The One Quotes
Bill Engvall: Then we got my dog, Duke, he's a basset hound. Duke's the perfect dog, yeah! He eats his own turds! Perfect dog right there. Goes outside to poop, cleans it right up! You can't teach that. That's just a gift. Best part is, my wife doesn't know he does it. She loves to let that dog lick her face! That's why we never have an argument. She starts climbing on top of me, and I'm like, Duke! Mama needs some lovin'!
TV Show: The One
Bill Engvall: My wife, trying to be helpful, goes to the grocery store and buys this stuff called soy bacon. Let me tell you something: I know soy beans are good for a lot of things. Let's stay out of the bacon market! It says It looks and tastes like real bacon! No it doesn't! It tastes like somebody bacon-flavored a turd, that's what it tastes like!
TV Show: The One
Jeff Foxworthy: This one goes out to the fathers and uncles out there. Your shorts should be longer than your underwear! Especially if you wear tighty-whities. No one wants to look over at Uncle Fred and see something that looks like a baby bird.
Movie: The One
Noah Cullen: [after covering Joker's face with mud so it doesn't show in the moonlight] There, now just the meanness shines through.
Movie: The One
Police Chief: It's been a terrible blow to my life looking like Mussolini, you know. Especially when I was a kid, you know, I was about seven, right, and I was down the Youth Club, you know, dancing away, right, like in the 'sixties, doing the Twist you know. And, em, there was this girl, right, and she comes up to me, and she goes,"'Ere! Are you Mussolini?" I said, "Emmm... Yeah." She says, "I thought you was dead." I says, "No, it was just me day off, you know." So she pulled me over the dance floor and butted me in the face! I said, "What's that for?" She said, "That's for the invasion of Crete!"
Movie: The One