The West Wing Quotes
Ainsley: How about this? We drop out of the UN entirely and use the 926 million to take everyone in the country out to brunch?
TV Show: The West Wing
Special Agent Wesley Davis: [to Josh] You know I could kill you and just make up the reason why I did, right?
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: [about Zoey's Secret Service detail] Well, here's my question: these guys look pretty young to me, and I'm looking for something very specific. This is a father-daughter situation, and so I think what I'm looking for in terms of protection would best be characterized as... well, overwhelming force.
TV Show: The West Wing
Toby: Well, how bout when we, instead of blowing Iraq back to the 7th century for harboring terrorists and trying to develop nuclear weapons, we just imposed economic sanctions and were reviled by the Arab world for not giving them a global charge card and a free trade treaty? How about when we pushed Israel to give up land for peace? How about when we sent American soldiers to protect Saudi Arabia and the Arab World told us we were desecrating their Holy Land while ignoring the fact that we were invited? How about two weeks ago, in the State of the Union, when the President praised the Islamic people as “faithful” and “hard-working” only to be denounced in the Arab press as knowing nothing about Islam, but none of that is the point… I don’t remember having to explain to Italians that our problem wasn’t with them, but with Mussolini. Why does the US have to take every Arab country out for an ice cream cone? They’ll like us when we win! (long pause) Thousands of madrasas teaching children nothing nothing nothing but the Koran and to hate America. Who do we see about that? Do I want to preach America or Judeo-Christianity? No. If their religion forbids them from playing the trumpet, so be it. But I want those kids to... look at a globe. Be exposed to social sciences, history, some literature. They’ll like us when we win.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: Well, I guess we talked about a lot of things: who we think the Republican challenger is gonna be, and incumbency, and campaign strategy - strategic overview, but the long and short of it is, my father never liked me, at all. [long pause]
Dr. Keyworth: Well, at least we're closer to my area now.
Bartlet: Yeah, I thought you'd enjoy that.
Dr. Keyworth: Well, at least we're closer to my area now.
Bartlet: Yeah, I thought you'd enjoy that.
TV Show: The West Wing
Dr. Keyworth: Use me, don't use me, but all I can offer you is this: I'll be the only person in the world, other than your family, who doesn't care that you're the President. Our time is up.
TV Show: The West Wing
Dr. Keyworth: Mr. President...If you were any other patient...
Bartlet: Say what you'd say to any other patient.
Dr. Keyworth: I'd say, screw around if you want, but it's your money, it's about to be my money, and I sleep fine.
Bartlet: Say what you'd say to any other patient.
Dr. Keyworth: I'd say, screw around if you want, but it's your money, it's about to be my money, and I sleep fine.
TV Show: The West Wing
Toby: That's a beautiful chess set.
Bartlet: It's a gift for you.
Toby: Really?
Bartlet: Yeah, it's hand-carved. It belonged to the Prime Minister's grandfather, who used it to play with Lord Mountbatten.
Toby: I'm surprised that she gave it away.
Bartlet: Nah, we boosted it on our way out of the palace. I've got some little bottles of shampoo and conditioner, too.
Bartlet: It's a gift for you.
Toby: Really?
Bartlet: Yeah, it's hand-carved. It belonged to the Prime Minister's grandfather, who used it to play with Lord Mountbatten.
Toby: I'm surprised that she gave it away.
Bartlet: Nah, we boosted it on our way out of the palace. I've got some little bottles of shampoo and conditioner, too.
TV Show: The West Wing
Charlie: Look C.J..
C.J.: You'll find it in your filing cabinet under A for anal.
Larry: I don't really wanna know what he's going to find in his filing cabinet, do you?
Ed: No.
C.J.: You'll find it in your filing cabinet under A for anal.
Larry: I don't really wanna know what he's going to find in his filing cabinet, do you?
Ed: No.
TV Show: The West Wing
Leo: What are you doing?
Josh: Just trying to get a little pizza in an uncivilized world.
Leo: It's not easy being you, is it?
Josh: Just trying to get a little pizza in an uncivilized world.
Leo: It's not easy being you, is it?
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: Let me tell you, you're really showing me something tonight. A lot of spunk, a lot of pluck. This game isn't all about size, you know. There's a little thing called heart and you've got it, my friend.
Toby: You know what, old man? The very minute they swear in the next guy, you and I are going round and round.
Bartlet: Check.
Toby: You know what, old man? The very minute they swear in the next guy, you and I are going round and round.
Bartlet: Check.
TV Show: The West Wing
Lord John Marbury: Abigail! May I grasp your breasts?
Bartlet: I'm standing right here!
Abbey: You may kiss my cheek.
Bartlet: I'm standing right here!
Abbey: You may kiss my cheek.
TV Show: The West Wing
Lord John Marbury: Abigail.
Bartlet: Now it's a party.
Abbey: Oh. Yes, your lordship.
Lord John Marbury: Your breasts are magnificent.
Abbey: Oh. Um... thank you, John.
Lord John Marbury: May I inquire, Mr. President - the first thing that attracted you to Abigail - was it her magnificent breasts?
Abbey: It was.
Bartlet: You know John, there are places in the world where it might be considered rude to talk about the physical attributes of another man's wife.
Lord John Marbury: My god. Really?
Bartlet: Yeah.
Bartlet: Now it's a party.
Abbey: Oh. Yes, your lordship.
Lord John Marbury: Your breasts are magnificent.
Abbey: Oh. Um... thank you, John.
Lord John Marbury: May I inquire, Mr. President - the first thing that attracted you to Abigail - was it her magnificent breasts?
Abbey: It was.
Bartlet: You know John, there are places in the world where it might be considered rude to talk about the physical attributes of another man's wife.
Lord John Marbury: My god. Really?
Bartlet: Yeah.
TV Show: The West Wing
Sam: I need you to tell me everything you can tell me about the superconducting supercollider.
Professor Milgate: How much time do we have?
Sam: About ten minutes.
Professor Milgate: If you pay very close attention, stay very, very quiet - I can teach you how to spell it.
Professor Milgate: How much time do we have?
Sam: About ten minutes.
Professor Milgate: If you pay very close attention, stay very, very quiet - I can teach you how to spell it.
TV Show: The West Wing
Abbey: Amy.
Amy: Yes, ma'am?
Abbey: CJ and I are gonna get drunk. Come on.
Amy: Yes, ma'am.
Josh: You're going?
Amy: The First Lady just asked me to get boozy with her. You don't think I want to write a book one day?
Amy: Yes, ma'am?
Abbey: CJ and I are gonna get drunk. Come on.
Amy: Yes, ma'am.
Josh: You're going?
Amy: The First Lady just asked me to get boozy with her. You don't think I want to write a book one day?
TV Show: The West Wing
Enlow: If we could only say what benefit this thing has. No one’s been able to do that...
Professor Milgate: That’s because great achievement has no road map. Well, the X-ray’s pretty good. So is Penicillin. Neither were discovered with a practical objective in mind. I mean, when the electron was discovered in 1897, it was useless. Now we have an entire world run by electronics. Haydn and Mozart never studied the classics. They couldn’t—they invented them.
Sam: Discovery
Professor Milgate: What?
Sam: Discovery is what—that's what this is used for. It's for discovery.
Professor Milgate: That’s because great achievement has no road map. Well, the X-ray’s pretty good. So is Penicillin. Neither were discovered with a practical objective in mind. I mean, when the electron was discovered in 1897, it was useless. Now we have an entire world run by electronics. Haydn and Mozart never studied the classics. They couldn’t—they invented them.
Sam: Discovery
Professor Milgate: What?
Sam: Discovery is what—that's what this is used for. It's for discovery.
TV Show: The West Wing
Josh: [on Bartlet's slight to Ritchie] Why do you think this one's so hard to spin?
CJ: 'Cause it's the classic Washington scandal. We screwed up by telling the truth.
Josh: All right. Let's try not to do that too much.
CJ: 'Cause it's the classic Washington scandal. We screwed up by telling the truth.
Josh: All right. Let's try not to do that too much.
TV Show: The West Wing
CJ: Let me explain something to you. This is sort of my field. The people on these sites? They're the cast of One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest. The muu-muu-wearing Parliament smoker? That's Nurse Ratched. When Nurse Ratched is unhappy, the patients are unhappy. You? You're McMurphy. You swoop in with your card games and fishing trips -
Josh: I didn't swoop in, I came in the exact same way everyone else did.
CJ: Well, now I'm telling you to open the wardroom window and climb on out before they give you a pre-frontal lobotomy and I have to smother you with a pillow.
Josh: [pause] You're...?
CJ: [nodding] I'm Chief Bromden, yes, at this particular moment. I'm assigning an intern from the press office to that website. They're going to check it every night before they go home. If they discover you've been there I'm going to shove a motherboard so far up your ass - What?
Josh: Technically, I outrank you...
CJ: So far up your ass!
Josh: Okay.
CJ: Okay.
Josh: I didn't swoop in, I came in the exact same way everyone else did.
CJ: Well, now I'm telling you to open the wardroom window and climb on out before they give you a pre-frontal lobotomy and I have to smother you with a pillow.
Josh: [pause] You're...?
CJ: [nodding] I'm Chief Bromden, yes, at this particular moment. I'm assigning an intern from the press office to that website. They're going to check it every night before they go home. If they discover you've been there I'm going to shove a motherboard so far up your ass - What?
Josh: Technically, I outrank you...
CJ: So far up your ass!
Josh: Okay.
CJ: Okay.
TV Show: The West Wing
Tabatha Fortis: You think I think that an artist's job is to speak the truth. An artist's job is to captivate you for however long we've asked for your attention. If we stumble into truth, we got lucky, and I don't get to decide what truth is.
TV Show: The West Wing
Donna: I shall do those things.
Josh: You shall?
Donna: I shall... and I'll tell you what I'd like in exchange.
Josh: How about a weekly salary of some kind?
Donna: Yes, plus a favor.
Josh: You shall?
Donna: I shall... and I'll tell you what I'd like in exchange.
Josh: How about a weekly salary of some kind?
Donna: Yes, plus a favor.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: Can I tell you what's messed up about James Bond?
Charlie: Nothing.
Bartlet: Shaken, not stirred, will get you cold water with a dash of gin and dry vermouth. The reason you stir it with a special spoon is so not to chip the ice. James is ordering a weak martini and being snooty about it.
Charlie: Nothing.
Bartlet: Shaken, not stirred, will get you cold water with a dash of gin and dry vermouth. The reason you stir it with a special spoon is so not to chip the ice. James is ordering a weak martini and being snooty about it.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: I love doing this.
Charlie: Really?
Bartlet: Yeah.
Charlie: Filing tax returns?
Bartlet: Yeah.
Charlie: Okay.
Bartlet: What?
Charlie: I was just thinking about the plurality of Americans who made the decision to pull a lever that had your name next to it.
Bartlet: Suckers.
Charlie: Really?
Bartlet: Yeah.
Charlie: Filing tax returns?
Bartlet: Yeah.
Charlie: Okay.
Bartlet: What?
Charlie: I was just thinking about the plurality of Americans who made the decision to pull a lever that had your name next to it.
Bartlet: Suckers.
TV Show: The West Wing
Charlie: They're saying I owe the federal government money?
Bartlet: And you don't even need a stamp. Hand it over.
Charlie: There's a mistake.
Bartlet: Whatever. Cough it up.
Bartlet: And you don't even need a stamp. Hand it over.
Charlie: There's a mistake.
Bartlet: Whatever. Cough it up.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: It's Jed Bartlet, Mrs. Morello. I've got a few questions. When you taught Beowulf, did you make the kids read it in the original Middle English or did you use a translation?
Mrs. Morello: We used a translation, Mr. President.
Bartlet: Okay. We're going to call that the James Bond version.
...
Bartlet: [whispering] Tell her where you are.
Donna: Mrs. Morello, I am standing in the Oval Office and it is because of you.
Mrs. Morello: We used a translation, Mr. President.
Bartlet: Okay. We're going to call that the James Bond version.
...
Bartlet: [whispering] Tell her where you are.
Donna: Mrs. Morello, I am standing in the Oval Office and it is because of you.
TV Show: The West Wing
CJ: [about the treatment of women in Saudi Arabia] Outraged? I'm barely surprised. This is a country where women aren't allowed to drive a car. They're not allowed to be in the company of any man other than a close relative. They're required to adhere to a dress code that would make a Maryknoll nun look like Malibu Barbie. They beheaded a hundred and twenty-one people last year for robbery, rape, and drug trafficking. They have no free press, no elected government, no political parties. And the Royal Family allows the Religious Police to travel in groups of six carrying nightsticks and they freely and publicly beat women. But 'Brutus is an honorable man.' Seventeen schoolgirls were forced to burn alive because they weren't wearing the proper clothing. Am I outraged? No... That is Saudi Arabia, our partners in peace.
TV Show: The West Wing
Nikolai: It is freezing too cold in Reykjavik. It is freezing too cold in Helsinki. It is freezing too cold in Gstaad. Why must every American President bound out of an automobile like as at a yacht club, while in com...
George: Comparison.
Nikolai: Comparison, our leader looks like... I don't even know what word is.
Sam: Frumpy?
Nikolai: I don't know what "frumpy" is, but onomatopoetically, sounds right.
...
Sam: It's hard not to like a guy who doesn't know 'frumpy,' but knows 'onomatopoeia.'
George: Comparison.
Nikolai: Comparison, our leader looks like... I don't even know what word is.
Sam: Frumpy?
Nikolai: I don't know what "frumpy" is, but onomatopoetically, sounds right.
...
Sam: It's hard not to like a guy who doesn't know 'frumpy,' but knows 'onomatopoeia.'
TV Show: The West Wing
Fitzwallace: Mr. President.
Bartlet: Fitz! Fitz, you old polecat, you old so-and-so.
Fitzwallace: Trying to be "one of the fellas," sir?
Bartlet: Yeah.
Fitzwallace: Well, well done, sir.
Bartlet: Fitz! Fitz, you old polecat, you old so-and-so.
Fitzwallace: Trying to be "one of the fellas," sir?
Bartlet: Yeah.
Fitzwallace: Well, well done, sir.
TV Show: The West Wing
Sam: [on the President] Any trip over eight hours, he tends to fire somebody at the end of it, and the last three times it's been me...
TV Show: The West Wing
Fitzwallace: Wait a second, hang on. You're telling me that foreign policy of this magnitude is conducted through Sam, and I'm still alive?
Sam: We're pretty impressed ourselves, Mr. Chairman.
Sam: We're pretty impressed ourselves, Mr. Chairman.
TV Show: The West Wing