The Venture Bros. Quotes
Life goes on after the tragic deaths of Hank and Dean in this Season Two opener. Meanwhile, the Monarch deals with life "inside."
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Jonas Venture Jr.: But we're the Venture Brothers! Shouldn't we work together?
Dr. Venture: Unh. What does it take to get rid of you, you parasite? Tweezers and a match? I give you life, I give you half my stuff, I gave you the X2 for God's sake, what more do you want?! My blood? Here! Take it! Take my blood! [bends over, pointing his rear towards Jonas Jr.] or better yet, just climb right on back inside me! [pats rear] Go on! Jump back in there! Come on!
Jonas Venture Jr.: [sighs] Fine. Never mind. Just let me get my stuff from the lab and I'll go.
Dr. Venture: 'The lab'? Try my lab.
Jonas Venture Jr.: Mine, yours. What's the difference? We're the Venture Brothers! What's mine is yours.
Dr. Venture: Yeah, yeah. You're very generous with my things.
Dr. Venture: Unh. What does it take to get rid of you, you parasite? Tweezers and a match? I give you life, I give you half my stuff, I gave you the X2 for God's sake, what more do you want?! My blood? Here! Take it! Take my blood! [bends over, pointing his rear towards Jonas Jr.] or better yet, just climb right on back inside me! [pats rear] Go on! Jump back in there! Come on!
Jonas Venture Jr.: [sighs] Fine. Never mind. Just let me get my stuff from the lab and I'll go.
Dr. Venture: 'The lab'? Try my lab.
Jonas Venture Jr.: Mine, yours. What's the difference? We're the Venture Brothers! What's mine is yours.
Dr. Venture: Yeah, yeah. You're very generous with my things.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Swifty: (Mumbling) I used to be pretty. Yeah but not no more, look at my nose...
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
The Monarch: Hey! Hey! What the f.. Are you raping me?!
King Gorilla: No... well, I was gonna.
The Monarch: Gonna?! What the fuck, King?!
King Gorilla: I couldn't get it up.
The Monarch: AGH! [Holds hands to ears] Lalalalalalala...
King Gorilla: You're built too much like a girl! I couldn't get into it.
The Monarch: [stops 'la' -ing] What... What a... this isn't even my cell! What'd you do, take me to your place?
King Gorilla: Well I got porn here... it helps.
The Monarch: AAGH! [Puts hands back to ears as he leaves the cell] Lalalalalalala...
King Gorilla: No... well, I was gonna.
The Monarch: Gonna?! What the fuck, King?!
King Gorilla: I couldn't get it up.
The Monarch: AGH! [Holds hands to ears] Lalalalalalala...
King Gorilla: You're built too much like a girl! I couldn't get into it.
The Monarch: [stops 'la' -ing] What... What a... this isn't even my cell! What'd you do, take me to your place?
King Gorilla: Well I got porn here... it helps.
The Monarch: AAGH! [Puts hands back to ears as he leaves the cell] Lalalalalalala...
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Orpheus: But I am, by trade, a necromancer! You know what that means, right?
Brock: Uhh, you have sex with dead people?
Dr. Orpheus: phile!Necrophile! A necroMANCER can bring the dead TO LIFE!!
Brock: Uhh, you have sex with dead people?
Dr. Orpheus: phile!Necrophile! A necroMANCER can bring the dead TO LIFE!!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Orpheus: (on whether he actually saw the boys)Saw them!? I made them a fucking MILKSHAKE!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Brock: (asked to put the immature clones back into their "incubators") I hate touching them, they feel like giant Stretch Armstrongs.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Venture: Look, if you have a clumsy child, you make him wear a helmet. If you have death-prone children, you keep a few clones of them in your lab.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Orpheus(talking to Triana about raising the dead): Stop crying, pumpkin. I've done this hundreds of times. David Blaine,Evel Knievel, both daddy's clients. As was Ronald Reagan, until he bounced a check.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Venture: [To Half-Formed Corpse] Hank! You are never to call your father a crumb-bum in front of company!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Orpheus: (to Triana) Now don't touch any of this. You could accidentally make the cat huge...or something.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
King Gorilla: You and your Guild can go screw. Ten years of payin' dues and what do they do to keep me out of here when I got caught!?!
Phantom Limb: Oh, what could we do? You eviscerated and sodomized Vince Neil on national television.
King Gorilla: Hey, I only sodomized half of him! They wanted The Surreal Life, K.G. GAVE it to 'em!
Phantom Limb: Oh, what could we do? You eviscerated and sodomized Vince Neil on national television.
King Gorilla: Hey, I only sodomized half of him! They wanted The Surreal Life, K.G. GAVE it to 'em!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Orpheus: Slow down. What about the zombies?
Dr. Venture: Oh, I call those "clone slugs" — grew those years ago from nail clippings, I think. Anyway, after the slugs have been activated, that machine...
Dr. Orpheus: Purgatory.
Dr. Venture: Whatever. That computer feeds all their nocturnally recorded memory synapses.
Dr. Orpheus: Their memories, hopes, and dreams. Their immortal souls!
Dr. Venture: You're killing me with that crap; just let me finish. That computer feeds synaptic data to their incubation beds; that information is supplemented with basic knowledge that my dad recorded for me so I didn't have to go to school; and that is why I didn't lose my virginity until I was 24.
Dr. Orpheus: That is awful!
Dr. Venture: Well, you didn't see her. It was horrific.
Dr. Venture: Oh, I call those "clone slugs" — grew those years ago from nail clippings, I think. Anyway, after the slugs have been activated, that machine...
Dr. Orpheus: Purgatory.
Dr. Venture: Whatever. That computer feeds all their nocturnally recorded memory synapses.
Dr. Orpheus: Their memories, hopes, and dreams. Their immortal souls!
Dr. Venture: You're killing me with that crap; just let me finish. That computer feeds synaptic data to their incubation beds; that information is supplemented with basic knowledge that my dad recorded for me so I didn't have to go to school; and that is why I didn't lose my virginity until I was 24.
Dr. Orpheus: That is awful!
Dr. Venture: Well, you didn't see her. It was horrific.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Orpheus: Who is your grief counselor? Mother Teresa? How can you be so nonchalant about this? My stupid talismans and I have made movie monsters from your sons!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Orpheus: Wait, perhaps you can help. From your helmet I can charge you have been here long enough--
Buried-Soul Head1: Yes pilgrim, I, in life, was a personal guard to the great Caesar.
Buried-Soul Head2: Nuh uh. Liar. You choked on a popsicle stick at a Halloween party.
Buried-Soul Head1: Oh tell everyone why don't ya--
Buried-Soul Head2: Everybody knows. Why do ya think you're in hell? 'Cause ya fuckin lying.
Buried-Soul Head1: Yes pilgrim, I, in life, was a personal guard to the great Caesar.
Buried-Soul Head2: Nuh uh. Liar. You choked on a popsicle stick at a Halloween party.
Buried-Soul Head1: Oh tell everyone why don't ya--
Buried-Soul Head2: Everybody knows. Why do ya think you're in hell? 'Cause ya fuckin lying.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Triana: ...What're you doing?
Dr. Orpheus: I like digging. Can't a man leave his home with a shovel without an inquisition?
Dr. Orpheus: I like digging. Can't a man leave his home with a shovel without an inquisition?
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Things return to normal in the lives of the Ventures. The Monarch confronts Dr. Girlfriend in a mall food court while his new henchmen stumble upon the Venture family shopping.
#21: Are you the bully of your school? Or the even the victim of bullying? Do you watch movies about costumed heroes and think, "Wow, that guy's a pussy. I sure hope a much cooler bad guy kicks his ass."?
#24: (unconvincingly) Wow, it's like you were reading my mind.
#21: I am not a mind reader, stranger. You, like so many others, are drawn to this sexy, action-packed lifestyle of the professional henchman.
#24: But I could never be a henchman. I am just a normal guy who is between the age of 18 and 30. A loner and lacks ties to friends and family.
#21: You, stranger, are the perfect candidate for costumed aggression.
Gang Member 1: Yo, fat boy. You get to carry a piece?
#21: But of course. Your standard Grade One henchman in service of the mighty Monarch is issued a dart gun and a grappling cannon to name only a few of the exciting accoutrements that will aid the henchman in his wonderous world of career henching.
Gang Member 2: Hey, what kind of ride we get?
#21: How does an enormous flying cocoon sound to you?
#24: Wow, a flying cocoon. I can already feel my life getting better!
#21: Are you the bully of your school? Or the even the victim of bullying? Do you watch movies about costumed heroes and think, "Wow, that guy's a pussy. I sure hope a much cooler bad guy kicks his ass."?
#24: (unconvincingly) Wow, it's like you were reading my mind.
#21: I am not a mind reader, stranger. You, like so many others, are drawn to this sexy, action-packed lifestyle of the professional henchman.
#24: But I could never be a henchman. I am just a normal guy who is between the age of 18 and 30. A loner and lacks ties to friends and family.
#21: You, stranger, are the perfect candidate for costumed aggression.
Gang Member 1: Yo, fat boy. You get to carry a piece?
#21: But of course. Your standard Grade One henchman in service of the mighty Monarch is issued a dart gun and a grappling cannon to name only a few of the exciting accoutrements that will aid the henchman in his wonderous world of career henching.
Gang Member 2: Hey, what kind of ride we get?
#21: How does an enormous flying cocoon sound to you?
#24: Wow, a flying cocoon. I can already feel my life getting better!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
The Monarch: I am sitting in the charred remains of my once mighty, flying cocoon. Anyone... wanna explain to me why my cocoon is charred...
#24: Because you told us to destroy the cocoon.
The Monarch: And why it is sideways?
#21: We were following orders! You can't yell at us for following orders.
#24: Or kill us for following orders.
#24: Because you told us to destroy the cocoon.
The Monarch: And why it is sideways?
#21: We were following orders! You can't yell at us for following orders.
#24: Or kill us for following orders.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
#21: Henchman 28! Front and center!
#28: You want me, you roll your big ass over here. And I done told you, my name is Number One!
#28: You want me, you roll your big ass over here. And I done told you, my name is Number One!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Phantom Limb(Speaking to Brock Sampson): I have removed the bullet. And three others, a blowgun dart, two shark's teeth, a tip of a bayonet, a twisted paperclip, and a meager handful of buckshot. You may want to learn how to duck.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Brock: Not even a scar? Did you look around the nipple, or belly button? Sometimes they- they put 'em in through there.
Phantom Limb: Look, she is all woman. I have explored every supple inch of her and I have found nothing but nectar.
Brock: All right, fine. Maybe the Monarch's just better equipped.
Phantom Limb: [Referring to their Firearms] You are strapping on an ultra-light gyropack. They are only issued to top ranking Guild officials.
Brock: No, I mean better... equipped.
Phantom Limb: She was kidnapped, alright?! Kid. Napped.
Brock: Ehh, I'm just sayin'.
Phantom Limb: Look, she is all woman. I have explored every supple inch of her and I have found nothing but nectar.
Brock: All right, fine. Maybe the Monarch's just better equipped.
Phantom Limb: [Referring to their Firearms] You are strapping on an ultra-light gyropack. They are only issued to top ranking Guild officials.
Brock: No, I mean better... equipped.
Phantom Limb: She was kidnapped, alright?! Kid. Napped.
Brock: Ehh, I'm just sayin'.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Phantom Limb: Let's go!
Brock: I thought for sure you were gonna hit me with "lock and load."
Phantom Limb: The night is still young!
Brock: I thought for sure you were gonna hit me with "lock and load."
Phantom Limb: The night is still young!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Phantom Limb: Well met! You did that with his own finger?
Brock: Eh, it's just one guy.
Phantom Limb: You showoff!
Brock: Eh, it's just one guy.
Phantom Limb: You showoff!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.