The Nanny Quotes
Fran: Oh, Niles, it's so hard planning a vacation when you're single.
Niles: Yes, it's so much nicer when you have a family so you can lug their ski equipment around Vale, sit around the fire listening to "Niles, get me a brandy!" "Niles, give me a comforter!" "Niles, go out in that blizzard for a PIZZA!"
Mr. Sheffield: Niles!
Niles: WHAT... is that on your shoe, sir? Let me get that for you.
Niles: Yes, it's so much nicer when you have a family so you can lug their ski equipment around Vale, sit around the fire listening to "Niles, get me a brandy!" "Niles, give me a comforter!" "Niles, go out in that blizzard for a PIZZA!"
Mr. Sheffield: Niles!
Niles: WHAT... is that on your shoe, sir? Let me get that for you.
TV Show: The Nanny
Mr. Sheffield: Every time I ask you to do something, you always manage to screw it all up.
Fran: And yet you continue to ask me. You need help, mister.
. . .
Mr. Sheffield: Why do I ever listen to you?
Fran: Well, my voice is kinda hard to tune out.
Fran: And yet you continue to ask me. You need help, mister.
. . .
Mr. Sheffield: Why do I ever listen to you?
Fran: Well, my voice is kinda hard to tune out.
TV Show: The Nanny
Fran: Hi, you must be Mr. Tattori.
Tony: Please. My friends call me Tony. [Kisses her hand]
Fran: What does your wife call ya? [Pulls it back]
Tony: I'm divorced.
Fran: [Extends it again] I'm Fran.
Tony: Please. My friends call me Tony. [Kisses her hand]
Fran: What does your wife call ya? [Pulls it back]
Tony: I'm divorced.
Fran: [Extends it again] I'm Fran.
TV Show: The Nanny
Fran: So... tell me about yourself. What do you like to do besides dress like a million bucks and drive around in a limo? Which is all I ever really aspire to.
Tony: It is not important what I do. It is important who I am.
Fran: Who are you?
Tony: It is not important who I am. It is important who I am with.
Tony: It is not important what I do. It is important who I am.
Fran: Who are you?
Tony: It is not important who I am. It is important who I am with.
TV Show: The Nanny
[Fran and Brighton watch a live-action clip of Fran Drescher on TV]
Fran: [chuckles] I love her. You know, I've seen her in person. She looks much younger.
[Grace walks to the window]
Grace: Fran, the storm is getting worse. How is Santa going to deliver all the presents?
Fran: Gracie, the man is bigger than Dom DeLuise and can fit through a chimney. Believe me, he can get through a blizzard.
Fran: [chuckles] I love her. You know, I've seen her in person. She looks much younger.
[Grace walks to the window]
Grace: Fran, the storm is getting worse. How is Santa going to deliver all the presents?
Fran: Gracie, the man is bigger than Dom DeLuise and can fit through a chimney. Believe me, he can get through a blizzard.
TV Show: The Nanny
[About C.C. the Abominable Babcock]
Niles: She's only happy when she's making everyone around her miserable.
Fran: Sounds like my mother.
Niles: Be careful. She's 2000 pounds with arms like a wrestler.
Fran: Oy, she is my mother.
Niles: She's only happy when she's making everyone around her miserable.
Fran: Sounds like my mother.
Niles: Be careful. She's 2000 pounds with arms like a wrestler.
Fran: Oy, she is my mother.
TV Show: The Nanny
Mr. Sheffield: Niles, get this piece of trash out of here!
Niles: [To C.C.] You heard the man. Move it!
Niles: [To C.C.] You heard the man. Move it!
TV Show: The Nanny
Mr. Sheffield: Have I let my judgement be impaired by my feelings for Ms. Fine?
Niles: What feelings are those, sir?
Mr. Sheffield: Well, you know—
Niles: No, I don't, sir.
Mr. Sheffield: Oh, c'mon, Niles—
Niles: But you'd feel so much better if you just said it.
Mr. Sheffield: Perhaps you're right! Maybe I should just admit that—
Fran: [Enters] Knock-knock!
Niles: Oh, WAIT!!
Niles: What feelings are those, sir?
Mr. Sheffield: Well, you know—
Niles: No, I don't, sir.
Mr. Sheffield: Oh, c'mon, Niles—
Niles: But you'd feel so much better if you just said it.
Mr. Sheffield: Perhaps you're right! Maybe I should just admit that—
Fran: [Enters] Knock-knock!
Niles: Oh, WAIT!!
TV Show: The Nanny
Mr. Sheffield: Oh, look at the time. Where did the day go?
Niles: Time flies when you're being unreasonable... sir.
Niles: Time flies when you're being unreasonable... sir.
TV Show: The Nanny
[Yetta enters with a policeman]
Mr. Sheffield: Yetta, what happened?
Policeman: [Motioning the crazy sign] We found her wandering around on Queen's Boulevard. She says she lives here.
Yetta: [Aside to Maxwell] Play along. It's cheaper than a cab.
Mr. Sheffield: Officer, thank goodness you're here. Look, our nanny is missing. She stormed out of the house this morning and we haven't seen her since.
Yetta: She got upset when he called her a gorgeous, sexy vixen he couldn't live without.
Mr. Sheffield: I never said that!
Yetta: Don't you wish you had?
Mr. Sheffield: Yetta, what happened?
Policeman: [Motioning the crazy sign] We found her wandering around on Queen's Boulevard. She says she lives here.
Yetta: [Aside to Maxwell] Play along. It's cheaper than a cab.
Mr. Sheffield: Officer, thank goodness you're here. Look, our nanny is missing. She stormed out of the house this morning and we haven't seen her since.
Yetta: She got upset when he called her a gorgeous, sexy vixen he couldn't live without.
Mr. Sheffield: I never said that!
Yetta: Don't you wish you had?
TV Show: The Nanny
[Niles is writing a sign]
Mr. Sheffield: Can you imagine Ms. Fine thinking I'm predictable! Me! Mr.—
Niles: [In unison] —Spontaneity.
Mr. Sheffield: Niles, you don't think I'm predictable, do you? [Niles shows his sign: "Of course not, sir"] Well, predictable is good, predictable is solid... Oh, God, even I knew I was going to say that.
Niles: If I were you, sir, I'd do something before she wakes up in the bedroom of another man... sion.
Mr. Sheffield: Niles, I want her to be happy here. How do you suppose I go about satisfying Ms. Fine?
Niles: [Awkward silence] Well, the second way, sir—
Mr. Sheffield: Niles!
Niles: Just shake it up, sir! Do something wild, out there, totally unexpected, I don't know. Give me a bonus!
Mr. Sheffield: Can you imagine Ms. Fine thinking I'm predictable! Me! Mr.—
Niles: [In unison] —Spontaneity.
Mr. Sheffield: Niles, you don't think I'm predictable, do you? [Niles shows his sign: "Of course not, sir"] Well, predictable is good, predictable is solid... Oh, God, even I knew I was going to say that.
Niles: If I were you, sir, I'd do something before she wakes up in the bedroom of another man... sion.
Mr. Sheffield: Niles, I want her to be happy here. How do you suppose I go about satisfying Ms. Fine?
Niles: [Awkward silence] Well, the second way, sir—
Mr. Sheffield: Niles!
Niles: Just shake it up, sir! Do something wild, out there, totally unexpected, I don't know. Give me a bonus!
TV Show: The Nanny
Fran: Ma, I can't believe Gracie doesn't want to be seen with me.
Sylvia: Honey, it's a normal thing for a kid to go through. Remember when you suddenly didn't want me to pick you up from school?
Fran: Yeah, but I don't wear a girdle on the outside of my pants.
Sylvia: Honey, it's a normal thing for a kid to go through. Remember when you suddenly didn't want me to pick you up from school?
Fran: Yeah, but I don't wear a girdle on the outside of my pants.
TV Show: The Nanny
Niles: I'm sorry, sir. I just— I just got so excited. I mean, she said and then— then you said and— and when she said "I quit!" well, I—I just wanted to roll over, light up, and watch Letterman.
TV Show: The Nanny
Mr. Sheffield: I just can't be genuinely insincere the way Ms. Babcock is. I tried calling everyone sweetie darling like she does. Now Harvey Fierstein's making pesto for me on Thursday.
TV Show: The Nanny
Niles: No one can eat a full five-course meal in under 10 minutes.
Fran: [Laughs] You obviously have never broken the Yom Kippur fast at my mother's house.
Fran: [Laughs] You obviously have never broken the Yom Kippur fast at my mother's house.
TV Show: The Nanny
[Teaching Brighton a lesson]
Fran: Guess who's picking you up from school tomorrow? My mother!
Brighton: So?
Fran: Straight from jazzercise in her thong leotards. And you know, she don't wait outside neither. She'd wanna come in and meet all your little friends.
Brighton: [higher-pitched] So?
Fran: Maybe she'll even do her flash dance. You know, she's a maniac.
Brighton: [repentant] No! I'm sorry! I'll be a good boy!
Fran: It is too late, mister. You'd better be watching your back and sleeping with one eye opened! And brush your teeth after every meal! [gets a look] What? I'm still his nanny.
Fran: Guess who's picking you up from school tomorrow? My mother!
Brighton: So?
Fran: Straight from jazzercise in her thong leotards. And you know, she don't wait outside neither. She'd wanna come in and meet all your little friends.
Brighton: [higher-pitched] So?
Fran: Maybe she'll even do her flash dance. You know, she's a maniac.
Brighton: [repentant] No! I'm sorry! I'll be a good boy!
Fran: It is too late, mister. You'd better be watching your back and sleeping with one eye opened! And brush your teeth after every meal! [gets a look] What? I'm still his nanny.
TV Show: The Nanny
CC: (to Niles) Listen, Flavio...I wanna be alone with Maxwell tonight. What's it gonna cost me to make you disappear?
Niles: Try fifty bucks.
CC: Done!
Niles: (standing in the same place) No, didn't work, I'm still here.
Niles: Try fifty bucks.
CC: Done!
Niles: (standing in the same place) No, didn't work, I'm still here.
TV Show: The Nanny
Mr. Sheffield: People want to do business with me because I'm, well, cute. Big bushy hair, English accent. I'm a one-man mop-top British invasion.
TV Show: The Nanny
Niles: I think Ms. Fine made it up that your hair is thinning because you weren't sympathetic to her problem.
Mr. Sheffield: That's because she doesn't have a bloody problem! Look, Niles, she's a young beautiful woman. What do I have to do to convince her she's desirable?!
Niles: Oh, sir, I'm sure you'll think of something. [Sprays cologne on him] After all, you're a man, she's a woman, fill in the blanks. The children are at the school, she's lying on the sofa and if all else fails, what would Pierce Brosnan do?
Mr. Sheffield: That's because she doesn't have a bloody problem! Look, Niles, she's a young beautiful woman. What do I have to do to convince her she's desirable?!
Niles: Oh, sir, I'm sure you'll think of something. [Sprays cologne on him] After all, you're a man, she's a woman, fill in the blanks. The children are at the school, she's lying on the sofa and if all else fails, what would Pierce Brosnan do?
TV Show: The Nanny
Elizabeth Taylor: So are you Maxwell's wife?
Fran: No, I just work for him. Actually, I've never been married.
Elizabeth Taylor: Not even once?
Fran: Well, you know, there was this one time but then I thought about it..
Elizabeth Taylor: [laughs] That was your mistake, dear.
Fran: No, I just work for him. Actually, I've never been married.
Elizabeth Taylor: Not even once?
Fran: Well, you know, there was this one time but then I thought about it..
Elizabeth Taylor: [laughs] That was your mistake, dear.
TV Show: The Nanny
Fran: I was just talking to my girlfriend, Elizabeth Taylor.
Cozette: Elizabeth Taylor Hilton Wilding Todd Fisher—
Fran: [Joins in] —Burton Burton Warner Fortensky? [they laugh] No wonder her hips keep breaking down.
Cozette: Elizabeth Taylor Hilton Wilding Todd Fisher—
Fran: [Joins in] —Burton Burton Warner Fortensky? [they laugh] No wonder her hips keep breaking down.
TV Show: The Nanny
Maxwell [to Fran]: You're my nanny. You take care of my children.
Fran: But I've got style, I've got flair. How did I become the nanny?
Fran: But I've got style, I've got flair. How did I become the nanny?
TV Show: The Nanny
Fran: Boys, boys, boys, now do you think my mother gave birth to a dummy 25 years ago?
TV Show: The Nanny
Fran: I think everything worked out just the way I always thought it would. I'm married to a great looking guy and I have three gorgeous children.
Yetta: Oh, honey, you got hit on the head, you're a little confused. The two big ones are from a previous marriage.
Yetta: Oh, honey, you got hit on the head, you're a little confused. The two big ones are from a previous marriage.
TV Show: The Nanny
Maxwell: It doesn't matter who's coming over, Miss Fine, because you're not going to meet her... him, or it.
Fran: You know, I cannot believe that you don't trust me. I mean, I sit here cooped up in the house all day, you never introduce me to any of the stars that you know, you never let me in any of your shows. I have a good mine to get Little Ricky and... oh.
CC: Nanny Fine, I need you to drop off this script to Antonio Banderas!
Fran: Forget it, Miss Babcock. I already know who's coming over here.
CC: You told her about Elizabeth Taylor?!
Maxwell: No. You did!
Fran: You know, I cannot believe that you don't trust me. I mean, I sit here cooped up in the house all day, you never introduce me to any of the stars that you know, you never let me in any of your shows. I have a good mine to get Little Ricky and... oh.
CC: Nanny Fine, I need you to drop off this script to Antonio Banderas!
Fran: Forget it, Miss Babcock. I already know who's coming over here.
CC: You told her about Elizabeth Taylor?!
Maxwell: No. You did!
TV Show: The Nanny
Sylvia [singing to Fran]: How much is that dress in Macy's window?
Fran [singing]: Who cares, it'll be at Loehmann's on sale!
Fran [singing]: Who cares, it'll be at Loehmann's on sale!
TV Show: The Nanny
Fran: I don't care if I ever get married. Meanwhile, my mother has a sudden urge to jump out the window and she doesn't know why.
TV Show: The Nanny
Mr. Sheffield: Margaret, if you were Ms. Fine, what car would you like to drive?
Maggie: Uh... my husband's.
Maggie: Uh... my husband's.
TV Show: The Nanny
Fran: You're taking this awfully well. I thought you would've been more upset I got dumped on national TV by one of New York's most elligable bachelors.
Sylvia: I know honey, that's why I'm heavily sedated. By the way, your father's disowned you.
Sylvia: I know honey, that's why I'm heavily sedated. By the way, your father's disowned you.
TV Show: The Nanny