The Venture Bros. Quotes
Hank: (reading Triana's message in the bathroom mirror) "I'm in the Torrid Zone. Call my feather". We need to find her feather!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Hank: I'm in the bathroom and you gotta get in here! It smells like... like gun powdered-throw up-poo poo eggs!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dean: You should see a doctor! It smells like you pounded garbage into your butt!
Hank: Knock it off. We have a mystery in our bathroom. Query: Can flames come out of a toilet?
Dean: Hank, if you did this...
Hank: I didn't! Dude, if I did this, I would tell you! I would be, like, almost proud of this!
Hank: Knock it off. We have a mystery in our bathroom. Query: Can flames come out of a toilet?
Dean: Hank, if you did this...
Hank: I didn't! Dude, if I did this, I would tell you! I would be, like, almost proud of this!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Triana: Ooohhh, Hank! What is wrong with you?
Dean: Right? It smells like a bible story in here.
Triana: Did my grandpa teach you to crap?
Dean: Right? It smells like a bible story in here.
Triana: Did my grandpa teach you to crap?
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
#21: We're -totally- going to fly into some hot chick's bedroom!.
#24: Oh totally! And she'll be like, dating the good guy. And I'll come in and be all; "I'll spare his life, but only for you s-sugarpants"
#21: (Grabbing #24's shoulders, shaking him roughly) Dude! And then you will have sex! You will be having sex! Sex!
#24: Oh totally! And she'll be like, dating the good guy. And I'll come in and be all; "I'll spare his life, but only for you s-sugarpants"
#21: (Grabbing #24's shoulders, shaking him roughly) Dude! And then you will have sex! You will be having sex! Sex!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
The Monarch: Oh, but which door to choose? That one can have fun, surprises, and a year's supply of Turtle Wax behind it.... (the prostitute opens the door, and a polar bear pounces on her) ... or the polar bear from Lost!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
The Monarch: (to the prostitute) I don't blame you for desiring me...the Monarch is DELICIOUS!!!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Ward: So you share a lair with Dr. Orpheus?
Dr. Venture: Hardly. He rents an apartment from me.
Watch: I can't believe that we are standing in the same conference room the Treaty of Tolerance was signed in!
Ward: Yes. So cool. Your father is a legend at the Guild.
Watch: Yeah, legend! He's responsible for stealing my father's leg!
Ward: Don't start me! The REAL Dr. Venture was the reason I got into this business!
Dr. Venture: Hey, just keep the nuts away from my lab. Because I have some pretty impressive things going on in there.
Dr. Venture: Hardly. He rents an apartment from me.
Watch: I can't believe that we are standing in the same conference room the Treaty of Tolerance was signed in!
Ward: Yes. So cool. Your father is a legend at the Guild.
Watch: Yeah, legend! He's responsible for stealing my father's leg!
Ward: Don't start me! The REAL Dr. Venture was the reason I got into this business!
Dr. Venture: Hey, just keep the nuts away from my lab. Because I have some pretty impressive things going on in there.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Ward: (to Ward, still snickering) No, shut up. Oh yeah, we'll do our best to keep them away from your...
Watch: (still snickering) Impressive...
Ward: Yeah, impressive stuff.
Dr. Venture: You better! Where's Mr. Magic? How come the prom queen isn't here to crown his king?
Ward: He's astral projecting, I think.
Dr. Venture: Showoff...
Watch: To assemble his team.
Dr. Venture: A team? You mean he was approved as a team? What a wuss! (starts chuckling, then stops)
Ward: (fakes clearing his throat) Jealous!
Watch: (still snickering) Impressive...
Ward: Yeah, impressive stuff.
Dr. Venture: You better! Where's Mr. Magic? How come the prom queen isn't here to crown his king?
Ward: He's astral projecting, I think.
Dr. Venture: Showoff...
Watch: To assemble his team.
Dr. Venture: A team? You mean he was approved as a team? What a wuss! (starts chuckling, then stops)
Ward: (fakes clearing his throat) Jealous!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Prostitute: Think you can give me directions back to Liberty Street?
The Monarch: Listen and listen well. The road before you is beset with many perils! Every turn you make will bring you closer to the cold awaiting hands of Sister Fate!
Prostitute: Or just the center of town? Do you have a pen? Maybe I should...
The Monarch: Fear me, Theseus, for I AM THE MIGHTY MINOTAUR! [Disrobes, revealing a large minotaur tattoo on his back) This Cocoon has witnessed your sins, and she seeks vengeance! The Cocoon will punish the wicked, the Cocoon will reward the righteous! You must escape from her grasp, you must earn your freedom!
Prostitute: Dude, I don't have time for... (A trap door beneath the bed opens, sending the Prostitute down)
The Monarch: How much do you want to live?!
The Monarch: Listen and listen well. The road before you is beset with many perils! Every turn you make will bring you closer to the cold awaiting hands of Sister Fate!
Prostitute: Or just the center of town? Do you have a pen? Maybe I should...
The Monarch: Fear me, Theseus, for I AM THE MIGHTY MINOTAUR! [Disrobes, revealing a large minotaur tattoo on his back) This Cocoon has witnessed your sins, and she seeks vengeance! The Cocoon will punish the wicked, the Cocoon will reward the righteous! You must escape from her grasp, you must earn your freedom!
Prostitute: Dude, I don't have time for... (A trap door beneath the bed opens, sending the Prostitute down)
The Monarch: How much do you want to live?!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Venture: (trying to explain the birds and the bees to Dean) I'm going to explain to you what most boys your age (pauses) have known for like five years already.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Brock: (watching the guild candidates attack the walking robotic eye) Well, I'm gonna go out there and get some of that action.
Dr. Venture: Uhh... Don't you wanna change?
Brock: No way. I love wearing a tux when I kill guys. Makes you feel kinda like James Bond.
Dr. Venture: Uhh... Don't you wanna change?
Brock: No way. I love wearing a tux when I kill guys. Makes you feel kinda like James Bond.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Order of the Triad: (Dr. Orpheus, Jefferson Twilight, and the Alchemist do their "thing") Order of the Triad... Go!
Dr. Venture: Get out of my kitchen.
Dr. Venture: Get out of my kitchen.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
#24: I can't believe that whore stole my Stanza.
#21: I can't believe that whore made it through the lake of acid.
#21: I can't believe that whore made it through the lake of acid.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Venture: Alright Dean,I,er...need to talk about a few things with you.
Dean: Hank did it.
Dean: Hank did it.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
When the Gargantua-1 Space Station breaks orbit and crashes into a wanted terrorist, Colonel Bud Manstrong becomes a national hero. But did it really happen or is Bud's mother, the indomitable Mrs. Manstrong, behind an insidious plot to assassinate the President? The mysterious blinking band aid on Bud's head might be the key to a mystery only the ghost of Abraham Lincoln and Team Venture can solve.
[Doctor Venture is jealous that Bud Manstrong is getting so much attention]
Doctor Venture: They might as well give a medal to the seats while they're pinning one on "Luck Rogers" over there.
Brock: (with disbelief) "Luck Rogers"?
Doctor Venture: (chuckles) You like that? I almost said "Flash in the pan Gordon".
Brock: Glad you didn't.
[Doctor Venture is jealous that Bud Manstrong is getting so much attention]
Doctor Venture: They might as well give a medal to the seats while they're pinning one on "Luck Rogers" over there.
Brock: (with disbelief) "Luck Rogers"?
Doctor Venture: (chuckles) You like that? I almost said "Flash in the pan Gordon".
Brock: Glad you didn't.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
[Brock has just had an unfortunate run-in with Hauser, a member of the Secret Service]
Doctor Venture: Friend of yours?
Brock: We were in 'Nam together.
Doctor Venture: Oh. Wait, you were like 10 during Vietnam.
Brock: Well, I didn't say during the war.
Doctor Venture: Friend of yours?
Brock: We were in 'Nam together.
Doctor Venture: Oh. Wait, you were like 10 during Vietnam.
Brock: Well, I didn't say during the war.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
President Breyer: Ladies and gentlemen, a toast to Colonel Bud Manstrong, a man of bravery, integrity, an indominable spirit of--
Mrs. Manstrong: Oh, quit blowing smoke up the boy's ass, Breyer! We all know the real reason Bud's here. Your administration is in the crapper, and you need Mrs. Manstrong's little Boy Scout on the team to polish that turd.
Mrs. Manstrong: Oh, quit blowing smoke up the boy's ass, Breyer! We all know the real reason Bud's here. Your administration is in the crapper, and you need Mrs. Manstrong's little Boy Scout on the team to polish that turd.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Doctor Venture: Hey, Bud! Or is it Budley? Budward? What's Bud short for?
Bud Manstrong: Nothing. It's just Bud.
Bud Manstrong: Nothing. It's just Bud.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
President Breyer: How'd you like to be Vice-President?
Bud Manstrong: Me?!
President Breyer: Hell yeah, you! Who'd do think I'm talking about; you're a genuine hero, boy. The Bureau can't find a damn thing on you, and plus, you're a little bit of the eye candy for the ladies. Speakin' of which...(opens door) take a pick.
Bud Manstrong: I'm...not sure I follow you, Sir.
President Breyer: Any of my secretarial staff, 'cept the one in the blue dress that smells like this!
(Holds his finger up to Bud's nose)
Bud Manstrong: Oh, dear lord!
President Breyer: (laughs) That's Phyllis — got my name written all over her...literally! I once wrote my name on the front of her dress with the tip of my...
Bud Manstrong: OH NO! I'm not hearing this, I'm not hearing this! Good evening, sir!
(Walks out of the office)
President Breyer: (into intercom) Uh, Cass, I'll take that blowjob now.
Bud Manstrong: Me?!
President Breyer: Hell yeah, you! Who'd do think I'm talking about; you're a genuine hero, boy. The Bureau can't find a damn thing on you, and plus, you're a little bit of the eye candy for the ladies. Speakin' of which...(opens door) take a pick.
Bud Manstrong: I'm...not sure I follow you, Sir.
President Breyer: Any of my secretarial staff, 'cept the one in the blue dress that smells like this!
(Holds his finger up to Bud's nose)
Bud Manstrong: Oh, dear lord!
President Breyer: (laughs) That's Phyllis — got my name written all over her...literally! I once wrote my name on the front of her dress with the tip of my...
Bud Manstrong: OH NO! I'm not hearing this, I'm not hearing this! Good evening, sir!
(Walks out of the office)
President Breyer: (into intercom) Uh, Cass, I'll take that blowjob now.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Doctor Venture: Oh, come on, Brock! This might be five minutes! I've been practicing my pitch all week!
Brock: (scoffs) You just have no clue, do you? These aren't a bunch of fake pirates or dicks in rubber butterfly suits, Doc. We're talking about the United States Secret Service.
Doctor Venture: Please, we'll both be off the hook when he feasts his eyes on what I've got to offer. The thing sells itself! If it doesn't I can't afford to pay you this month.
Brock: You don't pay me.
Brock: (scoffs) You just have no clue, do you? These aren't a bunch of fake pirates or dicks in rubber butterfly suits, Doc. We're talking about the United States Secret Service.
Doctor Venture: Please, we'll both be off the hook when he feasts his eyes on what I've got to offer. The thing sells itself! If it doesn't I can't afford to pay you this month.
Brock: You don't pay me.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
[Hauser is about to shoot the portable forcefield generator to shut it off]
Doctor Venture: I wouldn't do that. They're nuclear batteries.
President Breyer: Nuke-a-lar?
Doctor Venture: Well, that's not actually a word, but yes.
Doctor Venture: I wouldn't do that. They're nuclear batteries.
President Breyer: Nuke-a-lar?
Doctor Venture: Well, that's not actually a word, but yes.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Lincoln's Ghost: Venture Brothers!
Dean: (screams)
Lincoln's Ghost: You must help me! Colonel Manstrong is going to assassinate the president!
Dean: Hank! Wake up! It's the ghost of Abraham Lincoln!
Hank: (waking up) Who?
Dean: (screams)
Lincoln's Ghost: You must help me! Colonel Manstrong is going to assassinate the president!
Dean: Hank! Wake up! It's the ghost of Abraham Lincoln!
Hank: (waking up) Who?
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Lincoln's Ghost: Microchip! Microchip! It's in the back of his head! His mother is using it to control him and she's going to make him assassinate the president!
Dean: It just sounds a little far-fetched.
Hank: Yeah, thank you, I'm glad you said it.
Lincoln's Ghost: Didn't either of you see The Manchurian Candidate? Not even the remake with Denzel? Come on, I've been dead for seven score years and even I—
Hank: Who is this guy?
Lincoln's Ghost: Abraham Lincoln! Sixteenth president of the United States! Come on, you're kidding me!
Dean: Yeah, didn't you learn anything in bed?
Lincoln's Ghost: All right. All right, how 'bout this? I'm the five dollar bill guy.
Hank: You invented the five dollar bill?
Lincoln's Ghost: Yes, Hank. (shaking his head in resignation) Yes, I did. Dean, you seem to be a little more on the ball here. Help me stop Manstrong.
Dean: Why do you need us?
Lincoln's Ghost: Because I'm immaterial. Look at this. (Passes arm through Hank and Dean.) It's a no go! I need to possess one of your bodies. Just for a little while. Until I can stop him. Will one of you do that for me? For the Union?
Hank: Not it!
Dean: Not it!
Hank: OnetwothreefourfivesixseveneightninetenJINX! You owe me a coke!
Dean: Aww.
Dean: It just sounds a little far-fetched.
Hank: Yeah, thank you, I'm glad you said it.
Lincoln's Ghost: Didn't either of you see The Manchurian Candidate? Not even the remake with Denzel? Come on, I've been dead for seven score years and even I—
Hank: Who is this guy?
Lincoln's Ghost: Abraham Lincoln! Sixteenth president of the United States! Come on, you're kidding me!
Dean: Yeah, didn't you learn anything in bed?
Lincoln's Ghost: All right. All right, how 'bout this? I'm the five dollar bill guy.
Hank: You invented the five dollar bill?
Lincoln's Ghost: Yes, Hank. (shaking his head in resignation) Yes, I did. Dean, you seem to be a little more on the ball here. Help me stop Manstrong.
Dean: Why do you need us?
Lincoln's Ghost: Because I'm immaterial. Look at this. (Passes arm through Hank and Dean.) It's a no go! I need to possess one of your bodies. Just for a little while. Until I can stop him. Will one of you do that for me? For the Union?
Hank: Not it!
Dean: Not it!
Hank: OnetwothreefourfivesixseveneightninetenJINX! You owe me a coke!
Dean: Aww.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
(Dean, possessed by the Ghost of Abraham Lincoln, tries to kiss Hank.)
Hank: Eww!
(Hank slaps Dean, knocking Lincoln out of him and onto the floor.)
Hank: Dude, what the dilly?!
Dean: Did it work? What happened?
Hank: Honest Abe's a 'mo, that's what happened.
Lincoln's Ghost: Sorry! Sorry. I don't know what came over me. It was just a bit overwhelming to have a body again. All those hormones. Whoo! (Stands up.) Right. Just let me try this again. I'm ready for it this time. (Begins to step into Dean.) Who's Triana, by the way?
Dean: Ah! Just get in!
(Lincoln steps into Dean's body.)
Hank: And no funny business!
Lincoln's Ghost: Yes already! Like you boys never experimented.
Hank: Dean!
Hank: Eww!
(Hank slaps Dean, knocking Lincoln out of him and onto the floor.)
Hank: Dude, what the dilly?!
Dean: Did it work? What happened?
Hank: Honest Abe's a 'mo, that's what happened.
Lincoln's Ghost: Sorry! Sorry. I don't know what came over me. It was just a bit overwhelming to have a body again. All those hormones. Whoo! (Stands up.) Right. Just let me try this again. I'm ready for it this time. (Begins to step into Dean.) Who's Triana, by the way?
Dean: Ah! Just get in!
(Lincoln steps into Dean's body.)
Hank: And no funny business!
Lincoln's Ghost: Yes already! Like you boys never experimented.
Hank: Dean!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Hauser: (to Brock) Nice one. Everything you touch turns to suck. It's official.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Doctor Venture: Oh, no, they called my brother? Could this be any more embarrassing? (mockingly to Dr. Venture, Jr. through the forcefield) Yeah, all right, hi! I see you! Go to hell!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Jonas Venture, Jr.: What are you trying to do there, Dean?
Hank: We're helping our new ghost pal!
General Manhowers: Heh! Now ain't that somethin'? I wish my boy had that kinda creativity!
Dean: Col. Manstrong is going to assassinate the president!
Hank: It's not really his fault though. His mom's controlling him!
General Manhowers: Don't give me that psycho-babble, son! After a certain age, a man needs to take responsibility for his own actions!
Dean: Um... Okay.
General Manhowers: Sure, maybe if I hugged my thick-headed son more he wouldn't have started them fires or stolen all that lacrosse equipment, but dammit! Sometimes they're just bad apples!!
Hank: We're helping our new ghost pal!
General Manhowers: Heh! Now ain't that somethin'? I wish my boy had that kinda creativity!
Dean: Col. Manstrong is going to assassinate the president!
Hank: It's not really his fault though. His mom's controlling him!
General Manhowers: Don't give me that psycho-babble, son! After a certain age, a man needs to take responsibility for his own actions!
Dean: Um... Okay.
General Manhowers: Sure, maybe if I hugged my thick-headed son more he wouldn't have started them fires or stolen all that lacrosse equipment, but dammit! Sometimes they're just bad apples!!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
#24: Oh, that's right! Come on in! Don't knock or anything. After all, I only live in a cocoon with 80 guys and no women. So there's NO chance I'd be masturbating...
TV Show: The Venture Bros.