The Golden Girls Quotes
[after the robbery]
Blanche: Oh, I'm gonna check the kitchen.
Rose: Well, wait! Don't leave me! What'll I do if they come back?
Dorothy: Show them your slides of Hawaii.
Blanche: Oh, I'm gonna check the kitchen.
Rose: Well, wait! Don't leave me! What'll I do if they come back?
Dorothy: Show them your slides of Hawaii.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Oh, no, Blanche has been attacked!
Blanche: Sort of.
Rose: Oh, honey, what happened? You poor darling.
Blanche: I went to the police station today to get an update on my case. I borrowed your pocket hair spray; I took it from your dressing table. You know what this humidity does to my hair.
Rose: I know. Cotton candy.
Blanche: Well, just as I entered the police station, I saw there was this cute officer there who had his eye on me, so I took out your hair spray and gave my hair a final spritz. Only, surprise, it wasn't hair spray. It was mace. You had mace. Your hair spray was mace! I maced myself right there in the police station! I almost died! I fell to the floor, blinded, writhing in pain. Couldn't move for 20 minutes!
Rose: Well, what do you know? It works!
Blanche: Works? They thought I was on angel dust! They wanted to arrest me! I'm lying there, dying, and they're harassing me! Murderers are free, rapists are free, but a poor widow on the floor, they try to lock up! Who'd I hurt? Me?!
Blanche: Sort of.
Rose: Oh, honey, what happened? You poor darling.
Blanche: I went to the police station today to get an update on my case. I borrowed your pocket hair spray; I took it from your dressing table. You know what this humidity does to my hair.
Rose: I know. Cotton candy.
Blanche: Well, just as I entered the police station, I saw there was this cute officer there who had his eye on me, so I took out your hair spray and gave my hair a final spritz. Only, surprise, it wasn't hair spray. It was mace. You had mace. Your hair spray was mace! I maced myself right there in the police station! I almost died! I fell to the floor, blinded, writhing in pain. Couldn't move for 20 minutes!
Rose: Well, what do you know? It works!
Blanche: Works? They thought I was on angel dust! They wanted to arrest me! I'm lying there, dying, and they're harassing me! Murderers are free, rapists are free, but a poor widow on the floor, they try to lock up! Who'd I hurt? Me?!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Sophia, where're you going?
Sophia: To my room.
Rose: But you can't, it could be dangerous!
Sophia: Please, I'm 80! Bathtubs are dangerous!
Sophia: To my room.
Rose: But you can't, it could be dangerous!
Sophia: Please, I'm 80! Bathtubs are dangerous!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
[Blanche enters in from the kitchen with flour on her face and blouse]
Blanche: [stunned] They got my jewels.
Dorothy: But I see they didn't get your cocaine.
Rose: [shocked] Blanche has cocaine?!
Blanche: [stunned] They got my jewels.
Dorothy: But I see they didn't get your cocaine.
Rose: [shocked] Blanche has cocaine?!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
[Blanche is exercising in a crouched position as Dorothy watches]
Dorothy: The only time I get in that position is when I give birth.
Dorothy: The only time I get in that position is when I give birth.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [about Dirk] This is strictly off the record, but Dirk's nearly five years younger than I am.
Dorothy: In what, Blanche? Dog years?
Dorothy: In what, Blanche? Dog years?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: He was looking for a mother, not a lover. It was humiliating.
Rose: I think it's sweet.
Blanche: You would, Betty Crocker.
Rose: I think it's sweet.
Blanche: You would, Betty Crocker.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Alma: I'll buy you some of that bikini underwear.
Sophia: Nah, it rides up on me.
Sophia: Nah, it rides up on me.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: You know, Ma, you don't look good.
Sophia: I'm short, and old. What are you expecting--Princess Di?
Sophia: I'm short, and old. What are you expecting--Princess Di?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Do you wanna be buried or cremated?
Rose: Neither!
Blanche: What, do you wanna be flushed down the toilet like a goldfish?
Rose: I wouldn't wanna be cremated. I hate heat. And burial! I hate small spaces. I'm a little claustrophobic.
Blanche: Rose, you're not gonna know anything, you're gonna be dead.
Rose: Oh. Well then, burial I guess. But will you promise to put a blanket in with me?
Blanche: Why?
Rose: Oh, I'd just feel more comfortable... and cosier. And I'd want my pictures of Charlie and the animals. You know, the ones in the little silver frames. And, and, my pictures of the children. And, of course if I married again I'd want a picture of my new husband. And the candlesticks momma gave me.
Blanche: Rose, it's a coffin not a condo.
Rose: Neither!
Blanche: What, do you wanna be flushed down the toilet like a goldfish?
Rose: I wouldn't wanna be cremated. I hate heat. And burial! I hate small spaces. I'm a little claustrophobic.
Blanche: Rose, you're not gonna know anything, you're gonna be dead.
Rose: Oh. Well then, burial I guess. But will you promise to put a blanket in with me?
Blanche: Why?
Rose: Oh, I'd just feel more comfortable... and cosier. And I'd want my pictures of Charlie and the animals. You know, the ones in the little silver frames. And, and, my pictures of the children. And, of course if I married again I'd want a picture of my new husband. And the candlesticks momma gave me.
Blanche: Rose, it's a coffin not a condo.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: I'm sure it isn't a heart attack. A heart attack's bigger. I've seen a heart attack. Charlie had a heart attack.
Dorothy: And it wasn't like this?
Rose: Oh, it was much worse.
Dorothy: I think the paramedics would get here!
Rose: Charlie made me dress him when he had his heart attack, before the paramedics got here.
Dorothy: But he wasn't dressed?
Rose: We were... making love.
Dorothy: Oh, Rose, honey, you never told me. He died while you were making love?
Rose: Well, he didn't die then, he had his heart attack then. And, he told me to dress him.
Dorothy: And?
Rose: And I dressed him. And then we had a fight. I grabbed a pair of white pants, and I was putting it on him, and Charlie said it was after Labor Day and he couldn't wear white!
Dorothy: In the middle of a heart attack?
Rose: Oh, Charlie was very stubborn. And very dapper.
Dorothy: And, then what happened?
Rose: ...And he...told me he loved me...and then it was over. And I put a pair of gray flannel pants on him. And a blue shirt...and a striped tie. And he was all dressed when the paramedics got there.
Dorothy: And it wasn't like this?
Rose: Oh, it was much worse.
Dorothy: I think the paramedics would get here!
Rose: Charlie made me dress him when he had his heart attack, before the paramedics got here.
Dorothy: But he wasn't dressed?
Rose: We were... making love.
Dorothy: Oh, Rose, honey, you never told me. He died while you were making love?
Rose: Well, he didn't die then, he had his heart attack then. And, he told me to dress him.
Dorothy: And?
Rose: And I dressed him. And then we had a fight. I grabbed a pair of white pants, and I was putting it on him, and Charlie said it was after Labor Day and he couldn't wear white!
Dorothy: In the middle of a heart attack?
Rose: Oh, Charlie was very stubborn. And very dapper.
Dorothy: And, then what happened?
Rose: ...And he...told me he loved me...and then it was over. And I put a pair of gray flannel pants on him. And a blue shirt...and a striped tie. And he was all dressed when the paramedics got there.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: Ohhhh!
Dorothy: What, ma? What?!
Sophia: Pain.
Dorothy: What kind of pain?
Sophia: The kind that hurts!
Dorothy: What, ma? What?!
Sophia: Pain.
Dorothy: What kind of pain?
Sophia: The kind that hurts!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Is there anything else we can get you, Sophia? A little tea, perhaps?
Sophia: I'm not in England, I'm having a heart attack!
Sophia: I'm not in England, I'm having a heart attack!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: Didn't Aunt Teressa have a heart attack?
Dorothy: No, Aunt Teressa didn't have a heart.
Sophia: Uncle Nunzio?
Dorothy: Uncle Nunzio died to get away from Aunt Teressa.
Dorothy: No, Aunt Teressa didn't have a heart.
Sophia: Uncle Nunzio?
Dorothy: Uncle Nunzio died to get away from Aunt Teressa.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: AAAAAAAAAAH!!
Dorothy: What, ma? What?!
Sophia: "What???" You're sitting on top of me! I open my eyes, I see pores like that, I think I'm on the moon!
Dorothy: What, ma? What?!
Sophia: "What???" You're sitting on top of me! I open my eyes, I see pores like that, I think I'm on the moon!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Please, please Stan. No hugging, no kissing. Let’s just do it and get it over with.
Stan: Sounds like the last few years of our marriage.
Dorothy: I wish it was that good.
Stan: Sounds like the last few years of our marriage.
Dorothy: I wish it was that good.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
[after Stan leaves]
Dorothy: Why did I ever marry that man?
Sophia: Because he knocked you up!
Dorothy: Why did I let that happen?
Sophia: Because he got you drunk!
Dorothy Why am I even discussing this with you?
Sophia: Beats the hell out of me!
Dorothy: Why did I ever marry that man?
Sophia: Because he knocked you up!
Dorothy: Why did I let that happen?
Sophia: Because he got you drunk!
Dorothy Why am I even discussing this with you?
Sophia: Beats the hell out of me!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Stan: [sobbing] Chrissy left me for a younger man!
Dorothy: Younger than Chrissy? Where did she meet him, Camp Snoopy?
Stan: I didn't want to say anything. What the hell, you deserve to gloat a little.
Dorothy: I deserve to gloat a lot! But I can't. I know what the pain is like and I wouldn't wish it on... I don't know how to finish that sentence. I usually say, "Stan."
Dorothy: Younger than Chrissy? Where did she meet him, Camp Snoopy?
Stan: I didn't want to say anything. What the hell, you deserve to gloat a little.
Dorothy: I deserve to gloat a lot! But I can't. I know what the pain is like and I wouldn't wish it on... I don't know how to finish that sentence. I usually say, "Stan."
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: When Charlie went off to war, I went to work for our local USO Club, and that's where I first met Eddie, the Aqua Midget.
Blanche: He was a blue midget?
Rose: Don't be ridiculous, he was a diving midget. That was his act. He used to jump off a stepladder into this gigantic punch bowl.
Dorothy: So, um, what happened?
Rose: Nothing, he'd just swim to the side and hop out...
Dorothy: I mean, uh, what happened between you and Eddie?
Rose: We talked a lot between shows, and, of course, I didn't realize it, but he was falling for me.
Blanche: Didn't have far to fall.
Rose: It started with little things...
Blanche: I bet. [she and Dorothy crack up]
Rose: Pretty soon the situation got out of control, and I tried to let him down gently.
Blanche: You tried to make it short and sweet? [she and Dorothy laugh again]
Rose: He just wouldn't take no for an answer, so I finally just had to tell him straight out that I didn't feel about him the way he felt about me. It had nothing to do with his size, it was just that I could never become seriously involved with anybody in show business.
Dorothy: [trying not to laugh] Thank you, Rose. I, I don't know what to say. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
Blanche: He was a blue midget?
Rose: Don't be ridiculous, he was a diving midget. That was his act. He used to jump off a stepladder into this gigantic punch bowl.
Dorothy: So, um, what happened?
Rose: Nothing, he'd just swim to the side and hop out...
Dorothy: I mean, uh, what happened between you and Eddie?
Rose: We talked a lot between shows, and, of course, I didn't realize it, but he was falling for me.
Blanche: Didn't have far to fall.
Rose: It started with little things...
Blanche: I bet. [she and Dorothy crack up]
Rose: Pretty soon the situation got out of control, and I tried to let him down gently.
Blanche: You tried to make it short and sweet? [she and Dorothy laugh again]
Rose: He just wouldn't take no for an answer, so I finally just had to tell him straight out that I didn't feel about him the way he felt about me. It had nothing to do with his size, it was just that I could never become seriously involved with anybody in show business.
Dorothy: [trying not to laugh] Thank you, Rose. I, I don't know what to say. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
[about Sophia moving out]
Rose: Who’s going to keep after us? Make us linguine and tell us stories about Sicily?
Dorothy: I don’t know, Rose. Maybe Mary Poppins has an Italian cousin.
Rose: Who’s going to keep after us? Make us linguine and tell us stories about Sicily?
Dorothy: I don’t know, Rose. Maybe Mary Poppins has an Italian cousin.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: Oh Dorothy, can I make a little suggestion when you go for your makeover?
Dorothy: Sure. What is it?
Sophia: Don't expect a miracle.
Dorothy: Sure. What is it?
Sophia: Don't expect a miracle.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: When I thought I was moving, I was going to give each one of you a gift, but I want you to have them anyway. [hands a wrapped package to each of the girls]
Blanche: Why Sophia, how sweet!
Rose: Oh honey, you shouldn't have!
Dorothy: [opening her package] Oh Ma, this is so lovely... and so familiar... this is mine. I thought the cleaner lost it.
Sophia: I told you the cleaner lost it. I took it. I needed something to go with my black sweater.
Rose: [examining the sweater in her package] This is my black sweater!
Sophia: I know. It goes great with...
Blanche: ...my pearls.
Sophia: Well, enjoy and be healthy! [leaves]
Blanche: Why Sophia, how sweet!
Rose: Oh honey, you shouldn't have!
Dorothy: [opening her package] Oh Ma, this is so lovely... and so familiar... this is mine. I thought the cleaner lost it.
Sophia: I told you the cleaner lost it. I took it. I needed something to go with my black sweater.
Rose: [examining the sweater in her package] This is my black sweater!
Sophia: I know. It goes great with...
Blanche: ...my pearls.
Sophia: Well, enjoy and be healthy! [leaves]
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [in Rose's dream, about the wedding] You can't disappoint your guests.
Rose: The guests? But I have to think about what's best for me!
Dorothy: That's only in real life, Rose. In a dream, you do what's best for the guests.
Rose: The guests? But I have to think about what's best for me!
Dorothy: That's only in real life, Rose. In a dream, you do what's best for the guests.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: My son married a welder. Too bad she didn't weld his zipper shut; they got ten kids they can't afford.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: He analyzed my dream.
Dorothy: What dream?
Blanche: Oh, that recurring dream I have where I'm running naked through a train that keeps going through tunnel after tunnel while a sweaty bodybuilder chases me. He said he thinks it's sexual.
Dorothy: He thinks ? For God's sake, Blanche, you smoke a cigarette after that dream.
Blanche: Not all my dreams are sexual! I also dream about food. Of course, I'm usually naked while I'm eatin' the food. I guess all my dreams are sexual. Lucky me!
Dorothy: What dream?
Blanche: Oh, that recurring dream I have where I'm running naked through a train that keeps going through tunnel after tunnel while a sweaty bodybuilder chases me. He said he thinks it's sexual.
Dorothy: He thinks ? For God's sake, Blanche, you smoke a cigarette after that dream.
Blanche: Not all my dreams are sexual! I also dream about food. Of course, I'm usually naked while I'm eatin' the food. I guess all my dreams are sexual. Lucky me!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
[in Rose's dream]
Rose: Jeane, could you tell me what the future holds?
Jeane Dixon: Sure. In January, Brooke Shields and Lady Di will star together in a Broadway musical comedy. Senator Edward Kennedy will once again-
Rose: [interrupting] No no no, I mean what the future holds for me and Jonathan.
Jeane Dixon: Rose, I'm not getting a clear picture on that. However, I do know that Jackie O. will tie the knot again-
Dorothy: [cutting in] Oh, uh, thank you very much Ms. Dixon, [shows her out of Rose's room with Blanche] enjoy the wedding.
Rose: Jeane, could you tell me what the future holds?
Jeane Dixon: Sure. In January, Brooke Shields and Lady Di will star together in a Broadway musical comedy. Senator Edward Kennedy will once again-
Rose: [interrupting] No no no, I mean what the future holds for me and Jonathan.
Jeane Dixon: Rose, I'm not getting a clear picture on that. However, I do know that Jackie O. will tie the knot again-
Dorothy: [cutting in] Oh, uh, thank you very much Ms. Dixon, [shows her out of Rose's room with Blanche] enjoy the wedding.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [just as Sophia is entering the room] So Rose, you're seeing a psychiatrist.
Sophia: It's about time! The woman gives names to her gingerbread men!
Sophia: It's about time! The woman gives names to her gingerbread men!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Ma, have a wonderful trip and call me the minute you get there. And please, Ma, try not to argue with Phil's wife.
Sophia: We get along okay. Phil's wife has her good points. She's sweet, she's reliable, and when her father gets out of prison, she'll be a wealthy woman!
Sophia: We get along okay. Phil's wife has her good points. She's sweet, she's reliable, and when her father gets out of prison, she'll be a wealthy woman!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Dorothy, get the door. [walks towards Rose and Dr. Newman] Shrimp? [runs towards the kitchen]
Dr. Newman: She's a little uptight. I'm gonna have fun with her tonight.
Dorothy: Why don't we start dinner.
Dr. Newman: Good, what are we having.
Dorothy: [freezes for a couple of seconds] Short ribs.
Dr. Newman: She's a little uptight. I'm gonna have fun with her tonight.
Dorothy: Why don't we start dinner.
Dr. Newman: Good, what are we having.
Dorothy: [freezes for a couple of seconds] Short ribs.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [to Rose] There's a man in your bed.
Rose: ...Sophia, there's not!
Blanche: [to Rose] Why, you devil, you!
Dorothy: So that was what we heard! Rose!
Blanche: Rose got lucky!
Sophia: Not so lucky. The man in your bed is dead.
Rose: ...Sophia, there's not!
Blanche: [to Rose] Why, you devil, you!
Dorothy: So that was what we heard! Rose!
Blanche: Rose got lucky!
Sophia: Not so lucky. The man in your bed is dead.
TV Show: The Golden Girls