The Golden Girls Quotes
Dorothy: If I don't get at least six hours sleep, I look like Buddy Ebsen!
Blanche: [thinks] Now that you mention it-
Dorothy: Shut up, Blanche.
Blanche: [thinks] Now that you mention it-
Dorothy: Shut up, Blanche.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Well, I certainly didn't wait for my wedding night, honey. I couldn't - I had these urges. You know, in the South, we mature faster. I think it's the heat.
Dorothy: I think it's the gin.
Dorothy: I think it's the gin.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: Was that a plumber?
Dorothy: No, Ma, it was a little girl selling Girl Scout toilets.
Dorothy: No, Ma, it was a little girl selling Girl Scout toilets.
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Blanche: But how can I say no to the man I love? I can't even say no the men I like.
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[Blanche is talking about Richard's son Little Richard]
Rose: Little Richard was in Bermuda?!
Dorothy: Yes, Rose, he was burying Fats Domino in the sand.
Rose: Little Richard was in Bermuda?!
Dorothy: Yes, Rose, he was burying Fats Domino in the sand.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Oh girls, I am devastated, just devastated.
Dorothy: What happened?
Blanche: I asked my teacher for help like you all told me to. He said the only way I would get an A on his final is if I sleep with him.
Rose: No!
Blanche: Oh yes. I just don't know what to do!
Sophia: Get it in writing!
Dorothy: What happened?
Blanche: I asked my teacher for help like you all told me to. He said the only way I would get an A on his final is if I sleep with him.
Rose: No!
Blanche: Oh yes. I just don't know what to do!
Sophia: Get it in writing!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [on the phone, trying to get Frank Sinatra tickets] It's what? ... Why, you... you've kept me on hold all this time to tell me that it is sold out?!! ... NO, NO, I WILL NOT HAVE A NICE DAY!!! [slams down phone]
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [quizzing Blanche] Whose theory states a young man becomes intimate with his mother to get revenge on his father?
Blanche: Well, I don't know who said it, but my second cousin Arlen did it.
Blanche: Well, I don't know who said it, but my second cousin Arlen did it.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: I am exhausted. I went to at least a dozen ticket brokers today. They all told me the only way I'm going to get tickets is to go to a scalper.
Rose: Oh, you can't buy from a scalper! That's a crime!
Dorothy: So is eating grapes at the supermarket but you do that all the time.
Rose: I have to test them!
Dorothy: Rose, one is testing. Fourteen is brunch.
Rose: My God, I'm a criminal!
Rose: Oh, you can't buy from a scalper! That's a crime!
Dorothy: So is eating grapes at the supermarket but you do that all the time.
Rose: I have to test them!
Dorothy: Rose, one is testing. Fourteen is brunch.
Rose: My God, I'm a criminal!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [about Martha, a new neighbor] I followed her through the store and wrote down everything she bought.
Dorothy: Rose, they steal jewels, not Gino's Pizza Rolls!
Dorothy: Rose, they steal jewels, not Gino's Pizza Rolls!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [about Sophia] She's really a very sweet woman. She just doesn't like to show it.
Al Mullins: Is that a family trait?
Al Mullins: Is that a family trait?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: You're the one who always complains that her birthday parties are dull and boring. When I saw Mr. Ha Ha's advertised on television, it looked like fun.
Dorothy: For a five year old, Rose. Or someone who thinks like one!
Dorothy: For a five year old, Rose. Or someone who thinks like one!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: I got tickets too. This is such a coincidence. I was driving down Biscayne Boulevard--
Blanche: No, no, no, no! Please, I cannot bear that again. She was listening to her car radio, Big Band, not All Talk. There was a contest. Something about a little voice, a lucky number, a dime and a doorhandle. Then bim bam boom, she won the tickets!
Dorothy: Take a lesson, Rose. That's how you tell a story.
Blanche: No, no, no, no! Please, I cannot bear that again. She was listening to her car radio, Big Band, not All Talk. There was a contest. Something about a little voice, a lucky number, a dime and a doorhandle. Then bim bam boom, she won the tickets!
Dorothy: Take a lesson, Rose. That's how you tell a story.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: I'm a very patient person. I once waited two whole weeks for a sty to go away. Every night I'd close my eyes and I'd picture it getting smaller and smaller, and one morning I woke up and it was gone!
[Sophia leans back against the refrigerator with her eyes closed]
Dorothy: Ma, you okay?
Sophia: I'm fine. I'm just trying to make Rose go away.
[Sophia leans back against the refrigerator with her eyes closed]
Dorothy: Ma, you okay?
Sophia: I'm fine. I'm just trying to make Rose go away.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Nils Feelander attempted to harass me repeatedly.
Blanche: What do you mean, he attempted to?
Rose: He worked at Lars Eriksson's Drugstore and Tackle Shop, he was the soda jerk. Now that I think about it, he was the town jerk. Every Saturday afternoon I'd go in and have a sundae. Well, Nils would arrange the ice cream scoops in an obscene way. I could never prove it, because by the time I would take it home to show my father, the evidence had...
Dorothy, Blanche: Melted.
Rose: Yeah. To this day, every time I pass an ice cream parlor or a tackle shop, I blush!
Blanche: What do you mean, he attempted to?
Rose: He worked at Lars Eriksson's Drugstore and Tackle Shop, he was the soda jerk. Now that I think about it, he was the town jerk. Every Saturday afternoon I'd go in and have a sundae. Well, Nils would arrange the ice cream scoops in an obscene way. I could never prove it, because by the time I would take it home to show my father, the evidence had...
Dorothy, Blanche: Melted.
Rose: Yeah. To this day, every time I pass an ice cream parlor or a tackle shop, I blush!
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Dorothy: Rose, I took your stupid cup and you know why? Because I feel lousy and being mean to you makes me feel better!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Dorothy, where's my heatin pad?
Dorothy: How should I know?
[Blanche lifts a cord running under Dorothy's blanket]
Blanche: Well, if this isn't it, I'd like to know what other electrical appliance you're using under that blanket.
Dorothy: How should I know?
[Blanche lifts a cord running under Dorothy's blanket]
Blanche: Well, if this isn't it, I'd like to know what other electrical appliance you're using under that blanket.
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Blanche: You really think selling candy is going to qualify you for that prestigious award?
Dorothy: Oh, excuse me. I didn't realize that slipping my tongue to half the firemen in the county was the more lofty social achievement!
Dorothy: Oh, excuse me. I didn't realize that slipping my tongue to half the firemen in the county was the more lofty social achievement!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [to Dorothy] You are undoubtedly the meanest sick person I've ever met! Not to mention the most unattractive.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Oh, you don't have to worry about me, honey, I never get sick. I take very good care of myself. I treat my body like a temple.
Sophia: Yeah, open to everyone, day or night.
Sophia: Yeah, open to everyone, day or night.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [on why she isn't wearing the same green silk dress she wore to last year's banquet] I decided too many people would recognize it. It is such a stunnin' shade of green.
Sophia: The only thing they'll remember is the way you fall out of it!
Blanche: Sophia!
Sophia: If you asked people the color, half of them would say, "Flesh tones"!
Blanche: Sophia!!
Sophia: The only thing they'll remember is the way you fall out of it!
Blanche: Sophia!
Sophia: If you asked people the color, half of them would say, "Flesh tones"!
Blanche: Sophia!!
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[Dorothy blowing her nose]
Blanche: Must you do that?!
Rose: She can't help it Blanche, she has to blow her nose. Or is that a banana.
Blanche: Must you do that?!
Rose: She can't help it Blanche, she has to blow her nose. Or is that a banana.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [to Rose] Sure you're five years older, so am I, so is Blanche. [Blanche gives Dorothy a dirty look] Alright, so you have a few more wrinkles, so do I, so does Blanche. [Blanche gives a dirtier look] Alright, you're a little thicker around the middle, so is Blanche. [Blanche now looks mortified]
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: And nobody wants me around.
Blanche: Oh, honey, we want you around, we just can't afford to pay you!
Blanche: Oh, honey, we want you around, we just can't afford to pay you!
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Dorothy: I defrosted some chicken. We'll eat in half an hour.
Sophia: I can't eat chicken. It repeats on me.
Dorothy: Look, Ma, you don't have to make excuses. If you don't want chicken, just say, "I don't want chicken."
Sophia: I don't want chicken.
Dorothy: Good.
Sophia: It repeats on me.
[Dorothy puts her head against the cupboard door in frustration]
Sophia: I can't eat chicken. It repeats on me.
Dorothy: Look, Ma, you don't have to make excuses. If you don't want chicken, just say, "I don't want chicken."
Sophia: I don't want chicken.
Dorothy: Good.
Sophia: It repeats on me.
[Dorothy puts her head against the cupboard door in frustration]
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [after being waken up by the ringing phone] I'm as jumpy as a virgin at a prison rodeo!
Dorothy: Boy, that's pretty jumpy.
Dorothy: Boy, that's pretty jumpy.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Barry [Glick] was the man that I wanted to be the first.
Rose: First where?
Dorothy: On Mars, Rose! My first lover!
Blanche: Well, so what happened?
Dorothy: Stanley, that's what happened, Stanley. I went to a drive-in with Stanley. He said he was being shipped off to Korea, would probably die, and it would mean so much. That was my part of the war effort. It took three seconds. I wasn't sure that we had done anything, actually, until nine months later when the baby came. Then I figured out that we had. You know, that was my only proof.
Rose: (superior)I waited until my wedding night.
[Dorothy puts her nose in the air and mocks Rose's superior attitude.]
Rose: First where?
Dorothy: On Mars, Rose! My first lover!
Blanche: Well, so what happened?
Dorothy: Stanley, that's what happened, Stanley. I went to a drive-in with Stanley. He said he was being shipped off to Korea, would probably die, and it would mean so much. That was my part of the war effort. It took three seconds. I wasn't sure that we had done anything, actually, until nine months later when the baby came. Then I figured out that we had. You know, that was my only proof.
Rose: (superior)I waited until my wedding night.
[Dorothy puts her nose in the air and mocks Rose's superior attitude.]
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Sophia: We're out of pepperoni.
Dorothy: [fake gasps] Did you call Dan Rather?
Dorothy: [fake gasps] Did you call Dan Rather?
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Blanche: You've probably haven't noticed it, but I've put on three pounds.
Sophia: On each side.
Sophia: On each side.
TV Show: The Golden Girls