The Muppet Show Quotes
Gonzo: Kermit, cancel my bread impersonation act! They didn't deliver my poppy seeds. You wouldn't want me to walk out there NAKED, would you?
TV Show: The Muppet Show
First Mate Piggy: All right, that does it. I refuse to continue this sketch, did you hear me?
Capt. Link Hogthrob: Sketch? What sketch? This is the Swinetrek, we're lost in endless space!
Piggy: This is a cheap-shot comedy sketch, and I'll lay you odds the frog wrote it!
Capt. Link Hogthrob: Sketch? What sketch? This is the Swinetrek, we're lost in endless space!
Piggy: This is a cheap-shot comedy sketch, and I'll lay you odds the frog wrote it!
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Parrot: You don't love me any more.
John: Of course I love you. I'm working now!
Parrot: And you're making a lousy job of it.
John: [pulling a gun] You wanna be an ex-parrot?
John: Of course I love you. I'm working now!
Parrot: And you're making a lousy job of it.
John: [pulling a gun] You wanna be an ex-parrot?
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Cloris: All right then, I'll spell it out for you. You are a pig. P-I-G. You are not a frog. F-R-O-G. No, you are not a frog, and nothing that you say will ever convince me that you a frog. Nothing!
Kermit the Pig: Ribbit? Ribbit, rib-bit?
Cloris: Oh, Kermit, it is you!
Kermit the Pig: Ribbit? Ribbit, rib-bit?
Cloris: Oh, Kermit, it is you!
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Gonzo: What's the soup du jour?
Gladys: Same as yesterday.
Gonzo: Good, I'll have that and a chicken.
Gladys: How do you want your chicken? Baked, broiled, or barbecued?
Gonzo: I want the chicken for company!
Gladys: Same as yesterday.
Gonzo: Good, I'll have that and a chicken.
Gladys: How do you want your chicken? Baked, broiled, or barbecued?
Gonzo: I want the chicken for company!
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Annie Sue: [to Miss Piggy] I never thought it could happen. I've been an admirer of yours ever since I was a little baby, you know?
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Kermit: What's all this smoke?
Fozzie: Uh... that is not smoke.
Kermit: It is not smoke? Then what is it?
Fozzie: It's jet exhaust.
Kermit: Jet exhaust?
Fozzie: Oh, look out! Here comes another one!
Fozzie: Uh... that is not smoke.
Kermit: It is not smoke? Then what is it?
Fozzie: It's jet exhaust.
Kermit: Jet exhaust?
Fozzie: Oh, look out! Here comes another one!
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Scooter: [to the stage hands in the rafters] Hey, somebody kill that light!
[Machine gun fire is heard as he turns his back. At the same time that a spotlight drops down, Scooter turns behind him in surprise]
[Machine gun fire is heard as he turns his back. At the same time that a spotlight drops down, Scooter turns behind him in surprise]
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Gilda: [to Bunsen] Well, do you see. I don't mind assisting, but I'm not crazy about the idea of guinea-pigging.
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Janice: I mean, you know, Kermit, sometimes I don't know what space you are coming from.
Kermit: Well, it's just a regular backstage space.
Kermit: Well, it's just a regular backstage space.
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Jean: It's about this next number - I would really rather not do it.
Kermit: What, you mean the number with the pigs dressed as pirates, and the chickens playing some bagpipes, and you dancing with a 7-foot door knob?
Jean: Hmm. It's just one cliche after another.
Kermit: What, you mean the number with the pigs dressed as pirates, and the chickens playing some bagpipes, and you dancing with a 7-foot door knob?
Jean: Hmm. It's just one cliche after another.
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Kermit: Boy, it wasn't spooky like this when Vincent Price did the show!
Sam the Eagle: [to Alice] You sir, are a freako!
Alice: Why, thank you!
Sam the Eagle [ashamed of this reaction]: Freakos: one, civilization: zero! [leaves Alice Cooper behind]
Sam the Eagle: [to Alice] You sir, are a freako!
Alice: Why, thank you!
Sam the Eagle [ashamed of this reaction]: Freakos: one, civilization: zero! [leaves Alice Cooper behind]
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Kermit: Gonzo, I should never have let you talk me into doing the show from a railroad depot.
Gonzo: But it was the only place available! They were having a tournament at the bowling alley.
Gonzo: But it was the only place available! They were having a tournament at the bowling alley.
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Door Guard: Liberace uses no chickens in his concert.
Gonzo: Oh, then maybe he'll see me.
Guard: He's only seeing birds.
Gonzo: I'm a bird. Yeah, I am a, I am a turkey.
Guard: You are not a real turkey.
Gonzo: Are you kidding? Have you seen my act?
Gonzo: Oh, then maybe he'll see me.
Guard: He's only seeing birds.
Gonzo: I'm a bird. Yeah, I am a, I am a turkey.
Guard: You are not a real turkey.
Gonzo: Are you kidding? Have you seen my act?
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Kermit: I just want to know more about this wedding sketch, I mean. I've got to learn my lines, Piggy.
Miss Piggy: Well.. you only have one line.
Kermit: I do?
Miss Piggy: Exactly.
Miss Piggy: Well.. you only have one line.
Kermit: I do?
Miss Piggy: Exactly.
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Fozzie: You see, my problem was my need to tell jokes.
Floyd: Yeah! And that was our problem, too! [laughs]
Floyd: Yeah! And that was our problem, too! [laughs]
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Miss Piggy: You know, I really like the water.
Kermit: Oh, I am glad.
Miss Piggy: Which means, after we're married, we can live at your place.
Kermit: Oh, I am glad.
Miss Piggy: Which means, after we're married, we can live at your place.
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Kermit: Hey Bo, I've got a job for you!
Bo: Oh, good.
Kermit: Yeah. Just look at this mess.
Bo: Okay, that sounds easy enough.
Bo: Oh, good.
Kermit: Yeah. Just look at this mess.
Bo: Okay, that sounds easy enough.
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Fozzie: [handing Rowlf a script] Hey, guys, guys – here is the musical moment for this week.
Rowlf the Dog: Uh... [reading] Curtains open. Lew Zealand and Rowlf do something funny. Curtains close.
Fozzie: Go get them!
Kermit: And we leave nothing to chance, huh?
Fozzie: Trust me.
Rowlf the Dog: Uh... [reading] Curtains open. Lew Zealand and Rowlf do something funny. Curtains close.
Fozzie: Go get them!
Kermit: And we leave nothing to chance, huh?
Fozzie: Trust me.
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Lesley: You know, Kermit, I thought you were the only person on this show who wasn't crazy.
Kermit: Me, not crazy? I hired the others.
Kermit: Me, not crazy? I hired the others.
TV Show: The Muppet Show
Kermit: Uh, Gonzo, that is terrible! I'm not going to introduce you for a crummy act like that!
Gonzo: Sick 'em!
...
Kermit: O.K! O.K! O.K! O.K! I'll introduce him.
Chicken: Meow!!
Kermit: Ungh! And now, here he is, ladies and gentlemen, uh, your one and you're welcome to him, Gonzo the Great! Off, off, off, off, off!!
Gonzo: Sick 'em!
...
Kermit: O.K! O.K! O.K! O.K! I'll introduce him.
Chicken: Meow!!
Kermit: Ungh! And now, here he is, ladies and gentlemen, uh, your one and you're welcome to him, Gonzo the Great! Off, off, off, off, off!!
TV Show: The Muppet Show
- Weh... that was terrible.
- Oh it was good.
- Nah, that was very bad.
- Well, it was average.
- Weh... it was in the middle there.
- Ah, it wasn't that great.
- I kind of liked it.
- It was terrible.
- I loved it!
- Get 'em off!
- More!
- Oh it was good.
- Nah, that was very bad.
- Well, it was average.
- Weh... it was in the middle there.
- Ah, it wasn't that great.
- I kind of liked it.
- It was terrible.
- I loved it!
- Get 'em off!
- More!
TV Show: The Muppet Show
- What are you talking about, its only just beginning!
- Oh why are we doomed to suffer? And why are those people watching voluntarily?!
- Oh why are we doomed to suffer? And why are those people watching voluntarily?!
TV Show: The Muppet Show
- Fozzie: I can't help that, they were all written by the same writer.
- He's got a point there.
- Yeah, on his head!
- He's got a point there.
- Yeah, on his head!
TV Show: The Muppet Show
- Ugh. Puppets, I always hated puppets
- You're a traitor to your class.
- What class, I never even graduated!
- You're a traitor to your class.
- What class, I never even graduated!
TV Show: The Muppet Show
- Ah, that's not clever. Anyone can drop their pants. ("Pants dropping" sound)
- (Looks down on boxers) I didn't know you were Lithuanian.
- (Looks down on boxers) I didn't know you were Lithuanian.
TV Show: The Muppet Show