The Muppets Quotes
Mary: [singing]Everything's great. Everything's grand. Except Gary's always off with his friend. It's never me and him. It's always me and him, and him. I wonder when it's going to end. But, I guess that's okay, 'cause maybe someday... I know just how it's going to be. He'll ride up on a steed, get down on one knee, and say, Mary, will you marry me... please?
Movie: The Muppets
[Fozzie and The Moopets are singing to the tune of Rainbow Connection]Fozzie Bear: Why are there such great deals on our hotel rooms? Free parking for cars, not RVs.
The Moopets,
Miss Poogy: Not RVs.
Fozzie Bear: Our wedding chapel is twenty-four hours. No marriage certificate is needed.
Fozzie Bear: No marriage certificate is needed.
The Moopets,
Miss Poogy: No marriage certificate is needed.
The Moopets,
Miss Poogy: We're glad you found it, Pechoolo Casino. The owners.
The Moopets,
Miss Poogy: The Moopets.
Fozzie Bear ,
The Moopets,
Miss Poogy: And me.
Fozzie Bear: Cha-cha-cha! Thank you. We'll be back in six minutes.
The Moopets,
Miss Poogy: Not RVs.
Fozzie Bear: Our wedding chapel is twenty-four hours. No marriage certificate is needed.
Fozzie Bear: No marriage certificate is needed.
The Moopets,
Miss Poogy: No marriage certificate is needed.
The Moopets,
Miss Poogy: We're glad you found it, Pechoolo Casino. The owners.
The Moopets,
Miss Poogy: The Moopets.
Fozzie Bear ,
The Moopets,
Miss Poogy: And me.
Fozzie Bear: Cha-cha-cha! Thank you. We'll be back in six minutes.
Movie: The Muppets
Kermit the Frog: Piggy, why do you always have to be so over dramatic about things, you know, it leaves me no choice but to do things that'll hurt you.
Movie: The Muppets
Statler: [the door opens]There, now this here is Kermit the Frog's old office.
Waldorf: Or so we've been 'toad'. [Statler and Waldorf chuckle]
Waldorf: Or so we've been 'toad'. [Statler and Waldorf chuckle]
Movie: The Muppets
Tex Richman: We'll be sending those Muppets running home with their tails between their legs. Some of them literally, because those ones have tails.
Movie: The Muppets
[first lines]Walter: [narrating]That's me, Walter.
Walter: [having a water gun duel with Gary]Where'd - Where'd you go? Oh, there you are.
Walter: I have the best life in the whole world. [Walter laughs as he squirts Gary]
Walter: That's my brother, Gary. He's the best friend you could ever have.
Walter: [Gary and Walter have their measurements marked in the doorway with a pencil]Yeah, I know what you're thinking: We could be twins.
Walter: Here's where we live: Smalltown... the best town you could ever grow up in.
Walter: Gary and I did everything together.
Walter: [narrating]And as the years passed, my brother was always there for me.
Walter: [playing baseball]I got it! Gary, throw me! Throw me! Aah! [Gary tosses Walter into the air, and Walter makes the outfield catch]
Walter: We were a great team.
Gary Age 6: Nice job, Walter.
Walter: Thanks, Gary.
Walter: [having a water gun duel with Gary]Where'd - Where'd you go? Oh, there you are.
Walter: I have the best life in the whole world. [Walter laughs as he squirts Gary]
Walter: That's my brother, Gary. He's the best friend you could ever have.
Walter: [Gary and Walter have their measurements marked in the doorway with a pencil]Yeah, I know what you're thinking: We could be twins.
Walter: Here's where we live: Smalltown... the best town you could ever grow up in.
Walter: Gary and I did everything together.
Walter: [narrating]And as the years passed, my brother was always there for me.
Walter: [playing baseball]I got it! Gary, throw me! Throw me! Aah! [Gary tosses Walter into the air, and Walter makes the outfield catch]
Walter: We were a great team.
Gary Age 6: Nice job, Walter.
Walter: Thanks, Gary.
Movie: The Muppets
Walter: Even the sunniest days can have a few clouds in them. [Walter looks at his reflection in a fun house mirror, making him look taller]
Gary Age 9: [consoling Walter]The ride's bogus anyway. Hey, want to rent a video?
Walter: Yeah, race you home!
Gary Age 9: [consoling Walter]The ride's bogus anyway. Hey, want to rent a video?
Walter: Yeah, race you home!
Movie: The Muppets
Walter: Even the sunniest days can have a few clouds in them. [Walter looks at his reflection in a fun house mirror, making him look taller]
Gary Age 9: [consoling Walter]The ride's bogus anyway. Hey, want to rent a video?
Walter: Yeah, race you home!
Kermit the Frog: And... well. that night... sorta changed everything.
Kermit the Frog: [from archive footage]It's The Muppet Show, with our very special guest star, Mr. Steve Martin!
Walter: I found them - [Walter gasps]
Walter: - The Muppets.
Gary Age 9: [consoling Walter]The ride's bogus anyway. Hey, want to rent a video?
Walter: Yeah, race you home!
Kermit the Frog: And... well. that night... sorta changed everything.
Kermit the Frog: [from archive footage]It's The Muppet Show, with our very special guest star, Mr. Steve Martin!
Walter: I found them - [Walter gasps]
Walter: - The Muppets.
Movie: The Muppets
Statler: [the door opens, Statler, Waldorf, Uncle Deadly, Bobo the Bear, and Tex Richman enter the room]There, now this here is Kermit the Frog's old office.
Waldorf: Or so we've been 'toad'. [Statler and Waldorf chuckle]
Tex Richman: Well, as you know, gentlemen, I've loved the Muppets since I was a boy.
Uncle Deadly ,
Bobo: Mm-hmm.
Tex Richman: And what better way to honor the Muppets than to make this beautiful studio a Muppet museum. [Walter gasps while hiding underneath a table]
Tex Richman: I think I'll call this room the Kermit the Frog's Old Office Room.
Uncle Deadly: Oh, good one, Mr. Richman.
Bobo: Oh, that is lovely.
Waldorf: Now, ahem, this here is the standard Rich and Famous contract Kermit signed 30 years ago that contains...
Tex Richman: The deed to this property.
Waldorf: Exactly.
Waldorf: Now, this contract is 100 percent iron-clad, with one minor exception: if the Muppets can raise the $10 million it would cost to buy the building before this contract expires, then they get their studio back.
Statler: You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were reciting some sort of an important plot point.
Waldorf: Well, I hope so; otherwise I just bored the audience half to death.
Statler: You mean half the audience is still alive? [Statler and Waldorf chuckle]
Waldorf: It's nice doing business with you.
Statler: Yes, sir. Come on.
Waldorf: Good-bye.
Bobo: [to Uncle Deadly]I love geriatric humor.
Waldorf: Or so we've been 'toad'. [Statler and Waldorf chuckle]
Tex Richman: Well, as you know, gentlemen, I've loved the Muppets since I was a boy.
Uncle Deadly ,
Bobo: Mm-hmm.
Tex Richman: And what better way to honor the Muppets than to make this beautiful studio a Muppet museum. [Walter gasps while hiding underneath a table]
Tex Richman: I think I'll call this room the Kermit the Frog's Old Office Room.
Uncle Deadly: Oh, good one, Mr. Richman.
Bobo: Oh, that is lovely.
Waldorf: Now, ahem, this here is the standard Rich and Famous contract Kermit signed 30 years ago that contains...
Tex Richman: The deed to this property.
Waldorf: Exactly.
Waldorf: Now, this contract is 100 percent iron-clad, with one minor exception: if the Muppets can raise the $10 million it would cost to buy the building before this contract expires, then they get their studio back.
Statler: You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were reciting some sort of an important plot point.
Waldorf: Well, I hope so; otherwise I just bored the audience half to death.
Statler: You mean half the audience is still alive? [Statler and Waldorf chuckle]
Waldorf: It's nice doing business with you.
Statler: Yes, sir. Come on.
Waldorf: Good-bye.
Bobo: [to Uncle Deadly]I love geriatric humor.
Movie: The Muppets
Mahna Mahna: [sings]Mahna Mahna
Tex Richman: You're breaking the law! I own that name!
Snowth ,
Snowth: [the Snowths sing]Doo-doo, do-do-doo, do-do do do do do doo.
Gonzo: [with a bowling ball]Hey guys, I think I finally worked out how to - Whoo-ha! [Gonzo throws the bowling ball and hits Tex Richman]
Fozzie Bear: 'Oil' bet that hurt. [Tex Richman starts laughing]
The Newsman: This just in: Richman gives back Muppet theater and name. Change of heart, nothing to do with head injury.
Tex Richman: [sings]Mahna Mahna
Snowth ,
Snowth: [the Snowths sing]Doo-doo, do-do-doo
Tex Richman: You're breaking the law! I own that name!
Snowth ,
Snowth: [the Snowths sing]Doo-doo, do-do-doo, do-do do do do do doo.
Gonzo: [with a bowling ball]Hey guys, I think I finally worked out how to - Whoo-ha! [Gonzo throws the bowling ball and hits Tex Richman]
Fozzie Bear: 'Oil' bet that hurt. [Tex Richman starts laughing]
The Newsman: This just in: Richman gives back Muppet theater and name. Change of heart, nothing to do with head injury.
Tex Richman: [sings]Mahna Mahna
Snowth ,
Snowth: [the Snowths sing]Doo-doo, do-do-doo
Movie: The Muppets
Mary: So, what do we do now?
Gary: I don't see a doorbell, and the house looks empty.
Walter: Gary, throw me over.
Gary: What?
Walter: Gary, just throw me over already!
Gary: Okay. Okay, here we go, OK...
Walter: One, two, three.
Walter: [Walter grunts as Gary gets ready to throw him over the fence]That's good.
Gary: Sorry.
Walter: No, it's good.
Mary: Guys? I think that's an electric fence.
Walter: Mary, it's Kermit the Frog.
Gary: OK buddy, head down.
Gary ,
Walter: One, two, three! [Gary tosses Walter into the electric fence, and Walter screams in pain as he falls to the ground]
Mary: It's an electric fence.
Gary: Yep.
Gary: Oh, my gosh. Walter? Walter, buddy? Walter, can you hear me?
Walter: [in a raspy voice]Throw me again.
Gary: No, I don't... I don't think that's a good idea.
Walter: What kind of throw was that?
Kermit the Frog: Excuse me... [Angelic choir voices are heard as Walter sees Kermit with a glow of light behind him; the lights and voices are actually coming from a bus that says Good Shepherd Church Choir: 'O sing, ye righteous!' on the side]
Kermit the Frog: You okay? That was quite a tumble. [Walter faints]
Gary: I don't see a doorbell, and the house looks empty.
Walter: Gary, throw me over.
Gary: What?
Walter: Gary, just throw me over already!
Gary: Okay. Okay, here we go, OK...
Walter: One, two, three.
Walter: [Walter grunts as Gary gets ready to throw him over the fence]That's good.
Gary: Sorry.
Walter: No, it's good.
Mary: Guys? I think that's an electric fence.
Walter: Mary, it's Kermit the Frog.
Gary: OK buddy, head down.
Gary ,
Walter: One, two, three! [Gary tosses Walter into the electric fence, and Walter screams in pain as he falls to the ground]
Mary: It's an electric fence.
Gary: Yep.
Gary: Oh, my gosh. Walter? Walter, buddy? Walter, can you hear me?
Walter: [in a raspy voice]Throw me again.
Gary: No, I don't... I don't think that's a good idea.
Walter: What kind of throw was that?
Kermit the Frog: Excuse me... [Angelic choir voices are heard as Walter sees Kermit with a glow of light behind him; the lights and voices are actually coming from a bus that says Good Shepherd Church Choir: 'O sing, ye righteous!' on the side]
Kermit the Frog: You okay? That was quite a tumble. [Walter faints]
Movie: The Muppets
Kermit the Frog: [from archive footage]It's The Muppet Show, with our very special guest star, Mr. Steve Martin!
Walter: I found them - [Walter gasps]
Walter: - The Muppets.
Walter: [the Muppet Show's theme plays in the background]I guess you could say I was their number one fan.
Walter: [Walter opens his birthday present]Oh, Gary, it's an entire map of the Muppet Studios.
Walter: [Walter shakes the present before opening it, and then he gasps to discover a watch with Kermit the Frog's face on it]And they made all the difference.
Walter: [a kid says 'Trick or Treat!']Because from then on...
Gary Age 13: Hey, guys.
Laughing Kid ,
Laughing Kid ,
Laughing Kid: Oh, hey, Gary. Hey.
Walter: [Walter is wearing a Kermit costume]Hi-ho, guys. Yay!
Laughing Kid ,
Laughing Kid ,
Laughing Kid: [the trick-or-treaters laugh at Walter]Is that Kermit the Frog? What is this, 1978?
Walter: Even on the worst days, I knew... that as the years passed...
Kermit the Frog: [archived footage]Cancel that last remark...
Walter: As long as there are singing frogs and joking bears... [Walter and Gary laugh as they watch reruns of The Muppet Show on VHS cassette]
Walter: Swedish chefs and boomerang fish, the world can be such a bad place after all.
Walter: I found them - [Walter gasps]
Walter: - The Muppets.
Walter: [the Muppet Show's theme plays in the background]I guess you could say I was their number one fan.
Walter: [Walter opens his birthday present]Oh, Gary, it's an entire map of the Muppet Studios.
Walter: [Walter shakes the present before opening it, and then he gasps to discover a watch with Kermit the Frog's face on it]And they made all the difference.
Walter: [a kid says 'Trick or Treat!']Because from then on...
Gary Age 13: Hey, guys.
Laughing Kid ,
Laughing Kid ,
Laughing Kid: Oh, hey, Gary. Hey.
Walter: [Walter is wearing a Kermit costume]Hi-ho, guys. Yay!
Laughing Kid ,
Laughing Kid ,
Laughing Kid: [the trick-or-treaters laugh at Walter]Is that Kermit the Frog? What is this, 1978?
Walter: Even on the worst days, I knew... that as the years passed...
Kermit the Frog: [archived footage]Cancel that last remark...
Walter: As long as there are singing frogs and joking bears... [Walter and Gary laugh as they watch reruns of The Muppet Show on VHS cassette]
Walter: Swedish chefs and boomerang fish, the world can be such a bad place after all.
Movie: The Muppets
Jack Black: [sings reluctantly while still tied up]Mahna mahna.
Snowth ,
Snowth: [the Snowths sing]Do-doo, do-doo doo
Selena Gomez: [sings]Mahna mahna
Snowth ,
Snowth: [the Snowths sing]Do-doo, doo-doo...
Miss Poogy: Hey Richman! We had a deal!
Janooce: Yeah, for reallies!
Fozzie Moopet: Yeah, you owe us money, man. What the wocka!
Snowth ,
Snowth: [the Snowths sing]Do-doo, do-doo doo
Selena Gomez: [sings]Mahna mahna
Snowth ,
Snowth: [the Snowths sing]Do-doo, doo-doo...
Miss Poogy: Hey Richman! We had a deal!
Janooce: Yeah, for reallies!
Fozzie Moopet: Yeah, you owe us money, man. What the wocka!
Movie: The Muppets
[singing]Gary: Am I a man, or am I a Muppet? If I'm a Muppet, then I'm a very manly Muppet.
Movie: The Muppets
[singing]TV Executive: Am I a Muppet, or am I a man? If I'm a man, then I'm a Muppet of a man.
Movie: The Muppets