The Golden Girls Quotes
Rose: I've found my father! My natural father!
Blanche: He's alive?
Dorothy: He's in Miami?
Sophia: He's an earthling?
Blanche: He's alive?
Dorothy: He's in Miami?
Sophia: He's an earthling?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Dorothy, wait up you just walk so fast.
Dorothy: I'm in a hurry!
Blanche: It's not sexy. [Dorothy looks at her] It's not. A woman should take tiny delicate steps as if to say "Yes, I may be slower than you, but maybe I'm worth waiting for."
Dorothy: Blanche, my mother is missing, it's the middle of the night, you have to excuse me if I don't have the rolling gait of a nymphomaniac.
Dorothy: I'm in a hurry!
Blanche: It's not sexy. [Dorothy looks at her] It's not. A woman should take tiny delicate steps as if to say "Yes, I may be slower than you, but maybe I'm worth waiting for."
Dorothy: Blanche, my mother is missing, it's the middle of the night, you have to excuse me if I don't have the rolling gait of a nymphomaniac.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Hi, Rose, how's it goin'?
Rose: [holding up a sock puppet and speaking in a high-pitched voice] Hi, Blanche!
Blanche: God, I hate mornin' people.
Rose: Ever since I started working as a candy striper I've been giving all my patients the Traditional St. Olaf Fun Pack. Each one has a pack of gum, a bar of soap, and sock puppets. I like to pretend one of them's you and one of them's Dorothy. [mimicking Blanche in a high-pitched Southern accent] "Hi, Dorothy, how do you feel?"
[The real Dorothy comes up behind Rose and smiles as she observes Rose's "show."]
Rose: [mimicking Dorothy in a deep voice] "Oh, woe is me, I can't get a date. Nobody asks me out. Woe is me, woe..."
[The smile on Dorothy's face quickly fades, and she smacks Rose on the top of the head with the newspaper she is holding.]
Rose: [swatting puppet] BAD puppet!
Rose: [holding up a sock puppet and speaking in a high-pitched voice] Hi, Blanche!
Blanche: God, I hate mornin' people.
Rose: Ever since I started working as a candy striper I've been giving all my patients the Traditional St. Olaf Fun Pack. Each one has a pack of gum, a bar of soap, and sock puppets. I like to pretend one of them's you and one of them's Dorothy. [mimicking Blanche in a high-pitched Southern accent] "Hi, Dorothy, how do you feel?"
[The real Dorothy comes up behind Rose and smiles as she observes Rose's "show."]
Rose: [mimicking Dorothy in a deep voice] "Oh, woe is me, I can't get a date. Nobody asks me out. Woe is me, woe..."
[The smile on Dorothy's face quickly fades, and she smacks Rose on the top of the head with the newspaper she is holding.]
Rose: [swatting puppet] BAD puppet!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [about Sophia] Have you found her?
Dorothy: Yes Blanche, about a half hour ago, but now I've hidden her again so you can find her.
Dorothy: Yes Blanche, about a half hour ago, but now I've hidden her again so you can find her.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [checking in Sophia] Name?
Sophia: Zulu, Queen of the Dwarf People! [Rose writes this down on her clipboard]
Dorothy: Rose, I don't think you are up to this.
Rose: Now, where were we?
Dorothy: Name.
Rose: Rose Nylund.
Sophia: Zulu, Queen of the Dwarf People! [Rose writes this down on her clipboard]
Dorothy: Rose, I don't think you are up to this.
Rose: Now, where were we?
Dorothy: Name.
Rose: Rose Nylund.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [to hospital worker, thinking she's in heaven] Who are you? Are you an angel?
Worker: I'm the guy that shaves everybody.
Sophia: Amazing, that's not even mentioned in the Bible!
Worker: I'm the guy that shaves everybody.
Sophia: Amazing, that's not even mentioned in the Bible!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Rose, maybe you could help. We're searching the whole hospital. We can't find my mother.
Rose: Maybe she's lost!
Rose: Maybe she's lost!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Oh, I can't believe, you know, the last words I said to her were "Shut up, Zulu"!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: What are you doing on this elevator?
Sophia: I'm into easy listening, how the hell should I know?
Sophia: I'm into easy listening, how the hell should I know?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: You have a museum [in St. Olaf] where children go to learn about cheese?
Rose: Hey, it's better than them learning about it in the streets!
Rose: Hey, it's better than them learning about it in the streets!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: The plan was, we'd drop these highly trained attack cows behind enemy lines. Problem is, it wasn't until they were airborne that we realized, cows can't pull a ripcord!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [about Stan's latest invention] What's a "Zborny"?
Dorothy: I put up with it for thirty-eight years, Rose. Trust me, you don't want to know.
Dorothy: I put up with it for thirty-eight years, Rose. Trust me, you don't want to know.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Stan: [on TV] Now, you can finally open your baked potato without burning your hands!
Rose: [watching wide-eyed] No, it can't be done!
Stan: [on TV] Yes, it can be done!
Rose: [watching wide-eyed] No, it can't be done!
Stan: [on TV] Yes, it can be done!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Now, look, we can't go on living like this with Blanche and Rose not speaking to each other. So, whatever the results of the secret ballot, we go with it. No more arguments. Agreed?
Blanche: All right, yes, yes.
Dorothy: Okay, here we go. [reads votes] "Split the money." "Let Blanche keep it." "Give it to the old lady."
Sophia: Yes!
Dorothy: "Split the money." Well, Blanche, looks like the splits have it.
Blanche: Big Daddy was right. Women should not be allowed to vote.
Sophia: If it's any consolation, Blanche, when I wrote "Give it to the old lady," I did mean you.
Blanche: All right, yes, yes.
Dorothy: Okay, here we go. [reads votes] "Split the money." "Let Blanche keep it." "Give it to the old lady."
Sophia: Yes!
Dorothy: "Split the money." Well, Blanche, looks like the splits have it.
Blanche: Big Daddy was right. Women should not be allowed to vote.
Sophia: If it's any consolation, Blanche, when I wrote "Give it to the old lady," I did mean you.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [about how Stan's changed] This is not the same man who screamed "Paint my toenails, we've invaded Korea!"
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Stop being so vain. You can't stay forty two forever.
Blanche: Yes you can. If you eat right, exercise, and live with women who look A LOT OLDER THAN YOU.
Dorothy: Tell me something Rose, is "Kill the Bitch" a traditional St. Olaf party game?
Blanche: Yes you can. If you eat right, exercise, and live with women who look A LOT OLDER THAN YOU.
Dorothy: Tell me something Rose, is "Kill the Bitch" a traditional St. Olaf party game?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [before going in to a Meals-on-Wheels customer] This is Mrs. Taylor. You'll get along with her just fine. Two things. One, compliment her cat, and two, Jews control the planet.
Dorothy: Got it.
Sophia: [steps in] Oh hi, Fluffy, looking good!
Dorothy: Got it.
Sophia: [steps in] Oh hi, Fluffy, looking good!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Jimmy: Well, I'm hungry. And I'm on the list. And who do you think you are?
Dorothy: Sergeant Zbornak, food police. Now look, I don't want any trouble, now just hand over that turkey loaf.
Jimmy: No, you can't, I need this food, except for the carrot raisin salad. I never understood carrot raisin salad.
Dorothy: Sergeant Zbornak, food police. Now look, I don't want any trouble, now just hand over that turkey loaf.
Jimmy: No, you can't, I need this food, except for the carrot raisin salad. I never understood carrot raisin salad.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [to Jimmy] Wait a minute. You're not old. You're not ill. You're no slave to fashion.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: ...and I think I'm really making progress with Jimmy, although I think I could make more if Ma would stop yelling 'boo'.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: You know, Sophia, this birthday thing kinda has me depressed as well. You think you could help me, too?
Sophia: Sure. No matter how bad things get, remember these sage words: You're old, you sag, get over it.
Blanche: Sophia!
Sophia: So what if you knew Jesus personally? Wake up and smell the coffee, you fossil.
Blanche: My mistake. I thought since you looked like Yoda you were also wise.
Sophia: Sure. No matter how bad things get, remember these sage words: You're old, you sag, get over it.
Blanche: Sophia!
Sophia: So what if you knew Jesus personally? Wake up and smell the coffee, you fossil.
Blanche: My mistake. I thought since you looked like Yoda you were also wise.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [beginning a St. Olaf story] We had a gigantic black hole back in St. Olaf.
Sophia: Oh God!
Rose: On Main Street, right in front of the courthouse where Charlie and I got our marriage license and our permit to have kids. Oh my, it was a lovely hole. Everybody in town would stand around it and look in.
Dorothy: and they say Hollywood is the Entertainment Capital of the World.
Rose: Well we didn't just look, sometimes we'd point too, or spit and time it.
Dorothy: wimpering. She buries her head in her palm.
Rose: Then there was always that wise guy who'd have a few drinks and unzip himself.
Dorothy: It's official. I hate her.
Sophia: Oh God!
Rose: On Main Street, right in front of the courthouse where Charlie and I got our marriage license and our permit to have kids. Oh my, it was a lovely hole. Everybody in town would stand around it and look in.
Dorothy: and they say Hollywood is the Entertainment Capital of the World.
Rose: Well we didn't just look, sometimes we'd point too, or spit and time it.
Dorothy: wimpering. She buries her head in her palm.
Rose: Then there was always that wise guy who'd have a few drinks and unzip himself.
Dorothy: It's official. I hate her.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: Oh, Pussycat, just the person I'm looking for. I have a question for you, strictly hypothetical. Let's say a man wants to take you on a date.
Dorothy: Why is that hypothetical?
Sophia: Check your calendar, Pussycat.
Dorothy: Why is that hypothetical?
Sophia: Check your calendar, Pussycat.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Mrs. Continni: Oh, wait a minute, you forgot to answer the questions on the back and I still need a picture.
Sophia: Can you settle for a thousand words?
Mrs. Continni: No.
Sophia: Can you settle for a thousand words?
Mrs. Continni: No.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [after telling the story of how her nanny left her] We Southerners don't forget things like that.
Dorothy: It's true. Possum is brain food.
Dorothy: It's true. Possum is brain food.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Jack: Will I see you again?
Dorothy: Probably not. I will be at the Florida State Women's Prison.
Jack: The one in Jacksonville? They used to come to our dances. Why are you going there?
Dorothy: Murder!
Jack: Ooh...you're gonna meet some great gals.
Dorothy: Probably not. I will be at the Florida State Women's Prison.
Jack: The one in Jacksonville? They used to come to our dances. Why are you going there?
Dorothy: Murder!
Jack: Ooh...you're gonna meet some great gals.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [hearing Dorothy's comment to Sophia] Oh, Dorothy, dear sweet delusional Dorothy.
Dorothy: Blanche, if you don't mind, I'm having a heart to heart with my mother. [turns to Sophia] Now, listen up, you withered old Sicilian monkey!
Dorothy: Blanche, if you don't mind, I'm having a heart to heart with my mother. [turns to Sophia] Now, listen up, you withered old Sicilian monkey!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [telling a story about St. Olaf's moodiest plastic surgeon] Dr. Olfnooner did some work on my mom, and do you who she came out looking like? Raymond Massey!'
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: I wish men would have breasts, just for one day. Then they'd know what it's like to be judged by some physical trait. I mean, just because I'm built like this, you wouldn't believe how many people think I'm dumb!
Sophia: Rose, you're too hard on yourself. I know people who think you're dumb over the phone.
Sophia: Rose, you're too hard on yourself. I know people who think you're dumb over the phone.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Father O'Meara: [meeting Blanche] Blanche Devereaux! I've heard quite a bit about you!
Blanche: All good, I hope.
Father O'Meara: I'm sorry, I can't reveal things learned in Confession. But it's nice to match a name up with a face.
Blanche: All good, I hope.
Father O'Meara: I'm sorry, I can't reveal things learned in Confession. But it's nice to match a name up with a face.
TV Show: The Golden Girls