The West Wing Quotes
Josh: We run the risk of alienating...
Bartlet: Heroin addicts?
Josh: Liberals.
Bartlet: Whatever.
Bartlet: Heroin addicts?
Josh: Liberals.
Bartlet: Whatever.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: Mike, pick yourself out a daughter. My oldest is married, but I can have it annulled. The Pope said he'd do it, I swear to God.
Casper: That's very friendly of you, sir. Thank you.
Casper: That's very friendly of you, sir. Thank you.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: It's not even the number of debates, as much as the format. Two-minute response followed by a one-minute reply. That's not a debate. That's not a debate! It's a joint press conference.
TV Show: The West Wing
C.J.: What is really the difference between one debate and two debates?
Toby: "What's the diff..."! It's a whole other debate! It's a second debate! It's 100% more debate!
Toby: "What's the diff..."! It's a whole other debate! It's a second debate! It's 100% more debate!
TV Show: The West Wing
Charlie: Can you make a run to the staff secretary's office? Ella's not there, but someone should be. Make sure you just take what needs to be signed today. They're gonna try to give you a whole stack, and right there's where you become a man.
Emily: Should I use sex as a tactic?
Charlie: If you need to. Hell, even if you just want to.
Emily: Should I use sex as a tactic?
Charlie: If you need to. Hell, even if you just want to.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: [to Leo] Honey, if we're going to have this fight, can we not do it in front of the Joint Chiefs? It just scares the hell out of them.
TV Show: The West Wing
Toby: A couple of things. I need you to look at a couple of answers on defense readiness. I need concrete examples of waste in Pentagon procurement. We need two more members of the IRC for post spin. I need you to fill out this marriage license and paperwork for a joint checking account and review this 60-second answer on Rwanda.
Andy: Okay, okay, okay and um, under no circumstances, and sure.
Toby: See, by my count, you said under no circumstances to the IRC post spin and sure...
Andy: I said under no circumstances to marrying you again.
Toby: May I ask why?
Andy: I have the unique experience of having done it once before.
Andy: Okay, okay, okay and um, under no circumstances, and sure.
Toby: See, by my count, you said under no circumstances to the IRC post spin and sure...
Andy: I said under no circumstances to marrying you again.
Toby: May I ask why?
Andy: I have the unique experience of having done it once before.
TV Show: The West Wing
Sam: What's going on with you and Andy?
Toby: Nothing.
Sam: I think you're wrong.
Toby: I'm not.
Sam: I think you're getting back together.
Toby: We're not.
Sam: But you want to.
Toby: Yes.
Sam: I think... Wait. What?
Toby: See, sometimes if I slam on the brakes, you run right past.
Josh: Okay, fill us in on everything you've got so far between the two of you.
Toby: Yeah, that's what's going to happen right now.
Toby: Nothing.
Sam: I think you're wrong.
Toby: I'm not.
Sam: I think you're getting back together.
Toby: We're not.
Sam: But you want to.
Toby: Yes.
Sam: I think... Wait. What?
Toby: See, sometimes if I slam on the brakes, you run right past.
Josh: Okay, fill us in on everything you've got so far between the two of you.
Toby: Yeah, that's what's going to happen right now.
TV Show: The West Wing
Mrs. Landingham: We're choosing pictures from the collection at the National Gallery.
Bartlet: They'll loan stuff?
Mrs. Landingham: Anything you want in the National Gallery or the whole Smithsonian.
Bartlet: Really.
Mrs. Landingham: Yeah!
Bartlet: I want Apollo 11.
Mrs. Landingham: Well, you can't have that.
Bartlet: Then don't bother me.
Bartlet: They'll loan stuff?
Mrs. Landingham: Anything you want in the National Gallery or the whole Smithsonian.
Bartlet: Really.
Mrs. Landingham: Yeah!
Bartlet: I want Apollo 11.
Mrs. Landingham: Well, you can't have that.
Bartlet: Then don't bother me.
TV Show: The West Wing
Charlie: Josh and Sam talked to me. I'm on board.
Toby: With what?
Charlie: Team Toby.
Toby: See, I lent voice to thought and that was my mistake.
Charlie: If you want to marry Andy, then, damn it, so do I...
Toby: Okay.
Charlie: ...want that, you know, to happen to you.
Toby: I get it.
Charlie: Do you? Because this is about love.
Toby: I think you have a different motivation.
Charlie: Laughs?
Toby: Yes.
Charlie: Sure, but also as much love, really, as I think either one of us are comfortable with.
Toby: With what?
Charlie: Team Toby.
Toby: See, I lent voice to thought and that was my mistake.
Charlie: If you want to marry Andy, then, damn it, so do I...
Toby: Okay.
Charlie: ...want that, you know, to happen to you.
Toby: I get it.
Charlie: Do you? Because this is about love.
Toby: I think you have a different motivation.
Charlie: Laughs?
Toby: Yes.
Charlie: Sure, but also as much love, really, as I think either one of us are comfortable with.
TV Show: The West Wing
Josh: Ten words: "I will make America's defenses the strongest in the history of the world."
Leo: "In the history of the world?" When we say that, are we comparing ourselves to the Visigoths, adjusted for inflation?
Leo: "In the history of the world?" When we say that, are we comparing ourselves to the Visigoths, adjusted for inflation?
TV Show: The West Wing
Gov. Ritchie: My view of this is simple: we don't need a Federal Department of Education telling us our children have to learn Esperanto, they have to learn Eskimo poetry. Let the states decide, let the communities decide on health care, on education, on lower taxes, not higher taxes. Now, he's going to throw a big word at you - "unfunded mandate." He's going to say if Washington lets the states do it, it's an unfunded mandate. But what he doesn't like is the federal government losing power. But I call it the ingenuity of the American people.
Moderator: President Bartlet, you have 60 seconds for a question and an answer.
Bartlet: Well, first of all, let's clear up a couple of things. "Unfunded mandate" is two words, not one big word. There are times when we're fifty states and there are times when we're one country, and have national needs. And the way I know this is that Florida didn't fight Germany in World War II or establish civil rights. You think states should do the governing wall-to-wall. That's a perfectly valid opinion. But your state of Florida got $12.6 billion in federal money last year - from Nebraskans, and Virginians, and New Yorkers, and Alaskans, with their Eskimo poetry. 12.6 out of a state budget of $50 billion. Now, I'm supposed to be using this time for a question, so here it is: Can we have it back, please?
Josh: Game on!
Moderator: President Bartlet, you have 60 seconds for a question and an answer.
Bartlet: Well, first of all, let's clear up a couple of things. "Unfunded mandate" is two words, not one big word. There are times when we're fifty states and there are times when we're one country, and have national needs. And the way I know this is that Florida didn't fight Germany in World War II or establish civil rights. You think states should do the governing wall-to-wall. That's a perfectly valid opinion. But your state of Florida got $12.6 billion in federal money last year - from Nebraskans, and Virginians, and New Yorkers, and Alaskans, with their Eskimo poetry. 12.6 out of a state budget of $50 billion. Now, I'm supposed to be using this time for a question, so here it is: Can we have it back, please?
Josh: Game on!
TV Show: The West Wing
Moderator: Governor Ritchie, many economists have stated that the tax cut, which is the centerpiece of your economic agenda, could actually harm the economy. Is now really the time to cut taxes?
Gov. Ritchie: You bet it is. We need to cut taxes for one reason - the American people know how to spend their money better than the federal government does.
Moderator: Mr. President, your rebuttal.
Bartlet: There it is. That's the ten word answer my staff's been looking for for two weeks. There it is. Ten-word answers can kill you in political campaigns. They're the tip of the sword. Here's my question: What are the next ten words of your answer? Your taxes are too high? So are mine. Give me the next ten words. How are we going to do it? Give me ten after that, I'll drop out of the race right now. Every once in a while... every once in a while, there's a day with an absolute right and an absolute wrong, but those days almost always include body counts. Other than that, there aren't very many unnuanced moments in leading a country that's way too big for ten words. I'm the President of the United States, not the President of the people who agree with me. And by the way, if the left has a problem with that, they should vote for somebody else.
Gov. Ritchie: You bet it is. We need to cut taxes for one reason - the American people know how to spend their money better than the federal government does.
Moderator: Mr. President, your rebuttal.
Bartlet: There it is. That's the ten word answer my staff's been looking for for two weeks. There it is. Ten-word answers can kill you in political campaigns. They're the tip of the sword. Here's my question: What are the next ten words of your answer? Your taxes are too high? So are mine. Give me the next ten words. How are we going to do it? Give me ten after that, I'll drop out of the race right now. Every once in a while... every once in a while, there's a day with an absolute right and an absolute wrong, but those days almost always include body counts. Other than that, there aren't very many unnuanced moments in leading a country that's way too big for ten words. I'm the President of the United States, not the President of the people who agree with me. And by the way, if the left has a problem with that, they should vote for somebody else.
TV Show: The West Wing
Gov. Ritchie: Now, I want people to work together in this great country, and that's what I did in Florida—I brought people together—and that's what I'll do as your President. End the logjam, end the gridlock, and bring Republicans together with Democrats, 'cause Americans are tired of partisan politics.
Bartlet: Actually, what you've done in Florida is bring the right together with the far right. And I don't think Americans are tired of partisan politics; I think they're tired of hearing career politicians diss partisan politics to get a gig. I've tried it before. They ain't buying it. That's okay, though...that's okay, though, 'cause partisan politics is good. Partisan politics is what the Founders had in mind. It guarantees that the minority opinion is heard, and as a lifelong possessor of minority opinions, I appreciate it. But if you're troubled by it, Governor, you should know, in this campaign, you've used the word 'liberal' 74 times. In one day. It was yesterday.
Toby: I'm not sure I can watch anymore...no, wait, I can. I can.
Bartlet: Actually, what you've done in Florida is bring the right together with the far right. And I don't think Americans are tired of partisan politics; I think they're tired of hearing career politicians diss partisan politics to get a gig. I've tried it before. They ain't buying it. That's okay, though...that's okay, though, 'cause partisan politics is good. Partisan politics is what the Founders had in mind. It guarantees that the minority opinion is heard, and as a lifelong possessor of minority opinions, I appreciate it. But if you're troubled by it, Governor, you should know, in this campaign, you've used the word 'liberal' 74 times. In one day. It was yesterday.
Toby: I'm not sure I can watch anymore...no, wait, I can. I can.
TV Show: The West Wing
Will: Sixty percent is 6 of 10 in a focus group. You change one mind, it's a dead heat. You change two, it's a landslide. This campaign's a mechanism of persuasion. We're not asking for a show of hands.
TV Show: The West Wing
Sam: You wrote a concession?
Toby: Of course I wrote a concession. What, do you want to tempt the wrath of the... whatever, from high atop the thing?
Sam: No.
Toby: Then go outside, turn around three times and spit. What's the hell is the matter with you?
Sam: It's like, 25 degrees outside.
Toby: Go!
Toby: Of course I wrote a concession. What, do you want to tempt the wrath of the... whatever, from high atop the thing?
Sam: No.
Toby: Then go outside, turn around three times and spit. What's the hell is the matter with you?
Sam: It's like, 25 degrees outside.
Toby: Go!
TV Show: The West Wing
Sam: Did you know Toby wrote a concession speech?
Josh: Of course he wrote a concession speech. What possible reason would he have for not writing a concession speech?
Sam: The wrath from high atop the thing?
Toby: He upped and said we were gonna...
Josh: No! You gotta go outside, turn around three times and curse.
Toby: Spit.
Josh: Spit and curse.
Toby: Do everything.
Josh: Go!
Toby: Go!
Josh and Toby: GO!
Josh: Of course he wrote a concession speech. What possible reason would he have for not writing a concession speech?
Sam: The wrath from high atop the thing?
Toby: He upped and said we were gonna...
Josh: No! You gotta go outside, turn around three times and curse.
Toby: Spit.
Josh: Spit and curse.
Toby: Do everything.
Josh: Go!
Toby: Go!
Josh and Toby: GO!
TV Show: The West Wing
C.J.: [to Toby] Listen, I know better than to stick my face in your personal life. Except, you know, for sport.
TV Show: The West Wing
Abbey: That was wondeful!
Bartlet: That was fun.
Abbey: How you feeling?
Bartlet: I feel great.
Abbey: You want a glass of water?
Bartlet: No, I'm fine.
Abbey: You seem a little dry. Sure you don't want a glass of water?
Bartlet: No, I feel great.
Abbey: Maybe I should get you a glass of water, just in case. You could hold it in your hand.
Bartlet: [pause] How'd you know?
Abbey: You were off the prompter.
Bartlet: [A little teary] Just for a second, I couldn't see it.
Abbey: It's all right. There are going to be more days like this. It starts now. It's going to be harder this time.
Bartlet: Yeah, I know. We can still have tonight, though, right?
Abbey: [fighting tears; smiles] You've got lots of nights.
Bartlet: That was fun.
Abbey: How you feeling?
Bartlet: I feel great.
Abbey: You want a glass of water?
Bartlet: No, I'm fine.
Abbey: You seem a little dry. Sure you don't want a glass of water?
Bartlet: No, I feel great.
Abbey: Maybe I should get you a glass of water, just in case. You could hold it in your hand.
Bartlet: [pause] How'd you know?
Abbey: You were off the prompter.
Bartlet: [A little teary] Just for a second, I couldn't see it.
Abbey: It's all right. There are going to be more days like this. It starts now. It's going to be harder this time.
Bartlet: Yeah, I know. We can still have tonight, though, right?
Abbey: [fighting tears; smiles] You've got lots of nights.
TV Show: The West Wing
Sam: She wanted a name for election night and I said, "Use my name," not thinking for a second it was ever going to be a practical option. Can I ask, is your office now The House of the Rising Sun?
CJ: Yes.
Toby: You did it for the widow.
Sam: Yes, and for a guy I met named Will Bailey who was running the campaign and worked his ass off and never backed off and, by the way, navigated a dead liberal Democrat to a win against Chuck Webb! Five hundred races tonight, that was pretty impressive. Though it was an Aristotelian confluence of events that could only happen to me.
CJ: Yes.
Toby: You did it for the widow.
Sam: Yes, and for a guy I met named Will Bailey who was running the campaign and worked his ass off and never backed off and, by the way, navigated a dead liberal Democrat to a win against Chuck Webb! Five hundred races tonight, that was pretty impressive. Though it was an Aristotelian confluence of events that could only happen to me.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: I don't want to intimidate you, but it turns out I'm the first Democrat in twenty years to make a clean sweep of the Plains states. And I'm not just talking about Iowa and Nebraska.
Abbey: Are you trying to turn me on now?
Bartlet: Yeah.
Abbey: All right.
Bartlet: I won the Dakotas, the Badlands, the Black Hills... But let's go down, way down, to the Deep South and the humid bayou of Louisiana and its nine electoral votes. What manner of man it must take to win the state, which, by the way, is the only one operating under the Napoleonic Code of France. And I still don't know what that's all about, but back to me...
Abbey: Hon, this is like, nerd hot talk.
Bartlet: Who's your Commander in Chief?
Abbey: You are.
Abbey: Are you trying to turn me on now?
Bartlet: Yeah.
Abbey: All right.
Bartlet: I won the Dakotas, the Badlands, the Black Hills... But let's go down, way down, to the Deep South and the humid bayou of Louisiana and its nine electoral votes. What manner of man it must take to win the state, which, by the way, is the only one operating under the Napoleonic Code of France. And I still don't know what that's all about, but back to me...
Abbey: Hon, this is like, nerd hot talk.
Bartlet: Who's your Commander in Chief?
Abbey: You are.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: You're young, Charlie. Don't you want to be having fun right now?
Charlie: Yes, sir. But I work for you.
Bartlet: I get that a lot.
Charlie: Yes, sir. But I work for you.
Bartlet: I get that a lot.
TV Show: The West Wing
CJ: We're all impressed with how influential you were, particularly when you consider that most of us have never met you! But what I'm most grateful for is the process story, which takes attention from the debate, and focuses it where it belongs, which is the contest. This is the story everyone'll be clamoring for and I like that you're filling that need. And to show my gratitude, I'm calling all the major news outlets and letting them know that I'll be forwarding all your confidential memos to the President, logs of all your calls with him, Secret Service logs of your meetings inside the White House.
Chris: I really pissed you off, huh?
CJ: Don't disrespect Leo McGarry and Bruno Gianelli.
Chris: I really pissed you off, huh?
CJ: Don't disrespect Leo McGarry and Bruno Gianelli.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bruno: I'm just simply going to kill you.
CJ: She seems nice.
Bruno: That is the brunette, named Annette.
CJ: Wouldn't you give anything if she was from Tibet?
Bruno: I'm actually fine with her being from Philadelphia, so please state your business.
CJ: She seems nice.
Bruno: That is the brunette, named Annette.
CJ: Wouldn't you give anything if she was from Tibet?
Bruno: I'm actually fine with her being from Philadelphia, so please state your business.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: [loudly] Debbie! First of all where the hell are you and where are my--?
Debbie: [enters with glasses] Right here, Mr. President. And the Ipswitch clams in Chesepeake Bay can hear you bellowing right now.
Bartlet: Ipswich clams don't come from Chesepeake Bay they come from Ipswich.
Debbie: Not anymore.
Bartlet: [to Leo] Have her beheaded for my birthday.
Debbie: [enters with glasses] Right here, Mr. President. And the Ipswitch clams in Chesepeake Bay can hear you bellowing right now.
Bartlet: Ipswich clams don't come from Chesepeake Bay they come from Ipswich.
Debbie: Not anymore.
Bartlet: [to Leo] Have her beheaded for my birthday.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: This meeting doesn't go in the Sit Room anymore, okay? I don't know why the hell it's here. This isn't a military operation.
Leo: It's a secure room.
Bartlet: My office is a secure room, too, isn't it? Please, somebody tell me it is or I gotta go pack some stuff.
Leo: It's a secure room.
Bartlet: My office is a secure room, too, isn't it? Please, somebody tell me it is or I gotta go pack some stuff.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: Charlie! Would you pull the first lady out of whatever it is she's doing?
Charlie: She's with the women's caucus.
Bartlet: Well put on a helmet and pads and get in there.
Charlie: She's with the women's caucus.
Bartlet: Well put on a helmet and pads and get in there.
TV Show: The West Wing
Abbey: Samuel Mudd set Booth's leg after he shot Lincoln. Doctors are liable in this country if they don't treat the patient in front of them.
Bartlet: Just for the record, this is why we don't talk about foreign policy, which we do, but you don't think we do enough.
Abbey: Why?
Bartlet: Because Samuel Mudd was tried and convicted of treason for setting that leg.
Abbey: So?
Bartlet: What 'so'?
Abbey: So that's the way it goes. You set the leg.
Bartlet: Just for the record, this is why we don't talk about foreign policy, which we do, but you don't think we do enough.
Abbey: Why?
Bartlet: Because Samuel Mudd was tried and convicted of treason for setting that leg.
Abbey: So?
Bartlet: What 'so'?
Abbey: So that's the way it goes. You set the leg.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: Run towards yourself. I'm wrong about that - walk. You're not going to be used to your surroundings.
Sam: Yes, sir.
Bartlet: If you lose, you lose. But if you waste this, I'll kill you.
Sam: Yes, sir.
Bartlet: If you lose, you lose. But if you waste this, I'll kill you.
TV Show: The West Wing