The Golden Girls Quotes
Rose: This isn't so bad. Look there's a chair. Look Dorothy a chair. This isn't going to be bad at all. [to Blanche, quietly] Can we go home, now? It's getting dark out.
Dorothy: Someday, I'm going to get out of this hell hole and come looking for you.
Rose: Don't spend all of your time in here hating me Dorothy. Learn a trade.
Dorothy: Someday, I'm going to get out of this hell hole and come looking for you.
Rose: Don't spend all of your time in here hating me Dorothy. Learn a trade.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [thinking of ideas for her job] "Miami's sordid sex scene. Who's behind it?"
Dorothy: [points to Blanche] That's her, she's the one!
Dorothy: [points to Blanche] That's her, she's the one!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [after an unpleasant experience at the shoe store with Sophia] Sophia, there's something I don't understand. Now, you're always a bit ornery, unpleasant, impolite, even downright mean. That's part of your charm.
Sophia: Thank you, you bedhopping relic.
Blanche: [pops Sophia's balloon from the shoe store]
Sophia: Thank you, you bedhopping relic.
Blanche: [pops Sophia's balloon from the shoe store]
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: I have a little exercise I do whenever my self-esteem is kind of low. I say my name and then I list three positive things about myself. I'm Blanche Devereaux. I'm beautiful, men find me desirable, and people want to be my friend. Go on, now you try.
Dorothy: Oh, Blanche.
Blanche: Oh, please. Please.
Dorothy: [Sighing]Oh. I'm Dorothy Zbornak, I'm beautiful, men find me desirable and people want to be my friend.
Blanche: Sorry, I confused you honey. You're supposed to say three positive things that apply to you. You know, like you could say, I'm Dorothy Zbornak...I'm a good speller, and um....I'm very prompt, and um..... well actually there's..., there's no law that says there has to be three.
Dorothy: Actually, I just thought of a third one; I can snap a friend's neck like a twig.
Dorothy: Oh, Blanche.
Blanche: Oh, please. Please.
Dorothy: [Sighing]Oh. I'm Dorothy Zbornak, I'm beautiful, men find me desirable and people want to be my friend.
Blanche: Sorry, I confused you honey. You're supposed to say three positive things that apply to you. You know, like you could say, I'm Dorothy Zbornak...I'm a good speller, and um....I'm very prompt, and um..... well actually there's..., there's no law that says there has to be three.
Dorothy: Actually, I just thought of a third one; I can snap a friend's neck like a twig.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [on preparations for Sophia's "wake"] I even know a way we can save some money. I'll make the hors d'oeuvres.
Sophia: Some wake. Scandinavian crap on a cracker. ... I mean, thank you.
Sophia: Some wake. Scandinavian crap on a cracker. ... I mean, thank you.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
[Sophia's friend Myrtle has just arrived at the "wake" - however, Rose forgot to mention in her invitations to the wake that Sophia is alive, and Myrtle is very upset because she thinks Sophia is dead.]
Blanche: Oh Myrtle, thank goodness you got here! You're just the person we need to liven up this party. Do some of those impressions you're so good at.
Myrtle: [sobbing] Oh God, oh God, oh God!
Blanche: [laughing]Jimmy Swaggart, right? That's wonderful, do another one.
Myrtle: The last time I saw her she was fine. I didn't even know she was sick. What happened?
Blanche: Wait, don't tell me... Klaus von Bulow?
Blanche: Oh Myrtle, thank goodness you got here! You're just the person we need to liven up this party. Do some of those impressions you're so good at.
Myrtle: [sobbing] Oh God, oh God, oh God!
Blanche: [laughing]Jimmy Swaggart, right? That's wonderful, do another one.
Myrtle: The last time I saw her she was fine. I didn't even know she was sick. What happened?
Blanche: Wait, don't tell me... Klaus von Bulow?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: All your dreams can come true if you believe. All you have to do is believe!
Dorothy: [clapping hands excitedly] Oh, I do believe! I do believe in sluts!
Dorothy: [clapping hands excitedly] Oh, I do believe! I do believe in sluts!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Oh, come on, Ma. That's superstitious nonsense. You know, step on a crack, break your mother's back. It doesn't work. I know. [ominous pause] I tried.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: This necklace is a priceless heirloom. It belonged to my grammy. I've only worn it three times in my whole life, and each occasion marked the beginning of a passionate romance. And tonight I've decided to wear it with clothes.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Carol: Hi, Blanche. I was sitting home feeling sorry for myself so I thought I'd do some risk taking and invite myself over. Here I am, totally vulnerable. Taking a chance. I am so proud of me.
[Blanche slams the door in her face. Carol rings the doorbell and Blanche opens the door.]
Carol: You know, that would have devastated the old me, but the new me? Just an emotional owie and do you know why? Because I like myself!
[Blanche again slams the door in her face. Carol rings the doorbell and again Blanche opens the door.]
Carol: The new me is starting to get honked off. Look, I'm lonely and scared and you're having a party. Can I come in or not?
Blanche: Look, Carol, I am going to be honest here. I took great pains with this guest list and frankly there is room here for only one young, attractive female.
Carol: [dashing inside] Ooh, then I just got in under the wire!
[Blanche slams the door in her face. Carol rings the doorbell and Blanche opens the door.]
Carol: You know, that would have devastated the old me, but the new me? Just an emotional owie and do you know why? Because I like myself!
[Blanche again slams the door in her face. Carol rings the doorbell and again Blanche opens the door.]
Carol: The new me is starting to get honked off. Look, I'm lonely and scared and you're having a party. Can I come in or not?
Blanche: Look, Carol, I am going to be honest here. I took great pains with this guest list and frankly there is room here for only one young, attractive female.
Carol: [dashing inside] Ooh, then I just got in under the wire!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Carol: [talking to a man at the party] Last night, I dreamed I ate a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up, my boyfriend was gone.
Man: I don't get it.
Carol: It's not a joke.
Man: I don't get it.
Carol: It's not a joke.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Carol: Excuse me, Blanche. I think I'm gonna leave. I'm not having such a good time.
Blanche: Oh, what a relief to know it isn't just me.
Carol: It's like every man here just wants to sleep with me. Even the Rabbi with the limp!
Blanche: Oh, what a relief to know it isn't just me.
Carol: It's like every man here just wants to sleep with me. Even the Rabbi with the limp!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [trying to explain to Rose, in a roundabout way, how she kissed Miles] Let's say you make Miles a batch of your delicious, creamy cupcakes, and he loves them so much that he wants you to make them all the time.
Rose: Miles does have a sweet tooth.
Dorothy: But let's say that, even though he loves your cupcakes more than life itself, one day he decides to try somebody else's cupcakes. For lack of a better example let's say my cupcakes. And I, in a mad passionate moment, forget myself and... let him try my cupcakes. How would that make you feel?
Rose: I'd like to think I'd understand.
Dorothy: Oh, good, good. I was hoping that's what you would say.
[Rose giggles]
Dorothy: What?
Rose: I'm sorry. It's just the idea of Miles wanting to try your cupcakes.
Dorothy: Why is that funny?
Rose: No offense, Dorothy, but your cupcakes are dry and tasteless. Nobody ever likes your cupcakes.
Dorothy: My cupcakes are moist and delicious. Men love my cupcakes.
Rose: Get a clue, Dorothy. Men would rather pay for cupcakes.
Rose: Miles does have a sweet tooth.
Dorothy: But let's say that, even though he loves your cupcakes more than life itself, one day he decides to try somebody else's cupcakes. For lack of a better example let's say my cupcakes. And I, in a mad passionate moment, forget myself and... let him try my cupcakes. How would that make you feel?
Rose: I'd like to think I'd understand.
Dorothy: Oh, good, good. I was hoping that's what you would say.
[Rose giggles]
Dorothy: What?
Rose: I'm sorry. It's just the idea of Miles wanting to try your cupcakes.
Dorothy: Why is that funny?
Rose: No offense, Dorothy, but your cupcakes are dry and tasteless. Nobody ever likes your cupcakes.
Dorothy: My cupcakes are moist and delicious. Men love my cupcakes.
Rose: Get a clue, Dorothy. Men would rather pay for cupcakes.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Dorothy, how would you feel about a birthday present of a picture of me in sexy lingerie?
Dorothy: I'd rather have the cash.
Rose: Actually it's not for you, it's for Miles.
Dorothy: He'd rather have the cash.
Dorothy: I'd rather have the cash.
Rose: Actually it's not for you, it's for Miles.
Dorothy: He'd rather have the cash.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Nurse, now we realize that the hospital has rules and you have to try to uphold those rules. But, you have to realize that this is a very special case. So, I'm gonna quote from the Bible just to show you how determined we really are. Now, the good book says, um, oh, "Neither rain, nor sleet, nor....nor dark of night shall keepeth uth...from our appointed rounds." Amen. [The nurse gives Blanche a look.] I can see you are a non-believer.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Janet: Oh, you know how I feel about organized religion, it makes me crazy. And I do not want Sarah's head filled with stories about a God who may or may not exist.
Blanche: Well, honey, of course He exists! Just look at the beautiful sky, the majestic trees. God created man and gave him a heart and a mind and thighs that could crack walnuts.
Janet: [putting an arm around Sarah] Mother!
Blanche: Oh, I'm sorry... I came to religion late.
Janet: I'd say.
Blanche: But it's never too late! And it is my fervent hope that the three of us, you and I and dear little Sarah, may walk the path of righteousness together. And now if you'll excuse me, I have Gideon Bibles for everyone. [leaves room]
Sarah: I miss "sexy" Grandma.
Janet: I'm sure a lot of people do, darlin', I'm sure a lot of people do.
Blanche: Well, honey, of course He exists! Just look at the beautiful sky, the majestic trees. God created man and gave him a heart and a mind and thighs that could crack walnuts.
Janet: [putting an arm around Sarah] Mother!
Blanche: Oh, I'm sorry... I came to religion late.
Janet: I'd say.
Blanche: But it's never too late! And it is my fervent hope that the three of us, you and I and dear little Sarah, may walk the path of righteousness together. And now if you'll excuse me, I have Gideon Bibles for everyone. [leaves room]
Sarah: I miss "sexy" Grandma.
Janet: I'm sure a lot of people do, darlin', I'm sure a lot of people do.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
[At the reunion, Rose goes over to the other girls holding several pieces of paper.]
Blanche: Where've you been?
Rose: When no one was looking, I went by the No-Show table and I got four name tags for us! Blanche, you'll be Susan Armstrong... [gives Blanche a name tag] ...and Dorothy, you'll be Cindy Lou Peeples... [gives Dorothy a name tag] ...and Sophia, you're Myron Zucker. [gives an irked Sophia a name tag]
Dorothy: Rose, do you really believe people will think I'm Cindy Lou Peeples?
Rose: Why sure they will, or my name isn't Kim Fung Toi [pasting tag to her shirt].
Sophia: Rose, you idiot, there's no way I'm ever gonna pass for a man! Dorothy, trade with me?
Dorothy: Go to hell, Myron.
Blanche: Where've you been?
Rose: When no one was looking, I went by the No-Show table and I got four name tags for us! Blanche, you'll be Susan Armstrong... [gives Blanche a name tag] ...and Dorothy, you'll be Cindy Lou Peeples... [gives Dorothy a name tag] ...and Sophia, you're Myron Zucker. [gives an irked Sophia a name tag]
Dorothy: Rose, do you really believe people will think I'm Cindy Lou Peeples?
Rose: Why sure they will, or my name isn't Kim Fung Toi [pasting tag to her shirt].
Sophia: Rose, you idiot, there's no way I'm ever gonna pass for a man! Dorothy, trade with me?
Dorothy: Go to hell, Myron.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Oh I HATE reunions! Everyone so dressed up and fake, pretending to be someone they're not. Why can't people just be themselves?
Random Guy: Cindy Lou Peeples?
Dorothy: Tommy Lunt?
Dorothy and the guy: [the two act as if they ARE the people in question and walk off together] AAH! AAH!
Random Guy: Cindy Lou Peeples?
Dorothy: Tommy Lunt?
Dorothy and the guy: [the two act as if they ARE the people in question and walk off together] AAH! AAH!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Larry Tucker: [to Sophia] Excuse me...aren't you Mrs. Gonzalez, Spanish 101?
Sophia: Sí!
Larry: Hi, Larry Tucker! [shakes Sophia's hand] You know, I-I was always afraid to tell you this when I was in your class, but... [shyly] I had a huge crush on you back then!
Sophia: Why didn't you ever do anything about it?
Larry: Mrs. Gonzalez -- you were my teacher!
Sophia: And you were my favorite student. But I'm not your teacher anymore. And Mr. Gonzalez is dead. [pause] Let's mambo! [grabs Larry and starts dancing with him]
Sophia: Sí!
Larry: Hi, Larry Tucker! [shakes Sophia's hand] You know, I-I was always afraid to tell you this when I was in your class, but... [shyly] I had a huge crush on you back then!
Sophia: Why didn't you ever do anything about it?
Larry: Mrs. Gonzalez -- you were my teacher!
Sophia: And you were my favorite student. But I'm not your teacher anymore. And Mr. Gonzalez is dead. [pause] Let's mambo! [grabs Larry and starts dancing with him]
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Lucas: Dorothy, will you marry me for real?
Dorothy: For real? Oh, Lucas. Yes. Yes!
Dorothy: For real? Oh, Lucas. Yes. Yes!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: Oh, I feel another sneeze coming on. [tears fall from her eyes] Well I'll be damned.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [to Sophia] You're a furry little gnome and we feed you too much!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [thinking Rose and Blanche embracing are Dorothy and Lucas] I just love watching you two kiss. It- [notices it is Rose and Blanche] Whoa. Oops.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Well...
Blanche: Well...
Rose: Yea...
Sophia: ...I guess this is it.
Dorothy: [nodding] Right. Listen-
Blanche: Dorothy, you don't have to say anything.
Rose: What can you say about 7 years of fights and laughter...secrets...cheesecake...
Dorothy: Just that...it's been very...it was been an experience that I'll always keep close to my heart. [sobbing] And that these are memories that...I'll wrap myself in when the world gets cold and I forget that there are people who are warm and loving and...
Blanche: We love you, too...[girls embrace and cry]...You'll always be a part of us
Dorothy: Your friendship was something I never expected at this point of my life, and I could never asked for a better surprise
Blanche: [sobbing] That's how we feel too.
Dorothy: I have to go.
Rose: Dorothy......is this goodbye?
Dorothy: [walks to the door, looks at the girls and nods]...I love you, always [leaves room while the girls stare at the door. Dorothy re-appears from the door] Oh god I love you! [girls embrace again]
Blanche: [sobbing] Oh Dorothy...Dorothy...
Dorothy: [sobbing] Lucas is waiting [heads to the door again, looks at girls] You're angels...all of you [leaves room again while the girls stare at the door again. Dorothy comes out from the backyard hall] OH GOD, I'LL MISS YOU!!! [girls embrace once more] Listen I have a flight... [heads for the door once more] ...you'll always be my sisters... [sobbing] always [leaves room for good while the girls stare at the door again then at the backyard hall and at the kitchen door. The three remaining girls embrace, sobbing]
Blanche: Well...
Rose: Yea...
Sophia: ...I guess this is it.
Dorothy: [nodding] Right. Listen-
Blanche: Dorothy, you don't have to say anything.
Rose: What can you say about 7 years of fights and laughter...secrets...cheesecake...
Dorothy: Just that...it's been very...it was been an experience that I'll always keep close to my heart. [sobbing] And that these are memories that...I'll wrap myself in when the world gets cold and I forget that there are people who are warm and loving and...
Blanche: We love you, too...[girls embrace and cry]...You'll always be a part of us
Dorothy: Your friendship was something I never expected at this point of my life, and I could never asked for a better surprise
Blanche: [sobbing] That's how we feel too.
Dorothy: I have to go.
Rose: Dorothy......is this goodbye?
Dorothy: [walks to the door, looks at the girls and nods]...I love you, always [leaves room while the girls stare at the door. Dorothy re-appears from the door] Oh god I love you! [girls embrace again]
Blanche: [sobbing] Oh Dorothy...Dorothy...
Dorothy: [sobbing] Lucas is waiting [heads to the door again, looks at girls] You're angels...all of you [leaves room again while the girls stare at the door again. Dorothy comes out from the backyard hall] OH GOD, I'LL MISS YOU!!! [girls embrace once more] Listen I have a flight... [heads for the door once more] ...you'll always be my sisters... [sobbing] always [leaves room for good while the girls stare at the door again then at the backyard hall and at the kitchen door. The three remaining girls embrace, sobbing]
TV Show: The Golden Girls