The Simpsons Quotes
Homer: See, the great thing about animation is that you don't have to pay the actors squat.
Ned Flanders: [speaking in a different voice] But they can change them and no one would know the diddly-ifference.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: So I says, blue M&M, red M&M, they all wind up the same color in the end.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: Son, I just want you to know I have total faith in you.
Bart: Since when?
Homer: Since your mother yelled at me.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: That guy impressed me and I am not easily impressed. Wow. A *blue car*.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: That's it. This job is too dangerous. I'm giving this badge to the first person I see.
Chief Wiggum: That's funny because this is how I got this job the first time.
Marge: Thank you, chief for saving my husband's life.
Chief Wiggum: I didn't do anything. They took my gun and my badge. They would have gotten my squad car too if I hadn't hidden it under some hay.
Homer: Then who shot all of the gangsters? [Maggie looks out of the window and cocks her gun and hides it under her crib mattress]
Homer: It's time to go check on Maggie.
Marge: Isn't she sweet? She's probably thinking of the day that she shot Mr Burns.
Homer: Yeah.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: The problem in the world today is communication. Too much communication.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: There's a $10,000 bill in it for you.
Barney: Oh yeah? Which president is on it?
Homer: Um, all of them. They are having a party. Jimmy Carter is passed out on the couch.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl.
Ralph: I'm a boy.
Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: They expect me to wait here from 9 to 5? That's... how many hours? [looks at watch; counts fingers]
Homer: 10, 11... denominator... Awww where's Lisa when ya need her?
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: This is Homer Simpson, aka Happy Dude. The court is making me call everybody back and apologize for my telemarketing scam. I'm sorry. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, send one dollar to Sorry Dude, 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. You have the power.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: Time to Trim the Mark
Bart: Way to use the lingo, Homer.
Homer: 10-4, Kemosabe.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: Well, kids, it's Valentine's Day. You know what that means?
Bart: We get to watch TV with the sound turned way up.
Lisa: What are you and mom going to be doing?
Homer: Oh, we're going to be upstairs, making love... ly rope ladders in case of a fire.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: We're going to Disney World. [Homer is seen in front of the Magic Kingdom at Disney World, while sirens sound and searchlights search for Homer]
"Mickey Mouse": [over loudspeaker] Step away from the wall, step away from the wall.
Homer: It's so beautiful. [Homer disappears over fence]
Homer: One churro, please.
Cast Member: That'll be fourteen dollars.
Homer: [crying] No. No, no, nooooo. Here.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: Wow, Barney. You brought a whole beer keg.
Barney: Yeah... where do I fill it up?
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: Wow. Sprawl-Mart has everything, even videos of talking Christian vegetables.
Vegetable Moses: [zooms in on TV] We will not build your food pyramid. Let my pickles go!
TV Show: The Simpsons
Homer: You know Bart, maybe it's just the concussion talking, but anyway you chose to live your life is OK.
Bart: Huh?
Lisa: He thinks you're gay.
Bart: He thinks I'm gay?
TV Show: The Simpsons
Krusty the Clown: [while recording talking doll voices] One. Hey hey, kids, I'm talking Krusty. Two. Hey hey, kids. Here comes Slideshow Mel, I mean, Sideshow Mel. Four. [laughs]
Krusty the Clown: Bada bing, bada boom. I'm done. Learn from the professionals, kid. [leaves]
Technician: Uh... we're ready to roll, Krusty. Krusty?
TV Show: The Simpsons
Krusty the Clown: And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Krusty the Clown: And this ends Krusty's non-denominational holiday fun fest. So have a Merry Christmas, a Happy Chanukah, a Krazy Kwanzaa, a Tip Top Tet, and a solemn, eventful Ramadan. Now, over to my god, our sponsors.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Krusty the Clown: Here's a feature never before seen on TV - dumb pet tricks. Catch the rubber ball, Fifi. [the dog goes for Krusty's nose]
Krusty the Clown: AH. SOMEBODY SHOOT IT. SOMEBODY SHOOT IT.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Krusty the Clown: Homer gave me a kidney: it wasn't his, I didn't need it, and it came postage due- but I appreciated the gesture!
TV Show: The Simpsons
Krusty the Clown: I want my comedy to have a timeless quality.
Writer: Here's the final draft on that "Hanging Chad" sketch, Krusty.
Krusty the Clown: [reading] Heh heh. Oh good, you worked in Judge Ito.
TV Show: The Simpsons
Krusty the Clown: Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hanta virus? That came out of left field. So if you're experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box... [gets interrupted by a newscast]
TV Show: The Simpsons
Krusty the Clown: The faithful people at the Global Positioning System, is all the companionship I need... [taps the GPS box, which delivers a healthy electric shock]
Krusty the Clown: AAAARGH! [hurling the box over the side of the boat]
Krusty the Clown: Tell me where you are now you bastard!
TV Show: The Simpsons