The Nanny Quotes
(Fran is taking an aspirin, and holding her head)
Niles: Oh, Miss Fine. Is that time of the month again?
Fran: I'm afraid so, Niles... Time to make my credit card payments!
Niles: Oh, Miss Fine. Is that time of the month again?
Fran: I'm afraid so, Niles... Time to make my credit card payments!
TV Show: The Nanny
(Fran is sitting in a hospital room; the telephone rings and Fran looks suspicious)
Fran: (suspiciously) Hello? (pause) Ma, how did you find me here? (pause) Well what's the emergency? (pause) Ma, Mike Douglass isn't on Channel 4 because they cancelled him 22 years ago! Would you spring for a new TV Guide?
Fran: (suspiciously) Hello? (pause) Ma, how did you find me here? (pause) Well what's the emergency? (pause) Ma, Mike Douglass isn't on Channel 4 because they cancelled him 22 years ago! Would you spring for a new TV Guide?
TV Show: The Nanny
Doctor: (points to Maxwell and gives Fran a razor): Shave him
Fran: All right. You're the doctor.(puts some shaving cream on Maxwell's face and shaves him and hums)
Doctor: What are you doing?!
Fran: Well I have no idea! I mean the man has a SLIGHT 5 o' clock shadow but it's not like he's going to a Bar Mitzvah!
Doctor: SHAVE HIM FOR SURGERY!
Fran: Well where do you want me to shave him... (realizes) oooooh! You know, I'll be back in a minute, I have a girl that does a bikini wax... (she tries to leave but the doctor grabs her arm)
Doctor: Now!
(Fran does her best to look away from Maxwell's privates as she lifts up his hospital gown and squirts a lot of cream on the area and quickly rubs the cream all over... and hums. Niles comes in holding a bouquet of flowers and sees Fran, much to her embarrassment. Niles smiles)
Niles: Bucking for a raise?
Fran: All right. You're the doctor.(puts some shaving cream on Maxwell's face and shaves him and hums)
Doctor: What are you doing?!
Fran: Well I have no idea! I mean the man has a SLIGHT 5 o' clock shadow but it's not like he's going to a Bar Mitzvah!
Doctor: SHAVE HIM FOR SURGERY!
Fran: Well where do you want me to shave him... (realizes) oooooh! You know, I'll be back in a minute, I have a girl that does a bikini wax... (she tries to leave but the doctor grabs her arm)
Doctor: Now!
(Fran does her best to look away from Maxwell's privates as she lifts up his hospital gown and squirts a lot of cream on the area and quickly rubs the cream all over... and hums. Niles comes in holding a bouquet of flowers and sees Fran, much to her embarrassment. Niles smiles)
Niles: Bucking for a raise?
TV Show: The Nanny
Maxwell: (talking to Fran while she is making an ice cream sundae) You know, I had the strangest dream while I was going under the anesthetic. I was married to C.C. and you... were my nurse!
Fran: Yeah that's the drugs. When my mother had her hysterectomy, she was convinced that the operation was on 60 Minutes. Why Mike Wallace would devote a whole segment to her uterus she never questioned
Maxwell: Well, I guess drugs can play strange tricks on the mind. Good night Miss Fine
Fran: Good night, Mr. Sheffield (she sprays some whipped cream on her ice cream and starts humming like she did when she shaved Maxwell. Maxwell and Fran exchange surprised looks and Maxwell realizes it was no dream)
Maxwell: MISS FINE!
Fran: Yeah that's the drugs. When my mother had her hysterectomy, she was convinced that the operation was on 60 Minutes. Why Mike Wallace would devote a whole segment to her uterus she never questioned
Maxwell: Well, I guess drugs can play strange tricks on the mind. Good night Miss Fine
Fran: Good night, Mr. Sheffield (she sprays some whipped cream on her ice cream and starts humming like she did when she shaved Maxwell. Maxwell and Fran exchange surprised looks and Maxwell realizes it was no dream)
Maxwell: MISS FINE!
TV Show: The Nanny
Fran: My sister has always wanted everything that I've had. My clothes, my toys. Once, I actually got a shag haircut just because I knew she'd look lousy in it. Took me twelve weeks to grow out but she looked like Cousin Itt.
TV Show: The Nanny
Mr. Sheffield: You're off your bloody rocker, you know that? Thank God you're not operating heavy machinery, just raising my children.
TV Show: The Nanny
Maggie: Pamela Chapman's so gorgeous, even her mother hates her.
Fran: Sweetie, you've gotta have more self-confidence. All of those over-developed girls just peak in high school.
Val: Yeah, remember that girl from our school who was so beautiful and so popular that everyone thought she would own the world. Then her fiancé dumped her, she got fired from her job and she wound up working as a na— [stops]
Fran: Sweetie, you've gotta have more self-confidence. All of those over-developed girls just peak in high school.
Val: Yeah, remember that girl from our school who was so beautiful and so popular that everyone thought she would own the world. Then her fiancé dumped her, she got fired from her job and she wound up working as a na— [stops]
TV Show: The Nanny
Mr. Sheffield: Ms. Fine, I heard about the contest and I just can't bear the thought of you feeling badly about yourself.
Fran: Thank you, Mr. Sheffield. That's awfully sweet of you but, really, there's nothing you can say or do that's gonna make me feel any better.
Mr. Sheffield: Well then, I suppose I'd be wasting my breath if I told you no girl could possibly be a match for a woman like you.
Fran: I'd give it a shot.
. . .
Mr. Sheffield: I think you are one heck of a kisser... I can't remember being kissed like that... With such passion, such abandon, such... suction.
Fran: Well, Danny used to call me his little Dirt Devil.
Fran: Thank you, Mr. Sheffield. That's awfully sweet of you but, really, there's nothing you can say or do that's gonna make me feel any better.
Mr. Sheffield: Well then, I suppose I'd be wasting my breath if I told you no girl could possibly be a match for a woman like you.
Fran: I'd give it a shot.
. . .
Mr. Sheffield: I think you are one heck of a kisser... I can't remember being kissed like that... With such passion, such abandon, such... suction.
Fran: Well, Danny used to call me his little Dirt Devil.
TV Show: The Nanny
Fran: Niles, look at the cake for my friend Mona's retirement party?
Niles: It's beautiful.
Fran: It's plaster of Paris.
Niles: Why would anyone buy a fake cake?
Fran: Because I'm gonna take it out of the box, they're all gonna ooh and aah and then say: "No thanks, I'm on a diet". This way, I can use it again plus I can carry it on the bus [under my arm].
. . .
Niles: You do know there's a piece broken off the side?
Fran: I know. I had it at my mother's not ten minutes. She said it's dry but if you dunk it in Sanka, it's delish.
Niles: It's beautiful.
Fran: It's plaster of Paris.
Niles: Why would anyone buy a fake cake?
Fran: Because I'm gonna take it out of the box, they're all gonna ooh and aah and then say: "No thanks, I'm on a diet". This way, I can use it again plus I can carry it on the bus [under my arm].
. . .
Niles: You do know there's a piece broken off the side?
Fran: I know. I had it at my mother's not ten minutes. She said it's dry but if you dunk it in Sanka, it's delish.
TV Show: The Nanny
Mr. Sheffield: I want to take care of you for the rest of your life.... It would give me great pleasure if you would...
Fran: [Excited] Yeah? Yeah?!!
Mr. Sheffield: ...let me buy you a condominium.
Fran: Huh?
Mr. Sheffield: For your retirement.
Fran: A condo?! That's what you want to give me for my future?!! I have never been so— Would it include carpet and plantation shutters?
Mr. Sheffield: Yes, of course.
Fran: Pets okay? 'Cause I probably want a cat.
Mr. Sheffield: Whatever you want. So... happy?
Fran: [Strangely satisfied] Yeah.
Niles: [Overhearing, shaking his head] Oy! This is gonna take forever.
Fran: [Excited] Yeah? Yeah?!!
Mr. Sheffield: ...let me buy you a condominium.
Fran: Huh?
Mr. Sheffield: For your retirement.
Fran: A condo?! That's what you want to give me for my future?!! I have never been so— Would it include carpet and plantation shutters?
Mr. Sheffield: Yes, of course.
Fran: Pets okay? 'Cause I probably want a cat.
Mr. Sheffield: Whatever you want. So... happy?
Fran: [Strangely satisfied] Yeah.
Niles: [Overhearing, shaking his head] Oy! This is gonna take forever.
TV Show: The Nanny
Fran: Maggie's going to her Sweet Sixteen at the Statue of Liberty.
Yetta: Big deal. I had mine on Ellis Island. So many people came.
Fran: Yetta, you were in quarantine.
Yetta: I thought it went on a little long.
Yetta: Big deal. I had mine on Ellis Island. So many people came.
Fran: Yetta, you were in quarantine.
Yetta: I thought it went on a little long.
TV Show: The Nanny
Mr. Anthony: You know, when you alphabetized my styling mousses, I said: "All right, she's eager." When you convinced Mrs. Wilke to cut her hair short so she wouldn't have to come back for six months, I said: "All right, she's stupid." But when you interfere in my personal life against direct orders, I say: "All right, she's fired!"
Mary Ruth: You know, when a guy punches out a picture of his wife, I say: "All right, he's in pain." When he throws that picture into the trash, I say: "All right, he's in denial." But when he fires the one person who is just trying to bring him and his son closer together, I say: "Please don't fire me, Mr. Anthony!"
Mary Ruth: You know, when a guy punches out a picture of his wife, I say: "All right, he's in pain." When he throws that picture into the trash, I say: "All right, he's in denial." But when he fires the one person who is just trying to bring him and his son closer together, I say: "Please don't fire me, Mr. Anthony!"
TV Show: The Nanny
[When Niles serves CC a plate of breakfast]
CC: Niles. My eggs are all dried up.
Niles: The gene pool is safe.
CC: Niles. My eggs are all dried up.
Niles: The gene pool is safe.
TV Show: The Nanny
Maxwell: CC, tell me, did you have one of these "Sweet 16's"?
CC: Oh, please, all those little snot noses trying to out do each other! I didn´t want one.
Fran: No friends?
Niles: None.
CC: Oh, please, all those little snot noses trying to out do each other! I didn´t want one.
Fran: No friends?
Niles: None.
TV Show: The Nanny
Mr. Sheffield: Ms. Fine, please, get thee somewhere else.
Fran: Mr. Sheffield, look on the bright side. Instead of your paper, it could be me that's missing.
Mr. Sheffield: Don't try to cheer me up.
Fran: You know, I've got half a mind—
Mr. Sheffield: You got no argument here.
Fran: Mr. Sheffield, look on the bright side. Instead of your paper, it could be me that's missing.
Mr. Sheffield: Don't try to cheer me up.
Fran: You know, I've got half a mind—
Mr. Sheffield: You got no argument here.
TV Show: The Nanny
Fran: What kind of justice is this? He mugs me and he walks? Meanwhile, I ate a couple of pink cherries in the A&P and I get wrestled to the ground like Squeaky Fromme.
TV Show: The Nanny
Maxwell [to CC]: The Shakespeare's gone, it was in Miss Fine's stolen purse.
CC [to Fran]: I'LL KILL YOU! (throws a pillow over Fran's face and trys to suffocate her. Maxwell watches like he doesn't care)
Niles: (holding the phone) Aren't you going to stop her?
Max: Oh, I will.
Niles: Sir, they found the perpetrator and Miss Fine is the only witness.
Maxwell (pulls CC away from Fran): Stop, stop, we need her alive!
CC [to Fran]: I'LL KILL YOU! (throws a pillow over Fran's face and trys to suffocate her. Maxwell watches like he doesn't care)
Niles: (holding the phone) Aren't you going to stop her?
Max: Oh, I will.
Niles: Sir, they found the perpetrator and Miss Fine is the only witness.
Maxwell (pulls CC away from Fran): Stop, stop, we need her alive!
TV Show: The Nanny
Fran: Okay. Calm down, calm down. So the man has my address and telephone number. Lots of guys do. Do they ever call?
TV Show: The Nanny
Brighton [to Fran]: I feel terrible. I should have defended you yesterday but I totally wimped out.
Fran: Oh, sweetie... sweetie, listen. All you did was pass out, puke, and pee in your pants. You were in Central Park. You fit right in.
Fran: Oh, sweetie... sweetie, listen. All you did was pass out, puke, and pee in your pants. You were in Central Park. You fit right in.
TV Show: The Nanny
Fran: (yelling out the door) Keep low to the ground, avoid that car, serpentine, serpentine! Watch out for that creepy guy! Oh, it's you Niles, get in here!
Niles: I got what you asked for. Hair spray, breath spray, and pepper spray. What do you say we switch the labels and give them to Ms. Babcock?
Fran: Niles, I am fearing for my life! I cannot sit around and watch you torture Ms. Babcock... but take pictures.
Niles: I got what you asked for. Hair spray, breath spray, and pepper spray. What do you say we switch the labels and give them to Ms. Babcock?
Fran: Niles, I am fearing for my life! I cannot sit around and watch you torture Ms. Babcock... but take pictures.
TV Show: The Nanny
Maxwell: First of all, there is a man of the house!
Niles: I've warmed up your pajamas sir, would you like warm milk or cocoa?
Maxwell: Thank you, Niles, you're fired.
Niles: I've warmed up your pajamas sir, would you like warm milk or cocoa?
Maxwell: Thank you, Niles, you're fired.
TV Show: The Nanny
Maxwell [to Fran]: I knew your wide-eyed naivete would catch up with you.
Fran: Don't call me naive, that's very condescending! And I only appear wide-eyed because of my Maybelline Ultralash. Which was in my purse!
Fran: Don't call me naive, that's very condescending! And I only appear wide-eyed because of my Maybelline Ultralash. Which was in my purse!
TV Show: The Nanny
Fran: Let's just retrace our steps. I came in here with that whole Brighton eyeglasses issue, and you said, "MISS FINE!" Oh wait, that was just now. And then C.C. said something stupid and Niles said that tubes-tying crack which I'm still laughing about by the way!
Niles: Thank you!
Niles: Thank you!
TV Show: The Nanny
Maxwell [to Fran]: You and I are going down to the police station to identify the suspect in a lineup and hope to God he's still got my Shakespeare!
Fran: I don't want to identify him! What if he comes back and tries to kill me?!
Maxwell: Then he can stand in bloody line!
Fran: I don't want to identify him! What if he comes back and tries to kill me?!
Maxwell: Then he can stand in bloody line!
TV Show: The Nanny
Mugger [to Fran]: I've never stolen anything before in my life! I wanted to tell you, but I'm not allowed within 40 feet of your house.
Fran: Why, you single and Jewish?
Fran: Why, you single and Jewish?
TV Show: The Nanny
Maxwell [to Fran]: I asked you to take the town car, but no, you had to walk! That document lasted 350 years BEFORE IT MET YOU!
TV Show: The Nanny
CC: (pushing Brighton past Mr. Sheffield's office) Ask yourself punk, do you feel lucky?
Maxwell: What's all that about?
Niles: Oh, the expert is teaching Brighton how to repel a man.
Maxwell: What's all that about?
Niles: Oh, the expert is teaching Brighton how to repel a man.
TV Show: The Nanny