The Venture Bros. Quotes
Dr. Venture: ([upon finding Dean passed out] Dean! Noooo! [picks up the headphones] Oh, my God, it's side two of Dark Side of the Moon! He's in a Floyd hole! Fill the tub up with ice, now!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
UPS Worker: "Well hey there, slugger! Looks like you're gunning for my job!"
Hank: "Did my dad tell you to say that?"
UPS Worker: "Uhh no."
Hank: "Then... are you psychic?"
Dr. Venture: "Hank, leave the man alone. Just because he's black doesn't mean he has the shining."
Hank: "Did my dad tell you to say that?"
UPS Worker: "Uhh no."
Hank: "Then... are you psychic?"
Dr. Venture: "Hank, leave the man alone. Just because he's black doesn't mean he has the shining."
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Venture: (After Aborted Dean hugs the C4 statue of Dr. Venture) Who the hell was that?"
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Venture: (To the UPS Worker) "Hey! You know what 'Brown can do for me?' He can mind his own business!"
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
[The Monarch is confronted by the Pupae Twins/Murderous Moppets]
The Monarch: I'm only gonna say this once. I don't like you two, and if you ever - EVER - try to give me an order again, I will kill you both and feed your tiny, rotting bodies to the neighborhood dogs!...Now, what were you saying?
Tim-Tom: Er...have a nice walk?
The Monarch: I'm only gonna say this once. I don't like you two, and if you ever - EVER - try to give me an order again, I will kill you both and feed your tiny, rotting bodies to the neighborhood dogs!...Now, what were you saying?
Tim-Tom: Er...have a nice walk?
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
[Monarch is outside 21's treehouse.]
[Knock Knock Knock]
Henchmen #21: What's the password?
The Monarch: I forgot... oh wait, I remember. I'm the f**king Monarch. Let me in. Now.
[Knock Knock Knock]
Henchmen #21: What's the password?
The Monarch: I forgot... oh wait, I remember. I'm the f**king Monarch. Let me in. Now.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
[Venture and Sgt. Hatred ride to the gates of Malice, they are next to a security guard robot.]
Guard Robot: You're gonna have to turn your vehicle around. This is a gated community.
Hatred: Yeah, I'm a pretty, little flower. (Venture starts to look puzzled) Like a prom date, (upward infliction) maybe?
[Robot guard keeps saying, "This is a gated community."]
Hatred: Enjoy the silence, are you for supper?
[The robot starts to malfunction while still saying, "This is a gated community."]
Hatred: Turtles. Now lets go talk about little, breaded chicken fingers.
[The guard robot collapses on the car window.]
Hatred: (Smiles) Robots. Programed to answer over 700 different questions. None of which include chicken fingers.
Guard Robot: You're gonna have to turn your vehicle around. This is a gated community.
Hatred: Yeah, I'm a pretty, little flower. (Venture starts to look puzzled) Like a prom date, (upward infliction) maybe?
[Robot guard keeps saying, "This is a gated community."]
Hatred: Enjoy the silence, are you for supper?
[The robot starts to malfunction while still saying, "This is a gated community."]
Hatred: Turtles. Now lets go talk about little, breaded chicken fingers.
[The guard robot collapses on the car window.]
Hatred: (Smiles) Robots. Programed to answer over 700 different questions. None of which include chicken fingers.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Phantom Limb(Revenge): Welcome to alive, Dragoon. My name is Revenge.
Councilman 8: Your name is Phantom limb, you f**king lunatic.
Councilman 3: That's Phantom Limb? No wonder! He's like #1 on "The Guild's Most Wanted" list. (sarcastically) Great. Now he's gonna kill us.
Councilman 8: Your name is Phantom limb, you f**king lunatic.
Councilman 3: That's Phantom Limb? No wonder! He's like #1 on "The Guild's Most Wanted" list. (sarcastically) Great. Now he's gonna kill us.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
[Sgt. Hatred is sitting in the bathroom, crying]
Dr. Venture: [yelling from behind the bathroom door] I have a list of inappropriate behavior. #1: This! Don't do this!
Sgt. Hatred: [sniffles] What's #2?
Dr. Venture: Nothing! I don't have a #2. I don't even have a list.
Dr. Venture: [yelling from behind the bathroom door] I have a list of inappropriate behavior. #1: This! Don't do this!
Sgt. Hatred: [sniffles] What's #2?
Dr. Venture: Nothing! I don't have a #2. I don't even have a list.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Action Johnny: My dad's lab was like a pharmacological candy store, so I started real young. Next thing I know, I'm blowing lines of voodoo powder off the back of a monkey's paw I bought in Calcutta. Now I'm all out of wishes.
Dr. Venture: I wasn't even allowed to wear long pants until I left for college. Is it any wonder I didn't lose my virginity until I was over 20?
Lance Hale: So dumbass here is so freaked out by the mess, he forgets twenty years of detective training and actually picks up the shotgun with his bare hands. Well, I just instinctively reached out to stop him, of course. And so...that's how both our sets of prints ended up on the murder weapon.
Ro-Boy: I tried to be good, I just couldn't help myself sometimes. When I see a giant robot I just get so mad, I wanna beat them up! And then I wanna burn them! Sometimes I wanna burn the whole world!
Hero formerly known as Wonderboy: I mean, I can't even get an erection now unless I'm tied to a chair with a time bomb taped to my chest.
Dr. Venture: I wasn't even allowed to wear long pants until I left for college. Is it any wonder I didn't lose my virginity until I was over 20?
Lance Hale: So dumbass here is so freaked out by the mess, he forgets twenty years of detective training and actually picks up the shotgun with his bare hands. Well, I just instinctively reached out to stop him, of course. And so...that's how both our sets of prints ended up on the murder weapon.
Ro-Boy: I tried to be good, I just couldn't help myself sometimes. When I see a giant robot I just get so mad, I wanna beat them up! And then I wanna burn them! Sometimes I wanna burn the whole world!
Hero formerly known as Wonderboy: I mean, I can't even get an erection now unless I'm tied to a chair with a time bomb taped to my chest.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Action Johnny: Uh, hey, how those balls doin', Rust?
Dr. Venture: Ugh. Spirit is up and roaming, but Opportunity hasn't come back online yet.
Dr. Venture: Ugh. Spirit is up and roaming, but Opportunity hasn't come back online yet.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Action Johnny: Trick or Treat, old man.
Dr. Z: Wh-what? Okay. Hold on. I didn't realize it was the 31st already. We have only some old Sourballs and Kraft Caramels.
Action Johnny: Cut the crap, Z!
Dr. Z: Ah, if it isn't Action Johnny. To what do I owe this pleasure? Come to steal an old man's medication, again?
Action Johnny: I think you know why we're here.
Dr. Z: Big, tough guy when you have your little friends with you, aren't you? Hello again, Rusty.
Dr. Venture: [Flatly] Dr. Z.
Action Johnny: Why'd you kill him Z? To get to me?
Dr. Z: I have no idea what you are talking about, I have not arched you in years. Why would I? You're nothing but a punk!
Action Johnny: You're going to tell me that you didn't send your flunky to murder our therapist with a a Vietnamese two-step Viper?
Dr. Z: [Dramatically] BAH! When Dr. Z harasses you, you'll know it! A giant metal crab will tear the roof of your trailer! No less than six suicide assassins would spring from its belly! I would never stoop to striking at you through some civilian proxy. And certainly would not do it with a made up snake!
Dr. Z: Wh-what? Okay. Hold on. I didn't realize it was the 31st already. We have only some old Sourballs and Kraft Caramels.
Action Johnny: Cut the crap, Z!
Dr. Z: Ah, if it isn't Action Johnny. To what do I owe this pleasure? Come to steal an old man's medication, again?
Action Johnny: I think you know why we're here.
Dr. Z: Big, tough guy when you have your little friends with you, aren't you? Hello again, Rusty.
Dr. Venture: [Flatly] Dr. Z.
Action Johnny: Why'd you kill him Z? To get to me?
Dr. Z: I have no idea what you are talking about, I have not arched you in years. Why would I? You're nothing but a punk!
Action Johnny: You're going to tell me that you didn't send your flunky to murder our therapist with a a Vietnamese two-step Viper?
Dr. Z: [Dramatically] BAH! When Dr. Z harasses you, you'll know it! A giant metal crab will tear the roof of your trailer! No less than six suicide assassins would spring from its belly! I would never stoop to striking at you through some civilian proxy. And certainly would not do it with a made up snake!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Z: Would you believe Mrs. Z is actually older than I?
Action Johnny: Hey, just like me and Rust. I’m the older one but he looks like he could be my dad.
Dr. Venture: That’s because you’ve got more chemical preservatives in you than a Twinkie. And don’t try and tell me that isn’t a weave
Action Johnny: Hey, just like me and Rust. I’m the older one but he looks like he could be my dad.
Dr. Venture: That’s because you’ve got more chemical preservatives in you than a Twinkie. And don’t try and tell me that isn’t a weave
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
The Monarch: How was it?
#21: Better than first one. I like the second one a little better...
The Monarch: Yeah, that what they were saying on Ain’t It Cool.
#21: Yeah, all-in-all it's a fixing end to the trilogy, though.
#21: Better than first one. I like the second one a little better...
The Monarch: Yeah, that what they were saying on Ain’t It Cool.
#21: Yeah, all-in-all it's a fixing end to the trilogy, though.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Venture: ...well Daphne I believe she got around quite a bit, but Velma? I always thought she was a...
Action Johnny: Everybody did her. I’ve got a pack of herpes that say otherwise.
Action Johnny: Everybody did her. I’ve got a pack of herpes that say otherwise.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Young Rusty: Well, I don’t know. Sometimes I wish I can be just be like a normal kid and go out and play with kids my own age and stuff. The only people I get to hang out with are grown-ups. The only time I get to leave the compound, is to go some place creepy like the Bermuda Triangle. And then I get kidnapped, by grown-ups. And I’m not even sure if I wanna be a super-scientist when I grow up anyway, but I feel all this pressure because of my fa.... It feels weird telling you all this stuff.
[While Young Rusty is talking he’s unaware of Jonas Venture sneaked into the room]
Jonas Venture: Remember Rusty, in here I’m your doctor not your father. Now lets get back to it shall we. You were telling me how you’re ungrateful for all the opportunities you’re father’s given you and you blame me for all your problems!
[While Young Rusty is talking he’s unaware of Jonas Venture sneaked into the room]
Jonas Venture: Remember Rusty, in here I’m your doctor not your father. Now lets get back to it shall we. You were telling me how you’re ungrateful for all the opportunities you’re father’s given you and you blame me for all your problems!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dean: Can I pet your pussy?
Triana Orpheus: [holding a cat] There is no irony in that, is there?
Dean: [patting the cat] It's soft. [The cat screeches and runs away] Your pussy hates me.
Triana Orpheus: [holding a cat] There is no irony in that, is there?
Dean: [patting the cat] It's soft. [The cat screeches and runs away] Your pussy hates me.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Orpheus: Tatyana, what are you doing here?
Master: [as Tatyana] I was just sitting here thinking how glad I am that I left you for the OutRider, and how he does that thing you used to do with your mouth, but better because he can hold his breath longer.
Dr. Orpheus: Oh... it is you. My Master.
Master: [as Tatyana] Dah, Orpheus. Now what’s all this cry-baby crap about. Aren’t you use to the OutRider making you look like a shnooke by now?
Dr. Orpheus: He came out of a portal to the second-world. I have been training my whole life just to perceive that there is a second-world, and he can move between them. Tell me Master how can this be?
The Master: [as Tatyana] The love of a good woman can do wonders, Orpheus. I mean look at me, [Puts hands on breast] and these are natural C cups. Aren’t they beautiful? I mean, you can bounce a penis off these!
Dr. Orpheus: I doubt my ex-wife breast are the answer.
The Master: [as Tatyana] And it doesn’t stop there, I’m sitting on what is easily the ass of a teenager. What does she do pilates or something? You can rest a coffee mug on it.
Dr. Orpheus: Really, she’s almost forty by now!
The Master: [as Tatyana] Well, tell it to the heiny Orpheus, because it still thinks it's 1992.
Master: [as Tatyana] I was just sitting here thinking how glad I am that I left you for the OutRider, and how he does that thing you used to do with your mouth, but better because he can hold his breath longer.
Dr. Orpheus: Oh... it is you. My Master.
Master: [as Tatyana] Dah, Orpheus. Now what’s all this cry-baby crap about. Aren’t you use to the OutRider making you look like a shnooke by now?
Dr. Orpheus: He came out of a portal to the second-world. I have been training my whole life just to perceive that there is a second-world, and he can move between them. Tell me Master how can this be?
The Master: [as Tatyana] The love of a good woman can do wonders, Orpheus. I mean look at me, [Puts hands on breast] and these are natural C cups. Aren’t they beautiful? I mean, you can bounce a penis off these!
Dr. Orpheus: I doubt my ex-wife breast are the answer.
The Master: [as Tatyana] And it doesn’t stop there, I’m sitting on what is easily the ass of a teenager. What does she do pilates or something? You can rest a coffee mug on it.
Dr. Orpheus: Really, she’s almost forty by now!
The Master: [as Tatyana] Well, tell it to the heiny Orpheus, because it still thinks it's 1992.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dermott: Do you dig this Tracy girl or what?
Dean: Well, she seems nice, and her hair is really pretty.
Dermott: Well, talk to her, then. You don't have to nail her. Just see what happens. Man, way to be uptight.
Hank: Wait, did you just give good advice?
Dean: I gotta go check the temperature in Hell.
Dermott: You can both blow me.
Dean: Well, she seems nice, and her hair is really pretty.
Dermott: Well, talk to her, then. You don't have to nail her. Just see what happens. Man, way to be uptight.
Hank: Wait, did you just give good advice?
Dean: I gotta go check the temperature in Hell.
Dermott: You can both blow me.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Orpheus: : We must draw him out. Draw him from Hell with Hell. Quickly! What is the worst thing that's ever happened to you? (Points at Jefferson Twilight.)
Jefferson Twilight: : Um...I saw my mom raped by blackulas. I was 10. She called my name. I just stood there.
Dr. Orpheus: Um, wow. Wait, I can hear him. More ugliness?
Master Billy Quizboy: Once I saw two homeless guys giving each other oral sex.
Dr. Orpheus: Yes, he's closer! More like that.
The Alchemist: Okay, this is really gross. Once I was out of toilet paper, so I used cotton balls. So, you know, I'm wiping, and I think my finger kinda poked through the cotton. So I—and do not ask me why—I smell my finger to check.
Jefferson Twilight: Gross. I see where this is going.
Dr. Orpheus: Quickly, Al, he's so close!
The Alchemist: Okay, I bring it up to smell it, right. But somehow the cotton got stuck to my fingers, so when I smell my fingers, the cotton's getting stuck to my razor stubble. So then I have this shit-cotton all over my face!
Jefferson Twilight: : Um...I saw my mom raped by blackulas. I was 10. She called my name. I just stood there.
Dr. Orpheus: Um, wow. Wait, I can hear him. More ugliness?
Master Billy Quizboy: Once I saw two homeless guys giving each other oral sex.
Dr. Orpheus: Yes, he's closer! More like that.
The Alchemist: Okay, this is really gross. Once I was out of toilet paper, so I used cotton balls. So, you know, I'm wiping, and I think my finger kinda poked through the cotton. So I—and do not ask me why—I smell my finger to check.
Jefferson Twilight: Gross. I see where this is going.
Dr. Orpheus: Quickly, Al, he's so close!
The Alchemist: Okay, I bring it up to smell it, right. But somehow the cotton got stuck to my fingers, so when I smell my fingers, the cotton's getting stuck to my razor stubble. So then I have this shit-cotton all over my face!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dean: I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I think we should see other people. Long distance relationships can be rough.
Triana Orpheus: You are so wise, Dean. I'm gonna miss you.
[She kisses him]
Dean: Or maybe we could try a long distance relationship!
Triana Orpheus: There are too many girls waiting in line. I can't hog you all to myself.
Dean: True.
Triana Orpheus: You are so wise, Dean. I'm gonna miss you.
[She kisses him]
Dean: Or maybe we could try a long distance relationship!
Triana Orpheus: There are too many girls waiting in line. I can't hog you all to myself.
Dean: True.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
The Alchemist: How did it go?
Dr. Orpheus: What are you doing in here?
The Alchemist: Did he mention me? The Master in your daughter’s closet that may not exist!
Dr. Orpheus: No he didn’t mention you. And it went like it always does, he tore away at my heart until he kicked me out.
Dr. Orpheus: What are you doing in here?
The Alchemist: Did he mention me? The Master in your daughter’s closet that may not exist!
Dr. Orpheus: No he didn’t mention you. And it went like it always does, he tore away at my heart until he kicked me out.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Hank: Hey, can I ask you something? You’re gay, right?
The Alchemist: Yeah!
Hank: What’s it looked like? I mean, is it real or is it all Frankenstein?
The Alchemist: Hank!
Hank: Your dingess. Does it look real?
The Alchemist: What is kid-crazy talking about?
Jefferson Twilight: He thinks your transgender.
The Alchemist: Hank, it looks real because it is real. I’m gay. It doesn’t mean I was born a woman. I have a regular dingess, as you say.
Jefferson Twilight: Hank, aren’t you just a little ashamed of your ignorance?
The Alchemist: Like just a little?
Hank: Yeah, constantly.
The Alchemist: Yeah!
Hank: What’s it looked like? I mean, is it real or is it all Frankenstein?
The Alchemist: Hank!
Hank: Your dingess. Does it look real?
The Alchemist: What is kid-crazy talking about?
Jefferson Twilight: He thinks your transgender.
The Alchemist: Hank, it looks real because it is real. I’m gay. It doesn’t mean I was born a woman. I have a regular dingess, as you say.
Jefferson Twilight: Hank, aren’t you just a little ashamed of your ignorance?
The Alchemist: Like just a little?
Hank: Yeah, constantly.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Jefferson Twilight: Torrid a dick. Who does that? Who opens up hell, honestly?
Dr. Orpheus: If Torrid gets the portal open we’re done for. Once the second-world comes through, we haven’t the power to stop them.
The Alchemist: I gotta be honest, I’m scared. I’m like a 9 scared. 9.3 maybe.
Dr. Orpheus: We should all be at 10. There isn’t a sorcerer alive who has the ability to fight the denison of the second-world. I’m a 10.
Jefferson Twilight: If Orpheus is going Bo Derek then I'm pushing it up to 8.
Dr. Orpheus: I admire your bravery. Now are you ready to wage our final battle?
The Alchemist: What? Hell no. I have one more thing to try. [Yells at Torrid] Stop being a pudd. Knock it off you dimbat. Nobody wants you to open a door to hell.
[A large green creature comes out of the portal and reaches for Torrid]
Torrid: No, no. I command thee!
[It grabs Torrid and throws him inside the portal]
The Alchemist: Something just came out of the vortex and killed Torrid. So, that happen.
Dr. Orpheus: The time is now. Triad join me. I am Dr. Orpheus, master of mysticism.
Jefferson Twilight: I’m a...
The Alchemist: I don’t wanna do that introducing ourselves bit, it’s goofy. Lets not die being goofy.
Jefferson Twilight: I’m with Al. Maybe we can sing a Stevie Wonder song together!
The Alchemist: Yeah, that’s not much better.
Dr. Orpheus: If Torrid gets the portal open we’re done for. Once the second-world comes through, we haven’t the power to stop them.
The Alchemist: I gotta be honest, I’m scared. I’m like a 9 scared. 9.3 maybe.
Dr. Orpheus: We should all be at 10. There isn’t a sorcerer alive who has the ability to fight the denison of the second-world. I’m a 10.
Jefferson Twilight: If Orpheus is going Bo Derek then I'm pushing it up to 8.
Dr. Orpheus: I admire your bravery. Now are you ready to wage our final battle?
The Alchemist: What? Hell no. I have one more thing to try. [Yells at Torrid] Stop being a pudd. Knock it off you dimbat. Nobody wants you to open a door to hell.
[A large green creature comes out of the portal and reaches for Torrid]
Torrid: No, no. I command thee!
[It grabs Torrid and throws him inside the portal]
The Alchemist: Something just came out of the vortex and killed Torrid. So, that happen.
Dr. Orpheus: The time is now. Triad join me. I am Dr. Orpheus, master of mysticism.
Jefferson Twilight: I’m a...
The Alchemist: I don’t wanna do that introducing ourselves bit, it’s goofy. Lets not die being goofy.
Jefferson Twilight: I’m with Al. Maybe we can sing a Stevie Wonder song together!
The Alchemist: Yeah, that’s not much better.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
[Billy just finished operating on the OutRider’s head]
Billy Quizboy: It's out! I did it. So, am I part of the Triad.
The Alchemist: Triad implies three. So...
Billy Quizboy: All right. Then you guys have to pay my rather steep fee.
The Alchemist: Welcome to the Mystical Order of the Triad, Special Brother Billy!
Billy Quizboy: It's out! I did it. So, am I part of the Triad.
The Alchemist: Triad implies three. So...
Billy Quizboy: All right. Then you guys have to pay my rather steep fee.
The Alchemist: Welcome to the Mystical Order of the Triad, Special Brother Billy!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
The Master: [as Future Dean] OK Listen, I’m the Master. I’m like your dad’s omission boss, so let me give you some advice. Get on with your life. You think anyone can just walk into to your closet and see me?
Triana Orpheus: Never would of thought of that!
The Master: [as Future Dean] It’s a regular closet to anyone without the gift. I mean, you can start your training now, and seriously, you can make better money with this stuff than you can as the manager of the Gap.
Triana Orpheus: Yeah, my dad kinda wants me to go to art school.
The Master: [as Future Dean] Yeah, and get the world’s most useless diploma! Forget your dad, he’s just trying to save you from his life, not yours. Triana Orpheus, you should go live with your mother and begin your training to be a sorceress. It's your destiny! And it's way cheaper than art school!
Triana Orpheus: Never would of thought of that!
The Master: [as Future Dean] It’s a regular closet to anyone without the gift. I mean, you can start your training now, and seriously, you can make better money with this stuff than you can as the manager of the Gap.
Triana Orpheus: Yeah, my dad kinda wants me to go to art school.
The Master: [as Future Dean] Yeah, and get the world’s most useless diploma! Forget your dad, he’s just trying to save you from his life, not yours. Triana Orpheus, you should go live with your mother and begin your training to be a sorceress. It's your destiny! And it's way cheaper than art school!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Orpheus: Triad! Be unseen!
Jefferson Twilight: Was something supposed to happen? Are we invisible now, or something?
Dr. Orpheus: No, I meant that we should hide. Just like behind something.
The Alchemist: Well be specific next time.
Jefferson Twilight: Was something supposed to happen? Are we invisible now, or something?
Dr. Orpheus: No, I meant that we should hide. Just like behind something.
The Alchemist: Well be specific next time.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Jefferson Twilight: Score?
The Alchemist: 85%.
Jefferson Twilight: Get out! Where did I blow?
The Alchemist: Well, for one, you killed Matthew Lasko.
Jefferson Twilight: That was... well, he was wearing punctuation on his suit. That's a total bad-guy suit!
The Alchemist: He helps people get free money from the government. That is a good guy. It's reflected in your score.
The Alchemist: 85%.
Jefferson Twilight: Get out! Where did I blow?
The Alchemist: Well, for one, you killed Matthew Lasko.
Jefferson Twilight: That was... well, he was wearing punctuation on his suit. That's a total bad-guy suit!
The Alchemist: He helps people get free money from the government. That is a good guy. It's reflected in your score.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Girlfriend: Monstroso? That's what this is about? He's the king of the double cross. I mean, think about it, he's lawyer and a super villian. That's like a shark with a grenade launcher on its head.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.