The Nice Guys Quotes
Jackson Healy: All right, so then your solution was you make a porn film?
Amelia Kuttner: [Yelling]It's not a porno!
Holland March: You know, I have neighbors.
Amelia Kuttner: [Yelling]It's not a porno!
Holland March: You know, I have neighbors.
Movie: The Nice Guys
[March and Healy are looking for Amelia at a demonstration where a bunch of people are lying motionless on the steps of the city hall wearing gas masks] Die-In Protester: We can't talk to you. We're dead.
Holland March: No I- Yeah I get it. You know. I think it's very clever, I'm hip, but this is actually a really serious matter.
Die-In Protester: So is this! We've all been killed!
Holland March: No you haven't.
Die-In Protester: F*** you man, we're dead!
Smoker at Protest: They can't talk to you man, they're dead.
Jackson Healy: [to smoker guy]What's the protest about, do you know?
Smoker at Protest: [to the protesters]Any of you know why you're protesting?
Die-In Protester: The air!
Smoker at Protest: [to Healy]Air.
Holland March: You are protesting the air?
Die-In Protester: Pollution! The birds can't breathe!
Jackson Healy: So all of you died 'cause of the pollution?
Die-In Protester: [nodding]Right.
Jackson Healy: What about the gas masks? They didn't... save you?
Holland March: [when the guy can't answer Healy's question]That's f***ing... Alright! [starts walking down and accidentally steps on a protester's hand]
Die-In Protester: [screams in pain and pulls her hand]F**ker!
Holland March: Sorry. I thought you were dead.
Holland March: No I- Yeah I get it. You know. I think it's very clever, I'm hip, but this is actually a really serious matter.
Die-In Protester: So is this! We've all been killed!
Holland March: No you haven't.
Die-In Protester: F*** you man, we're dead!
Smoker at Protest: They can't talk to you man, they're dead.
Jackson Healy: [to smoker guy]What's the protest about, do you know?
Smoker at Protest: [to the protesters]Any of you know why you're protesting?
Die-In Protester: The air!
Smoker at Protest: [to Healy]Air.
Holland March: You are protesting the air?
Die-In Protester: Pollution! The birds can't breathe!
Jackson Healy: So all of you died 'cause of the pollution?
Die-In Protester: [nodding]Right.
Jackson Healy: What about the gas masks? They didn't... save you?
Holland March: [when the guy can't answer Healy's question]That's f***ing... Alright! [starts walking down and accidentally steps on a protester's hand]
Die-In Protester: [screams in pain and pulls her hand]F**ker!
Holland March: Sorry. I thought you were dead.
Movie: The Nice Guys
Holland March: It's fucking over man, that's what my daughter's got to deal with, the Chets of the world, and that fucking kid.
Movie: The Nice Guys
Holland March: All right, which one of you cock-and-balls wants to make twenty bucks?
Movie: The Nice Guys
Healy's ex-wife: [in the middle of a romantic dinner with Healy at a restaurant]Jack, I'm fucking your dad.
Jackson Healy: [spits water]What?
Jackson Healy: [spits water]What?
Movie: The Nice Guys
Holland March: You seen Chet, the projectionist?
Buddy: Yeah, he just left like 10 minutes ago, went for a drink. And you are?
Holland March: In a hurry. Thanks, buddy.
Buddy: How'd you know my name was Buddy?
Buddy: Yeah, he just left like 10 minutes ago, went for a drink. And you are?
Holland March: In a hurry. Thanks, buddy.
Buddy: How'd you know my name was Buddy?
Movie: The Nice Guys
Jackson Healy: [Healy and March are carrying a dead body]You didn't fall down the fucking hill, did you? Did you fall down the hill?
Holland March: I had, like, two, three drinks, tops.
Jackson Healy: Yeah, that's why you can't walk straight.
Holland March: Oh, excuse me. I'm carrying a dead body and I have his schwantz in my face. So, I'm sorry I'm not Bakishnarov.
Jackson Healy: You can't even say Baryshnikov.
Holland March: I had, like, two, three drinks, tops.
Jackson Healy: Yeah, that's why you can't walk straight.
Holland March: Oh, excuse me. I'm carrying a dead body and I have his schwantz in my face. So, I'm sorry I'm not Bakishnarov.
Jackson Healy: You can't even say Baryshnikov.
Movie: The Nice Guys
Holly March: You're the guy who beat up my dad.
Jackson Healy: Hey.
Holland March: No. Sucker-punched your dad. Big difference.
Jackson Healy: Hey.
Holland March: No. Sucker-punched your dad. Big difference.
Movie: The Nice Guys
Jackson Healy: [at a porn producer's lavish party]Whoa. Well, we know Mary Jane turned up.
Holland March: Who's that?
Jackson Healy: Mary Jane. Marijuana. Pot.
Holland March: Who's that?
Jackson Healy: Mary Jane. Marijuana. Pot.
Movie: The Nice Guys
Holland March: I work in a cesspool. Sex, more sex. My wife, she used to say I make a living off rumpy-pumpy. Whatever. She was English. I don't know what the fuck it means either.
Movie: The Nice Guys
Holland March: [a guest arrives at a lavish party in medieval costume and hands over the reins of his white horse dressed as a unicorn to a valet]Jesus tap-dancing Christ!
Movie: The Nice Guys
Bourbon Bartender: Just chill here, you know. She's gotta come back down. Have a couple of cold ones on me?
Jackson Healy: Oh, not for me.
Holland March: He makes a strong argument, though.
Bourbon Bartender: You see? Reasonable. Very reasonable. Now, your buddy, that was the problem, he wasn't reasonable.
Jackson Healy: Our buddy?
Holland March: Yeah, we don't have friends.
Bourbon Bartender: The other guy looking for Amelia, he wasn't with you?
Jackson Healy: Where'd he go?
Bourbon Bartender: Got in the elevator right before you guys came in.
Jackson Healy: Did you get a name?
Bourbon Bartender: John something.
Jackson Healy: Did you actually witness him getting into the elevator?
Bourbon Bartender: No, it was told to me by a wise old Indian. Of course I fucking witnessed it.
Jackson Healy: Oh, not for me.
Holland March: He makes a strong argument, though.
Bourbon Bartender: You see? Reasonable. Very reasonable. Now, your buddy, that was the problem, he wasn't reasonable.
Jackson Healy: Our buddy?
Holland March: Yeah, we don't have friends.
Bourbon Bartender: The other guy looking for Amelia, he wasn't with you?
Jackson Healy: Where'd he go?
Bourbon Bartender: Got in the elevator right before you guys came in.
Jackson Healy: Did you get a name?
Bourbon Bartender: John something.
Jackson Healy: Did you actually witness him getting into the elevator?
Bourbon Bartender: No, it was told to me by a wise old Indian. Of course I fucking witnessed it.
Movie: The Nice Guys
[March has just survived a massive fall by landing in a pool] Holland March: I'M ALIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
Movie: The Nice Guys
Holland March: Holy fucking shit!
Mrs. Glenn: [horrified at the cursing]OOOHHH!
Mrs. Glenn: [horrified at the cursing]OOOHHH!
Movie: The Nice Guys
Holly March: You're the world's worst detective.
Holland March: I'm the worst?
Holly March: Yeah!
Holland March: The world's worst?
Holland March: I'm the worst?
Holly March: Yeah!
Holland March: The world's worst?
Movie: The Nice Guys
Holland March: Hey, aren't you that diner guy? Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. I gotta know.
Jackson Healy: I don't wanna get into it right now.
Holland March: You gotta get into it. I gotta know. You're the diner guy.
Jackson Healy: [sighs]Alright...
Holland March: Yesss...
Jackson Healy: [in flashback]I was at a diner in Hollywood and this asshole with a shotgun started threatening people.
Holland March: [March is lying on his back on the diving board]I love it. It's the best story I've ever heard.
Jackson Healy: [In the flashback, Healy grabs the shotgun, and hits the guy in the face with it]So I did something about it. I acted. I didn't plan to, I didn't, you know. I just did it. I took that guy out. I didn't even get paid for it. So I ended up with a bullet in the bicep and 500 bucks of hospital bills. It was stupid, really. When I think about it, it was the best day of my life.
Holland March: [March is asleep on the diving board, snoring]...
Jackson Healy: I don't wanna get into it right now.
Holland March: You gotta get into it. I gotta know. You're the diner guy.
Jackson Healy: [sighs]Alright...
Holland March: Yesss...
Jackson Healy: [in flashback]I was at a diner in Hollywood and this asshole with a shotgun started threatening people.
Holland March: [March is lying on his back on the diving board]I love it. It's the best story I've ever heard.
Jackson Healy: [In the flashback, Healy grabs the shotgun, and hits the guy in the face with it]So I did something about it. I acted. I didn't plan to, I didn't, you know. I just did it. I took that guy out. I didn't even get paid for it. So I ended up with a bullet in the bicep and 500 bucks of hospital bills. It was stupid, really. When I think about it, it was the best day of my life.
Holland March: [March is asleep on the diving board, snoring]...
Movie: The Nice Guys
Holland March: Look, they got away with it. Big surprise, you know? People are stupid. But they're not that stupid. The point is five years tops, we're all driving electric cars from Japan, anyway. Mark my words.
Movie: The Nice Guys
Kid on Bike: No, his name was Sid... Sid Hatrack. Yeah.
Holland March: Nobody's name is Hatrack.
Kid on Bike: Whatever. Tried to get a job. I offered to show my dick. 'Cause I got a big dick.
Holland March: Nobody's name is Hatrack.
Kid on Bike: Whatever. Tried to get a job. I offered to show my dick. 'Cause I got a big dick.
Movie: The Nice Guys
Chet: Dean was a filmmaker. Kinda, like, experimental kindsa films. That's actually, like, kinda how we, we met, 'cause I'm kind of in the, in the business myself.
Jackson Healy: What do you do?
Chet: Projectionalist.
Jackson Healy: What do you do?
Chet: Projectionalist.
Movie: The Nice Guys
Holland March: You know, the thing about keeping your mouth closed is it prevents you from speaking.
Jackson Healy: Sure. Unless, of course, you're a ventriloquist.
Jackson Healy: Sure. Unless, of course, you're a ventriloquist.
Movie: The Nice Guys
Judith Kuttner: It sounds like you might have saved my daughter's life.
Jackson Healy: That was mostly Holly. His daughter.
Holland March: It's genetics.
Jackson Healy: That was mostly Holly. His daughter.
Holland March: It's genetics.
Movie: The Nice Guys
Jackson Healy: What do you think?
Holly March: I like her
Jessica: I like her dress
Holland March: It's a nice dress, but she's a loon. According to her, her mother's single handedly gonna wipe out all of Western society
Jackson Healy: Well yeah. However there are people trying to kill her right, like John Boy
Holly March: Who's John Boy?
Jessica: He's on The Waltons
Jackson Healy: No a different John Boy
Holly March: I like her
Jessica: I like her dress
Holland March: It's a nice dress, but she's a loon. According to her, her mother's single handedly gonna wipe out all of Western society
Jackson Healy: Well yeah. However there are people trying to kill her right, like John Boy
Holly March: Who's John Boy?
Jessica: He's on The Waltons
Jackson Healy: No a different John Boy
Movie: The Nice Guys
Bourbon Bartender: Is that a shirt?
Holland March: [holding up a cute little origami shirt]Yeah.
Bourbon Bartender: It's very pretty.
Holland March: I made it myself.
Bourbon Bartender: Yeah? I made this. [holds up a baseball bat]
Holland March: [holding up a cute little origami shirt]Yeah.
Bourbon Bartender: It's very pretty.
Holland March: I made it myself.
Bourbon Bartender: Yeah? I made this. [holds up a baseball bat]
Movie: The Nice Guys
Holly March: [with air of superiority]I'm friends with a cop, you know.
Jackson Healy: Is that so?
Holly March: He likes my dad a lot, too.
Jackson Healy: Maybe they should get married.
Jackson Healy: Is that so?
Holly March: He likes my dad a lot, too.
Jackson Healy: Maybe they should get married.
Movie: The Nice Guys
Jackson Healy: The sun went up, the sun went down. Nothing changes, just like you said.
Movie: The Nice Guys