The Golden Girls Quotes
Stan: Ask me anything.
Sophia: All right, when the hell are you moving out?
Stan: You kill me.
Sophia: I'd love to.
Sophia: All right, when the hell are you moving out?
Stan: You kill me.
Sophia: I'd love to.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Sophia, is that a Captain Jack's Seafood Shanty uniform you're wearing?
Sophia: No, Rose, I'm off to discover the Straits of Magellan. Yo ho!
Sophia: No, Rose, I'm off to discover the Straits of Magellan. Yo ho!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: I am abhorred!
Sophia: We know what you are Blanche. I'm glad to finally hear you admit it.
Blanche: Sophia, I said "abhorred".
Sophia: A whore, a slut, a tramp, it's all the same.
Sophia: We know what you are Blanche. I'm glad to finally hear you admit it.
Blanche: Sophia, I said "abhorred".
Sophia: A whore, a slut, a tramp, it's all the same.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [describing what she saw] And at the information desk was this huge train schedule. And next to every departure it said "Destination: Heaven." My first thought was, "Gee, what a great title for a movie!" My second thought was "Damn! I'm dead!"
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [about why the baby, Emily, is crying] She probably misses her mother, needs to hear a feminine voice.
Dorothy: [holding Emily] And what have I been doing, my Ben Gazzara impression?
Dorothy: [holding Emily] And what have I been doing, my Ben Gazzara impression?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: You're absolutely right Dorothy. And I'll tell you something else. A mother sometimes needs her children even more.
Dorothy: Thank you, Ma. That's very sweet.
Sophia: Give me twenty dollars.
Dorothy: No.
Dorothy: Thank you, Ma. That's very sweet.
Sophia: Give me twenty dollars.
Dorothy: No.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Oh darn, I forgot something.
Blanche: Go in your pajamas!
Rose: No, it's not that, I forgot to say my prayers.
Dorothy: Oh Rose, God wouldn't mind if you skipped a night! He's very busy these days, most of his spare time is spent talking to Pat Robertson.
Blanche: Go in your pajamas!
Rose: No, it's not that, I forgot to say my prayers.
Dorothy: Oh Rose, God wouldn't mind if you skipped a night! He's very busy these days, most of his spare time is spent talking to Pat Robertson.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [deep voice, pretending to be God] Rose, thanks for the lovely prayer. Now shut up and get into bed.
Rose: Amen! [gets into bed]
Blanche: Nice work, Dorothy.
Dorothy: Wasn't me.
Blanche: [starts to look worried] Sweet Jesus, am I in trouble! [begins to pray] Now I lay me down to sleep...
Rose: Amen! [gets into bed]
Blanche: Nice work, Dorothy.
Dorothy: Wasn't me.
Blanche: [starts to look worried] Sweet Jesus, am I in trouble! [begins to pray] Now I lay me down to sleep...
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: I slept with my two brothers until I was seventeen. I was engaged to one for a very short period of time, but that's a separate story.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: What are you doing?
Blanche: I am contouring my eyebrows. I use Miss Christie Brinkley as a guide because we have exactly the same bone structure. I just hope she doesn't let herself go to pot after that baby comes. I don't want that big-eyed husband of hers coming after me.
Rose: I never do very much with my eyebrows.
Blanche: That's why from the nose up, you look like Wilford Brimley.
Blanche: I am contouring my eyebrows. I use Miss Christie Brinkley as a guide because we have exactly the same bone structure. I just hope she doesn't let herself go to pot after that baby comes. I don't want that big-eyed husband of hers coming after me.
Rose: I never do very much with my eyebrows.
Blanche: That's why from the nose up, you look like Wilford Brimley.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Ma, don't be ridiculous, just turn up the heat.
Sophia: It's already on 9. On 10, you can cook a Lean Cuisine!
Sophia: It's already on 9. On 10, you can cook a Lean Cuisine!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [hearing a noise] Did you hear that?
Sophia: Yeah, and while I'm in my own bed, I'll do what I want! [others back away]
Sophia: Yeah, and while I'm in my own bed, I'll do what I want! [others back away]
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Stationmaster: Y'all may think this sounds kinda silly, but we actually printed "Our trains leave early" right on the town seal.
Rose: You have a town seal? Can he play a song on those little horns?
Stationmaster: No, but he can balance a ball on his nose if you throw him a catfish first!
Blanche: This is like the Twilight Zone. Somehow we got on a train that ended up inside Rose's mind.
Rose: You have a town seal? Can he play a song on those little horns?
Stationmaster: No, but he can balance a ball on his nose if you throw him a catfish first!
Blanche: This is like the Twilight Zone. Somehow we got on a train that ended up inside Rose's mind.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: Eighty-one years I've eaten fish on Friday, even when the Pope told me I didn't have to. I go to Mass, I light candles, I say novenas, and for what? So it could all be flushed down the toilet because my daughter insists on going out with Father Happy Pants!
Dorothy: Ma, you're not making it any easier.
Sophia: Look, Dorothy, in the end only you can decide what's right for you, and whatever decision it is, I'll stand by it.
Dorothy: Thanks, Ma.
Sophia: Just remember, make the wrong decision, you'll burn in hell forever. Sleep tight, Pussycat.
Dorothy: Ma, you're not making it any easier.
Sophia: Look, Dorothy, in the end only you can decide what's right for you, and whatever decision it is, I'll stand by it.
Dorothy: Thanks, Ma.
Sophia: Just remember, make the wrong decision, you'll burn in hell forever. Sleep tight, Pussycat.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [describing a dream she had] I was a contestant on The Dating Game, and I won. I went around the corner to meet the bachelor who picked me, and it was the Pope.
Blanche: Boy, that is a tough one. Where'd you go on the date?
Dorothy: Oh, forget it, forget it, good night Blanche.
Blanche: Boy, that is a tough one. Where'd you go on the date?
Dorothy: Oh, forget it, forget it, good night Blanche.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
[Dorothy is embarrassed to find out that her date is actually a priest.]
Fr. Leahy: You look lovely tonight.
Dorothy: I look like the mother of a Solid Gold dancer.
Fr. Leahy: You look lovely tonight.
Dorothy: I look like the mother of a Solid Gold dancer.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: Rose, I found my lucky handkerchief.
Rose: Where was it?
Sophia: It was in my bra.
Rose: What was it doing in your bra?
Sophia: I was blowing my breasts, Rose.
Rose: Where was it?
Sophia: It was in my bra.
Rose: What was it doing in your bra?
Sophia: I was blowing my breasts, Rose.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
[Blanche and Dorothy are role-playing to rehearse Dorothy's plan to invite Frank over for dinner, Blanche as Dorothy and Dorothy as Frank.]
Blanche: Why Frank, you know, I've been thinkin', this is the third Saturday of our relationship and I don't even know what you like to eat. Why don't you come over for dinner this Saturday night and let me find out what [breathy and seductively] whets your appetite?
Dorothy: And what are you serving for dessert, Blanche, penicillin?
Blanche: Why Frank, you know, I've been thinkin', this is the third Saturday of our relationship and I don't even know what you like to eat. Why don't you come over for dinner this Saturday night and let me find out what [breathy and seductively] whets your appetite?
Dorothy: And what are you serving for dessert, Blanche, penicillin?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [meeting Frank for the first time, is stunned that he is a priest] Good evening, Father. My, my, this must be an important cause. Don't you usually make the nuns ask for money? I'll get my purse.
Frank: I- I'm Frank. I'm here to see Dorothy.
Blanche: You're the hunk? I mean... forgive me, Father. That is, forgive my language, uh- not in your official capacity. I'm not even Catholic, I'm a Baptist and you can't forgive us Baptists. ... Sweet Jesus, why am I babblin'? ... I meant that in all due reverence. I never take the Lord's name in vain. Oh God, now I'm lyin' to a priest! Why don't you just come on in and sit down? I'm, I'm Blanche, I'm Dorothy's roommate. Would you get the door?
Frank: Dorothy's told me a great deal about you.
Blanche: [nervously]] Well, she seems to have left out one itty-bitty detail about you.
Frank: That I'm a priest?
Blanche: Uh-huh.
Frank: She didn't know.
Blanche: What'd she think, you were just a boring dresser?
Frank: She's never seen me in cleric's clothing.
Blanche: I didn't know you priests could take your clothes off.
Frank: We do a lot of things real people do.
Blanche: Except for one very important thing. Boy, is that gonna put a hitch in Dorothy's plans.
Frank: I- I'm Frank. I'm here to see Dorothy.
Blanche: You're the hunk? I mean... forgive me, Father. That is, forgive my language, uh- not in your official capacity. I'm not even Catholic, I'm a Baptist and you can't forgive us Baptists. ... Sweet Jesus, why am I babblin'? ... I meant that in all due reverence. I never take the Lord's name in vain. Oh God, now I'm lyin' to a priest! Why don't you just come on in and sit down? I'm, I'm Blanche, I'm Dorothy's roommate. Would you get the door?
Frank: Dorothy's told me a great deal about you.
Blanche: [nervously]] Well, she seems to have left out one itty-bitty detail about you.
Frank: That I'm a priest?
Blanche: Uh-huh.
Frank: She didn't know.
Blanche: What'd she think, you were just a boring dresser?
Frank: She's never seen me in cleric's clothing.
Blanche: I didn't know you priests could take your clothes off.
Frank: We do a lot of things real people do.
Blanche: Except for one very important thing. Boy, is that gonna put a hitch in Dorothy's plans.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [in confessional at church] I'm not here to confess, Father, I did that a day and a half ago. At my age, how much can I sin? What, I had an impure thought? I'd kill to have an impure thought. But that would be two sins. But now I'm telling you your business. Let me get to the real point of my visit. It's about you and my daughter. I know everything, and frankly, I'm not thrilled.
[Cut to inside the confessional. Sophia thinks the priest she is talking to is Frank, but it's actually a different priest. The priest inside the confessional looks horrified.]
Sophia: Of course, if you want to break your mother's heart and leave the priesthood, that's between you and the Vatican. But there are a few things you should know about Dorothy before you get carried away.
Deacon: [outside confessional] So, Frank, have you made your decision?
Frank: I think I can serve God and the Church better as a teaching priest at St. Helen instead of a parish priest here.
Deacon: Well, we're gonna miss you around here.
Sophia: [inside confessional, still thinking she is talking to Frank] Look, I know priests are men and they have urges. What is it, lust? It'll pass. I do without, you get used to it. Get cable TV.
[Cut to inside the confessional. Sophia thinks the priest she is talking to is Frank, but it's actually a different priest. The priest inside the confessional looks horrified.]
Sophia: Of course, if you want to break your mother's heart and leave the priesthood, that's between you and the Vatican. But there are a few things you should know about Dorothy before you get carried away.
Deacon: [outside confessional] So, Frank, have you made your decision?
Frank: I think I can serve God and the Church better as a teaching priest at St. Helen instead of a parish priest here.
Deacon: Well, we're gonna miss you around here.
Sophia: [inside confessional, still thinking she is talking to Frank] Look, I know priests are men and they have urges. What is it, lust? It'll pass. I do without, you get used to it. Get cable TV.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [seeing Frank as a priest for the first time] ...tell me that's a Nehru jacket.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: I will not have that filthy beast in my house! It belongs in a barnyard!
Rose: This is not a farm chicken. Count Bessie is a showbiz chicken! Wait'll you see this! [exits]
Blanche: [to Dorothy] A showbiz chicken. What she do, play the piano?
Rose: [re-enters with a mini-piano] She plays the piano!
Rose: This is not a farm chicken. Count Bessie is a showbiz chicken! Wait'll you see this! [exits]
Blanche: [to Dorothy] A showbiz chicken. What she do, play the piano?
Rose: [re-enters with a mini-piano] She plays the piano!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [sees Angela at the door] Aunt Angela!
Angela: No, Sophia Loren. I stopped using Oil of Olay.
Angela: No, Sophia Loren. I stopped using Oil of Olay.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [on Tony] He's the best catch in town! He's got his own hair, his own teeth, and a totally unrestricted driver's license. Hey, at my age, that's like dating Tom Cruise!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Sophia says she has no appetite since she was stabbed in the back.
Rose: Oh my God, who stabbed Sophia?!
Dorothy: The chef at Benihana, Rose.
Rose: Oh my God, who stabbed Sophia?!
Dorothy: The chef at Benihana, Rose.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [to Sophia and Angela] Gosh, you two made such a fantastic meal, I can't imagine what you came up with for dessert.
Rose: I made dessert!
Blanche: Damn.
Rose: What'd you say, Blanche?
Blanche: "Yum," I said "yum."
Dorothy: Rose, is this another one of those Scandinavian Viking concoctions?
Rose: Yes! It's called Geneuckenfluegen Cake. It's an ancient recipe, but I Americanized it.
Dorothy: So one might say you brought "Geneuckenfluegen" into the '80s?
Rose: Yes, but I'm not one to blow my own greteugenfruegen.
Sophia: I can't even reach mine!
Rose: I made dessert!
Blanche: Damn.
Rose: What'd you say, Blanche?
Blanche: "Yum," I said "yum."
Dorothy: Rose, is this another one of those Scandinavian Viking concoctions?
Rose: Yes! It's called Geneuckenfluegen Cake. It's an ancient recipe, but I Americanized it.
Dorothy: So one might say you brought "Geneuckenfluegen" into the '80s?
Rose: Yes, but I'm not one to blow my own greteugenfruegen.
Sophia: I can't even reach mine!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: Everything I have, you try to steal. May the bags under your eyes grow so large your head falls in 'em!
Angela: May your shampoo get mixed up with your Preparation H and shrink your head to the size of a mushroom!!
Angela: May your shampoo get mixed up with your Preparation H and shrink your head to the size of a mushroom!!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Rose, honey, you've got to stop torturing yourself like this! Now Count Bessie is gone!
Rose: I know. It's just such a tragedy. Who cooks a musician at the height of her career?
Blanche: Rose, you've got to put this in perspective. Count Bessie was a chicken. It's not as if Angela had fried up Doc Severinsen!
Dorothy: [enters the kitchen] How are you doing, Rose?
Blanche: Not very good, Dorothy.
Dorothy: Oh, honey, now listen, you may not think so now, but in a few days, you'll feel better.
Rose: No, I won't. Because Mrs. Butell will be back by then. What am I supposed to say? "Welcome home! How was your trip? Oh, by the way..." [holds up Tupperware and starts to cry] "...here's Count Bessie!"
Rose: I know. It's just such a tragedy. Who cooks a musician at the height of her career?
Blanche: Rose, you've got to put this in perspective. Count Bessie was a chicken. It's not as if Angela had fried up Doc Severinsen!
Dorothy: [enters the kitchen] How are you doing, Rose?
Blanche: Not very good, Dorothy.
Dorothy: Oh, honey, now listen, you may not think so now, but in a few days, you'll feel better.
Rose: No, I won't. Because Mrs. Butell will be back by then. What am I supposed to say? "Welcome home! How was your trip? Oh, by the way..." [holds up Tupperware and starts to cry] "...here's Count Bessie!"
TV Show: The Golden Girls
[the girls are watching Rose's video]
Rose: That's Sophia walking into the kitchen.
Sophia: I didn't know Fess Parker was in this picture.
Dorothy: Ma, what're you doing?
Sophia: I'm mugging for the camera.
Dorothy: You're mugging me! You're stealing out of my pocket!
Sophia: I'm checking to make sure you have the exact change for the bus... now I'm stealing.
Rose: That's Sophia walking into the kitchen.
Sophia: I didn't know Fess Parker was in this picture.
Dorothy: Ma, what're you doing?
Sophia: I'm mugging for the camera.
Dorothy: You're mugging me! You're stealing out of my pocket!
Sophia: I'm checking to make sure you have the exact change for the bus... now I'm stealing.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Oh my god, is that me?!
Rose: Oh, that's my fault, Blanche, I was out of focus.
Sophia: You're always out of focus.
Blanche: No, I look old, I look ancient, I look all wrinkled up and shriveled like a prune!
Sophia: It could be worse, she could look like Fess Parker.
Rose: Oh, that's my fault, Blanche, I was out of focus.
Sophia: You're always out of focus.
Blanche: No, I look old, I look ancient, I look all wrinkled up and shriveled like a prune!
Sophia: It could be worse, she could look like Fess Parker.
TV Show: The Golden Girls