The Venture Bros. Quotes
Dr. Venture(to Dean, riding on The Perfect Man's back): Dean, stop riding the 'Perfect Man'. Brock has to kill him now.
Dean: Aww, can't we keep him?
Hank: Yeah, dad, can't we? We'll feed the Perfect Man and clean up after him and everything! Super swear! Please??
Dr. Venture: No. He's an abomination. Go ahead, Brock.
[Brock walks forward carrying a machete]
Dean: Aww, can't we keep him?
Hank: Yeah, dad, can't we? We'll feed the Perfect Man and clean up after him and everything! Super swear! Please??
Dr. Venture: No. He's an abomination. Go ahead, Brock.
[Brock walks forward carrying a machete]
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Goggle Guard 1: It had more bullets you know. You gotta stop doing that.
Goggle Guard 2: I know, it just looks so cool...
Goggle Guard 1: Well go get it!
Goggle Guard 2: Fine.
Goggle Guard 2: I know, it just looks so cool...
Goggle Guard 1: Well go get it!
Goggle Guard 2: Fine.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Osiris Priest: Give me the Hand of Osiris!
Dr. Venture: Give me head.
Osiris Priest: You didn't just say that!
Dr. Venture: I absolutely did. What are you gonna do about it?
Osiris Priest: (confused) I'm... about to kill your sons.
Dr. Venture: Join the club!
Dr. Venture: Give me head.
Osiris Priest: You didn't just say that!
Dr. Venture: I absolutely did. What are you gonna do about it?
Osiris Priest: (confused) I'm... about to kill your sons.
Dr. Venture: Join the club!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Osiris Cultist: Ooh yeah, of course, OIL. Yeah, it makes sense now. Thought you told me to fill it with hot voile.
Osiris High Priest: Wh-What the hell is voile?
Osiris Cultist: It's a soft, sheer fabric. I warmed some up in the dryer.
Osiris High Priest: What the.. are you insane? What kind of torture is that? Get out of here! I'm serious, I don't even want to LOOK at you any more!
Osiris High Priest: Wh-What the hell is voile?
Osiris Cultist: It's a soft, sheer fabric. I warmed some up in the dryer.
Osiris High Priest: What the.. are you insane? What kind of torture is that? Get out of here! I'm serious, I don't even want to LOOK at you any more!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Brock: I gotta admit I always wanted to get Edgar Allan Poe in a headlock. That thing is like a pumpkin!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Orpheus: (answering phone) Dr. Orpheus, master of mysticism.
Dr. Venture: Uh...Orpheus, it's your landlord. We're trapped in a cliché. Use your fake impossible magic to get us out of here.
Dr. Venture: Uh...Orpheus, it's your landlord. We're trapped in a cliché. Use your fake impossible magic to get us out of here.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Orpheus: TRICKS?! How dare you! With just a thought I could rise into the air.
Dr. Venture: OR you could put on these anti-gravity boots.
Dr. Orpheus: I could incinerate this entire lab, make you believe you are a very special episode of Blossom, and shoot lightning from my hands!!!!
Dr. Venture: Ooh! Laser ray, mind control helmet, Tesla coil. Anything else?
Dr. Venture: OR you could put on these anti-gravity boots.
Dr. Orpheus: I could incinerate this entire lab, make you believe you are a very special episode of Blossom, and shoot lightning from my hands!!!!
Dr. Venture: Ooh! Laser ray, mind control helmet, Tesla coil. Anything else?
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Venture: Fine! 8 o'clock tomorrow, right here! The smallest man is the biggest man.
Dr. Orpheus: Fine! Good day, sir.
Dr. Venture: Good blah-blah, sir!
Dr. Orpheus: And I wouldn't bother looking for that shrink ray your father built. You sold it to the albino and his tiny companion. Ta-ta.
Dr. Venture: Crap...
Dr. Orpheus: Fine! Good day, sir.
Dr. Venture: Good blah-blah, sir!
Dr. Orpheus: And I wouldn't bother looking for that shrink ray your father built. You sold it to the albino and his tiny companion. Ta-ta.
Dr. Venture: Crap...
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Brock 1: (formulating a rescue plan) Hank, you and Caligula keep up the rear. (Caligula moans happily and hugs Hank) On second thought, you and Freud should do it. Caligula, you take the second wave alone. Ready Dean?
Dean: (with the body of a mummy, riding on the back of the bucking 'Perfect Man' and holding two shotguns.) Woah, steady, perfect man. Ready Brock!
Brock 1: When the gates open me, Poe, and me, (pointing to himself from the past) rush in. You got that? (Poe gives the thumbs-up)
Brock 2: You're going to kill him when he shows up, aren't ya?
Brock 1: Oh, you know it.
Both Brocks: (raising their machetes) Charge!
Dean: (with the body of a mummy, riding on the back of the bucking 'Perfect Man' and holding two shotguns.) Woah, steady, perfect man. Ready Brock!
Brock 1: When the gates open me, Poe, and me, (pointing to himself from the past) rush in. You got that? (Poe gives the thumbs-up)
Brock 2: You're going to kill him when he shows up, aren't ya?
Brock 1: Oh, you know it.
Both Brocks: (raising their machetes) Charge!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Triana Orpheus: (entering her room, where Orpheus is opening her closet door to reveal a supernatural portal) I knew it!
Dr. Orpheus: (flustered) Pumpkin! What are you doing in... your room? Shouldn't you be... not in your room?
Triana: My whole life I've been afraid of that closet! There's always these weird lights and something that smells like a burning Band-aid.
Dr. Orpheus: Brimstone. Okay fine, porthole to the burning nowhere, you got me.
Triana: Dad! I thought I was going crazy! I mean, I'm still afraid of the closet! Still! I wear the same thing every day because of that closet!
Dr. Orpheus: Well, how was I to know?! Come now, Archie and his indolent companion Jughead wear the same clothes every day. I thought it was an adolescent phase of yours.
Triana: Great. My closet is the door to hell.
Dr. Orpheus: The Necropolis. A porthole to the Necropolis. It had to be on the south side of the apartment, and since you had to have a private bathroom... oh, this is never... (he seizes her head) SLEEP!!
Dr. Orpheus: (flustered) Pumpkin! What are you doing in... your room? Shouldn't you be... not in your room?
Triana: My whole life I've been afraid of that closet! There's always these weird lights and something that smells like a burning Band-aid.
Dr. Orpheus: Brimstone. Okay fine, porthole to the burning nowhere, you got me.
Triana: Dad! I thought I was going crazy! I mean, I'm still afraid of the closet! Still! I wear the same thing every day because of that closet!
Dr. Orpheus: Well, how was I to know?! Come now, Archie and his indolent companion Jughead wear the same clothes every day. I thought it was an adolescent phase of yours.
Triana: Great. My closet is the door to hell.
Dr. Orpheus: The Necropolis. A porthole to the Necropolis. It had to be on the south side of the apartment, and since you had to have a private bathroom... oh, this is never... (he seizes her head) SLEEP!!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
The Master: Look, Orpheus, I know why you're here, and I chose the form of Argos to teach you a little lesson.
Dr. Orpheus: Don't you mean Cerberus? Correct me if I'm wrong, but Argos was Ulysses' dog. He had only one head.
The Master: See? See? There you go, right there. That's what I'm talking about. You're a know-it-all, and no one likes a... (one of his heads begins to lick his crotch) Wait, hold on a sec.
Dr. Orpheus: I only know that I know nothing.
The Master: Way to quote something I said like a year ago. But I'm serious, hold on. This other head likes to clean my genitals with his mouth. I know it sounds weird, I let him do it because it feels great. Oh yeah. The problem is that I can taste it. So, I taste my own genitals. In my mouth. It's a... conundrum.
Dr. Orpheus: Master, what bearing does this...
The Master: Hey, will you let me enjoy this? Damn, do you know how good this feels? Oh no, wait, I'm sorry. Your wife left you because you DON'T know how good this feels!
Dr. Orpheus: Don't you mean Cerberus? Correct me if I'm wrong, but Argos was Ulysses' dog. He had only one head.
The Master: See? See? There you go, right there. That's what I'm talking about. You're a know-it-all, and no one likes a... (one of his heads begins to lick his crotch) Wait, hold on a sec.
Dr. Orpheus: I only know that I know nothing.
The Master: Way to quote something I said like a year ago. But I'm serious, hold on. This other head likes to clean my genitals with his mouth. I know it sounds weird, I let him do it because it feels great. Oh yeah. The problem is that I can taste it. So, I taste my own genitals. In my mouth. It's a... conundrum.
Dr. Orpheus: Master, what bearing does this...
The Master: Hey, will you let me enjoy this? Damn, do you know how good this feels? Oh no, wait, I'm sorry. Your wife left you because you DON'T know how good this feels!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Master Billy Quizboy: (questioning why anyone would want to break into their trailer) It's industrial espionage, you've come to steal our great ideas. You've been foiled; we have none!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Master Billy Quizboy: Don't look at me! I have not lived enough for I have not tasted the flower of a woman.
Pete White: What do you mean?
Dr. Venture: You haven't tasted a flower? Is that a direct metaphor?
Pete White: Because I don't take many trips down south myself.
Master Billy Quizboy: You guys are disgusting. No, I mean I haven't sampled the fruits of the fairer sex.
Dr. Venture: What's with the poetry Wordsworth? Just say it. Say I am a virgin!
Pete White: I knew it!
Dr. Venture: Billy, that makes you the best canidate to take a ray blast. You have nothing to lose. You've never done anything. The way I look at it, it's not even murder. It's a very late abortion.
Pete White: What do you mean?
Dr. Venture: You haven't tasted a flower? Is that a direct metaphor?
Pete White: Because I don't take many trips down south myself.
Master Billy Quizboy: You guys are disgusting. No, I mean I haven't sampled the fruits of the fairer sex.
Dr. Venture: What's with the poetry Wordsworth? Just say it. Say I am a virgin!
Pete White: I knew it!
Dr. Venture: Billy, that makes you the best canidate to take a ray blast. You have nothing to lose. You've never done anything. The way I look at it, it's not even murder. It's a very late abortion.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Pete White: I vote Billy!
Dr. Venture: Seconded. Alright virgin, get on the target!
Dr. Venture: Seconded. Alright virgin, get on the target!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Venture: Well at least you hit this time. Anything happen?
Pete White: Nah. Nothin'. I told you the phosphates were too old.
Master Billy Quizboy: No... It worked. You shrank my lungs!
Pete White: Nah. Nothin'. I told you the phosphates were too old.
Master Billy Quizboy: No... It worked. You shrank my lungs!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Pete White: Woah! Rusty!! Hoo, man!!!
Master Billy Quizboy: White, I can't breathe over here!!
Dr. Venture: It's gonna get worse! You remember that sound my chair made a second ago? That wasn't the chair.
Pete White: It'll be over there in a minute, Billy. Oh, think deviled eggs.
Master Billy Quizboy: I hate you guys...
Master Billy Quizboy: White, I can't breathe over here!!
Dr. Venture: It's gonna get worse! You remember that sound my chair made a second ago? That wasn't the chair.
Pete White: It'll be over there in a minute, Billy. Oh, think deviled eggs.
Master Billy Quizboy: I hate you guys...
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
In the middle of spring cleaning, Brock's discovery of a lost videotape from Jonas Venture Sr. sets Team Venture off on a global scavenger hunt for the hidden pieces of a fantastic and potentially deadly machine. But to save humanity from a terrible fate, they'll have to overcome death, drug addiction, Jonny Quest and Professor Impossible--all under the watchful eye of the mysterious Grand Galactic Inquisitor.
Dr. Venture: (seeing the Inquisitor for the first time)Ladysmith Black Mambazo!!!
Dr. Venture: (seeing the Inquisitor for the first time)Ladysmith Black Mambazo!!!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dean: (while going through a box of Dr. Venture's old things) Ah, neat! You wrote a fan letter to the Herculoids when you were ten? (Hank snatches the letter away from Dean) Hey!
Hank: Hey, horses! (reads letter) It's not a fan letter, he calls them hippies for not fighting in Vietnam. (The Grand Inquisitor snatches the letter) Hey!
Grand Galactic Inquisitor: IGNORE ME!
Hank: Hey, horses! (reads letter) It's not a fan letter, he calls them hippies for not fighting in Vietnam. (The Grand Inquisitor snatches the letter) Hey!
Grand Galactic Inquisitor: IGNORE ME!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Brock: What're you doing here?
Captain: Yeah, well -- you never seemed to use the boat, so... I kinda started sleepin' here. Only a couple nights a week at first. You try findin' a job with nothin' on your resume but fake ghost pirate--
Brock: Get to the point!
Captain: Yah yah! Geez. Anyhoo... I wakes up one day and there's this little fella standin' there. And he tells me it's his boat now, on account a'yer pa 'et him up when he was wee! He hired me on as the ship's captain! So really, it's kinda more my boat than yours at this point.
Captain: Yeah, well -- you never seemed to use the boat, so... I kinda started sleepin' here. Only a couple nights a week at first. You try findin' a job with nothin' on your resume but fake ghost pirate--
Brock: Get to the point!
Captain: Yah yah! Geez. Anyhoo... I wakes up one day and there's this little fella standin' there. And he tells me it's his boat now, on account a'yer pa 'et him up when he was wee! He hired me on as the ship's captain! So really, it's kinda more my boat than yours at this point.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Venture: (waking up from a bizarre dream) Oh, I thought I was done with those crappy dreams.
Grand Galactic Inquisitor: That was a weird one.
Venture: Great, you can read my mind.
Grand Galactic Inquisitor: IGNORE ME!(pause) Yes, I can.
Grand Galactic Inquisitor: That was a weird one.
Venture: Great, you can read my mind.
Grand Galactic Inquisitor: IGNORE ME!(pause) Yes, I can.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Hank: (upon entering Colonel Horace Gentleman's private chambers) Are you t'home?
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dean: Check this out. (reading Colonel Gentelman's journal) Dear diary, another dreary party at the Frosts' Flat, but oh the bitches were in rare form tonight!
Hank: Skip ahead. Maybe later he talks about grandpa's thing.
Dean: Wait, there's some kind of a list. Could be a clue! ""(continues reading) Toys Colonel Gentleman wishes he had when he was a lad but weren't invented yet: Micronauts, The Scooby-Doo Monster Game, Which Witch, AT-AT Imperial Walker, Stay Alive: The Survival Game...
Hank: What is that, code?
Dean: (after reading Colonel Gentleman's journal) "Colonel Gentleman's good names for an imaginary friend." "Colonel Gentleman's Hollywood actresses who need a smack in the mouth" They go on and on. This is a crazy person's diary.
Hank: Skip ahead. Maybe later he talks about grandpa's thing.
Dean: Wait, there's some kind of a list. Could be a clue! ""(continues reading) Toys Colonel Gentleman wishes he had when he was a lad but weren't invented yet: Micronauts, The Scooby-Doo Monster Game, Which Witch, AT-AT Imperial Walker, Stay Alive: The Survival Game...
Hank: What is that, code?
Dean: (after reading Colonel Gentleman's journal) "Colonel Gentleman's good names for an imaginary friend." "Colonel Gentleman's Hollywood actresses who need a smack in the mouth" They go on and on. This is a crazy person's diary.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Venture: Sally, there's something I need you to do for me before we go off and live happily ever after.
Sally Impossible: Oh Dr. Venture, anything! Just do one thing for me. Pinch me, because I must be dreaming! I can't believe you're really here!
Bum: It's okay, lady. I see him too!
Sally Impossible: Oh Dr. Venture, anything! Just do one thing for me. Pinch me, because I must be dreaming! I can't believe you're really here!
Bum: It's okay, lady. I see him too!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Brock: (sighing with disgust) This is just wrong, man, even for you. Look at her!
Dr. Venture: I have watched you pull a man's eyes from his head and make him dance like a marionette with his own optic nerves!
Brock: At least I didn't break his heart.
Dr. Venture: You don't know that.
Dr. Venture: I have watched you pull a man's eyes from his head and make him dance like a marionette with his own optic nerves!
Brock: At least I didn't break his heart.
Dr. Venture: You don't know that.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Prof. Richard Impossible: You see, Dr. Venture, I found the piece your father hid in the foundation years ago. Then I thought about you in physics class. You were a daydreamer, a sass-mouth, and, not infrequently, a bit of a gigglepuss. Somehow I doubt twenty years of amphetamines and failure have done anything to improve that.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Grand Galactic Inquisitor: Someone left a baby! (after a pause, he reluctantly picks up Rocket)
Rocket: (babbles)
Grand Galactic Inquisitor: IGNORE ME!
Rocket: (babbles)
Grand Galactic Inquisitor: IGNORE ME!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Prof. Impossible: Please! This is important!
Sally Impossible: What could be more important than your family, Richard?
Prof. Impossible: (baffled by the question) Sssssss-science?
Sally Impossible: What could be more important than your family, Richard?
Prof. Impossible: (baffled by the question) Sssssss-science?
TV Show: The Venture Bros.