The Venture Bros. Quotes
[On the tram ride...]
Dr. Venture: We're going to use The Buddy System. The person seated next to you is your buddy. Everyone say, "Hi, buddy!"
Boys: (doing so) Hi, buddy!
Dr. Venture: If you touch something that melts your fingers off, tell your buddy! If you get a face-full of burning hydroflouric acid, it's your buddy who drags you to one of the many eye wash stations!
Dr. Venture: We're going to use The Buddy System. The person seated next to you is your buddy. Everyone say, "Hi, buddy!"
Boys: (doing so) Hi, buddy!
Dr. Venture: If you touch something that melts your fingers off, tell your buddy! If you get a face-full of burning hydroflouric acid, it's your buddy who drags you to one of the many eye wash stations!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
[Dr. Venture and Billy Quizboy are confronted by a giant gorilla...]
Billy Quizboy: Don't move! They can smell fear...
Dr. Venture: Can they smell urine?
Billy Quizboy: That's like liquid fear!
Billy Quizboy: Don't move! They can smell fear...
Dr. Venture: Can they smell urine?
Billy Quizboy: That's like liquid fear!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
[Master Billy Quizboy has been mauled by a giant gorilla...]
Billy: I jettisoned the hand and got away, but...I wasn't alone in there. (holding up a child's shoe) We lost one!
Dr. Venture: Well, where was his buddy? He had a buddy, they all had buddies!
Billy: Rusty, I just saw a little kid get disemboweled!
Dr. Venture: Well, you always wanted to be an adventurer! Not like answering trivia, is it, boy?
Billy: I jettisoned the hand and got away, but...I wasn't alone in there. (holding up a child's shoe) We lost one!
Dr. Venture: Well, where was his buddy? He had a buddy, they all had buddies!
Billy: Rusty, I just saw a little kid get disemboweled!
Dr. Venture: Well, you always wanted to be an adventurer! Not like answering trivia, is it, boy?
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Tim-Tom Moppet: (gleefully) A hit, eh? You want us to make 'im suffer? Or just end it, quick and quiet-like?
Brock: Nah, nothin' permanent... just, like, give him a little taste of fear. I guess you can break something small... like a toe...
Tim-Tom Moppet: We can take out his tongue..
Kevin Moppet: (with relish) With a knife!
Tim-Tom Moppet: Or remove 'is 'eart...
Kevin Moppet: (with great relish) Yeah, with a knife!
Tim-Tom Moppet: A bigger knife!
Kevin Moppet: (with greater relish) Fucking knife!
Brock: (a touch uneasy) Yeeeeahhhhhhh.... you guys....are....kinda creepy. I think this may be a stupid idea.
Brock: Nah, nothin' permanent... just, like, give him a little taste of fear. I guess you can break something small... like a toe...
Tim-Tom Moppet: We can take out his tongue..
Kevin Moppet: (with relish) With a knife!
Tim-Tom Moppet: Or remove 'is 'eart...
Kevin Moppet: (with great relish) Yeah, with a knife!
Tim-Tom Moppet: A bigger knife!
Kevin Moppet: (with greater relish) Fucking knife!
Brock: (a touch uneasy) Yeeeeahhhhhhh.... you guys....are....kinda creepy. I think this may be a stupid idea.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Tim-Tom Moppet: How'dwe do, mum?
Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Great! My little moppets were perfect like always! Come give your lady a hug.
(She squats down and hugs them to her large breasts)
Tim-Tom Moppet: (leering at her breasts) I like yer new costume, mum...
Kevin Moppet: (also leering) I like huggin you in your new costume....
(Pans back, showing both of the Moppets lecherously rubbing her back)
Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Ok you two. Time to stop...
Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Great! My little moppets were perfect like always! Come give your lady a hug.
(She squats down and hugs them to her large breasts)
Tim-Tom Moppet: (leering at her breasts) I like yer new costume, mum...
Kevin Moppet: (also leering) I like huggin you in your new costume....
(Pans back, showing both of the Moppets lecherously rubbing her back)
Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Ok you two. Time to stop...
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
(Dr. Jonas Venture greets Co. Gentleman and his wife at the door.)
Col. Gentleman: Col. Fun has arrived! (taking the drink from Jonas's hand) Ah, you read my mind. I need a stiff one in me after that car ride. Never let a woman drive your Aston, Jonas. This one handles a stick like it's got herpes!
Ms. Quymn: Who knows, with all the strange garages you park it in...
Dr. Jonas Venture: Ms. Quymn (he kisses her hand)
Col. Gentleman: More like Ms. Bollocks baster. If she won't take my name maybe she'll take a smack in her smart mouth!
Ms. Quymn: Try me. [Col. Gentleman kisses her on the cheek]]
Col. Gentleman: Col. Fun has arrived! (taking the drink from Jonas's hand) Ah, you read my mind. I need a stiff one in me after that car ride. Never let a woman drive your Aston, Jonas. This one handles a stick like it's got herpes!
Ms. Quymn: Who knows, with all the strange garages you park it in...
Dr. Jonas Venture: Ms. Quymn (he kisses her hand)
Col. Gentleman: More like Ms. Bollocks baster. If she won't take my name maybe she'll take a smack in her smart mouth!
Ms. Quymn: Try me. [Col. Gentleman kisses her on the cheek]]
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dean: Hank, are you listening to me?
Hank: Actually, uh, can you keep it down? I'm trying to write a song for the girls.
Dean: Would you get with the program? We've got a mystery to solve!
Hank: Well then we should team up. With the girls!
Dean: We can't! They're ... they're suspects.
Hank: Then solve it tomorrow or something. Man, what's your hurry?
Dean: What's your slowy?! You've gone soft on me, Henry Allen So-Called-Venture! You used to be all 'Go Team Venture!' but now ... now you're all 'Go Team ... b- Boobies!'
Hank: Actually, uh, can you keep it down? I'm trying to write a song for the girls.
Dean: Would you get with the program? We've got a mystery to solve!
Hank: Well then we should team up. With the girls!
Dean: We can't! They're ... they're suspects.
Hank: Then solve it tomorrow or something. Man, what's your hurry?
Dean: What's your slowy?! You've gone soft on me, Henry Allen So-Called-Venture! You used to be all 'Go Team Venture!' but now ... now you're all 'Go Team ... b- Boobies!'
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
[Dr. Venture and Dr. Quymn are about to make love.]
Dr. Venture: Looks like I found my cure for impotence after all! Now if I could figure out a way to bottle that ass, I'd be a multi-millionaire!
Dr. Venture: Looks like I found my cure for impotence after all! Now if I could figure out a way to bottle that ass, I'd be a multi-millionaire!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dean: Dr. Quymn is the wereodile!
Dr. Venture: She's- oh my god! I almost fucked a wereodile!
Dean: We have to stop her transformation before she kills us all! (he picks up a chair and begins to hit Dr. Quymn with it over and over)
Dean: The power of Christ compels you! (Ginnie springs into action and pushes Dean away)
Ginnie: Stop it you little asshole! She's not a wereodile, she's an epileptic.
Dr. Venture: Ew!
Dr. Venture: She's- oh my god! I almost fucked a wereodile!
Dean: We have to stop her transformation before she kills us all! (he picks up a chair and begins to hit Dr. Quymn with it over and over)
Dean: The power of Christ compels you! (Ginnie springs into action and pushes Dean away)
Ginnie: Stop it you little asshole! She's not a wereodile, she's an epileptic.
Dr. Venture: Ew!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Hank Venture: There was even talk of french toast! But there was none to be had.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr.Orpheus: I fear this is beyond our combined powers. I must seek guidance from The Master! Wait here, please.
Alchemist : Oh c'mon! We're supposed to be a team. How come we never get to see this all-knowing guy with you?
Jefferson Twilight : Yeah, tell the truth is it because you're embarassed of us. Its because he's gay, isn't it? (points at Al)
Dr.Orpheus: No, its because you soiled yourself...and because he's gay [disappears in smoke]
Alchemist : Oh c'mon! We're supposed to be a team. How come we never get to see this all-knowing guy with you?
Jefferson Twilight : Yeah, tell the truth is it because you're embarassed of us. Its because he's gay, isn't it? (points at Al)
Dr.Orpheus: No, its because you soiled yourself...and because he's gay [disappears in smoke]
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Jefferson Twilight: Damn it, Orpheus! I almost had that bloodsucker. Aww, now I got the blue balls in my blood eye.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Jefferson Twilight: [bitterly] You're not my mama. She was taken by marauding blackulas when I was 10.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Entmann: And let me tell you somethin' about ants! You know that whole "Ants can lift a hundred times their own weight" thing? It's a myth! Think about it. What's an ant weigh? Like, nothin'. What nothin' times a hundred?
Brock: Uh...nothin'?
Dr. Entmann: It's nothin'!
Brock: Uh...nothin'?
Dr. Entmann: It's nothin'!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Orpheus: Perhaps I should cast a spell of protection on the machine.
Jefferson Twilight: No! No magic! Remember what happened last time? I'll be damned if I'm gonna walk outta here in AquamanUnderoos!
Jefferson Twilight: No! No magic! Remember what happened last time? I'll be damned if I'm gonna walk outta here in AquamanUnderoos!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Venture: That’s it, just like that, easy. Pull back a bit, god, your right on top of me.
Brock: I can’t help it... it’s stiff, doc. Maybe I should lube this thing up before we take it down there.
Dr. Venture: It’ll be fine. It’s not built for speed, it’s built for deep penetration.
Brock: All right, that’s it. You promise no penetration jokes.
Dr. Venture: Oh come on, look at that thing! How can I resist? Its practically a monument to my father’s repression.
Brock: I can’t help it... it’s stiff, doc. Maybe I should lube this thing up before we take it down there.
Dr. Venture: It’ll be fine. It’s not built for speed, it’s built for deep penetration.
Brock: All right, that’s it. You promise no penetration jokes.
Dr. Venture: Oh come on, look at that thing! How can I resist? Its practically a monument to my father’s repression.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Orpheus: It appears your father was engage in some sort of experiment, but why would he abandon it in such haste?
Hank: He gets bored pretty easy.
Dean: And rarely tidy’s his work area.
Hank: Hey do you think maybe, now I'm going out on a limb here, they went, down there?
[Hank points to the basement]
Dr. Orpheus: You... you mean, you didn’t check?
Dean: Are you kidding? That’s like, the basement!
Hank: It’s super spooky down there!
Dr. Orpheus: Oh dear god.
Hank: Why else would we call vanger-guys to help us look!
Jefferson Twilight: Oh no, no no no! 16 years old!
Hank: He gets bored pretty easy.
Dean: And rarely tidy’s his work area.
Hank: Hey do you think maybe, now I'm going out on a limb here, they went, down there?
[Hank points to the basement]
Dr. Orpheus: You... you mean, you didn’t check?
Dean: Are you kidding? That’s like, the basement!
Hank: It’s super spooky down there!
Dr. Orpheus: Oh dear god.
Hank: Why else would we call vanger-guys to help us look!
Jefferson Twilight: Oh no, no no no! 16 years old!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Jefferson Twilight: [Sarcastically] "Triad emergency."
Dr. Orpheus: I said I was sorry. The boys a very, active imaginations. Their given to flight of fancy.
The Alchemist: Yes, the little inf's have certainly sky-lurck us into a emmer's nest this time.
Jefferson Twilight: The skinny one thinking he has a shot at his daughter, now that’s an active imagination.
Dr. Orpheus: I said I was sorry. The boys a very, active imaginations. Their given to flight of fancy.
The Alchemist: Yes, the little inf's have certainly sky-lurck us into a emmer's nest this time.
Jefferson Twilight: The skinny one thinking he has a shot at his daughter, now that’s an active imagination.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
The Alchemist: Sweet, the action-figure came?
Jefferson Twilight: Finally, merchandising. That’s where the real monies at.
The Alchemist: Chi-chin.
Dr. Orpheus: Actually, Hasbro passed. These I made myself.
Jefferson Twilight: Hmm, nice work. A little on the creepy side but... You sculpture these yourself?
Dr. Orpheus: Oh heavens no. I merely repainted a old migo-doll of The Falcon.
Jefferson Twilight: Argh.
The Alchemist: Would you rather be Spock with a bald spot, I’ll trade you!
Jefferson Twilight: Finally, merchandising. That’s where the real monies at.
The Alchemist: Chi-chin.
Dr. Orpheus: Actually, Hasbro passed. These I made myself.
Jefferson Twilight: Hmm, nice work. A little on the creepy side but... You sculpture these yourself?
Dr. Orpheus: Oh heavens no. I merely repainted a old migo-doll of The Falcon.
Jefferson Twilight: Argh.
The Alchemist: Would you rather be Spock with a bald spot, I’ll trade you!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Jefferson Twilight: Orpheus, you drag us into this BS, so how do you wanna go out? Sitting in a peep-booth waiting for some Atari bitch to tell you Game-Over, or do you wanna finish what you started?
Dr. Orpheus: What do you mean?
Jefferson Twilight: I mean we already know where their at, so lets go get them.
Dr. Orpheus: Yes, yes.
The Alchemist: Yeah-yeah, Player-3 buying in.
Dr. Orpheus: What do you mean?
Jefferson Twilight: I mean we already know where their at, so lets go get them.
Dr. Orpheus: Yes, yes.
The Alchemist: Yeah-yeah, Player-3 buying in.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
M.U.T.H.E.R: Where is Dr. Venture?
Brock: Don’t worry, I found him, he’s right here. And, he wants to talk to you too.
[Entmann puts in the video-card]
Jonas Venture [On TV]: Oh, hello Rusty!
M.U.T.H.E.R: No, Dr. Venture, It’s M.U.T.H.E.R.
Jonas Venture [On TV] : You’re looking well. Enjoying your new life below ground?
M.U.T.H.E.R: No, Dr. Venture, we have much to talk about.
Jonas Venture [On TV] : Ha-ha, good. Because today I like to talk to you about personal hygiene.
M.U.T.H.E.R: Oh OK.
Brock: Don’t worry, I found him, he’s right here. And, he wants to talk to you too.
[Entmann puts in the video-card]
Jonas Venture [On TV]: Oh, hello Rusty!
M.U.T.H.E.R: No, Dr. Venture, It’s M.U.T.H.E.R.
Jonas Venture [On TV] : You’re looking well. Enjoying your new life below ground?
M.U.T.H.E.R: No, Dr. Venture, we have much to talk about.
Jonas Venture [On TV] : Ha-ha, good. Because today I like to talk to you about personal hygiene.
M.U.T.H.E.R: Oh OK.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Dugong: Man seeks a good time, but he is not a hedonist. He seeks love! He just doesn't know where to look. He looks under the beds of whores and in the hot stem of a crack pipe. He should look to nature! Gentle aquatic mammals have all the answers!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
The Monarch: (upon seeing Dr. Dugong for the first time) Ugh, you're all flesh-colored and...how much Thalidomide did your mom take?
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dermott: You guys are sad. Why'd he decide to leave you here in the first place?
Hank: ' Something about the conference having hot, desperate women.
Dean: And we had a bad run-in with the hot lava men of Tanga Island, so I can imagine how dangerous their women get when they're desperate!
Hank: ' Something about the conference having hot, desperate women.
Dean: And we had a bad run-in with the hot lava men of Tanga Island, so I can imagine how dangerous their women get when they're desperate!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
The Monarch: I had true hatred with Venture. I didn't have to fake it! That sweet loathing just poured out of me whenever I saw his pathetic face. I just...I just wanted to kick his ass! I wanted to build a machine to kick his ass! I wanted to build an empire to house the machine TO KICK HIS ASS!
Henchman 24: Then, by God, let's go take a dump in his pool!
Henchman 24: Then, by God, let's go take a dump in his pool!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Henchman 21: Dude I can't believe we didn't get blown up. We're like those guys on TV who never get shot. Yeah we're like main characters.
Henchman 24: Don't jinx it! See anything?
Henchman 21: No I can't see squat with these tinted goggles on.
Henchman 24: Douche, use the night vision. What's wrong with you? (he hits 21 on the side of his head and 21's night vision goggles turn on)
Henchman 21: I can see everything! This is so cool, when did we get these?
Henchman 24: Like, 1994.
Henchman 21: Why don't I know this stuff?! Hey this is so rad. It's like Blair Witch-o-vision. Those kids' eyes look all glowy.
Henchman 24: What kids?
Henchman 21: Those two right over there!
Henchman 24: What are you doing, get them!
Henchman 24: Don't jinx it! See anything?
Henchman 21: No I can't see squat with these tinted goggles on.
Henchman 24: Douche, use the night vision. What's wrong with you? (he hits 21 on the side of his head and 21's night vision goggles turn on)
Henchman 21: I can see everything! This is so cool, when did we get these?
Henchman 24: Like, 1994.
Henchman 21: Why don't I know this stuff?! Hey this is so rad. It's like Blair Witch-o-vision. Those kids' eyes look all glowy.
Henchman 24: What kids?
Henchman 21: Those two right over there!
Henchman 24: What are you doing, get them!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Kevin: Why can't we get a straight answer?
Tim-Tom: I just saw mum's clean panties.
Kevin: Oh, when she was crouching? I tried not to look. Were they-
Tim-Tom: They were white panties, Kevin. White.
Kevin: (sighs) White.
Tim-Tom: I just saw mum's clean panties.
Kevin: Oh, when she was crouching? I tried not to look. Were they-
Tim-Tom: They were white panties, Kevin. White.
Kevin: (sighs) White.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
(Henchman 24 chases and tackles Dermott, who immediately starts to cough on him.)
Henchman 24: What the hell are you doing?
Dermott: I'm givin' you my earth germs! *cough, cough* I'm gonna kill you with my cold. *cough* Die, alien!
Henchman 24: I'm not an alien, dillweed. I'm a henchman! And you're not a Venture Brother. Who the hell are you?
Dermott: I'm Hank's friend.
Henchman 24: Yeah, I doubt that.
Dermott: Would you believe I'm... Brock Samson's long lost son?
Henchman 24: If that were true, I don't think I would have caught you this easily.
Dermott: I couldn't run because ...I had a lighter up my ass.
Henchman 24: Ok, NOW I believe you're Hank's friend.
Henchman 24: What the hell are you doing?
Dermott: I'm givin' you my earth germs! *cough, cough* I'm gonna kill you with my cold. *cough* Die, alien!
Henchman 24: I'm not an alien, dillweed. I'm a henchman! And you're not a Venture Brother. Who the hell are you?
Dermott: I'm Hank's friend.
Henchman 24: Yeah, I doubt that.
Dermott: Would you believe I'm... Brock Samson's long lost son?
Henchman 24: If that were true, I don't think I would have caught you this easily.
Dermott: I couldn't run because ...I had a lighter up my ass.
Henchman 24: Ok, NOW I believe you're Hank's friend.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Henchman 21;: If I had a lady like your wife, I'd be with her right now and I'd be brushing her hair and then we'd explore our feelings.
The Monarch: If you had a lady like my wife, you would be in an alternate future where dogs talk and birds have human pets.
The Monarch: If you had a lady like my wife, you would be in an alternate future where dogs talk and birds have human pets.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.