The Golden Girls Quotes
Rose: [while reading her phone messages] Why, oh why can't grief take a holiday?
Dorothy: Oh, it does Rose, it does. Eventually, it comes to Miami like everyone else.
Dorothy: Oh, it does Rose, it does. Eventually, it comes to Miami like everyone else.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: It's terrible, just terrible! I am so upset.
Dorothy: Rose, Rose, honey, sit down sweetheart, tell us all about it. Ma, would you get Rose some water?
Sophia: What is she going to do with water? Has water ever made you feel better when you were upset? Have you ever heard anyone say: 'Thank God, the water's here'? Call me when dinner is ready.
Dorothy: Rose, Rose, honey, sit down sweetheart, tell us all about it. Ma, would you get Rose some water?
Sophia: What is she going to do with water? Has water ever made you feel better when you were upset? Have you ever heard anyone say: 'Thank God, the water's here'? Call me when dinner is ready.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Listen, Mom. We cannot afford a new TV. We're using the household money to repair the roof and repave the driveway.
Sophia: Great. And what I am supposed to do while every other old lady on the block is watching Cosby?
Dorothy: Well, you can sit in the new driveway and hope that an amusing black family drops by.
Sophia: Great. And what I am supposed to do while every other old lady on the block is watching Cosby?
Dorothy: Well, you can sit in the new driveway and hope that an amusing black family drops by.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: You still watch television?
Lily: Well, I don't exactly watch it. I just pretend it's radio.
Sophia: [about television] We don't exactly watch it either, with our crummy TV. We get two channels at once. For a while there I thought Benson was having an affair with Miss Ellie.
Lily: Well, I don't exactly watch it. I just pretend it's radio.
Sophia: [about television] We don't exactly watch it either, with our crummy TV. We get two channels at once. For a while there I thought Benson was having an affair with Miss Ellie.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [sorting through items for their garage sale] Will you look at this? I got this doll on my tenth birthday. Oh, I can't believe I kept her after all these years. Her hair's falling out, her clothes are all worn. [sniffing as Sophia enters the room] And she smells of mothballs.
Sophia: Hey, I may not be Ann-Margret but I'm still your mother!
Sophia: Hey, I may not be Ann-Margret but I'm still your mother!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [seeing Blanche in her old retro-like outfit] Who invited Gidget to the garage sale?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Lily: Girls, I'm feeling a little chilly. I think I'll go and get my sweater.
Rose: Oh, no, I'll get that, I'll get that for you.
Lily: Oh, Rose, for heaven sakes, I can find my own way. [the girls frantically move all the boxes from her path] I know you're trying to help, but if I could pilot my own plane cross-country during a storm, I can certainly find my way across the room! [reaches the hallway, turns to face the girls] There. Now, do you see that I don't need anybody's help?
Rose: Oh, no, I'll get that, I'll get that for you.
Lily: Oh, Rose, for heaven sakes, I can find my own way. [the girls frantically move all the boxes from her path] I know you're trying to help, but if I could pilot my own plane cross-country during a storm, I can certainly find my way across the room! [reaches the hallway, turns to face the girls] There. Now, do you see that I don't need anybody's help?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Lily: [holds up a pink dress] Do you see this dress, Rose? It's my favorite.
Rose: It's awfully pretty.
Lily: It's my favorite because it's the only one I can clearly remember. I remember what it looks like, and I remember what it looks like on me, and because of that I wear it all the time!
Rose: You'll adjust...
Lily: I don't want to adjust! I want to be the person that I used to be!
Rose: But you have to face the truth, you need help! Now you can deal with it, but you can't do it all by yourself!
Lily: [crying] Rose, all my life I've done everything I wanted to do, nothing's ever stood in my way before. For the past six months that's how I've been trying to deal with everything! I thought that I could overcome this thing by myself! I guess that deep down inside I thought I could make it go away. But I can't. Every morning when I wake up it's still there, and that terrifies me! Rose, I do need your help. That's why I came to Miami, to ask you to come home with me! Oh Rose, please come home with me! I can't make it by myself! [Lily and Rose embrace as Lily sobs]
Rose: It's awfully pretty.
Lily: It's my favorite because it's the only one I can clearly remember. I remember what it looks like, and I remember what it looks like on me, and because of that I wear it all the time!
Rose: You'll adjust...
Lily: I don't want to adjust! I want to be the person that I used to be!
Rose: But you have to face the truth, you need help! Now you can deal with it, but you can't do it all by yourself!
Lily: [crying] Rose, all my life I've done everything I wanted to do, nothing's ever stood in my way before. For the past six months that's how I've been trying to deal with everything! I thought that I could overcome this thing by myself! I guess that deep down inside I thought I could make it go away. But I can't. Every morning when I wake up it's still there, and that terrifies me! Rose, I do need your help. That's why I came to Miami, to ask you to come home with me! Oh Rose, please come home with me! I can't make it by myself! [Lily and Rose embrace as Lily sobs]
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [telling a story about "guilt"] Just about the time that George and I were getting serious, he was shipped off to Korea. Well, I wanted to do my part for the war effort so I took a job in a factory that made canteens. I figured that one of the canteens that I had riveted would find its way to George, and his lips would drink from the galvanized spout I had so lovingly fashioned, thereby symbolically reuniting us.
Rose: Blanche, that's a beautiful reason to take that job.
Blanche: Well, that wasn't the only reason. That factory also had a comprehensive dental plan, and I was in desperate need of a bridge and two crowns.
Dorothy: War is hell.
Blanche: So were my teeth. Anyway, while I was working on the assembly line, I met a young man named Andrew Beandorf. Oh, it was just a platonic thing, we just went out to the movies and dinner, but when George came home on leave, he was furious. He accused me unjustly of infidelity, while he was off fightin' in some foreign land, some God-forsaken land where people didn't even believe in Jesus, and he forbade me ever to see Andrew again. So of course I didn't.
Dorothy: So you lost a good friend, just because George made you feel guilty about it.
Blanche: That's right. I lost a good friend, and a wonderful companion, and an excellent lover!
Rose: An excellent lover???
Blanche: [laughing] Did I say excellent lover? I meant excellent riveter.
Dorothy: I can understand how you could confuse the two.
Rose: Blanche, that's a beautiful reason to take that job.
Blanche: Well, that wasn't the only reason. That factory also had a comprehensive dental plan, and I was in desperate need of a bridge and two crowns.
Dorothy: War is hell.
Blanche: So were my teeth. Anyway, while I was working on the assembly line, I met a young man named Andrew Beandorf. Oh, it was just a platonic thing, we just went out to the movies and dinner, but when George came home on leave, he was furious. He accused me unjustly of infidelity, while he was off fightin' in some foreign land, some God-forsaken land where people didn't even believe in Jesus, and he forbade me ever to see Andrew again. So of course I didn't.
Dorothy: So you lost a good friend, just because George made you feel guilty about it.
Blanche: That's right. I lost a good friend, and a wonderful companion, and an excellent lover!
Rose: An excellent lover???
Blanche: [laughing] Did I say excellent lover? I meant excellent riveter.
Dorothy: I can understand how you could confuse the two.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Cowboy #2: Howdy, ladies. My name's Rusty. I don't recollect seeing you two fillies 'round these parts. Mind if a lonesome cowboy puts his saddlebags 'round your campf...
Dorothy: Give us a break, would you mac!
Dorothy: Give us a break, would you mac!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Oh Sophia, I want to explain about last night. When I was a little girl one summer we had a terrible thunderstorm...
Sophia: Excuse me Rose, have I given any indication at all that I care?
Sophia: Excuse me Rose, have I given any indication at all that I care?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: At that moment, I was convinced I'd blown it. I was sure I'd made a bad first impression. But then I met Rose and I realized I could've shown up naked and playing a ukelele and still gotten the room.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [after she wins the coin toss to decide who gets the room Blanche had promised to both her and Dorothy] Don't worry, Dorothy, I'll make it up to you. If there's ever a night when you can't sleep, I'll come into your room and sing "Kumbaya".
Dorothy: Rose, I don't know what to say. Yes, I do: Don't ever do that.
Dorothy: Rose, I don't know what to say. Yes, I do: Don't ever do that.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Madame Zelda: Was a young woman in a nurse's uniform murdered in this house with a handsaw?
Blanche: Heavens, no!
Madame Zelda: Are you sure? I'm getting a strong vibration. I see a woman in a white uniform, writhing and screaming. And there's a man kneeling over her.
Blanche: Well, if it was last Wednesday, that was me and the gentleman I'm currently dating. But that was a French maid's uniform.
Blanche: Heavens, no!
Madame Zelda: Are you sure? I'm getting a strong vibration. I see a woman in a white uniform, writhing and screaming. And there's a man kneeling over her.
Blanche: Well, if it was last Wednesday, that was me and the gentleman I'm currently dating. But that was a French maid's uniform.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: It was at that moment I realized that my bosoms had the power to make music!
Dorothy: Didn't Bette Midler win a special Grammy for that?
Dorothy: Didn't Bette Midler win a special Grammy for that?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [about the movie Psycho] It's the reason I prefer not to shower alone.
Dorothy: Sure, Blanche, and Goldilocks and the Three Bears is why you prefer not to sleep alone.
Dorothy: Sure, Blanche, and Goldilocks and the Three Bears is why you prefer not to sleep alone.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Do the minks have to be killed [for fur]?
Sophia: No, Rose, many women like wearing coats that urinate.
Sophia: No, Rose, many women like wearing coats that urinate.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Excuse me, you made a mistake. Those peaches aren't 59 cents a pound, they're 89 cents. Honesty is the best policy.
Blanche: What are you trying to do, qualify for some scout badge?
Rose: Well, I can't help it if I'm an honest person. Obviously something you don't know anything about.
Blanche: What are you talking about?
Rose: Well, you bought pantyhose in petite. Anybody could see, you couldn't get those past your knees!
Blanche: If you don't keep your voice down, I'm going to hit you in the head with this loin of pork.
Dorothy: [looks at loin of pork] Oh, Blanche, c'mon, 15 dollars and 99 cents?! Now this is too extravagant! I'm not going in on this, besides, I don't even like loin of pork.
Blanche: Well fine, I'm not going in on this night stick.
Dorothy: This is a pepperoni.
Blanche: It's obnoxious.
Rose: Oh, excuse me, you made a mistake, that Windex isn't on sale this week. The regular price is $1.99.
Dorothy: Rose, why don't you just save it for the The Price is Right?!
Rose: Excuse me for trying to be a good American.
Blanche: Would you two please keep your voices down?! I have shopped and dated extensively throughout this market!
Dorothy: That does it, that does it, I am shopping for myself.
Rose: Fine, Blanche and I will do very nicely on our own.
Blanche: Oh no, I'm not shopping with you, Mary Poppins.
Rose: Fine!
Blanche: What are you trying to do, qualify for some scout badge?
Rose: Well, I can't help it if I'm an honest person. Obviously something you don't know anything about.
Blanche: What are you talking about?
Rose: Well, you bought pantyhose in petite. Anybody could see, you couldn't get those past your knees!
Blanche: If you don't keep your voice down, I'm going to hit you in the head with this loin of pork.
Dorothy: [looks at loin of pork] Oh, Blanche, c'mon, 15 dollars and 99 cents?! Now this is too extravagant! I'm not going in on this, besides, I don't even like loin of pork.
Blanche: Well fine, I'm not going in on this night stick.
Dorothy: This is a pepperoni.
Blanche: It's obnoxious.
Rose: Oh, excuse me, you made a mistake, that Windex isn't on sale this week. The regular price is $1.99.
Dorothy: Rose, why don't you just save it for the The Price is Right?!
Rose: Excuse me for trying to be a good American.
Blanche: Would you two please keep your voices down?! I have shopped and dated extensively throughout this market!
Dorothy: That does it, that does it, I am shopping for myself.
Rose: Fine, Blanche and I will do very nicely on our own.
Blanche: Oh no, I'm not shopping with you, Mary Poppins.
Rose: Fine!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: All right, who put the Raisin Bran in the refrigerator?
Dorothy: I did, do you have a problem with that?
Blanche: Yes I do, I have two problems with it. First, there isn't room enough for it and second, it does not go in the refrigerator, it goes in the cabinet.
Dorothy: It does not go in the cabinet. It stays fresher in the refrigerator.
Blanche: No, it does not stay fresher in the refrigerator; if it stayed fresher in the refrigerator there would be a sign on it saying "refrigerate."
Rose: Actually, you're both wrong. It does not go in the cabinet and doesn't stay fresher in the refrigerator, it belongs in a glass canister. Not only is it visually appealing but you could see if they cheated you out of raisins. I thought everybody knew that.
Dorothy: You know, until I met you, Rose, I didn't know that people actually talked back to their Rice Krispies.
Dorothy: I did, do you have a problem with that?
Blanche: Yes I do, I have two problems with it. First, there isn't room enough for it and second, it does not go in the refrigerator, it goes in the cabinet.
Dorothy: It does not go in the cabinet. It stays fresher in the refrigerator.
Blanche: No, it does not stay fresher in the refrigerator; if it stayed fresher in the refrigerator there would be a sign on it saying "refrigerate."
Rose: Actually, you're both wrong. It does not go in the cabinet and doesn't stay fresher in the refrigerator, it belongs in a glass canister. Not only is it visually appealing but you could see if they cheated you out of raisins. I thought everybody knew that.
Dorothy: You know, until I met you, Rose, I didn't know that people actually talked back to their Rice Krispies.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Store Worker: Those are very nice cantaloupes.
Blanche: [thinking he meant her breasts] Why thank you.
Blanche: [thinking he meant her breasts] Why thank you.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: I also happen to have a room for rent, and the name is Blanche Devereaux.
Rose: Why would you name a room Blanche Devereaux?
Rose: Why would you name a room Blanche Devereaux?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Madame Zelda: Mrs. Devereaux, you must leave this house at once. It is possessed by an evil spirit.
Blanche: Actually, it's possessed by Miami Federal. And at 7%, you couldn't blast me out of here.
Blanche: Actually, it's possessed by Miami Federal. And at 7%, you couldn't blast me out of here.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: No one in my family has ever seen a psychiatrist... except of course, when they were institutionalized!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
[After an emotional Blanche runs into her bedroom, Dorothy and Rose run after her]
Rose: She's in there!
Dorothy: Really, Columbo?
Rose: She's in there!
Dorothy: Really, Columbo?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
[The girls discuss the strangeness of psychiatrists]
Sophia: Did you see him? Total fruitcake! We're talking serial murderer!
Rose: Well, if somebody tries to murder cereal, he should see a psychiatrist. [laughs]
Dorothy: Don't talk for the rest of the afternoon.
Sophia: Did you see him? Total fruitcake! We're talking serial murderer!
Rose: Well, if somebody tries to murder cereal, he should see a psychiatrist. [laughs]
Dorothy: Don't talk for the rest of the afternoon.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [on menopause] What is the big deal, Blanche? It's nothing. Look at it this way: you don't get cramps once a month. You don't go on eating binges once a month. You don't get crazy once a month.
Sophia: You just grow a beard.
Dorothy: Don't listen to her, Blanche.
Sophia: You grow a beard, Dorothy! Believe me, I woke up one morning, I looked like Arafat!
Blanche: Oh, my GOD!
Rose: I never grew a beard!
Sophia: You never grew brains, either!
Sophia: You just grow a beard.
Dorothy: Don't listen to her, Blanche.
Sophia: You grow a beard, Dorothy! Believe me, I woke up one morning, I looked like Arafat!
Blanche: Oh, my GOD!
Rose: I never grew a beard!
Sophia: You never grew brains, either!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: It is not a fly, Rose.
Rose: Spanish Fly is not a fly?
Dorothy: No.
Rose: What is it?
Dorothy: It's a beetle.
Rose': They call it a fly, but it's really a beetle?
Dorothy: Yes.
Rose: How do they know it's Spanish?
Dorothy: Because it wears a little sombrero, Rose!
Rose: Well why don't they just call it a beetle...Spanish Beetle?
Dorothy: Because they call it Spanish Fly.
Rose: Then what do they call their flies?
Dorothy: I DON'T CARE, ROSE!!! Forget it! I don't care! The minks can just sit there and we'll lose all our money! I don't care! Just don't mention Spanish Fly to me ever again!
Rose: You're really touchy about these Spanish Flies, aren't you.
Rose: Spanish Fly is not a fly?
Dorothy: No.
Rose: What is it?
Dorothy: It's a beetle.
Rose': They call it a fly, but it's really a beetle?
Dorothy: Yes.
Rose: How do they know it's Spanish?
Dorothy: Because it wears a little sombrero, Rose!
Rose: Well why don't they just call it a beetle...Spanish Beetle?
Dorothy: Because they call it Spanish Fly.
Rose: Then what do they call their flies?
Dorothy: I DON'T CARE, ROSE!!! Forget it! I don't care! The minks can just sit there and we'll lose all our money! I don't care! Just don't mention Spanish Fly to me ever again!
Rose: You're really touchy about these Spanish Flies, aren't you.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [upon learning that she's not invited to see Burt Reynolds with the others] Fine, break an old lady's heart. If you need me I'll be out back with the rest of the garbage!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: My God, you're Mr. Burt Reynolds.
Burt Reynolds: I sure hope so. If not, I've got the wrong underwear on.
Burt Reynolds: I sure hope so. If not, I've got the wrong underwear on.
TV Show: The Golden Girls