The Golden Girls Quotes
Blanche: [violently shaking Rose back and forth for eating her tuna quiche] You ate my sensible meal! You ate my sensible meal!
Dorothy: Blanche! You're out of control!
Blanche: [coming to her senses] Oh my word, Dorothy. What was I doing?
Rose: [grabs Blanche's shoulders and shakes her] This!
Dorothy: Blanche! You're out of control!
Blanche: [coming to her senses] Oh my word, Dorothy. What was I doing?
Rose: [grabs Blanche's shoulders and shakes her] This!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Oh shut up! Shut up you bobble-headed, bleached blonde...
Sophia: Baboon!
Blanche: Baboon! [storms out of kitchen and Rose looks at Sophia]
Sophia: She needed a B.
Sophia: Baboon!
Blanche: Baboon! [storms out of kitchen and Rose looks at Sophia]
Sophia: She needed a B.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Okay we'll start the bidding at fifty dollars. Do I hear fifty?
Bidder: Fifty!
Stan: [entering lobby] ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS.
Dorothy: Stanley! What are you doing here?
Stan: Buying a date with the woman I love.
Dorothy: Oh geez! Not in front of people!
Rose: I have one hundred dollars. Do I have one-fifty?
Stan One-fifty!
Dorothy: Security! Have this man arrested! He's a lonely male impersonator.
Rose: One-fifty going once...
Bidder: Two hundred!
Sophia: Is he crazy? Didn't you give them a limit?!
Bidder: Two twenty-five!
Dorothy: Rose do something!
Rose: I have two twenty-five. Do I have two-fifty?
Bidder: Two-fifty!
Blanche: [jumps up from table] What! What is WRONG with you? The woman's been with lepers!
Rose: I have two-fifty. Do I have two seventy-five?
Bidder: Two seventy-five!
Dorothy: SOLD!
Rose: I say that.
Bidder: Three hundred!
Blanche: SOLD!
Dorothy: SHE says that!
Rose: Three hundred going once...
Stan: Three fifty!
Dorothy: Stanley stop it! I am not going out with you. I would rather be bound and gagged and left on an anthill covered with honey.
Bidder: Four hundred!
Bidder: Fifty!
Stan: [entering lobby] ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS.
Dorothy: Stanley! What are you doing here?
Stan: Buying a date with the woman I love.
Dorothy: Oh geez! Not in front of people!
Rose: I have one hundred dollars. Do I have one-fifty?
Stan One-fifty!
Dorothy: Security! Have this man arrested! He's a lonely male impersonator.
Rose: One-fifty going once...
Bidder: Two hundred!
Sophia: Is he crazy? Didn't you give them a limit?!
Bidder: Two twenty-five!
Dorothy: Rose do something!
Rose: I have two twenty-five. Do I have two-fifty?
Bidder: Two-fifty!
Blanche: [jumps up from table] What! What is WRONG with you? The woman's been with lepers!
Rose: I have two-fifty. Do I have two seventy-five?
Bidder: Two seventy-five!
Dorothy: SOLD!
Rose: I say that.
Bidder: Three hundred!
Blanche: SOLD!
Dorothy: SHE says that!
Rose: Three hundred going once...
Stan: Three fifty!
Dorothy: Stanley stop it! I am not going out with you. I would rather be bound and gagged and left on an anthill covered with honey.
Bidder: Four hundred!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Morning ma, did you sleep well?
Sophia: No, I have this recurring nightmare. You know, the one where I am in bed with Warren Beatty and he says, sorry, but this is too sick even for me
Sophia: No, I have this recurring nightmare. You know, the one where I am in bed with Warren Beatty and he says, sorry, but this is too sick even for me
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Frank: Where are we gonna find an adult with a child-like naïveté to play Henny Penny?
[Rose enters through the front door]
Rose: You're not gonna believe it! I just saw a cloud that looked exactly like a cotton ball!
Frank: My God, she is Henny Penny!
[Rose enters through the front door]
Rose: You're not gonna believe it! I just saw a cloud that looked exactly like a cotton ball!
Frank: My God, she is Henny Penny!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Delivery Man: Flowers for Blanche Deverucks.
Dorothy: [taking the flowers] That's Devereaux. It's only pronounced "Deverucks" in limericks.
Dorothy: [taking the flowers] That's Devereaux. It's only pronounced "Deverucks" in limericks.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [on being reported dead] What are people gonna think?
Sophia: They'll think it's time to elect a new town slut.
Sophia: They'll think it's time to elect a new town slut.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [narrating the play, with Rose acting out Henny Penny's actions] Once upon a time, on a beautiful spring day, Henny Penny was waking up from a nap under an oak tree, when an acorn fell from the tree and hit her on the head. [fake paper acorn hits Rose on the head] Funny, when I was a little girl in Sicily and they told this story, it was a safe that fell on her head.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [narrating the play] On the way, Henny Penny came upon Goosey Lucy. [Blanche comes onstage holding a mirror and rustling her feather costume] One of the most popular birds in the barnyard,—
Blanche: The most popular!
Sophia: And the eighth-graders are seeing a play today about how to be that popular, safely.
Blanche: The most popular!
Sophia: And the eighth-graders are seeing a play today about how to be that popular, safely.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: I like a fairy tale with a nice prince in it, a handsome prince with a big ol' codpiece and deep, dark eyes... powerful thighs and muscles ripplin' beneath his tunic...
Dorothy: Blanche, you could get aroused by Humpty Dumpty!
Blanche: Are you kiddin'? All the king's horses and all the king's men! Handsome men with deep dark eyes and powerful thighs and muscles and big ol' codpieces...
Dorothy: Blanche, how do you make it through an omelette?!
Dorothy: Blanche, you could get aroused by Humpty Dumpty!
Blanche: Are you kiddin'? All the king's horses and all the king's men! Handsome men with deep dark eyes and powerful thighs and muscles and big ol' codpieces...
Dorothy: Blanche, how do you make it through an omelette?!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [looking at obituaries in newspaper] Whoa!
Blanche: What is it?
Sophia: You!
Blanche: What about me?
Sophia: You're dead!
Blanche: What?
Sophia: I told you, you're dead! You must be! It says so in the paper!
[Blanche takes the paper from Sophia]
Blanche: [reading] "Blanche Deveraux, age 68..." [shocked]68?!
Dorothy: Blanche, that's terrible! They're almost as far off on your age as you are.
Blanche: What is it?
Sophia: You!
Blanche: What about me?
Sophia: You're dead!
Blanche: What?
Sophia: I told you, you're dead! You must be! It says so in the paper!
[Blanche takes the paper from Sophia]
Blanche: [reading] "Blanche Deveraux, age 68..." [shocked]68?!
Dorothy: Blanche, that's terrible! They're almost as far off on your age as you are.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [narrating] On the way, Henny Penny and Goosey Lucy came upon Turkey Lurkey.
[Dorothy whirls around to face the audience in her costume, reading a book with a dour expression on her face.]
Sophia: Yes, poor, lonely Turkey Lurkey. Poor dateless, hopeless, self-effacing---
Dorothy: MA!!!
[Dorothy whirls around to face the audience in her costume, reading a book with a dour expression on her face.]
Sophia: Yes, poor, lonely Turkey Lurkey. Poor dateless, hopeless, self-effacing---
Dorothy: MA!!!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [narrating] And from that day to this, Henny Penny, Goosey Lucy and Turkey Lurkey were never seen a---
Rose: STOP! [to the audience] Children, kids, it's up to you! I mean, if you want to save us and not have us eaten by Foxy Loxy, applaud! [No response.] I mean it! I mean, clap now if you want to see the goose, the chicken and the turkey live! [No response. Sophia gestures to Rose to shut up, but Rose ignores her.] Come on, put your little hands together! [No response.] Save us and you won't have bad dreams! [No response.] CLAP, you miserable little---
Dorothy: [She and Blanche, still in costume, walk out on the stage, grab Rose by the arm and drag her off] Come on, Henny, let's get it over with.
Rose: But what about their bad dreams?!
Blanche: Let's go, come on.
Rose: [to the audience] Fine, but I just want you to know, there are monsters living under all your beds!!!
Rose: STOP! [to the audience] Children, kids, it's up to you! I mean, if you want to save us and not have us eaten by Foxy Loxy, applaud! [No response.] I mean it! I mean, clap now if you want to see the goose, the chicken and the turkey live! [No response. Sophia gestures to Rose to shut up, but Rose ignores her.] Come on, put your little hands together! [No response.] Save us and you won't have bad dreams! [No response.] CLAP, you miserable little---
Dorothy: [She and Blanche, still in costume, walk out on the stage, grab Rose by the arm and drag her off] Come on, Henny, let's get it over with.
Rose: But what about their bad dreams?!
Blanche: Let's go, come on.
Rose: [to the audience] Fine, but I just want you to know, there are monsters living under all your beds!!!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: It's time I gave something back to the chicken community. A chicken once saved my life.
Blanche: They *are* the stupidest birds.
Blanche: They *are* the stupidest birds.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Hi, how did the hearing test go?
Sophia: [to Dorothy] TELL HER WHAT THE DOCTOR SAID. TELL HER WHAT THE DOCTOR --
Dorothy: Ma's fine, okay?!
Sophia: AND?
Dorothy: I need a hearing aid, okay?!
Sophia: [to Dorothy] TELL HER WHAT THE DOCTOR SAID. TELL HER WHAT THE DOCTOR --
Dorothy: Ma's fine, okay?!
Sophia: AND?
Dorothy: I need a hearing aid, okay?!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Wait a minute, Rose. Have you seen the rest of these pictures?
Rose: I'd rather not.
Dorothy: Honey, I think there's some mistake. Look, here's Blanche in bed with Charlie, but this one's Blanche in bed with a pontoon boat! Here's Blanche in bed with the big orange from the Sunkist building, and here's Blanche in bed with the Country Bear Jamboree! Honey do you know what this means?
Rose: I sure do. [to Blanche] My God, you're an animal!
Rose: I'd rather not.
Dorothy: Honey, I think there's some mistake. Look, here's Blanche in bed with Charlie, but this one's Blanche in bed with a pontoon boat! Here's Blanche in bed with the big orange from the Sunkist building, and here's Blanche in bed with the Country Bear Jamboree! Honey do you know what this means?
Rose: I sure do. [to Blanche] My God, you're an animal!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Rose, can't you put yourself in my position?
Rose: Apparently I'm not limber enough. [looks to Dorothy for approval]
Dorothy: That was good.
Rose: Apparently I'm not limber enough. [looks to Dorothy for approval]
Dorothy: That was good.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Come on Blanche, you landed on your back more than..than... [turns to Dorothy for help]
Dorothy: The American Gladiators.
Dorothy: The American Gladiators.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Oh, morning Ma. How'd you sleep?
Sophia: Pretty good. I dreamed I was making love to Jay Leno.
Dorothy: That's a strange dream for you to have.
Sophia: Not really. It was Monday night and he was filling in for Carson.
Sophia: Pretty good. I dreamed I was making love to Jay Leno.
Dorothy: That's a strange dream for you to have.
Sophia: Not really. It was Monday night and he was filling in for Carson.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: You know, back in Minnesota, I was known as the Sherlock Holmes of my St. Olaf.
Dorothy: Figured out which one was Shinola, did you, Rose?
Rose: The hard way.
Dorothy: Figured out which one was Shinola, did you, Rose?
Rose: The hard way.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: If I got this job, it would mean going to Europe with [Kendall], to look for rare paintings and antiques.
Sophia: Well, if he has an eye for antiques, you should be a shoo-in.
Dorothy: Look who's calling the vase Ming.
Sophia: Well, if he has an eye for antiques, you should be a shoo-in.
Dorothy: Look who's calling the vase Ming.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Is there any chance I can persuade you girls to join me for a murder mystery weekend?
Dorothy: Blanche, are you kidding? I have read every word Dashiell Hammett and Raymond Chandler ever wrote. Sam Spade and Philip Marlowe have become a part of me! "She had more curves than the Monaco Grand Prix and was twice as dangerous. Her jewelry was mute testimony that Charlie Chaplin wasn't the only tramp who hit it big in this town."
Sophia: You do this on first dates, don't you, Dorothy?
Dorothy: Blanche, are you kidding? I have read every word Dashiell Hammett and Raymond Chandler ever wrote. Sam Spade and Philip Marlowe have become a part of me! "She had more curves than the Monaco Grand Prix and was twice as dangerous. Her jewelry was mute testimony that Charlie Chaplin wasn't the only tramp who hit it big in this town."
Sophia: You do this on first dates, don't you, Dorothy?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [after Dorothy tells her to figure who at the mystery weekend are guests and who are actors] Okay Dorothy. [suspiciously] If that's your real name.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [Blanche is disgusted that Posey is flirting with Kendall]You flirted with him.
Blanche: I'm from the South! Flirting is part of my heritage.
Rose: What do you mean?
Dorothy: Her mother was a slut too.
Blanche: I'm from the South! Flirting is part of my heritage.
Rose: What do you mean?
Dorothy: Her mother was a slut too.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Maitre'd: My God! They've been murdered! [goes back to original position nonchalantly]
Sophia: [coming from the bathroom] Does this mean we don't get any birthday cake?
Sophia: [coming from the bathroom] Does this mean we don't get any birthday cake?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [pointing at the maitre'd] The butler did it!
Maitre'd: I'm a maitre'd.
Rose: Thank you. [points again] The maitre'd did it!
Man: Philip did it!
Woman: Gloria did it!
Sophia: It was Colonel Mustard in the library with the candlestick. [sees that everyone is staring at her] Oh, she says the butler did it and I'm the idiot?
Maitre'd: I'm a maitre'd.
Rose: Thank you. [points again] The maitre'd did it!
Man: Philip did it!
Woman: Gloria did it!
Sophia: It was Colonel Mustard in the library with the candlestick. [sees that everyone is staring at her] Oh, she says the butler did it and I'm the idiot?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Gloria: [when Dorothy presents a bit of her theory] This woman's pathetic!
Sophia: [sarcastically] Oh, big news. Tear out the front page!
Sophia: [sarcastically] Oh, big news. Tear out the front page!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [after Dorothy solves the mock crime] Dorothy, that was a real Tour de France!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Last evening, at dinner, when Ms. McGlynn saw Blanche give Kendall Nesbit her key, she was furious. She dropped a steak knife into her purse,—
Sophia: Big deal. I took a whole place setting—
Dorothy: [shouting angrily] NOT NOW, MA!
Sophia: Big deal. I took a whole place setting—
Dorothy: [shouting angrily] NOT NOW, MA!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [upon seeing the corpse on the bed in Blanche's room] All right, Ma, give me your mirror.
Rose: What for?
Dorothy: Every morning I hold it under Ma's nose. If it fogs up, I start the coffee.
Rose: What for?
Dorothy: Every morning I hold it under Ma's nose. If it fogs up, I start the coffee.
TV Show: The Golden Girls