The Venture Bros. Quotes
(Brock confers with Hunter Gathers, now a post-op tranny working at a strip club)
Brock: (to Doc) I'll only be a minute. Will you just wait out in the X-1 with the boys?
Hunter: You came in the plane? You call parking a supersonic jet in front of a titty-bar inconspicuous?! Who taught you to be a spy, fucking Gallagher!?!
Brock: (to Doc) I'll only be a minute. Will you just wait out in the X-1 with the boys?
Hunter: You came in the plane? You call parking a supersonic jet in front of a titty-bar inconspicuous?! Who taught you to be a spy, fucking Gallagher!?!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Brock: I'm gonna need some wheels.
Hunter: (climbing onto the table and thrusting his crotch in Brock's face) You can take mine. But you are not gonna like looking for the keys!
Hunter: (climbing onto the table and thrusting his crotch in Brock's face) You can take mine. But you are not gonna like looking for the keys!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Brock: Damn it Hank, if we get out of this alive, I'm going to kill you myself!
Hank: Na-ah, you don't have a license to kill anymore.
Hank: Na-ah, you don't have a license to kill anymore.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
The Monarch: Alright, let's review [the game plan.] Moppets?
Tim-Tom: Locate the Venture Brothers.
Kevin: And kill them!
The Monarch: Subdue them.
Tim-Tom: Cut their bellies...
The Monarch: Subdue their bellies. Dr. My Wife?
Dr. Girlfriend: Locate and seduce...
The Monarch: Subdue! Come on!
Dr. Girlfriend: Sorry. Subdue Brock Samson.
The Monarch: Good! Henchman 24?
#24: Locate and subdue the Venture robot.
The Monarch: Subdue? You can kill the robot. It's a robot! Henchman 21?
#21 does a "pee-pee" dance with a pained look on his face.
#21: What!? Dude, I gotta pee so bad, it's backing up into my kidneys!
Tim-Tom: Locate the Venture Brothers.
Kevin: And kill them!
The Monarch: Subdue them.
Tim-Tom: Cut their bellies...
The Monarch: Subdue their bellies. Dr. My Wife?
Dr. Girlfriend: Locate and seduce...
The Monarch: Subdue! Come on!
Dr. Girlfriend: Sorry. Subdue Brock Samson.
The Monarch: Good! Henchman 24?
#24: Locate and subdue the Venture robot.
The Monarch: Subdue? You can kill the robot. It's a robot! Henchman 21?
#21 does a "pee-pee" dance with a pained look on his face.
#21: What!? Dude, I gotta pee so bad, it's backing up into my kidneys!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Brock just laid down two tracks of oil slicks -- Herr Trigger skillfully drives his motorcycle between the two slicks.
Hank: (glibly)...didn't work...
Brock: (irritated) I KNOW!
Hank: (glibly)...didn't work...
Brock: (irritated) I KNOW!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
The X1 takes a hit from a SAM fired by Herr Trigger
Brock: BUSEY!
Everybody instantly fastens their seat belts.
Brock: BUSEY!
Everybody instantly fastens their seat belts.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Jean-Claude Le Tueur: (as he strangles Brock) You cut your hair?? Why you do zis? You had such a cool look!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Brock and Le Tuerer are battling in the next room, which Dr. Venture mistakes for Hank and Dean rough-housing
Dr Venture: This is why daddy has to DRINK to RELAX, boys!
Dr Venture: This is why daddy has to DRINK to RELAX, boys!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Hank: Well, when I was my age, I jumped off my roof, in a Batman costume. I think. I might have just dreamt it.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Girlfriend: (taking Sgt. Hatred's handie talkie-shaped cellular phone) That's a big cell phone.
Sgt. Hatred: I'm a big boy!
Sgt. Hatred: I'm a big boy!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
The Cleaner: Well, this is as far as I go. There's a rental car waiting for ya, quarter-mile south of here. Keys and a new I.D. in the glove box, Cochise. Good luck to ya, man.
Brock: Yeah, I uh... I only got one problem with that plan... Hank never called you! (draws out his knife and places it against the Cleaner's neck.)
Moltov: [sitting on red convertible, wearing white sweats] I did. Figured even the mighty Brock Samson might have trouble fighting the entire OSI.
Brock: Molotov, I don't know why I'm surprised. How'd you find us?
Molotov: You haven't exactly been discreet.
Brock: Oh, like that get-up is? Though, I gotta admit for a disguise, it's pretty good. Hardly recognized ya.
Molotov: Wha-what dis... I'm off duty.
Brock: Haha. That's-That's how you dress when you're not catwomaning around?! I may have to rethink this whole relationship.
Hank: Who is that hood rat Brock's talking to? He can get any shorty he wants!
Brock: Yeah, I uh... I only got one problem with that plan... Hank never called you! (draws out his knife and places it against the Cleaner's neck.)
Moltov: [sitting on red convertible, wearing white sweats] I did. Figured even the mighty Brock Samson might have trouble fighting the entire OSI.
Brock: Molotov, I don't know why I'm surprised. How'd you find us?
Molotov: You haven't exactly been discreet.
Brock: Oh, like that get-up is? Though, I gotta admit for a disguise, it's pretty good. Hardly recognized ya.
Molotov: Wha-what dis... I'm off duty.
Brock: Haha. That's-That's how you dress when you're not catwomaning around?! I may have to rethink this whole relationship.
Hank: Who is that hood rat Brock's talking to? He can get any shorty he wants!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Hank: I'm telling you there's like a skunk ape out there or something.
Doc Venture: Hank, sit down and pretend to be sane. Dean, what are you doing?
Dean: I can't feel my left arm. How old do you have to be to have a heart attack?
Hank: In regular years, or pansy years?
Dean: Whatever! Why!? Why can't I just have a normal life?
Doc Venture: I had that dream once too.
Doc Venture: Hank, sit down and pretend to be sane. Dean, what are you doing?
Dean: I can't feel my left arm. How old do you have to be to have a heart attack?
Hank: In regular years, or pansy years?
Dean: Whatever! Why!? Why can't I just have a normal life?
Doc Venture: I had that dream once too.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Doc Venture: You don't know me. Why in my prime I saw some things that would make your head spin!
Sgt. Hatred: Yeah, I saw a guy's head spin, like right off his neck. Why? 'Cuz I punched him. Top That!
Doc Venture: Okay, okay... My father made me kill a man–kill a man with a house key! I was ten.
Sgt. Hatred: That's nothing. I ate a whole Labrador retriever once! I'm serious!
Sgt. Hatred: Yeah, I saw a guy's head spin, like right off his neck. Why? 'Cuz I punched him. Top That!
Doc Venture: Okay, okay... My father made me kill a man–kill a man with a house key! I was ten.
Sgt. Hatred: That's nothing. I ate a whole Labrador retriever once! I'm serious!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Sgt. Hatred: Look at us. We're hiding from our true selves. I'm a fighter, not a lover. And you...you were Rusty Venture once. Maybe the most fearless boy adventurer ever.
Doc Venture: Maybe the most?
Doc Venture: Maybe the most?
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
[Brock jumps out of an airship; Helper starts beeping rapidly]
Brock: No! Helper! Whatever you do, do not activate your helicopter blades! You'll kill us both!
[More rapid beeping]
Brock: . No, I won't. Just ... trust me.
Brock: No! Helper! Whatever you do, do not activate your helicopter blades! You'll kill us both!
[More rapid beeping]
Brock: . No, I won't. Just ... trust me.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Orpheus: This dog has a great evil in him!
21: That is learned behavior. That's the owner's fault usually. You have to show them that you're the alpha male.
Dr. Orpheus: Not even the great Cesar Milan could whisper this hell hound!
21: That is learned behavior. That's the owner's fault usually. You have to show them that you're the alpha male.
Dr. Orpheus: Not even the great Cesar Milan could whisper this hell hound!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Plastic Surgeon: [upon seeing H.E.L.P.eR's head embedded in Brock's chest] What made you change your mind?
Brock: Huh?
Plastic Surgeon: I put in a lot of those this year. Ever since the Iron Man, everybody wants the robot hearts.
Brock: Yeah, well theirs probably don't talk this much.
Plastic Surgeon: How come all of a sudden you trust me now? What's to stop me from killing you when you're under?
[Brock pulls a grenade out of his pocket, removes the pin, and places it squarely in H.E.L.P.eR's mouth.]
Brock: Him.
Brock: Huh?
Plastic Surgeon: I put in a lot of those this year. Ever since the Iron Man, everybody wants the robot hearts.
Brock: Yeah, well theirs probably don't talk this much.
Plastic Surgeon: How come all of a sudden you trust me now? What's to stop me from killing you when you're under?
[Brock pulls a grenade out of his pocket, removes the pin, and places it squarely in H.E.L.P.eR's mouth.]
Brock: Him.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Sgt. Hatred: Hank, where's your uniform?
Hank: I'm not wearing that clown-suit; and you are not the boss of me.
Sgt. Hatred: Au Contraire! I am Tony Danza to your spunky Alyssa Milano! I am full-on-Charles-in-charge of you! You are my unit.
Hank: (Smirking) "Unit".
Sgt. Hatred: And a Unit operates as one. We dress the same, we walk the same, we eat the same! You like pineapples and ham on your pizza?
Hank: Gross, no!
Sgt. Hatred: Well, you do now! Why? Because I do! Unit! Now put on your Venture blues before I tell you how much you love Country & Western music!
Hank: I'm not wearing that clown-suit; and you are not the boss of me.
Sgt. Hatred: Au Contraire! I am Tony Danza to your spunky Alyssa Milano! I am full-on-Charles-in-charge of you! You are my unit.
Hank: (Smirking) "Unit".
Sgt. Hatred: And a Unit operates as one. We dress the same, we walk the same, we eat the same! You like pineapples and ham on your pizza?
Hank: Gross, no!
Sgt. Hatred: Well, you do now! Why? Because I do! Unit! Now put on your Venture blues before I tell you how much you love Country & Western music!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dean: The doggie made a poo-poo.
Dr. Venture: Great! Some fucking master race!
Dr. Venture: Great! Some fucking master race!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Venture: Let's see the half-mil.
21: This relic belonged to my father's father. It has been passed down to the first-born male in my family's line.
Dr. Venture: [removing the cover to reveal, in a mylar sheath, a Marvel comic book] What? It's a comic. A comic that has a price on it for ten cents.
21: A comic? That is Marvel #1!
Dr. Venture: Look, I wasn't born yesterday. There's no way that something featuring Ka-Zar the Great, and twelve pages of jungle adventure is worth half a million bucks.
21: That's in almost dead mint condition! That is CGC rated at 9.6! It's like a miracle!
Dr. Venture: Okay, why don't you go sell your magic beans to another superscientist with an illegal cloning facility. I'm done with this crap.
21: Hold on to this, look it up on the Internet. You will see what I tell you is completely true. And take this. [A small cooler]
Dr. Venture: What's this—the world's most valuable cooler?
21: It's cloning material. It's 24's finger. It still has the Blackbeard's diamond treasure ring I got him. You can keep that too, I guess. It's worth two low, low payments of $29.95.
Dr. Venture: [seeing Hank entering] Alright, get out of here. I don't want to tell my kids about this crap.
21: [passing Hank]] Sorry about the bad news, Highlander. Looks like you'll never see the Quickening.
Hank: Huh?
21: This relic belonged to my father's father. It has been passed down to the first-born male in my family's line.
Dr. Venture: [removing the cover to reveal, in a mylar sheath, a Marvel comic book] What? It's a comic. A comic that has a price on it for ten cents.
21: A comic? That is Marvel #1!
Dr. Venture: Look, I wasn't born yesterday. There's no way that something featuring Ka-Zar the Great, and twelve pages of jungle adventure is worth half a million bucks.
21: That's in almost dead mint condition! That is CGC rated at 9.6! It's like a miracle!
Dr. Venture: Okay, why don't you go sell your magic beans to another superscientist with an illegal cloning facility. I'm done with this crap.
21: Hold on to this, look it up on the Internet. You will see what I tell you is completely true. And take this. [A small cooler]
Dr. Venture: What's this—the world's most valuable cooler?
21: It's cloning material. It's 24's finger. It still has the Blackbeard's diamond treasure ring I got him. You can keep that too, I guess. It's worth two low, low payments of $29.95.
Dr. Venture: [seeing Hank entering] Alright, get out of here. I don't want to tell my kids about this crap.
21: [passing Hank]] Sorry about the bad news, Highlander. Looks like you'll never see the Quickening.
Hank: Huh?
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Venture: [handing Hank the comic book] If you're so excited about worthless garbage, you want this too?
Hank: Yeah, totally! [Takes the comic book out of the sheath, upon which the value and CGC rating begin decreasing] What? What's this crap? Where's Batman?
Hank: Yeah, totally! [Takes the comic book out of the sheath, upon which the value and CGC rating begin decreasing] What? What's this crap? Where's Batman?
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Brock: I can cross "Stab Hitler to death" off my list of cool crap I thought I'd never get to do.
Hank: Brock?
Brock: Hey Hank. Killed Hitler.
Hank: Brock?
Brock: Hey Hank. Killed Hitler.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Venture: Shit! It's Chuck Scarsdale! Hide or we're gonna be on the news!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
(Monarch is in Wonder Boy's costume which traumatize Captain Sunshine.)
Captain Sunshine: Take. That. Costume. Off!
The Monarch: Whats the matter Captain Fun Time? Isn't this what you always wanted?!
Captain Sunshine: What are you talking about?!
The Monarch: Wouldn't it just fix everything twisted up inside of you if you can only fuck Wonder Boy and your worst enemy at the same time, huh? Well come and get us!
Captain Sunshine: Take. That. Costume. Off!
The Monarch: Whats the matter Captain Fun Time? Isn't this what you always wanted?!
Captain Sunshine: What are you talking about?!
The Monarch: Wouldn't it just fix everything twisted up inside of you if you can only fuck Wonder Boy and your worst enemy at the same time, huh? Well come and get us!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Hank: Hey um, do you think maybe you could put in a good word for Batman for me?
Captain Sunshine: GET OUT OF MY SANCTUM SOLARIUM.
Captain Sunshine: GET OUT OF MY SANCTUM SOLARIUM.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
The Monarch: [Laugh evilly] Time to pay the piper, Venture. Or in minutes my meca-pillar silky issue will destroy the only living proof you've actually had sex. That is, unless you give me $10 million!
Dr. Venture: What?! Since when did you arch for money?
Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Yeah, what are you doing?
The Monarch: Honey, how long have we been trying to kill this schmuck, 10, 20 years?
Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: I don’t know, since Marky Mark had a Funky Bunch!
The Monarch: And it never worked. You wanna know how to really hurt Venture?
Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Not really, but as a wife I try to be supportive, so.
The Monarch: We strike him in the pocket book. Ha-ha.
Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Yeah, speaking of which, how much did those meca-pillar set us back?
The Monarch: Couple of mill. Anyway, it’s $10 million Venture. Tick-tock tick-tock.
Dr. Venture: Look I don’t have that type of cash lying around.
Dean: Daddy! [Meca-pillar gags him]
Dr. Venture: All right, you can have anything in my lab. Anything you see here, take your pick. Anything except for the positronic accelerator...
The Monarch: I don’t want any of your old crap, such an antique roadshow, dick. Its your money or their lives!
Hank: Yeah, quit being such a skin-flint and pay the piper-man.
Sgt. Hatred: Now don’t take sides with your arch-enemy!
Hank: Shut up, your not the dad of me.
Dr. Venture: Hank! Don’t you sass your bodyguard.
Hank: He’s not my bodyguard.
Dr. Venture: Will you except half for just Dean? You can keep Hank.
Sgt. Hatred: Your father doesn’t mean that Hank.
Dr. Venture: Oh don’t I. Do you know what Mr. Smart-mouth called me as he stormed out this morning, a honky.
Dr. Venture: What?! Since when did you arch for money?
Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Yeah, what are you doing?
The Monarch: Honey, how long have we been trying to kill this schmuck, 10, 20 years?
Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: I don’t know, since Marky Mark had a Funky Bunch!
The Monarch: And it never worked. You wanna know how to really hurt Venture?
Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Not really, but as a wife I try to be supportive, so.
The Monarch: We strike him in the pocket book. Ha-ha.
Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Yeah, speaking of which, how much did those meca-pillar set us back?
The Monarch: Couple of mill. Anyway, it’s $10 million Venture. Tick-tock tick-tock.
Dr. Venture: Look I don’t have that type of cash lying around.
Dean: Daddy! [Meca-pillar gags him]
Dr. Venture: All right, you can have anything in my lab. Anything you see here, take your pick. Anything except for the positronic accelerator...
The Monarch: I don’t want any of your old crap, such an antique roadshow, dick. Its your money or their lives!
Hank: Yeah, quit being such a skin-flint and pay the piper-man.
Sgt. Hatred: Now don’t take sides with your arch-enemy!
Hank: Shut up, your not the dad of me.
Dr. Venture: Hank! Don’t you sass your bodyguard.
Hank: He’s not my bodyguard.
Dr. Venture: Will you except half for just Dean? You can keep Hank.
Sgt. Hatred: Your father doesn’t mean that Hank.
Dr. Venture: Oh don’t I. Do you know what Mr. Smart-mouth called me as he stormed out this morning, a honky.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
The Monarch: Henchman 21, there's a taxi idling in the driveway awaiting his fair... slay him!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.