The Golden Girls Quotes
Blanche: Now, let me get this right - dinner at your place tonight. What kind of girl do you think I am, and how could you tell so fast?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [on Rose and Bingo] Oh, great. We've gotta live with a sad-eyed, hyperactive nuisance with the intelligence of a squeaky toy. And now she's got a dog!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [to Dorothy] I need a chaperone. Now do I have to call in all the favors you owe me?
Dorothy: What favors?
Blanche: [to Sophia] I need a chaperone. Now do I have to call in all the favors you owe me?
Sophia: I don't owe you any favors!
Blanche: Oh, really? "But officer, the little old lady was with me; she couldn't possibly have put that banana in your tailpipe!"
Sophia: It'd be an honor to serve.
Dorothy: What favors?
Blanche: [to Sophia] I need a chaperone. Now do I have to call in all the favors you owe me?
Sophia: I don't owe you any favors!
Blanche: Oh, really? "But officer, the little old lady was with me; she couldn't possibly have put that banana in your tailpipe!"
Sophia: It'd be an honor to serve.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Rose, we have to talk. Now look, the food dish is overturned, there is a hole in the newspaper, the potted palm out in the hallway has been dug up. I cannot live like this!
Sophia: Dorothy, please, please don't send me away, I'll try harder!
Dorothy: I'm talking about the dog.
Sophia: Oh. In that case, I also saw him slip two twenties out of your purse.
Sophia: Dorothy, please, please don't send me away, I'll try harder!
Dorothy: I'm talking about the dog.
Sophia: Oh. In that case, I also saw him slip two twenties out of your purse.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: I'll say this for Clayton, he has great taste. Doug is absolutely charming.
Sophia: And funny. It's not every cop who could do a good Bette Davis impression.
Sophia: And funny. It's not every cop who could do a good Bette Davis impression.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: I think I'm actually doing a good job hiding how upset I am.
Dorothy: You mean like how you started sobbing when Clayton asked for more fruit cocktail?
Blanche: I don't really mind Clayton being homosexual, I just don't like him dating men.
Dorothy: You really haven't grasped the concept of this gay thing yet, have you?
Blanche: There must be homosexuals who date women.
Sophia: Yeah, they're called lesbians.
Dorothy: You mean like how you started sobbing when Clayton asked for more fruit cocktail?
Blanche: I don't really mind Clayton being homosexual, I just don't like him dating men.
Dorothy: You really haven't grasped the concept of this gay thing yet, have you?
Blanche: There must be homosexuals who date women.
Sophia: Yeah, they're called lesbians.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Maybe you don't know the fun you can have with a pet. Have you ever actually had one?
Dorothy: Well, of course I had a pet. Remember, Ma, I was six years old and I wanted a pony?
Sophia: Not the pony thing again!
Dorothy: She promised me a pony. She swore I'd get a pony. She brings me a little paper bird on a stick from the circus, you know, the kind that you have to twirl around your head to get them to tweet.
Rose: And that was your pet???
Sophia: They're very clean!
Dorothy: Then she tells me if I'm a good girl, a really good girl, God will turn that paper bird into a real one. Which I believe, because, why would a mother lie? So every day I'm being very good and praying and looking for any sign of life, and becoming very attached to that ridiculous paper bird. So you can imagine my heartbreak when one morning I find it dead.
Rose: How does a paper bird die?
Dorothy: Good question! Someone used it to restart the pilot light.
Dorothy: Well, of course I had a pet. Remember, Ma, I was six years old and I wanted a pony?
Sophia: Not the pony thing again!
Dorothy: She promised me a pony. She swore I'd get a pony. She brings me a little paper bird on a stick from the circus, you know, the kind that you have to twirl around your head to get them to tweet.
Rose: And that was your pet???
Sophia: They're very clean!
Dorothy: Then she tells me if I'm a good girl, a really good girl, God will turn that paper bird into a real one. Which I believe, because, why would a mother lie? So every day I'm being very good and praying and looking for any sign of life, and becoming very attached to that ridiculous paper bird. So you can imagine my heartbreak when one morning I find it dead.
Rose: How does a paper bird die?
Dorothy: Good question! Someone used it to restart the pilot light.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
[The girls are seeing Phil at his wake; Phil is wearing a teddy]
Rose: It's a very masculine teddy. I think all men should be buried in teddies.
Dorothy: [seeing her brother at his wake] We just have to remember, it's not the clothes that make the man; it's the man who makes the clothes...oh God, he looks like he died in a Benny Hill sketch!
Rose: It's a very masculine teddy. I think all men should be buried in teddies.
Dorothy: [seeing her brother at his wake] We just have to remember, it's not the clothes that make the man; it's the man who makes the clothes...oh God, he looks like he died in a Benny Hill sketch!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: You know what I think?
Blanche: That reindeer really know how to fly?
Blanche: That reindeer really know how to fly?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [seeing Blanche in her red funeral dress] What's with Satan's Secretary?
Blanche: Sophia, I believe Phil would have liked this dress.
Sophia: Liked it? He would've looked great in it. Dorothy, I never understood why your brother liked to wear women's clothes, unless he was queer.
Blanche: Sophia, people don't say "Queer" anymore, they say "Gay."
Sophia: They say "Gay" if a guy can sing the entire score of Gigi. But a six-foot-three, 200-pound married man with kids who likes to dress up like Dorothy Lamour, I think you have to go with "Queer."
Blanche: Sophia, I believe Phil would have liked this dress.
Sophia: Liked it? He would've looked great in it. Dorothy, I never understood why your brother liked to wear women's clothes, unless he was queer.
Blanche: Sophia, people don't say "Queer" anymore, they say "Gay."
Sophia: They say "Gay" if a guy can sing the entire score of Gigi. But a six-foot-three, 200-pound married man with kids who likes to dress up like Dorothy Lamour, I think you have to go with "Queer."
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [delivering her eulogy for Phil] Seems like I'm always mad at my brother Phil. I was mad the day my parents brought him back from the hospital. I thought he'd take their love away from me, and instead their love expanded and we felt more like a family. I was mad at him when I was 10 and he was 4, and we moved to a new neighborhood. I was made because he always made new friends more easily than I did. And I'm mad today, because [voice breaks slightly] I never wanted to give the eulogy at my kid brother's funeral. I'm mad because he died, he didn't have the wisdom to know that family members shouldn't allow themselves to grow apart, because when this day comes, they can no longer tell each other how much they care. If he'd had that wisdom, he could've shared it with me and I would've known the hundreds of memories I have of just the two of us, eating ice cream on the stoop of our building, or going through the drawers at Grandma's house, or dressing up like the Bronte sisters. How those memories fill me with joy! Why didn't you have that wisdom, Phil? [voice breaking] Why didn't you give us a chance to tell you how much we loved you? [walks somberly back to her seat, where she is comforted by Rose]
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Angela: Fine! You think your family was wronged? Let me make it right. [hands Sophia check] Here! Here's a check, we're even! Now are you happy?
Sophia: Can I see your driver's license and a major credit card, please?
[Angela snatches the check out of Sophia's hand and storms out of the room. Dorothy slams the photo album she and Angela had been looking at down on the coffee table and glares at Sophia.]
Sophia: It was an out-of-state check!
Sophia: Can I see your driver's license and a major credit card, please?
[Angela snatches the check out of Sophia's hand and storms out of the room. Dorothy slams the photo album she and Angela had been looking at down on the coffee table and glares at Sophia.]
Sophia: It was an out-of-state check!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Now I know no one wants to hear one of my stories right now...
Dorothy: That's usually a pretty safe bet, Rose.
Rose: ...but you need to know about my cousin Ingmar. Ingmar was different. He used to do bird imitations.
Blanche: Well, what's wrong with that?
Rose: Well, let's just say you didn't want to park your car under their oak tree.
Dorothy: That's usually a pretty safe bet, Rose.
Rose: ...but you need to know about my cousin Ingmar. Ingmar was different. He used to do bird imitations.
Blanche: Well, what's wrong with that?
Rose: Well, let's just say you didn't want to park your car under their oak tree.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [breaking down in tears] I did love him. He was my son, my little boy. But every time I saw him, I always wondered what I did, what I said, when was the day that I did whatever I did to make him the way he was?
Angela: What he was, Sophia, was a good man.
Sophia: [sobbing] My baby is gone.
Angela: Oh, Sophia... [she and Sophia embrace as the episode ends]
Angela: What he was, Sophia, was a good man.
Sophia: [sobbing] My baby is gone.
Angela: Oh, Sophia... [she and Sophia embrace as the episode ends]
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [about Rex] Boy, he makes Wallace Beery look like Adolphe Menjou.
Dorothy: Has been a long time since I've taken you to the movies, hasn't it?
Dorothy: Has been a long time since I've taken you to the movies, hasn't it?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dr. Kelly: [from the radio] I'm Dr. Kelly, and today we're going to be talking about "Mothers and Daughters: The Dark Side," and we're ready for our first call.
Sophia: [dials the radio station] Hello.
Dr. Kelly: Hi, you're on the air with Dr. Kelly. I need your first name only.
Sophia: My name is...Cher.
Dr. Kelly: And your problem, Cher?
Sophia: I have a 55-year-old daughter named Dorothy, Dorothy Zbornak. She's got problems.
Dr. Kelly: First names only, please.
Sophia: I told you, it's Cher!
Dr. Kelly: Zbornak, you said Dorothy Zbornak.
Sophia: Oh, sorry.
Dr. Kelly: So what's wrong with this Dorothy Zbornak?
Sophia: [dials the radio station] Hello.
Dr. Kelly: Hi, you're on the air with Dr. Kelly. I need your first name only.
Sophia: My name is...Cher.
Dr. Kelly: And your problem, Cher?
Sophia: I have a 55-year-old daughter named Dorothy, Dorothy Zbornak. She's got problems.
Dr. Kelly: First names only, please.
Sophia: I told you, it's Cher!
Dr. Kelly: Zbornak, you said Dorothy Zbornak.
Sophia: Oh, sorry.
Dr. Kelly: So what's wrong with this Dorothy Zbornak?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
[Blanche comes in, humming a happy tune and carrying a load of clean laundry]
Dorothy: Blanche, honey, are you okay?
Blanche: Never better, why?
Dorothy: I've just never seen you do anything domestic.
Blanche: Dorothy, I've done the laundry thousands of times! Oh, by the way, we're out of...[tries to read the bleach bottle]...blee-ock.
Dorothy: Blanche, honey, are you okay?
Blanche: Never better, why?
Dorothy: I've just never seen you do anything domestic.
Blanche: Dorothy, I've done the laundry thousands of times! Oh, by the way, we're out of...[tries to read the bleach bottle]...blee-ock.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: You'll have to excuse my mother. She survived a slight stroke which left her, if I can be frank, a complete burden.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: I just got the strangest prank call. Some man wanted to know if I owned a riding crop and a leather bra and if I could lick my eyebrows.
Sophia: What'd ya say?
Dorothy: I told him no.
Sophia: I guess we're paying full price for the cocktail franks.
Sophia: What'd ya say?
Dorothy: I told him no.
Sophia: I guess we're paying full price for the cocktail franks.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [from outside the kitchen] Hot damn! [comes into the kitchen] It's happened! It's finally happened! Oh yes! Oh yes! Oh yes!
Dorothy: I take it we now get The Disney Channel?
Dorothy: I take it we now get The Disney Channel?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Clayton: I wanted you to meet Doug for a very important reason.
Blanche: Well, why?
Clayton: Blanche, we're getting married.
Rose: But that's impossible Clayton. Brothers can't marry sisters. [thinks for a moment] Oh, that's right, you're from the South.
Dorothy: BLANCHE and Clayton aren't getting married you air head! Clayton and Doug are.
Rose: Oh. [hesitantly] O-o-o-h. OH?
Blanche: Well, why?
Clayton: Blanche, we're getting married.
Rose: But that's impossible Clayton. Brothers can't marry sisters. [thinks for a moment] Oh, that's right, you're from the South.
Dorothy: BLANCHE and Clayton aren't getting married you air head! Clayton and Doug are.
Rose: Oh. [hesitantly] O-o-o-h. OH?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [to Clayton and Doug] So, Butch, Sundance? Who's gonna throw the bouquet?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [outraged about Agnes Bradshaw posthumously winning the Volunteer of the Year award] It's a fix! She's dead! She doesn't need that on her mantle! She's on her mantle! [Blanche and Dorothy pull Rose to sit back down at her table]
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: It isn't about fancy banquets, it isn't about getting your name in the paper, it isn't about winning the award next year.
Blanche: There now, that's the spirit. [walks out of the room]
Rose: [getting out the award] It's about getting that dead woman's name off of this one. [she tightly clutches and hugs the award with a devious look on her face]
Blanche: There now, that's the spirit. [walks out of the room]
Rose: [getting out the award] It's about getting that dead woman's name off of this one. [she tightly clutches and hugs the award with a devious look on her face]
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Clayton: It just doesn't matter, because we're there for each other. I'd do anything for Doug. And, he'd bend over backwards for me!
Dorothy: [grabbing Sophia, covering her mouth,pulling her body toward her, then smiling as she looks up at Blanche, Clayton and Doug] Sometimes I just love to hug my mommy!
Dorothy: [grabbing Sophia, covering her mouth,pulling her body toward her, then smiling as she looks up at Blanche, Clayton and Doug] Sometimes I just love to hug my mommy!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [reading the book of poetry Miles has left as a parting gift] And when to the heart of man, was it ever less than a treason, to bow and accept the end of a love, or of a season. [the girls console Rose]
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [on deception] You know, I once prepared a six-course meal with what I thought was chicken. But it turned out to be a---
Dorothy: MA!!! [to Rose] Rose, in my heart I cannot believe that Miles is a rat, he just fell in with the wrong people, that's all. Now look, I know you have a date with him tomorrow night. Keep it. I'm sure you'll find he's the same caring, sensitive person you've known all along... MY GOD, IT WASN'T MY CONFIRMATION DINNER, WAS IT?!!!!
Sophia: Your Pop sure made everyone laugh when he made the little feet dance!
Dorothy: Ugh...
Dorothy: MA!!! [to Rose] Rose, in my heart I cannot believe that Miles is a rat, he just fell in with the wrong people, that's all. Now look, I know you have a date with him tomorrow night. Keep it. I'm sure you'll find he's the same caring, sensitive person you've known all along... MY GOD, IT WASN'T MY CONFIRMATION DINNER, WAS IT?!!!!
Sophia: Your Pop sure made everyone laugh when he made the little feet dance!
Dorothy: Ugh...
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Maybe you could win your mother over in a more traditional way.
Dorothy: Like what?
Blanche: Uh...set up a meeting, have Stanley ask for your hand.
Dorothy: What do you want me to do, Blanche, bow my head, kiss her ring? Hey, you know something that just might work, she thinks of herself as the Godfather, I'll just make her an offer she can't remember.
Dorothy: Like what?
Blanche: Uh...set up a meeting, have Stanley ask for your hand.
Dorothy: What do you want me to do, Blanche, bow my head, kiss her ring? Hey, you know something that just might work, she thinks of herself as the Godfather, I'll just make her an offer she can't remember.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Stan: Eat your potato.
Dorothy: I know it's a very important vegetable to you Stanley, but I'm just not hungry.
Stan: Then stick your finger in it.
Dorothy: Stanley, you pig!
Stan: Do it, Dorothy!
Dorothy: OK, Stanley, if it will make you happy. [Sticks her finger in the potato] There's something in here...something hard...it's...it's...it's a scalding hot ring!
Dorothy: I know it's a very important vegetable to you Stanley, but I'm just not hungry.
Stan: Then stick your finger in it.
Dorothy: Stanley, you pig!
Stan: Do it, Dorothy!
Dorothy: OK, Stanley, if it will make you happy. [Sticks her finger in the potato] There's something in here...something hard...it's...it's...it's a scalding hot ring!
TV Show: The Golden Girls