The Muppet Show Quotes
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Think of the safety. Think of the sense of well-being. And, at last, your family can be protected from the heartbreak of gorilla invasion.
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Nurse Piggy: It's too late, Dr. Bob. We've lost him.
Doctor Bob: Well, he couldn't have gone so far. He was under the sheet just a second ago.
Doctor Bob: Well, he couldn't have gone so far. He was under the sheet just a second ago.
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Rowlf the Dog: You think that's bad? For the first three months of my life there was a newspaper strike!
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Sam the Eagle: If you are like me, and you certainly must be, you are appalled and shocked at the weird, unnatural things going on tonight.
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Kermit: That was great! And, you are just wonderful, Valerie! I tell you, you are going out on that stage a star, but you are gonna be coming back a chorus girl, right?
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Scooter: I – I was just in my star's dressing room, and I saw the most ghoulish, fiendish-looking face in the closet!
Hilda: That was me, clown! And I was hanging up the wardrobe.
Hilda: That was me, clown! And I was hanging up the wardrobe.
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Miss Piggy: [giving Ethel roses] Miss Merman, from all of us, to you.
Ethel: Oh, how kind of you, Miss Piggy...they won't explode, will they?
Ethel: Oh, how kind of you, Miss Piggy...they won't explode, will they?
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Floyd: Me and the gang have decided not to end our gig here...if I can write the new theme song.
Kermit: Oh, that will be fine with me.
Floyd: No, it won't, man.
Kermit: Why, not?
Floyd: You will hate the music! You would not understand it. Nobody understands my music. I mean, I don't even understand it. If I didn't know I was a genius, I wouldn't listen to the trash I wrote.
Kermit: Oh, that will be fine with me.
Floyd: No, it won't, man.
Kermit: Why, not?
Floyd: You will hate the music! You would not understand it. Nobody understands my music. I mean, I don't even understand it. If I didn't know I was a genius, I wouldn't listen to the trash I wrote.
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Gonzo: Oh, hold my hand, pig-of-my-dreams! Just touch me, oh, hog-of-my-heart!
Miss Piggy: Here's a touch for you, wimp-buzzard, HAI-YA!
Miss Piggy: Here's a touch for you, wimp-buzzard, HAI-YA!
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Statler: I know what is wrong, with this show, it's the theater!
Waldorf: What's wrong with it?
Statler: The seats face the stage!
Waldorf: What's wrong with it?
Statler: The seats face the stage!
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Zero: I am not in my dressing room, eating! I am in my dressing room, being eaten!
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Scooter: Oh, what's this?
Fozzie: [in disguise] What does it look it like, small boy I have never seen before?
Fozzie: [in disguise] What does it look it like, small boy I have never seen before?
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Kermit: A tap-dancing chicken act? Gonzo, I've never heard of anything as ridiculous as a dancing chicken.
Gonzo: How about a talking frog?
Gonzo: How about a talking frog?
TV Show: The Muppet Show
J.P. [on the phone]: Yeah, well, sell the hotel on Pennsylvania Avenue, buy all your railroads, and don't forget the 200 dollars, and let him go straight to jail.
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Sam the Eagle [approaches the podium for the announcement]: I just wanted to know that following that last piece of material, I am disassociating myself from this whole, weird, SICK show! [to somebody] What do I do? [leaves the podium]
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Gonzo: Hey, Fozzie, what is on stage next?
Fozzie: I don't know, what's on stage now?
Gonzo: Nothing.
Fozzie: NOTHING'S ON STAGE?
Fozzie: I don't know, what's on stage now?
Gonzo: Nothing.
Fozzie: NOTHING'S ON STAGE?
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Kermit: You have to treat the chickens pretty well, because they've got a very tough union.
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Kermit: Listen, it's very healthy to see what other people in the field are doing. And it is an enriching experience.
Fozzie: Yeah.
Kermit: Hey, Scooter, what's next?
Scooter: Oh, it's a guy named Lenny the Lizard. And he's an emcee.
Kermit: What the hey?
Fozzie: Yeah.
Kermit: Hey, Scooter, what's next?
Scooter: Oh, it's a guy named Lenny the Lizard. And he's an emcee.
Kermit: What the hey?
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Kermit: I'm sorry, but we don't allow any reporters backstage during the show.
Fleet: What a headline! Muppets' Bad Press: Reporter Thrown Out By A Frog!
Kermit: Now, wait! On the other hand, can I offer you a cup of coffee?
Fleet: What a headline! Frog Bribes Reporter: Muppets Desperate For Publicity!
Fleet: What a headline! Muppets' Bad Press: Reporter Thrown Out By A Frog!
Kermit: Now, wait! On the other hand, can I offer you a cup of coffee?
Fleet: What a headline! Frog Bribes Reporter: Muppets Desperate For Publicity!
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Kermit: I mean, you know, if you can afford to pay off the audience, and buy all those flowers, and the fur, and the mail, and all that stuff...
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Statler: [after Miss Mousey's number] Boo! Hiss! Terrible! I hated it!
Waldorf: Really? I kind of liked it.
Statler: Well, the pig doesn't have you in a hammerlock! Boo!
Waldorf: Really? I kind of liked it.
Statler: Well, the pig doesn't have you in a hammerlock! Boo!
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Dr. Teeth: Hey, hey, what's this bummer called again?
Floyd: Minuet in G Major.
Dr. Teeth: Uh, we'll send it back in to the minors.
Floyd: Minuet in G Major.
Dr. Teeth: Uh, we'll send it back in to the minors.
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Link Hogthrob: At least we could have brought a TV set. I'm missing all of my favorite bowling shows.
Piggy: You and your bowling shows! He cries at the sad parts.
Piggy: You and your bowling shows! He cries at the sad parts.
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Floyd: Oh, no, you couldn't take Animal on any long road trips, Lou.
Lou: Why not, man? The cat is good.
Floyd: No, you couldn't get a long enough chain!
Lou: Why not, man? The cat is good.
Floyd: No, you couldn't get a long enough chain!
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Link Hogthrob: First Mate Miss Piggy.
Fozzie: Er, yes, sir!
Link: Did you shave this morning?
Fozzie: Er, yes, sir!
Link: Did you shave this morning?
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Gonzo: [to the cow] Wow, you have got a great pair of legs! In fact, she's got two great pairs of legs!
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Kermit: I can't tell you what a thrill it is to have you on this show.
Jaye P.: Oh, thank you, Kermit. Nice of you to say so. I'd like to say I'm really indifferent about being here.
Jaye P.: Oh, thank you, Kermit. Nice of you to say so. I'd like to say I'm really indifferent about being here.
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Fozzie: Kermit! Kermit! Oh, no... the next act just cancelled.
Kermit: What? But that was a terrific act! Prunella And Her Prancing Poultry.
Fozzie: Yeah. I know, yeah... Kermit, about that poultry, you see, yesterday...the duck hunting season began.
Kermit: What? But that was a terrific act! Prunella And Her Prancing Poultry.
Fozzie: Yeah. I know, yeah... Kermit, about that poultry, you see, yesterday...the duck hunting season began.
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Kermit: Uh, ladies and gentlemen, Switzerland has given us some watches, some chocolate, and some silliness. And, we take you now to the Alps for the latter.
TV Show: The Muppet Show