hand over your money and get stuck with worthless paper.
Sophia: I don't know what the Church is coming to.
Sophia: It wasn't his idea, the nun suggested it.
Rose: She was in on it too, that's why it's called a confidence game. They have to win your confidence so you'll hand over your money and get stuck with worthless paper.
Sophia: I don't know what the Church is coming to.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [trapped in a bathroom stall] Dorothy, let me out of here right now!
Dorothy: There's only one way out, Blanche, and I don't think you can hold your breath long enough.
Blanche: You're just making a mountain out of a molehill.
Dorothy: Five years of molehills. They add up.
Dorothy: There's only one way out, Blanche, and I don't think you can hold your breath long enough.
Blanche: You're just making a mountain out of a molehill.
Dorothy: Five years of molehills. They add up.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Sounds to me like you two just had a little misunderstanding. [banging on the stall door to emphasize each word] Not five years of deliberate betrayal of trust!
Blanche: Dorothy, you do that one more time, I'm gonna write on this wall "for a good time, call Dorothy Zbornak".
Dorothy: Blanche, this is the ladies' room.
Blanche: [evilly] Right.
Blanche: Dorothy, you do that one more time, I'm gonna write on this wall "for a good time, call Dorothy Zbornak".
Dorothy: Blanche, this is the ladies' room.
Blanche: [evilly] Right.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [referring to her painting] I think it's impossible to paint autumn in St. Olaf.
Dorothy: How come?
Rose: Maybe it's because of the horrible St. Olaf Falling Leif story.
Dorothy: Rose, if this a story about a man named Leif, I don't want to hear it.
Rose: It's not that long.
Dorothy: No.
Rose: It has a surprise ending.
Dorothy: All right Rose, just the ending, but keep it short!
Rose: ...Splat!
Dorothy: How come?
Rose: Maybe it's because of the horrible St. Olaf Falling Leif story.
Dorothy: Rose, if this a story about a man named Leif, I don't want to hear it.
Rose: It's not that long.
Dorothy: No.
Rose: It has a surprise ending.
Dorothy: All right Rose, just the ending, but keep it short!
Rose: ...Splat!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [on her paintings] I call them "Winter of St. Olaf," "Spring of St. Olaf," and "Summer of St. Olaf."
Donald: Why haven't you painted the "Fall of St. Olaf"?
Rose: Because it hasn't happened yet. Although we came pretty close when New Math came along.
Blanche: Rose, I think he's referring to autumn.
Donald: Why haven't you painted the "Fall of St. Olaf"?
Rose: Because it hasn't happened yet. Although we came pretty close when New Math came along.
Blanche: Rose, I think he's referring to autumn.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Blanche, what's wrong, you're shaking?
Blanche: I have been humiliated and degraded.
Sophia: Many times, you're just figuring it out now?
Blanche: I have been humiliated and degraded.
Sophia: Many times, you're just figuring it out now?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Sophia, I've decided to wear this little watch on a chain nestled cunningly in my cleavage. Do I need anything else?
Sophia: Implants.
Sophia: Implants.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: If you need to know any more about me...I have pictures.
Secret Service Agent: So do we.
Secret Service Agent: So do we.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: What is taking so long? It's been hours.
Sophia: It took me three and a half days to have Dorothy. [pause] I finally coaxed her out with a pork chop.
Dorothy: You know, Ma, you're really making me feel very bad. You keep telling me how hard it was to have me and how long it took.
Sophia: Did I mention the colic?
Dorothy: Ma, you're hurting my feelings.
Sophia: Not as much as you hurt my oonie.
Dorothy: [looks around in embarrassment] MA!
Sophia: It took me three and a half days to have Dorothy. [pause] I finally coaxed her out with a pork chop.
Dorothy: You know, Ma, you're really making me feel very bad. You keep telling me how hard it was to have me and how long it took.
Sophia: Did I mention the colic?
Dorothy: Ma, you're hurting my feelings.
Sophia: Not as much as you hurt my oonie.
Dorothy: [looks around in embarrassment] MA!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Oh, it doesn’t matter what your parents want, Rose, you’re never going to make them happy. They’re just gonna nag you and nag you until you want to grab their throats and choke 'em, but you don’t because you’re in a hospital with resuscitating equipment!!!
Sophia: [looking unamused, though knowing that she was targeted] In other words, Rose, hang up the skates.
Rose: Oh Sophia, Big-Foot... thank you! I mean, you’re terrific! You made me realize you don’t have to please your parents. I don’t know how I can thank you. No more ice-skating! And I’m not gonna go over Niagara Falls in a barrel!
Dorothy: No, Rose, that you should do.
Sophia: [looking unamused, though knowing that she was targeted] In other words, Rose, hang up the skates.
Rose: Oh Sophia, Big-Foot... thank you! I mean, you’re terrific! You made me realize you don’t have to please your parents. I don’t know how I can thank you. No more ice-skating! And I’m not gonna go over Niagara Falls in a barrel!
Dorothy: No, Rose, that you should do.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rebecca: [screaming from labor pains] Oh... ohh... ohhh... YIKES!
Sophia: [knocks on wall behind her head] Blanche, cut it out. I'm trying to get some sleep.
Sophia: [knocks on wall behind her head] Blanche, cut it out. I'm trying to get some sleep.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rebecca: I'm going to have my baby in a natural birthing center with no painkillers.
Blanche: Becky, honey, I told you where babies come from, did I ever mention where they come out?
Blanche: Becky, honey, I told you where babies come from, did I ever mention where they come out?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Becky, wouldn't you rather have your baby in a place with less stereo and more...
(woman in labor down the hall screams)
Dorothy: Morphine?
Rebecca: Why is she screaming?
Sophia: She's conscious.
(woman in labor down the hall screams)
Dorothy: Morphine?
Rebecca: Why is she screaming?
Sophia: She's conscious.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rebecca: (enter the bedroom and waking Dorothy) Dorothy, I was just wondering what being in labor feels like.
Dorothy: Well, how do you feel?
Rebecca: (serious) If I had any military secrets, I'd talk.
Dorothy: Showtime!
Dorothy: Well, how do you feel?
Rebecca: (serious) If I had any military secrets, I'd talk.
Dorothy: Showtime!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [Comes into the room while Rebecca is in labor] Am I crazy or did I hear screaming?
Dorothy: Yes and yes! It's Becky, she's in labor.
Rose: I'll put on some corn.
Dorothy: Call the hospital, tell them we'll be there in about 20 minutes.
Rebecca: And call the coach, the number's on the phone.
Rose: Great, is there anything you want me to do?
Dorothy: Call the hospital, call the coach.
Blanche: [Comes in] What's going on?
Rose: Something about a baby.
Dorothy: Yes and yes! It's Becky, she's in labor.
Rose: I'll put on some corn.
Dorothy: Call the hospital, tell them we'll be there in about 20 minutes.
Rebecca: And call the coach, the number's on the phone.
Rose: Great, is there anything you want me to do?
Dorothy: Call the hospital, call the coach.
Blanche: [Comes in] What's going on?
Rose: Something about a baby.
TV Show: The Golden Girls