The Golden Girls Quotes
Rose: Maybe that bloody dagger will lead us to the murder weapon!
Detective: St. Olaf?
Rose: [Amazed] Boy, he is good!
Detective: St. Olaf?
Rose: [Amazed] Boy, he is good!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [angrily] You're not helping, Rose! It's almost as though you believe Blanche is guilty!
Rose: Well, she lied about my earrings, and then she took them. I mean, deceit, then theft--isn't murder the next logical step?
Dorothy: St. Olaf, right?
Rose: Well, she lied about my earrings, and then she took them. I mean, deceit, then theft--isn't murder the next logical step?
Dorothy: St. Olaf, right?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: There's just one hitch. I need three more people to get the group rate at the hotel.
Sophia: I thought hotels always gave you the group rate.
Rose: Yes, sweetheart, but this is for the whole night!
Sophia: I thought hotels always gave you the group rate.
Rose: Yes, sweetheart, but this is for the whole night!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: How could I be accused of murder?! I am a Devereaux! Things like this usually happen to people named... Petrillo!
Sophia: I take offense at that! No one in my family ever--EVER--left a body to be found!
Sophia: I take offense at that! No one in my family ever--EVER--left a body to be found!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [explaining Kendall's murder] When Posey saw Blanche give Kendall an extra key to her room, she was furious. She slipped out of the dining room and went upstairs when she felt she wouldn't be missed. Later, there was a knock on Blanche's door. Kendall answered. Posey was there. She accused of two-timing, he denied it. Posey takes out a knife and stabs Kendall. Then she left before anyone knew she was there. Jealousy was the motive, alright. But it was not Blanche who comitted the crime. [points to Posey]There's your murderer. Posey McGlinn.
Detective: Well Ms. McGlinn, do you have anything to say?
Posey: Dorothy Zbornak, you've stuck your nose in for the last time! [attempts to shoot Dorothy; detective pulls gun away]
Detective: Well Ms. McGlinn, do you have anything to say?
Posey: Dorothy Zbornak, you've stuck your nose in for the last time! [attempts to shoot Dorothy; detective pulls gun away]
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Statistics say that patricide is overhwhelmingly a male crime. [looks at Sophia] Although daughters frequently murder their mothers!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Kendall: Blanche!
Blanche: Kendall!
Kendall: Blanche, I must commend you again. I have a feeling we're in for a weekend that none of us is ever going to forget.
Blanche: Oh, I do declare! Your sweet words could charm the morning dew right off the honeysuckle!
Dorothy: That was good, Blanche. Now do Br'er Rabbit.
Blanche: Kendall!
Kendall: Blanche, I must commend you again. I have a feeling we're in for a weekend that none of us is ever going to forget.
Blanche: Oh, I do declare! Your sweet words could charm the morning dew right off the honeysuckle!
Dorothy: That was good, Blanche. Now do Br'er Rabbit.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Lt. Alvarez: [after explaining Kendall's murder] Given these facts, unless somebody has something else...we've got enough to make an arrest.
Blanche: [scared] My, my, Mr. Officer...I do declare, your sweet words could charm the morning dew right off the honeysuckle!
Dorothy: Blanche, not now!
Blanche: [more scared] If not now, when?!
Blanche: [scared] My, my, Mr. Officer...I do declare, your sweet words could charm the morning dew right off the honeysuckle!
Dorothy: Blanche, not now!
Blanche: [more scared] If not now, when?!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [complaining about Nurse DeFarge] Dorothy, at 2am in the morning, I was entertaining a gentleman caller, when she walked in at the most inopportune time. I could have lost my balance and chipped a tooth!
Rose: You think that's bad? She came into my room when I was reenacting the plank-walking scene from Peter Pan.
Dorothy: What the hell goes on in this house at night?!!
Rose: You think that's bad? She came into my room when I was reenacting the plank-walking scene from Peter Pan.
Dorothy: What the hell goes on in this house at night?!!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Alright, here we go, good luck ladies. [reads a ballot] Dorothy. [reads another vote] Dorothy. [reads the third vote] Dorothy. [reads the final vote, more quickly] ...Dorothy.
Sophia: Well, that's that, lets eat, I'm starved.
Dorothy: Now wait a minute! How did this happen!?
Sophia: We all voted for you.
Blanche: Well, Dorothy it's your own damn fault. Why did you vote for yourself?
Dorothy: Well, I just assumed that everyone would vote for Rose, and I didn't want a sweep to hurt her feelings.
Blanche: I guess that would hurt.
Dorothy: It DOES!
Sophia: Well, that's that, lets eat, I'm starved.
Dorothy: Now wait a minute! How did this happen!?
Sophia: We all voted for you.
Blanche: Well, Dorothy it's your own damn fault. Why did you vote for yourself?
Dorothy: Well, I just assumed that everyone would vote for Rose, and I didn't want a sweep to hurt her feelings.
Blanche: I guess that would hurt.
Dorothy: It DOES!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: Gimme that![snatches box from Dorothy]
Dorothy: What's in the box, Ma?
Sophia: Mexican jumping beans.
Dorothy: Ma!
Sophia: Excuse me, Hispanic jumping beans.
Dorothy: What's in the box, Ma?
Sophia: Mexican jumping beans.
Dorothy: Ma!
Sophia: Excuse me, Hispanic jumping beans.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
'Blanche: [shouting to the person behind the front door] Uh...you can't come in here! We all have -- quick, Rose, give me a deadly disease!
Rose: I'm sorry Blanche, I don't have a deadly disease.
Blanche: Well, get one.
Rose: I'm sorry Blanche, I don't have a deadly disease.
Blanche: Well, get one.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [to Sophia, after Rose explains to Dorothy that the reason she gave the ring back to Miles was because Charlie "spoke" to her in Sophia's body] You're a horrible little person.
Sophia: Come on. Like you never pretended to be possessed by someone's dead husband for a couple of laughs.
Dorothy: You know, you have really ruined Rose's relationship with Miles.
Sophia: If you could have seen her face when I talked like Charlie-- I almost wet myself!
Sophia: Come on. Like you never pretended to be possessed by someone's dead husband for a couple of laughs.
Dorothy: You know, you have really ruined Rose's relationship with Miles.
Sophia: If you could have seen her face when I talked like Charlie-- I almost wet myself!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [showing off the ring] Hi everyone. If I seem a little giddy, it's because... look what Miles gave me!
Sophia: [examining Rose's hand] Liver spots?
Sophia: [examining Rose's hand] Liver spots?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: What's going on?
Dorothy: Oh, Stevie's leaving Blanche for Tokyo, Rose.
Rose: Well, I can understand that; she is a big radio personality.
Dorothy: Oh, Stevie's leaving Blanche for Tokyo, Rose.
Rose: Well, I can understand that; she is a big radio personality.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: You know, I never had a sponge cake that was quite so......moist.
Jerry: Extremely moist.
Rose: The moistest.
Sophia: I found the tea rather moist as well. [Dorothy gives her a look]
Sophia: I can't be uncomfortable too?
Jerry: Extremely moist.
Rose: The moistest.
Sophia: I found the tea rather moist as well. [Dorothy gives her a look]
Sophia: I can't be uncomfortable too?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: So how was [your date], Blanche?
Blanche: You might as well ask me to describe the glory of the great Smoky Mountains as they rise from the mist of the Carolina dawn!
Dorothy: They went to a sleazy motel.
Blanche: Or the colours of the monarch butterfly spreading its wings as it emerges from the miracle of the cocoon!
Dorothy: She got him to pay for half the room.
Blanche: Or the sturdy cypress, reaching heaven, tall and mighty and proud!
Dorothy: That one, I think, is pretty self-explanatory.
Blanche: You might as well ask me to describe the glory of the great Smoky Mountains as they rise from the mist of the Carolina dawn!
Dorothy: They went to a sleazy motel.
Blanche: Or the colours of the monarch butterfly spreading its wings as it emerges from the miracle of the cocoon!
Dorothy: She got him to pay for half the room.
Blanche: Or the sturdy cypress, reaching heaven, tall and mighty and proud!
Dorothy: That one, I think, is pretty self-explanatory.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [on Dorothy's good mood] If I know my Dorothy, there's only one thing that makes her this happy.
Rose: You're going back to Shady Pines?
Sophia: No, you moron, she has a date!
Rose: You're going back to Shady Pines?
Sophia: No, you moron, she has a date!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [dictating her will to Rose] I, Sophia Petrillo, being of sound mind and body, do hereby leave my daughter, Dorothy Zbornak... [grins] NOTHING!
Rose: Sophia!
Sophia: It's a joke, I'm kidding. Like when I said, "Sound mind and body."
Rose: Sophia, wills are no joking matter! Charlie tried to be funny with his and left everything to Henrietta, our prize cow. Well, some lawyer got a hold of the will and represented Henrietta on contingency! There I was, presenting my side to a jury of her peers! It took over six months to get the farm back!
Sophia: What a terrible story.
[Rose nods]
Sophia: [annoyed] I mean it - it's a terrible story! [calmer] But you must have been relieved when you won.
Rose: Oh yeah, we celebrated. With a big, thick steak.
Rose: Sophia!
Sophia: It's a joke, I'm kidding. Like when I said, "Sound mind and body."
Rose: Sophia, wills are no joking matter! Charlie tried to be funny with his and left everything to Henrietta, our prize cow. Well, some lawyer got a hold of the will and represented Henrietta on contingency! There I was, presenting my side to a jury of her peers! It took over six months to get the farm back!
Sophia: What a terrible story.
[Rose nods]
Sophia: [annoyed] I mean it - it's a terrible story! [calmer] But you must have been relieved when you won.
Rose: Oh yeah, we celebrated. With a big, thick steak.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [in a flashback scene] This is a nice place. Do you come here a lot?
John: Oh, no, not really. I don't have much of a social life.
Woman: [approaching table] So, this is where you bring your cheap fake-blonde floozies! John, you disgust me; and as far as I'm concerned, we're through. [storms off]
Rose: Who was that?
John: My sister. I recommend the Poulet Véronique.
Rose: John, I have a rule; if I can't pronounce it, I don't put it in my mouth. Say, do they have gugenfrøtter?
Pregnant Woman: [to John] Alan! Alan, please, talk to me! You haven't answered my calls, you don't answer my letters, Alan, please, what can I say? What can I do to get you back?
Rose: "Alan"?
John: Nickname. [to pregnant woman] Susan, Susan, please, this is not the time or the place!
Susan: It's me, isn't it! I've driven you away. What if I dyed my hair? [looks at Rose] I'd even dye it that color! If they still make that color.
John: Susan, it's over and you have to accept that; and a word of warning: I haven't graded your final exam yet. [Susan leaves; to Rose: ] So, shall we order separate entrees and share?
Rose: Hold it! Who was that?
John: Okay, okay, so I've had a couple of bad relationships with women, that's not so unusual. Now, where is our waiter? ... Oh, waiter!
Male Waiter: [to John] Well, well, Peter! We just swing the way the wind blows, don't we? [looking at Rose] And who's this, Glinda the Good Witch of the North? You disgust me! After the way you've treated me I should scratch your eyes out! [voice breaks] Call me!
John: Poker buddy.
Rose: You know, I don't think this dinner was such a good idea.
John: Now Rose, please don't leap to conclusions.<
John: Oh, no, not really. I don't have much of a social life.
Woman: [approaching table] So, this is where you bring your cheap fake-blonde floozies! John, you disgust me; and as far as I'm concerned, we're through. [storms off]
Rose: Who was that?
John: My sister. I recommend the Poulet Véronique.
Rose: John, I have a rule; if I can't pronounce it, I don't put it in my mouth. Say, do they have gugenfrøtter?
Pregnant Woman: [to John] Alan! Alan, please, talk to me! You haven't answered my calls, you don't answer my letters, Alan, please, what can I say? What can I do to get you back?
Rose: "Alan"?
John: Nickname. [to pregnant woman] Susan, Susan, please, this is not the time or the place!
Susan: It's me, isn't it! I've driven you away. What if I dyed my hair? [looks at Rose] I'd even dye it that color! If they still make that color.
John: Susan, it's over and you have to accept that; and a word of warning: I haven't graded your final exam yet. [Susan leaves; to Rose: ] So, shall we order separate entrees and share?
Rose: Hold it! Who was that?
John: Okay, okay, so I've had a couple of bad relationships with women, that's not so unusual. Now, where is our waiter? ... Oh, waiter!
Male Waiter: [to John] Well, well, Peter! We just swing the way the wind blows, don't we? [looking at Rose] And who's this, Glinda the Good Witch of the North? You disgust me! After the way you've treated me I should scratch your eyes out! [voice breaks] Call me!
John: Poker buddy.
Rose: You know, I don't think this dinner was such a good idea.
John: Now Rose, please don't leap to conclusions.<
TV Show: The Golden Girls
[about Gloria]
Dorothy: She's out of M-O-N-E-Y.
[Stan holding his monkey made from a traffic cone]
Stan: Well, she's not getting mine!
Dorothy: She's not out of monkey, Stan; she's out of money!
Dorothy: She's out of M-O-N-E-Y.
[Stan holding his monkey made from a traffic cone]
Stan: Well, she's not getting mine!
Dorothy: She's not out of monkey, Stan; she's out of money!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Well, this is it! My last session with Stan and the psychiatrist. How do I look?
Blanche: Oh, fine, why?
Dorothy: It's so hard to dress for a psychiatrist. You wear black, they think you're depressed. You wear red, they think you're angry.
Blanche: You wear a negligee, they think you want to sleep with them.
Dorothy: Why aren't you arrested more?
Blanche: Oh, fine, why?
Dorothy: It's so hard to dress for a psychiatrist. You wear black, they think you're depressed. You wear red, they think you're angry.
Blanche: You wear a negligee, they think you want to sleep with them.
Dorothy: Why aren't you arrested more?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [backing against the front door after Dorothy leaves, and grinning wickedly at Blanche] Fasten your seat belt, slut-puppy! This ain't gonna be no cakewalk!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Oh, I just wish Sophia were my mother... then I could put her in Shady Pines.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [on her idea to have Rose "cheat on" Miles] I have been giving it some serious thought, and I finally have come up with the perfect solution for your very sensitive problem with Miles.
Rose: What?
Blanche: Cheat on him.
Rose: I can't cheat on Miles!
Blanche: Well, maybe "cheat" isn't quite the right word. Just think of it as one night out with my rich friends from Texas.
Rose: Well, why isn't that cheating?
Blanche: 'Cause you're not gonna get caught. Come on, Rose, just think about it: a delicious dinner at an elegant restaurant, at night...
Rose: [pausing] You mean no coupons, Blanche?
Blanche: No coupons, Rose.
Rose: Chefs who don't wear pirate hats?
Blanche: I don't think so.
Rose: And he'll pay for everything, I don't have to leave the tip?!
Blanche: That's right!
Rose: [singing happily] I'm gonna cheat on Mi-iles, I'm gonna cheat on Mi-iles!
Rose: What?
Blanche: Cheat on him.
Rose: I can't cheat on Miles!
Blanche: Well, maybe "cheat" isn't quite the right word. Just think of it as one night out with my rich friends from Texas.
Rose: Well, why isn't that cheating?
Blanche: 'Cause you're not gonna get caught. Come on, Rose, just think about it: a delicious dinner at an elegant restaurant, at night...
Rose: [pausing] You mean no coupons, Blanche?
Blanche: No coupons, Rose.
Rose: Chefs who don't wear pirate hats?
Blanche: I don't think so.
Rose: And he'll pay for everything, I don't have to leave the tip?!
Blanche: That's right!
Rose: [singing happily] I'm gonna cheat on Mi-iles, I'm gonna cheat on Mi-iles!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [on her problems with Miles] Lately he's gotten, I don't know, really tight, and I hate it!
Blanche: Oh? Well, I'm just the opposite. I love a tight man. A tight man with cast-iron pecs... thighs that could choke a bear... and a butt you could eat breakfast off of... then the two of us would... [pauses briefly, snaps back to reality] Rose, when did you get in?
Rose: Blanche, I've been here the whole time! I was telling you about Miles being tight!
Blanche: Oh, I love a tight man! A tight man with cast-iron pecs... thighs that could---
Rose: No, tight with money! He's cheap!
Blanche: Oh - tight with money? Dump him.
Blanche: Oh? Well, I'm just the opposite. I love a tight man. A tight man with cast-iron pecs... thighs that could choke a bear... and a butt you could eat breakfast off of... then the two of us would... [pauses briefly, snaps back to reality] Rose, when did you get in?
Rose: Blanche, I've been here the whole time! I was telling you about Miles being tight!
Blanche: Oh, I love a tight man! A tight man with cast-iron pecs... thighs that could---
Rose: No, tight with money! He's cheap!
Blanche: Oh - tight with money? Dump him.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: I feel so terrible about last night. I might have thrown away the perfect relationship, and for what?
Blanche: Well, it's your own fault for cheating on Miles!
Rose: Blanche, it was your idea!
Blanche: It's the execution, Rose. I said don't get caught.
Rose: I don't know what I'm going to do. What if he doesn't come back? What if I've lost him? What if I turn into a lonely old spinster and never find love again?
Blanche: [laughs, engrossed in the funny pages] Oh, look! Garfield caught a fish!
Blanche: Well, it's your own fault for cheating on Miles!
Rose: Blanche, it was your idea!
Blanche: It's the execution, Rose. I said don't get caught.
Rose: I don't know what I'm going to do. What if he doesn't come back? What if I've lost him? What if I turn into a lonely old spinster and never find love again?
Blanche: [laughs, engrossed in the funny pages] Oh, look! Garfield caught a fish!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [imitating Blanche's grammy] Blanche, this is your grammy! You get yourself out of here you dumb peckerwood!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: It was hard enough lettin' go when Grammy died. The family had to sell Grandview and it got turned into an ol' bed and breakfast, but at least I could visit.
Sophia: And have breakfast.
Blanche: Thank you, Sophia.
Sophia: Pancakes by the looks of it.
Blanche: Thank you, Sophia!
Sophia: And have breakfast.
Blanche: Thank you, Sophia.
Sophia: Pancakes by the looks of it.
Blanche: Thank you, Sophia!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
[Shot of interstate highway at night]
Rose: [voiceover, singing The Name Game] Let's try it now with Dorothy. Dorothy Dorothy bo-borothy, bonana-fana-fo-forothy, fee-fi-mo-morothy...
[Sound of car screeching to a halt]
Dorothy: [voiceover] Get out, Rose.
Rose: [voiceover, singing The Name Game] Let's try it now with Dorothy. Dorothy Dorothy bo-borothy, bonana-fana-fo-forothy, fee-fi-mo-morothy...
[Sound of car screeching to a halt]
Dorothy: [voiceover] Get out, Rose.
TV Show: The Golden Girls