The Venture Bros. Quotes
Hank: Brock, if pirates really exist, I mean, Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy could even be real, right? It's like, all bets are off!
Brock: Hank, nobody ever said pirates don't exist.
Hank: So you agree with me that this is impossible.
Brock: Hank, nobody ever said pirates don't exist.
Hank: So you agree with me that this is impossible.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Brock: Hank, if there was ever a time in your life I needed you not to be Hank, it's now.
Hank: Uh, sorry, Brock.
Hank: Uh, sorry, Brock.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Brock: Focus, Hank! Whatever you do, don't light a cigarette. A good sniper can see a hot cherry for miles.
Hank: Brock, I don't smoke!
Brock: Good. Now's a lousy time to start.
Hank: Brock, I don't smoke!
Brock: Good. Now's a lousy time to start.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
(Brock is chained up, and talking to Hank through his communicator watch)
Brock: After the twist, you'll feel a snap. Then the body goes ragdoll on ya.
Hank: And that will knock him out...even more?
Brock: That'll kill him.
Hank: Do I have to?
Brock: Alright fine, crybaby. Just tie him up and, maybe I guess gag him. But at the first sign of trouble I want you to at least break both his knees.
Brock: After the twist, you'll feel a snap. Then the body goes ragdoll on ya.
Hank: And that will knock him out...even more?
Brock: That'll kill him.
Hank: Do I have to?
Brock: Alright fine, crybaby. Just tie him up and, maybe I guess gag him. But at the first sign of trouble I want you to at least break both his knees.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
[Dr. Ventures has just encountered the ghost of Major Tom]
Dr. Venture: [shivering under a blanket] His eyes! Crazy eyes! Accusing me!
[a pirate hands him a warm drink]
Dr. Venture: Who are you?
Dr. Venture: [shivering under a blanket] His eyes! Crazy eyes! Accusing me!
[a pirate hands him a warm drink]
Dr. Venture: Who are you?
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Hank: Alright Brock, I know this sounds crazy, but just hear him out.
Pirate Captain: Guuhhm. Can we have a ride home?
Brock: What?
Dean: Noooo. Do it like you said you were gonna.
Pirate Captain: (sigh) I'm really, really sorry about this whole mess, and, you know, the whole pirate thing is behind me now, and... plus, you kinda killed Steve, and burnt my ship. So, if you could give us a lift out of here I figure we'd just call it squaresies.
Brock: (sigh) Alright.
Hank and Dean: Go team Venture!
(the pirate captain looks at Brock)
Brock: I don't know, they just do that.
Pirate Captain: Guuhhm. Can we have a ride home?
Brock: What?
Dean: Noooo. Do it like you said you were gonna.
Pirate Captain: (sigh) I'm really, really sorry about this whole mess, and, you know, the whole pirate thing is behind me now, and... plus, you kinda killed Steve, and burnt my ship. So, if you could give us a lift out of here I figure we'd just call it squaresies.
Brock: (sigh) Alright.
Hank and Dean: Go team Venture!
(the pirate captain looks at Brock)
Brock: I don't know, they just do that.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Pirate Captain: (having mistaken Brock for Dr. Venture) Your dad has a bodyguard? Why would he need a bodyguard? The guy's a tank.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Orpheus: Do you have a pen?
Hank: To use as a magic wand?
Dr. Orpheus: To use...as a pen, Hank.
Hank: To use as a magic wand?
Dr. Orpheus: To use...as a pen, Hank.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Venture: (recording an entry in his journal) Oh yeah, I lost my locator, and yes, I realize the irony of that.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Brock: Now, I want you to put your hand around your throat, Hank.
Hank: Uhh...alright.
Brock: That tube you feel is your trachea. Think of it as a handle. Your thumb is on your carotid artery, that's your button. Now remember, grab the handle, push the button. Repeat that back.
Hank: (gasping) Grab the handle, push the...
Brock: Let go of your own throat, Hank.
Hank: Uhh...alright.
Brock: That tube you feel is your trachea. Think of it as a handle. Your thumb is on your carotid artery, that's your button. Now remember, grab the handle, push the button. Repeat that back.
Hank: (gasping) Grab the handle, push the...
Brock: Let go of your own throat, Hank.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Pirate 1: We need that key that starts your boat Mr. Big Stuff. Lets have it.
Brock: It's up my ass!
Pirate 2: Are you serious?
Brock: Why don't you check.
Pirate 2: (looks at his partner) Well? Check.
Pirate 1: What if he's lying?
Pirate 2: If he were telling the truth, that would be better?
Brock: It's up my ass!
Pirate 2: Are you serious?
Brock: Why don't you check.
Pirate 2: (looks at his partner) Well? Check.
Pirate 1: What if he's lying?
Pirate 2: If he were telling the truth, that would be better?
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Pete White: It's like wearing nothing at all. Like a second skin.
Dr. Venture: Ummm, you've got a little something brown on your nose.
Dr. Venture: Ummm, you've got a little something brown on your nose.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dean: Brock, I think I figured out why the plane crashed: There were skeletons driving it! (points to the charred remains of the pilots)
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Hank: Cool! I'm not going to explode anymore. And plus - free invisible mom.
Hank and Dean: Go Team Venture!
Hank and Dean: Go Team Venture!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Prof. Richard Impossible: There's a reason Ned's boots have velcro instead of laces, honey.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Brock: (examining Race) Race Bannon... those bastards killed him!
Hank: Those kids? Damnit! We let 'em go!
Hank: Those kids? Damnit! We let 'em go!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
(to the boys' disgust, Race Bannon's corpse defecates itself)
Brock: Yeah... they never show that part on TV.
Brock: Yeah... they never show that part on TV.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Venture: (stranded in the Arctic) If this is about what I saw, I won't tell anyone!
Prof. Impossible: (stretches himself to the flying car and flies off) I know!
Prof. Impossible: (stretches himself to the flying car and flies off) I know!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Venture: (after being stranded in the Arctic by Prof. Impossible) ...I CHEATED ON MY DAMN MID-TERMS!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Hank: Brock, I've thought a lot about it and if we can't get the antidote in time and it comes down to it, I... well, I want you to be the one to kill me.
Brock: Don't talk like that Hank, we're gonna find...
Hank: PROMISE ME, Brock!
Brock: Okay.
Hank: Promise?
Brock: Yes, I promise.
Hank: Super-swear?
Brock: (growing annoyed) YES, Hank.
Hank: (after a brief pause) Hey, Brock?
Brock: Yeah?
Hank: How would you do it?
Brock: (without hesitation) You're asleep, quick jerk of the neck, never feel a thing.
Hank: You've thought about this.
Brock: Yes, I have.
Brock: Don't talk like that Hank, we're gonna find...
Hank: PROMISE ME, Brock!
Brock: Okay.
Hank: Promise?
Brock: Yes, I promise.
Hank: Super-swear?
Brock: (growing annoyed) YES, Hank.
Hank: (after a brief pause) Hey, Brock?
Brock: Yeah?
Hank: How would you do it?
Brock: (without hesitation) You're asleep, quick jerk of the neck, never feel a thing.
Hank: You've thought about this.
Brock: Yes, I have.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
(his jumpsuit having fallen apart, Dr. Venture is wandering naked through the snow)
Dr. Venture: Oh, great, Venture! Thousands of square miles of empty arctic wasteland and you somehow manage to step in the one spot of yellow snow!
Dr. Venture: Oh, great, Venture! Thousands of square miles of empty arctic wasteland and you somehow manage to step in the one spot of yellow snow!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
(Prof. Impossible has drawn a weapon to shoot Hank)
Master Billy Quizboy: Professor, no offense, but that's just crazy! Violence isn't the answer. This is a think tank; we're the most powerful minds on the planet! Let's act like it!
Pete White: Billy's right. We can create an antidote if we work together!
Prof. Impossible: (pauses for a second to contemplate) Nah, my way's safer.
Master Billy Quizboy: Professor, no offense, but that's just crazy! Violence isn't the answer. This is a think tank; we're the most powerful minds on the planet! Let's act like it!
Pete White: Billy's right. We can create an antidote if we work together!
Prof. Impossible: (pauses for a second to contemplate) Nah, my way's safer.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Pilot: Are you aware that you're plane is unregistered and you failed to file a flight plan?
Dr. Venture Don't you people have anything better to do than to harrass a couple of people trying to get to Malakesh?
Pilot: Stow it, grandpa. I was talking to the big guy.
Dr. Venture: Grandpa?! I have you know--
Pilot: I'm not gonna tell you again.
Brock: It's alright, soldier. I have clearance. [Hands pilot his CIA card] I'm with a secret branch of the government.
Pilot: [looks at license] Sir, this license expired six months ago. [Hearing this, Brock freaks out. Dr. Venture stands next to him, annoyed]
Dr. Venture: Fine, but when Malakesh is overrun by mutant lizard people, don't come crying to me.
Dr. Venture Don't you people have anything better to do than to harrass a couple of people trying to get to Malakesh?
Pilot: Stow it, grandpa. I was talking to the big guy.
Dr. Venture: Grandpa?! I have you know--
Pilot: I'm not gonna tell you again.
Brock: It's alright, soldier. I have clearance. [Hands pilot his CIA card] I'm with a secret branch of the government.
Pilot: [looks at license] Sir, this license expired six months ago. [Hearing this, Brock freaks out. Dr. Venture stands next to him, annoyed]
Dr. Venture: Fine, but when Malakesh is overrun by mutant lizard people, don't come crying to me.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Venture: Crap, who am I kidding? My looks are going down the toilet faster than an unwanted pregnancy on prom night.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Venture: So, I guess this is goodbye. I will remember these last few days with you as the happiest of my life. Well except for the caterpillar part, I mean.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Agent Tester: Well, let's see here Mr. Samson. On the driving portion you totaled every car but the one you were driving. On the pistol range you refused to use a gun, and, oh, ha, here's my favorite, on the written you drew the little guy with wings from the Led Zeppelin records.
Brock: Icarus. So, uh, what are trying to tell me here, little man, that you don't like Zep? [Tester stands and rips the written portion in half]
Agent Tester: My father is General Treister. You saved his life. The man spoke of you as a god. [pause] And you did not disappoint.
Brock: Oh yeah. I used to babysit you.
Brock: Icarus. So, uh, what are trying to tell me here, little man, that you don't like Zep? [Tester stands and rips the written portion in half]
Agent Tester: My father is General Treister. You saved his life. The man spoke of you as a god. [pause] And you did not disappoint.
Brock: Oh yeah. I used to babysit you.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.