The Muppets Quotes
Kermit the Frog: What? You kidnapped Jack Black? That's illegal!
Fozzie Bear: What's more illegal, Kermit: briefly inconveniencing Jack Black, or destroying the Muppets?
Kermit the Frog: Kidnapping Jack Black, Fozzie!
Fozzie Bear: What's more illegal, Kermit: briefly inconveniencing Jack Black, or destroying the Muppets?
Kermit the Frog: Kidnapping Jack Black, Fozzie!
Movie: The Muppets
[Waldorf finishes explaining the contract]Statler: If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were reciting some sort of important plot point.
Waldorf: I hope so. Otherwise I would've bored half the audience half to death.
Statler: You mean half the audience is still alive?
Waldorf: I hope so. Otherwise I would've bored half the audience half to death.
Statler: You mean half the audience is still alive?
Movie: The Muppets
Jack Black: I'm being held captive by these weirdos!
Statler: Now you know how we've felt for the last forty years.
Statler: Now you know how we've felt for the last forty years.
Movie: The Muppets
Walter: But Kermit, you have to try! The Muppets are AMAZING! You give people the greatest gift that can ever be given!
Kermit the Frog: Children?
Walter: No, the OTHER gift.
Kermit the Frog: Ice cream?
Walter: No, no, after that...
Kermit the Frog: Laughter?
Walter: YES! The THIRD greatest gift ever!
Kermit the Frog: Children?
Walter: No, the OTHER gift.
Kermit the Frog: Ice cream?
Walter: No, no, after that...
Kermit the Frog: Laughter?
Walter: YES! The THIRD greatest gift ever!
Movie: The Muppets
Miss Piggy's Receptionist: She has an opening in early September.
Walter: Early September? But that's in six months!
Fozzie Bear: That's nothing. I once waited a whole year for September.
Walter: Early September? But that's in six months!
Fozzie Bear: That's nothing. I once waited a whole year for September.
Movie: The Muppets
Fozzie Bear: Wow, that was an expensive looking explosion! I can't believe we had that in the budget.
Movie: The Muppets
Gary: You always believe in other people, but that's easy. Sooner or later, you gotta believe in yourself, too, because that's what growing up is. It's becoming who you want to be. You have to try.
Movie: The Muppets
Statler: I always dreamed we'd be back here.
Waldorf: Dreams? Those were nightmares!
Waldorf: Dreams? Those were nightmares!
Movie: The Muppets
Walter: ...and then, when he thought they were alone, he said, There's oil under this theater, see! I'm gonna tear it to the ground, see! Sweet, sweet oil, see!
Mary: People still talk like that?
Walter: Maybe that's just how he sounded in my head.
Mary: People still talk like that?
Walter: Maybe that's just how he sounded in my head.
Movie: The Muppets
[from trailer]Statler: Is this movie in 3-D?
Waldorf: Nope! The Muppets are as one-dimensional as they've always been!
Waldorf: Nope! The Muppets are as one-dimensional as they've always been!
Movie: The Muppets
Rowlf: How come you didn't use me in the montage? I thought my story was pretty interesting. [cut to Rowlf snoring in a hammock on his porch surrounded by other Muppets]
Kermit the Frog: Rowlf?
Rowlf: Huh?
Kermit the Frog: You wanna get back together?
Rowlf: Okay. [cut back to the car]
Rowlf: Heh heh. Classic.
Kermit the Frog: Rowlf?
Rowlf: Huh?
Kermit the Frog: You wanna get back together?
Rowlf: Okay. [cut back to the car]
Rowlf: Heh heh. Classic.
Movie: The Muppets
Gary: It sounds like you guys aren't getting back together any time soon.
Kermit the Frog: [sadly]No.
Mary: This is going to be a *really* short movie.
Kermit the Frog: [sadly]No.
Mary: This is going to be a *really* short movie.
Movie: The Muppets
Tex Richman: The show's over!
Fozzie Bear: But we were so close! [bangs his head against the score board, which suddenly goes from reading, $9,999,999 to $99,999.99]
Fozzie Bear: Or... not. Eh, kinda makes me feel better, actually. We were nowhere close at all!
Fozzie Bear: But we were so close! [bangs his head against the score board, which suddenly goes from reading, $9,999,999 to $99,999.99]
Fozzie Bear: Or... not. Eh, kinda makes me feel better, actually. We were nowhere close at all!
Movie: The Muppets
Sweetums: [picks up his phone]Hello?... You want to gives us money? [turns to Sam]
Sam Eagle: Say yes!
Sweetums: [returns to the phone]Yes, We wiil take that money.
Sam Eagle: Say yes!
Sweetums: [returns to the phone]Yes, We wiil take that money.
Movie: The Muppets
Rico Rodriguez: Are you one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?
Kermit the Frog: Yes I am!
Kermit the Frog: Yes I am!
Movie: The Muppets
Miss Piggy: Kermit, we found a celebrity! Jack Black has graciously agreed to host the show for us.
Kermit the Frog: That's great! Where is he?
Miss Piggy: In the trunk.
Jack Black: [Inside car trunk]Get me out of here!
Kermit the Frog: That's great! Where is he?
Miss Piggy: In the trunk.
Jack Black: [Inside car trunk]Get me out of here!
Movie: The Muppets
Kermit the Frog: Listen everybody, we've got nothing to be ashamed of. And you know why? Well because, thanks to Walter here we tried. And if we failed, we failed together and to me that's not failing at all. And I don't care what anybody says, I don't care if no one believes in us because... I believe. I believe in you. And you. And you. You know what's important isn't this building or name, it's each other. So I say fine, let's just start from the bottom and work our way back up to the top. Let's all walk out through these doors with our heads held up high, as a family because that's what we are.
Movie: The Muppets
[Tex and Uncle Deadly are atop the Muppet Theater with a pair of boltcutters about to shut off the power]Tex Richman: To the end of the Muppets! [Uncle Deadly grabs the boltcutters to stop Tex]
Tex Richman: Deadly! What are you doing?
Uncle Deadly: Enough! Just because I have a terrifying name and an evil English accent, does not preclude the fact that, in my heart, I am a Muppet, not a Moopet! Looks like it's I who will have the last laugh!
Tex Richman: What does that mean?
Uncle Deadly: It's an idiom, you idiot, because you cannot laugh! Ha ha! [Tex falls off the roof and lands on the ground with a thud]
Uncle Deadly: Oopsie. [he laughs]
Tex Richman: Deadly.
Uncle Deadly: Now *that's* a maniacal laugh for you!
Tex Richman: Deadly! What are you doing?
Uncle Deadly: Enough! Just because I have a terrifying name and an evil English accent, does not preclude the fact that, in my heart, I am a Muppet, not a Moopet! Looks like it's I who will have the last laugh!
Tex Richman: What does that mean?
Uncle Deadly: It's an idiom, you idiot, because you cannot laugh! Ha ha! [Tex falls off the roof and lands on the ground with a thud]
Uncle Deadly: Oopsie. [he laughs]
Tex Richman: Deadly.
Uncle Deadly: Now *that's* a maniacal laugh for you!
Movie: The Muppets
Miss Poogy: Sorry, Miss Piggy. But you've been replaced... Permanently!
Miss Piggy: Oh, yeah?
Miss Poogy: Yeah!
Miss Piggy: I don't think so... sister!
Miss Poogy: Who are you calling 'sister', sister?
Miss Piggy: Oh, look! An omelette station.
Miss Poogy: Where?
Miss Piggy: HIYA! There's only room for one Miss Piggy. And that's moi.
Miss Poogy: Yeah? Well, you ain't seen the last of me. I'll be back.
Miss Piggy: Yesh, yeah, ever heard of mouthwash?
Miss Piggy: Oh, yeah?
Miss Poogy: Yeah!
Miss Piggy: I don't think so... sister!
Miss Poogy: Who are you calling 'sister', sister?
Miss Piggy: Oh, look! An omelette station.
Miss Poogy: Where?
Miss Piggy: HIYA! There's only room for one Miss Piggy. And that's moi.
Miss Poogy: Yeah? Well, you ain't seen the last of me. I'll be back.
Miss Piggy: Yesh, yeah, ever heard of mouthwash?
Movie: The Muppets
[from trailer]Gary: Whoa whoa whoa, wait wait wait, stop! [looks directly into the camera]
Gary: Are there Muppets in this movie?
Gary: Are there Muppets in this movie?
Movie: The Muppets
Veronica: I'm gonna shoot straight: you guys aren't famous anymore.
Fozzie Bear: Yeesh. I wish she'd shot a little more curvy.
Fozzie Bear: Yeesh. I wish she'd shot a little more curvy.
Movie: The Muppets
[as Gary and Walter prepare to leave for Los Angeles]Walter: Maybe Kermit will be there!
Gary: I wouldn't get your hopes up, buddy. The Muppets haven't put on a show together in years. I don't think they use the studios for anything but tours anymore.
Walter: I think that's just an Internet rumor, like, There's a country called Turkey!
Gary: Walter, how many times do we have to go through this? Turkey is a real place!
Gary: I wouldn't get your hopes up, buddy. The Muppets haven't put on a show together in years. I don't think they use the studios for anything but tours anymore.
Walter: I think that's just an Internet rumor, like, There's a country called Turkey!
Gary: Walter, how many times do we have to go through this? Turkey is a real place!
Movie: The Muppets
Fozzie Bear: Check it out, Fart-Shoes! [Steps on the whoopie cushions to make fart sounds]
Movie: The Muppets
[from trailer][the Muppets are sitting in jail]Warden: Are you, uh, the Muppets?
Prisoner: [in the jail cell next to them]Hey! I'm a Muppet.
Prisoner: [in the jail cell next to them]Hey! I'm a Muppet.
Movie: The Muppets