The Lego Batman Movie Quotes
Robin: My name's Richard Grayson, but all the kids at the orphanage call me Dick.
Batman: Well, children can be cruel.
Batman: Well, children can be cruel.
Movie: The Lego Batman Movie
Alfred Pennyworth: Were you looking at the old family pictures again?
Batman: At the what? The old family... Oh, yes! I see what you mean. Look at that! The old gang. Yeah. No, I wasn't.
Alfred Pennyworth: I see. Sir, if you don't mind my saying, I'm a little concerned. I've seen you go through similar phases in 2016 and 2012 and 2008 and 2005 and 1997 and 1995 and 1992 and 1989 and that weird one in 1966. Do you want to talk about how you're feeling right now?
Batman: I don't talks about feelings, Alfred. I don't have any, I've never seen one. I'm a night-stalking, crime-fighting vigilante, and a heavy metal rapping machine. I don't feel anything emotionally, except for rage. 24/7, 365, at a million percent. And if you think that there's something behind that, then you're crazy. Good night, Alfred.
Alfred Pennyworth: Sir, it's morning.
Batman: At the what? The old family... Oh, yes! I see what you mean. Look at that! The old gang. Yeah. No, I wasn't.
Alfred Pennyworth: I see. Sir, if you don't mind my saying, I'm a little concerned. I've seen you go through similar phases in 2016 and 2012 and 2008 and 2005 and 1997 and 1995 and 1992 and 1989 and that weird one in 1966. Do you want to talk about how you're feeling right now?
Batman: I don't talks about feelings, Alfred. I don't have any, I've never seen one. I'm a night-stalking, crime-fighting vigilante, and a heavy metal rapping machine. I don't feel anything emotionally, except for rage. 24/7, 365, at a million percent. And if you think that there's something behind that, then you're crazy. Good night, Alfred.
Alfred Pennyworth: Sir, it's morning.
Movie: The Lego Batman Movie
[from trailer] Batgirl: Why did you build this thing with only one seat?
Batman: Because last I checked I only had one butt
Batman: Because last I checked I only had one butt
Movie: The Lego Batman Movie
[first lines] Batman: [voice over]Black. All important movies start with a black screen... And music... Edgy, scary music that would make a parent or studio executive nervous... And logos... Really long and dramatic logos... Warner Bros. Why not Warner Brothers? I don't know... DC... The house that Batman built. Yeah, what, Superman? Come at me, bro. I'm your Kryptonite... Hmm... Not sure what RatPac does, but that logo is macho. I dig it... Okay. Get yourself ready for some... reading. If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change. Hooo. No. I said that. Batman is very wise. I also have huge pecs and a nine-pack. Yeah, I've got an extra ab. Now, let's start the movie.
Movie: The Lego Batman Movie
[from trailer] Robin: What? [Sees Batcave]
Robin: It's the Batcave! Ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygooo-! [Bumps into Batman]
Robin: Batman, woah!
Batman: You're darn right, woah!
Robin: Wait, does Batman live in Bruce Wayne's basement?
Batman: No, Bruce Wayne lives in Batman's attic.
Robin: It's the Batcave! Ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygooo-! [Bumps into Batman]
Robin: Batman, woah!
Batman: You're darn right, woah!
Robin: Wait, does Batman live in Bruce Wayne's basement?
Batman: No, Bruce Wayne lives in Batman's attic.
Movie: The Lego Batman Movie
The Joker: Hold on a sec. Are you trying to tell me that Bruce Wayne is Batman... 's roommate?
Movie: The Lego Batman Movie
The Joker: [from trailer]You wanna play games, do you Batman? Save the city or catch your greatest enemy!
Batman: You think you're my greatest enemy?
The Joker: Who else drives you to one-up them the way I do?
Batman: Superman.
The Joker: Superman's not a bad guy!
Batman: I like to fight around.
The Joker: You're seriously saying that there's nothing special about us?
Batman: There is no us. Never will be.
Batman: You think you're my greatest enemy?
The Joker: Who else drives you to one-up them the way I do?
Batman: Superman.
The Joker: Superman's not a bad guy!
Batman: I like to fight around.
The Joker: You're seriously saying that there's nothing special about us?
Batman: There is no us. Never will be.
Movie: The Lego Batman Movie
The Riddler: [after he and the rest of the villains are trapped inside a giant box]Riddle me this! What just happened?
Movie: The Lego Batman Movie
Batman: What am I gonna do? Get a bunch of criminals together to fight the criminals? That's a stupid idea.
Movie: The Lego Batman Movie
The Joker: Are you seriously saying there is nothing, nothing special about our relationship?
Batman: Whoa. Let me tell you something, J-bird. Batman doesn't do 'ships.
The Joker: [Confused]What?
Batman: As in relationships. There is no us. Batman and Joker are not a thing. I don't need you. I don't need anyone. You mean nothing to me. No one does.
Batman: Whoa. Let me tell you something, J-bird. Batman doesn't do 'ships.
The Joker: [Confused]What?
Batman: As in relationships. There is no us. Batman and Joker are not a thing. I don't need you. I don't need anyone. You mean nothing to me. No one does.
Movie: The Lego Batman Movie
The Joker: Hey Batman! Joker's home. [laughts]
The Joker: I'm rubbing my butt all over your stuff. We're go Gonna have to rename this the Butt-mobile.
The Joker: I'm rubbing my butt all over your stuff. We're go Gonna have to rename this the Butt-mobile.
Movie: The Lego Batman Movie
Batman: [from trailer]Hey mom, hey dad, I um, I saved the city again today, I think you would have been really proud.
Movie: The Lego Batman Movie
Robin: Hey, I was thinking. If I'm gonna be a superhero, and go on awesome superhero missions like this one, can we use code names? Mine can be Robin.
Batman: I'm sorry, say that again?
Robin: Robin.
Batman: As in the small, Midwestern frail bird?
Robin: Yeah, and I already have a catch phrase. Tweet, tweet, on the street.
Batman: Hard pass.
Robin: And a song. [singing]
Robin: Fly, Robin, fly.
Batman: Harder pass.
Batman: I'm sorry, say that again?
Robin: Robin.
Batman: As in the small, Midwestern frail bird?
Robin: Yeah, and I already have a catch phrase. Tweet, tweet, on the street.
Batman: Hard pass.
Robin: And a song. [singing]
Robin: Fly, Robin, fly.
Batman: Harder pass.
Movie: The Lego Batman Movie
The Joker: [Continuing to list villains]Mr. Freeze, Penguin, Crazy Quilt, Eraser, Polka-Dot Man, Mime, Tarantula, King Tut, Orca, Killer Moth, March Harriet, Zodiac Master, Gentlemen Ghost, Clock King, Calendar Man, Kite Man, Catman, Zebra-Man, and the Condiment King!
Pilot Bill: Okay, are you making some of those up?
The Joker: Nope, they're all real. Probably worth a Google.
Pilot Bill: Okay, are you making some of those up?
The Joker: Nope, they're all real. Probably worth a Google.
Movie: The Lego Batman Movie
Batman: [from trailer]I deserve this today, today I deserve it. [eats lobster]
Movie: The Lego Batman Movie
The Joker: [Releasing the villains from the Phantom Zone]He's evil, he's magic, and it's about to get tragic. It's Voldemort!
Voldemort: Magic! [Starts zapping police]
Voldemort: You are a fish! You, a frog! You are a fish-frog!
The Joker: He's a 9,000-year-old incarnation of evil, with an eye for jewelry. Give it up for Sauron!
Sauron: Good afternoon, Gotham City. [Fires a beam of fire at Gotham]
The Joker: He likes long, violent walks on historic builds. It's King Kong!
King Kong: Come at me, Gotham!
Voldemort: Magic! [Starts zapping police]
Voldemort: You are a fish! You, a frog! You are a fish-frog!
The Joker: He's a 9,000-year-old incarnation of evil, with an eye for jewelry. Give it up for Sauron!
Sauron: Good afternoon, Gotham City. [Fires a beam of fire at Gotham]
The Joker: He likes long, violent walks on historic builds. It's King Kong!
King Kong: Come at me, Gotham!
Movie: The Lego Batman Movie
Batman: [Batman's song]Who never skips leg day?
Chorus: Batman!
Batman: Who always pays their taxes?
Batman ,
Chorus: Not Batman!
Chorus: Batman!
Batman: Who always pays their taxes?
Batman ,
Chorus: Not Batman!
Movie: The Lego Batman Movie
The Joker: It's gotta be one or the other, Batman. Save the city, or catch your greatest enemy. You can't do both.
Batman: I'm sorry, what did you just say?
The Joker: You can't do both, I said.
Batman: No, I mean the other thing.
The Joker: Save the city, or catch your greatest enemy.
Batman: You think you're my greatest enemy?
The Joker: Yes! You're obsessed with me!
Batman: [blows a raspberry]No, I'm not.
The Joker: Yes you are.
Batman: No I'm not.
The Joker: Yes, you are! Who else drives you to one-up them the way that I do?
Batman: Bane.
The Joker: No, he doesn't.
Batman: Superman.
The Joker: Superman's not a bad guy!
Batman: I'm sorry, what did you just say?
The Joker: You can't do both, I said.
Batman: No, I mean the other thing.
The Joker: Save the city, or catch your greatest enemy.
Batman: You think you're my greatest enemy?
The Joker: Yes! You're obsessed with me!
Batman: [blows a raspberry]No, I'm not.
The Joker: Yes you are.
Batman: No I'm not.
The Joker: Yes, you are! Who else drives you to one-up them the way that I do?
Batman: Bane.
The Joker: No, he doesn't.
Batman: Superman.
The Joker: Superman's not a bad guy!
Movie: The Lego Batman Movie
The Joker: Your city is under attack by Gotham's greatest criminal minds. Including... The Riddler... Scarecrow...
Scarecrow: Pizza delivery.
The Joker: Bane.
Bane: Hello!
The Joker: Two-Face.
Two-Face: We need that door open, baby.
The Joker: Catwoman.
Catwoman: Meow, meow. You're in! Meow, meow.
Scarecrow: Pizza delivery.
The Joker: Bane.
Bane: Hello!
The Joker: Two-Face.
Two-Face: We need that door open, baby.
The Joker: Catwoman.
Catwoman: Meow, meow. You're in! Meow, meow.
Movie: The Lego Batman Movie
The Joker: And rounding out the evil all-stars, Wicked Witch, Medusa, and British robots!
Daleks: Exterminate!
The Joker: Ask your nerd friends.
Daleks: Exterminate!
The Joker: Ask your nerd friends.
Movie: The Lego Batman Movie
Batman: [to Joker]You're the reason why I get up at 4: 00 in the afternoon and pump iron until my chest is positively sick.
Movie: The Lego Batman Movie
Batman: [from trailer][Kicks Alfred into piano]
Batman: Alfred, I am so sorry. I have incredible reflexes.
Alfred Pennyworth: I should have known better than to sneak up on you, Master Bruce.
Batman: Alfred, I am so sorry. I have incredible reflexes.
Alfred Pennyworth: I should have known better than to sneak up on you, Master Bruce.
Movie: The Lego Batman Movie
Barbara Gordon: Why did you build this thing with only one seat?
Batman: 'Cause last time I checked, I only have one butt.
Batman: 'Cause last time I checked, I only have one butt.
Movie: The Lego Batman Movie
[from trailer] Batman: Hey, 'puter, I'm home. [echoes]
Computer: Welcome home, sir. Initializing Batcave music. So, did anything exciting happened today?
Batman: I saved the city again. It was off the chain. Anyway, I should probably have some grub.
Computer: Alfred left your lobster thermidor in the fridge.
Batman: Oh, that's my favorite. I can't wait. [Batman puts the lobster in the microwave, and mistakenly sets it up for 20 minutes]
Batman: Not 20 minutes. Stupid. [He sets it up for 2 minutes and presses the start button as the microwave heats up Batman's lobster for 2 minutes]
Computer: Welcome home, sir. Initializing Batcave music. So, did anything exciting happened today?
Batman: I saved the city again. It was off the chain. Anyway, I should probably have some grub.
Computer: Alfred left your lobster thermidor in the fridge.
Batman: Oh, that's my favorite. I can't wait. [Batman puts the lobster in the microwave, and mistakenly sets it up for 20 minutes]
Batman: Not 20 minutes. Stupid. [He sets it up for 2 minutes and presses the start button as the microwave heats up Batman's lobster for 2 minutes]
Movie: The Lego Batman Movie
Barbara Gordon: Batman's been on the job for a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very long time.
Bruce Wayne: He has aged phenomenally.
Bruce Wayne: He has aged phenomenally.
Movie: The Lego Batman Movie