The Golden Girls Quotes
Dorothy: Ma, what are you doing up?
Sophia: Disappointed, huh? If I'm up that means I'm alive, and if I'm alive it means you can't get your hands on my money.
Dorothy: What are you talking about?
Sophia: You know about the will. You know if I die you'll be on easy street. What did you do, Dorothy, slip cyanide into my mouthwash? Ha ha, the joke's on you, I don't use it.
Dorothy: Oh Ma, come on, you're just being silly. [pours a cup of tea] Here, have some tea. [gets a mysterious, sinister expression on her face] It'll relax you.
Sophia: Nice try, Dorothy. Rose, you taste it.
Dorothy: Rose, DON'T!!! ... [calmer] That tea was for my mommy.
Sophia: You try to do right by your kids, and you end up as the lead story on Hard Copy!
Sophia: Disappointed, huh? If I'm up that means I'm alive, and if I'm alive it means you can't get your hands on my money.
Dorothy: What are you talking about?
Sophia: You know about the will. You know if I die you'll be on easy street. What did you do, Dorothy, slip cyanide into my mouthwash? Ha ha, the joke's on you, I don't use it.
Dorothy: Oh Ma, come on, you're just being silly. [pours a cup of tea] Here, have some tea. [gets a mysterious, sinister expression on her face] It'll relax you.
Sophia: Nice try, Dorothy. Rose, you taste it.
Dorothy: Rose, DON'T!!! ... [calmer] That tea was for my mommy.
Sophia: You try to do right by your kids, and you end up as the lead story on Hard Copy!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: As you know, my child, I'm getting on in years and I've decided it's time for me to settle my estate.
Dorothy: What estate, your loofah sponge and bus pass?
Sophia: Don't forget the four gold teeth from when your father worked at the funeral parlor. "Perks" he called them. That's the kind of stock you come from, Dorothy.
Dorothy: I come from graverobbers?
Dorothy: What estate, your loofah sponge and bus pass?
Sophia: Don't forget the four gold teeth from when your father worked at the funeral parlor. "Perks" he called them. That's the kind of stock you come from, Dorothy.
Dorothy: I come from graverobbers?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: I was up all night thinking of how Ma's been hoarding all those checks from Phil and Gloria while I've had to go without.
Blanche: Well now, Dorothy, you really can't blame Sophia for your sex life.
Dorothy: That's not what I'm talking about! But since you brought it up, yes, I can! If I'd had the money, I could have been living in a swinging condo instead of with... I'd better not say anything until I've had my coffee. [she takes a sip of coffee] ...A SLUT AND A MORON!!!
[Rose and Blanche both look hurt by Dorothy's words]
Dorothy: ...I'm sorry, it must be decaf.
Blanche: Well now, Dorothy, you really can't blame Sophia for your sex life.
Dorothy: That's not what I'm talking about! But since you brought it up, yes, I can! If I'd had the money, I could have been living in a swinging condo instead of with... I'd better not say anything until I've had my coffee. [she takes a sip of coffee] ...A SLUT AND A MORON!!!
[Rose and Blanche both look hurt by Dorothy's words]
Dorothy: ...I'm sorry, it must be decaf.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: Dorothy, Rose is helping me make out an ironclad will.
Dorothy: Wait, you're using Rose as a lawyer?!
Rose: I know what I'm doing! Every Thursday I watch La Law.
Dorothy: That's "L.A. Law!"
Rose: I wondered why Susan Dey didn't have a French accent!
Dorothy: Wait, you're using Rose as a lawyer?!
Rose: I know what I'm doing! Every Thursday I watch La Law.
Dorothy: That's "L.A. Law!"
Rose: I wondered why Susan Dey didn't have a French accent!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [Waving the Pope's ring over a glass of water on the living room table] WINE!
[Dorothy looks at Sophia strangely.]
Sophia: Worth a shot.
[Dorothy looks at Sophia strangely.]
Sophia: Worth a shot.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
[Sophia comes through the door just as Miles walks out]
Sophia: Miles, I'm glad you're here, I need to talk to you --
Miles: Later.
[Rose walks through the house and out the door]
Sophia: Rose, this is really important --
Rose: Maybe later, Sophia.
[Dorothy comes out of the kitchen and starts into the hall]
Sophia: Dorothy, I can't breathe!
Dorothy: Not now, Ma! [pauses] Alright, but this better be important.
Sophia: It depends. How important is...[shows Dorothy the ring] ...the Pope's ring?
Dorothy: [looking at the ring] Alright, Ma, squirt me in the face and get it over with.
Sophia: Miles, I'm glad you're here, I need to talk to you --
Miles: Later.
[Rose walks through the house and out the door]
Sophia: Rose, this is really important --
Rose: Maybe later, Sophia.
[Dorothy comes out of the kitchen and starts into the hall]
Sophia: Dorothy, I can't breathe!
Dorothy: Not now, Ma! [pauses] Alright, but this better be important.
Sophia: It depends. How important is...[shows Dorothy the ring] ...the Pope's ring?
Dorothy: [looking at the ring] Alright, Ma, squirt me in the face and get it over with.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [on meeting the Pope ] He had the most beautiful blue eyes!
Sophia: Yeah, all the cute guys are either married or Popes.
Sophia: Yeah, all the cute guys are either married or Popes.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [on learning that Rose had 56 boyfriends during her senior year of high school] If that were true, Rose, then that would mean you were... a slut.
Dorothy: Oh, come on, Blanche, how can you say that? So the woman had fifty-six boyfriends in one year. She's not a slut.
Rose: Thank you, Dorothy.
Dorothy: She is The Slut! She is the Grand Poobah of Slutdom! She is the easiest woman in this room!
Blanche: Dorothy Zbornak, you take that back!
Dorothy: [indicating Blanche and then Rose] The Slut is dead, long live The Slut!
Dorothy: Oh, come on, Blanche, how can you say that? So the woman had fifty-six boyfriends in one year. She's not a slut.
Rose: Thank you, Dorothy.
Dorothy: She is The Slut! She is the Grand Poobah of Slutdom! She is the easiest woman in this room!
Blanche: Dorothy Zbornak, you take that back!
Dorothy: [indicating Blanche and then Rose] The Slut is dead, long live The Slut!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: You know how hard it is to make out with a guy when his sister's sitting next to you?
Blanche and Rose: Boy, do I ever.
Blanche: [to Rose] Now, you stop that, you just stop that!
Blanche and Rose: Boy, do I ever.
Blanche: [to Rose] Now, you stop that, you just stop that!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: I'm looking through the personals to find myself a man. Remember what that is, Dorothy? It's an animal, kind of like a woman, except that it's got a...
Dorothy: MA! I know what a man is! But I tell you, I would never look for one through the personals. And you know why? Because I have standards, I have intelligence, I have class. And you know what else I have?
Sophia: It's not self-awareness, that's for damn sure. Hey, listen to this: "Older gentleman seeks lady of refinement. I like moonlit nights, romantic Italian dinners, and waking up in the morning. If you're old enough to remember when Sinatra was skinny, please send letter and photo." This is the one, he's perfect! I've found myself a man!
Dorothy: MA! I know what a man is! But I tell you, I would never look for one through the personals. And you know why? Because I have standards, I have intelligence, I have class. And you know what else I have?
Sophia: It's not self-awareness, that's for damn sure. Hey, listen to this: "Older gentleman seeks lady of refinement. I like moonlit nights, romantic Italian dinners, and waking up in the morning. If you're old enough to remember when Sinatra was skinny, please send letter and photo." This is the one, he's perfect! I've found myself a man!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [immediately after Marvin confesses that he and Sarah are husband and wife, not brother and sister] Dorothy, you can come in now.
Dorothy: I thought the two of you would like some nice cold lemonade.
Sophia: Marvin is married to Sarah.
Dorothy: [pauses, to Marvin] You don't get any lemonade.
Dorothy: I thought the two of you would like some nice cold lemonade.
Sophia: Marvin is married to Sarah.
Dorothy: [pauses, to Marvin] You don't get any lemonade.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: Isn't it obvious? They put in ad in the paper to lure an unsuspecting cutie like me into their web of sex games! They want me to be their love slave!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [upset because she can't remember Thor] Boy, it's finally beginning to happen. I'm getting old and forgetting things, forgetting people who at one time were important to me.
Sophia: Don't be ridiculous, you're as mentally fit as you ever were. We all are.
Rose: Oh, thank you... [stares at Sophia for a few seconds with a blank look on her face]
Sophia: Sophia!
Rose: Sophia.
Sophia: You're welcome...
Rose: Rose.
Sophia: Rose.
Dorothy: Any wonder we get nursing home brochures by the truckload?
Sophia: Don't be ridiculous, you're as mentally fit as you ever were. We all are.
Rose: Oh, thank you... [stares at Sophia for a few seconds with a blank look on her face]
Sophia: Sophia!
Rose: Sophia.
Sophia: You're welcome...
Rose: Rose.
Sophia: Rose.
Dorothy: Any wonder we get nursing home brochures by the truckload?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sarah: I'm just here to pick up Marvin.
Sophia: Well, if it isn't Mrs. Caligula! Come on in and pull up a whip!
Dorothy: You two have a lot of explaining to do.
Marvin: I'm sorry, Sarah. I told them we're married.
Sarah: Oh dear.
Dorothy: Why did you lie to my mother?
Sarah: We didn't mean to lie, we just wanted to make sure that Sophia was the right one.
Dorothy: Then it is true! You wanted my mother for sex games! Oh my god, this is unbelievable!
Sophia: It's not that unbelievable.
Sophia: Well, if it isn't Mrs. Caligula! Come on in and pull up a whip!
Dorothy: You two have a lot of explaining to do.
Marvin: I'm sorry, Sarah. I told them we're married.
Sarah: Oh dear.
Dorothy: Why did you lie to my mother?
Sarah: We didn't mean to lie, we just wanted to make sure that Sophia was the right one.
Dorothy: Then it is true! You wanted my mother for sex games! Oh my god, this is unbelievable!
Sophia: It's not that unbelievable.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
[Rose mistakenly booked Dorothy and Blanche as guests on a talk show about lesbian couples.]
News Host: Today, on WAKE UP MIAMI...women who live together. Does society make it difficult? Find out after the break when we talk to four lesbians, today on WAKE UP MIAMI.
News Host: Today, on WAKE UP MIAMI...women who live together. Does society make it difficult? Find out after the break when we talk to four lesbians, today on WAKE UP MIAMI.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Rose, could I see you for a moment?
Rose: [walks over] You're mad, aren't you?
Blanche: Rose Nylund, every man I know is watching this show, this live show, this live show about lesbian lovers of Miami.
Rose: Every man you know is watching? Hey, we could beat The Price is Right!
Dorothy: Rose, we can't kill you here because there are cameras. Now how did this happen?
Rose: Oh, I don't know. They just said they wanted two women who loved each other and slept together.
Dorothy: We DO NOT sleep together!
Rose: Yes, you did! Last month, whe-, when Blanche was having her room repainted because the plaster behind her headboard all fell out!
Blanche: Listen. I'm not going through with this!
Rose: Blanche, if you leave, they'll fire me!
Dorothy: Good. My mother is here. My teacher is here. Good!
Rose: If I lose my job, I won't be able to do anything but... sit home and tell St. Olaf stories!
Blanche: Blackmail! Oh, ho, ho, ho, very smart!
Rose: Hey, they don't call me "Harold Goldstein" for nothing!
Rose: [walks over] You're mad, aren't you?
Blanche: Rose Nylund, every man I know is watching this show, this live show, this live show about lesbian lovers of Miami.
Rose: Every man you know is watching? Hey, we could beat The Price is Right!
Dorothy: Rose, we can't kill you here because there are cameras. Now how did this happen?
Rose: Oh, I don't know. They just said they wanted two women who loved each other and slept together.
Dorothy: We DO NOT sleep together!
Rose: Yes, you did! Last month, whe-, when Blanche was having her room repainted because the plaster behind her headboard all fell out!
Blanche: Listen. I'm not going through with this!
Rose: Blanche, if you leave, they'll fire me!
Dorothy: Good. My mother is here. My teacher is here. Good!
Rose: If I lose my job, I won't be able to do anything but... sit home and tell St. Olaf stories!
Blanche: Blackmail! Oh, ho, ho, ho, very smart!
Rose: Hey, they don't call me "Harold Goldstein" for nothing!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: How come THEY'RE not lesbians?
Pat: We don't believe in labels.
News Man: Fascinating. Oh it looks like we have a question from the audience.
Man in the Audience: Are there male-female roles in the relationship?
Blanche: Well, I AM the little homemaker if that's what you mean. Ahahahaha.
Dorothy: [pissed] Now, wait just a minute! Y'...
Pat: We don't believe in labels.
News Man: Fascinating. Oh it looks like we have a question from the audience.
Man in the Audience: Are there male-female roles in the relationship?
Blanche: Well, I AM the little homemaker if that's what you mean. Ahahahaha.
Dorothy: [pissed] Now, wait just a minute! Y'...
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: ...and I take out the garbage.
News Man: Fascinating. Any other questions? Oh. Yes?
Sophia: [pointing at Blanche] This is directed to Dorothy's lover. Do people treat you differently because you're a lesbian?
Blanche: [laughing nervously] Most people don't know.
Sophia: Really? I would've guessed right off. Next question to Dorothy. What kind of pain and embarrassment has this lifestyle caused your mother?
Dorothy: [menacingly] I really don't know but, I'll ask her tomorrow when I visit her at... THE HOME.
Sophia: No more questions.
News Man: Fascinating. Any other questions? Oh. Yes?
Sophia: [pointing at Blanche] This is directed to Dorothy's lover. Do people treat you differently because you're a lesbian?
Blanche: [laughing nervously] Most people don't know.
Sophia: Really? I would've guessed right off. Next question to Dorothy. What kind of pain and embarrassment has this lifestyle caused your mother?
Dorothy: [menacingly] I really don't know but, I'll ask her tomorrow when I visit her at... THE HOME.
Sophia: No more questions.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Well I guess at 17, 23 sounds kind of dangerous and forbidden.
Rose: When you're 17 a cow seems dangerous and forbidden. [notices the others looking at her strangely] Am I in the minority here?
Rose: When you're 17 a cow seems dangerous and forbidden. [notices the others looking at her strangely] Am I in the minority here?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [enters the kitchen] Dorothy, I just got off the phone with my girlfriend Gladys. She thinks you can do better than Blanche.
Dorothy: I agree, but Ma, if it's all right with you, I have a lot of work to do here.
Rose: I can't believe you're still working on that article! I thought you were just going to help organize it.
Sophia: I can't believe you're doing this again. You're letting him take advantage of you like he did in high school.
Dorothy: He is under a lot of pressure and I don't want him to kiss his deadline! [weird looks from everyone]Miss.Miss his deadline.
Sophia: Ooooh, Mr. Gordon! [makes kissing sounds]
Dorothy: I agree, but Ma, if it's all right with you, I have a lot of work to do here.
Rose: I can't believe you're still working on that article! I thought you were just going to help organize it.
Sophia: I can't believe you're doing this again. You're letting him take advantage of you like he did in high school.
Dorothy: He is under a lot of pressure and I don't want him to kiss his deadline! [weird looks from everyone]Miss.Miss his deadline.
Sophia: Ooooh, Mr. Gordon! [makes kissing sounds]
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: I don't like you being taken advantage of by some guy out of town. At least when Blanche does it it's good for tourism.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
[Blanche enters kitchen]
Blanche: I'm nothing but a cheap, tawdry, slut.
[Rose with her back to the kitchen door]
Rose: Let me guess....is it Blanche!
Blanche: I'm nothing but a cheap, tawdry, slut.
[Rose with her back to the kitchen door]
Rose: Let me guess....is it Blanche!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Oh my god, I can't believe I'm saying this. Blanche Deveraux has lost her sex appeal. [leaves kitchen]
Sophia: They're always the last to know.
Sophia: They're always the last to know.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Jerry: This is all very confusing. Now, I'm supposed to meet a Dorothy Zbornak at this address at 7: 30 for a dinner date. So which one of you is really Dorothy Zbornak?
Blanche: [grinning from ear to ear] I am Dorothy's...best friend, Blanche. I'm filling in for her because she's dead. [takes his hand and leaves]
Blanche: [grinning from ear to ear] I am Dorothy's...best friend, Blanche. I'm filling in for her because she's dead. [takes his hand and leaves]
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [in her dream, upon seeing and hearing that Rose is the returning champion] This woman is an idiot!
Announcer Johnny Gilbert: Oh, really? She didn't get knocked up in high school!
Announcer Johnny Gilbert: Oh, really? She didn't get knocked up in high school!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [receiving call from Jeopardy that she has made it to the trial run] Hello, yes this is she. I did, well thank you! [person on the other end asks if Blanche is there] Yes, yes, she's my roommate. She did! No, no I'll be happy to tell her. Blanche, you flunked.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
[taking Jeopardy test]
Blanche: Dorothy, where are the Ural Mountains?
Dorothy: Well, well, well, Blanche, a pound of make-up and a tube of lip gloss can't help you now, can they?
Blanche: I don't need you anyway. [touches guy next to her] Hey, show me yours and I'll show you mine.
Blanche: Dorothy, where are the Ural Mountains?
Dorothy: Well, well, well, Blanche, a pound of make-up and a tube of lip gloss can't help you now, can they?
Blanche: I don't need you anyway. [touches guy next to her] Hey, show me yours and I'll show you mine.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Dorothy, isn't this something? You've become what we call in the news business a hot story.
Dorothy: And you've become what we call in the revenge business "next."
Dorothy: And you've become what we call in the revenge business "next."
TV Show: The Golden Girls