The West Wing Quotes
Toby: Call and response isn't going to work in front of a Joint Session. You're alliteration happy: 'guardians of gridlock,' 'protectors of privilege.' I needed an avalanche of Advil. And when you use pop-culture references, your speech has a shelf life of twelve minutes. You don't mind constructive criticism, do you?
Will: No, sir.
Toby: Anyway, thanks for coming in. I told Sam I can do this by myself.
Will: Well, maybe he thought that your speeches were obscurantist policy tracts lost in a cul-de-sac of their own internal self-righteousness and groaning from the weight of statistics. I'm just speculating. I can't say for sure.
Toby: [pause; laughs to himself] A 500-word stanza on American leadership in a globally interdependent age that moves beyond triumphalism by this time tomorrow. If it's 501, don't show it to me.
Will: No, sir.
Toby: Anyway, thanks for coming in. I told Sam I can do this by myself.
Will: Well, maybe he thought that your speeches were obscurantist policy tracts lost in a cul-de-sac of their own internal self-righteousness and groaning from the weight of statistics. I'm just speculating. I can't say for sure.
Toby: [pause; laughs to himself] A 500-word stanza on American leadership in a globally interdependent age that moves beyond triumphalism by this time tomorrow. If it's 501, don't show it to me.
TV Show: The West Wing
Charlie: You want me to have the President dodge a call from the UN Secretary-General and not know why?
Leo: Yeah. Can you swing that?
Charlie: If I could, that would be troubling, wouldn't it?
Leo: Yeah. Can you swing that?
Charlie: If I could, that would be troubling, wouldn't it?
TV Show: The West Wing
Toby: [to Leo] You're like the guys who say, 'Are you telling me you could only find one African-American speechwriter good enough to work at the White House?' I'm amazed I found that many. 'Good enough to work at the White House' is a pretty small population to begin with. And guys who can write entire sections of a State of the Union? I'd be as surprised if there were as many as nine of us. And Sam was one of them.
TV Show: The West Wing
Toby: This is incredibly good... Will. 'Never shrinking from the world's...' '...a fierce belief in what we can achieve together.' I used to write like this. It was ten months ago. I don't understand what's going on. I really don't. I've had slumps before. Everybody does, but this is different. I'm sorry, we don't know each other, but there aren't that many people I can talk to about it. I don't understand what's happening. There's no blood going to it. I never had to locate it before. I don't even know where to look. I'm the President's voice and I don't want it to sound like this. And there's an incredible history to second Inaugurals. 'Fear itself,' Lincoln...I really thought I was on my way to being one of those guys. I thought I was close. Now I'm just writing for my life and you can't serve the President that way. But if I didn't write...I can't serve him at all.
Will: Yeah. Can I tell you three things? You are more in need of a night in Atlantic City than any man I've ever met. Number two is, the last thing you need to worry about is no blood going there. You've got blood going there, about thirteen ways. And some of it isn't good. Once again, I say, 'Atlantic City.' I'd say sit down at a table, go for dinner, see a show take a walk on the boardwalk and smell the salt air... but if you're anything like me, nothing after 'sit down at a table' is going to happen.
Toby: What's the third thing?
Will: You are one of those guys.
Will: Yeah. Can I tell you three things? You are more in need of a night in Atlantic City than any man I've ever met. Number two is, the last thing you need to worry about is no blood going there. You've got blood going there, about thirteen ways. And some of it isn't good. Once again, I say, 'Atlantic City.' I'd say sit down at a table, go for dinner, see a show take a walk on the boardwalk and smell the salt air... but if you're anything like me, nothing after 'sit down at a table' is going to happen.
Toby: What's the third thing?
Will: You are one of those guys.
TV Show: The West Wing
Leo: When you order a guy to go fight, the guy can’t think it’s because you’re sleeping with his wife.
Bartlet: You’re right.
Leo: That’s…That’s an unusual phrase for you sir, did you just learn it?
Bartlet: Well you didn’t let me finish.
Leo: I had a hunch.
Bartlet: You’re right.
Leo: That’s…That’s an unusual phrase for you sir, did you just learn it?
Bartlet: Well you didn’t let me finish.
Leo: I had a hunch.
TV Show: The West Wing
Will: Seriously, Toby, you put me in that office and everyone who works on the speech-writing staff is gonna resent me.
Toby: Don't be ridiculous. It's a West Wing office. Everyone who works in the White House is gonna resent you.
Toby: Don't be ridiculous. It's a West Wing office. Everyone who works in the White House is gonna resent you.
TV Show: The West Wing
Zoey: My dad's going to love him.
Charlie: Oh, yeah.
Zoey: Well, I love him, so my father will love him.
Charlie: That's absolutely the way it works.
Charlie: Oh, yeah.
Zoey: Well, I love him, so my father will love him.
Charlie: That's absolutely the way it works.
TV Show: The West Wing
Zoey: So I have to ask you and I'm nervous, but I'd like Jean Paul to come stay with us in Manchester this Christmas.
Bartlet: Zoey, I think it's really sweet that you still come to me for permission. You're classy and you're old-fashioned.
Zoey: So it's okay?
Bartlet: Not in a million years.
Bartlet: Zoey, I think it's really sweet that you still come to me for permission. You're classy and you're old-fashioned.
Zoey: So it's okay?
Bartlet: Not in a million years.
TV Show: The West Wing
Toby: [to Will] Listen, when you get home tonight you're going to be confronted by the instinct to drink alone. Trust that instinct. Manage the pain. Don't try to be a hero.
TV Show: The West Wing
Josh: Danny thinks w-we somehow got a Gulfstream to land in Bermuda, assassinated Shareef, then disassembled the plane and distributed the pieces throughout the Bermuda Triangle?
C.J.: Yeah.
Josh: I think he spent too much time in the Africa hot.
C.J.: The thing is...
Josh: Yeah?
C.J.: I'm absolutely certain that's what happened.
C.J.: Yeah.
Josh: I think he spent too much time in the Africa hot.
C.J.: The thing is...
Josh: Yeah?
C.J.: I'm absolutely certain that's what happened.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: It's the curse of every daughter's father.
Charlie: Boyfriends?
Bartlet: I don't like them, I don't like them at all.
Charlie: Yes, I know sir.
Bartlet: What the hell happened with you two? It was perfect. I just kept you in the office all the time.
Charlie: Well, she was unhappy that I was at the office all the time.
Bartlet: That was the point. If I was trying to make her happy, I'd buy her a Cabriolet.
Charlie: Boyfriends?
Bartlet: I don't like them, I don't like them at all.
Charlie: Yes, I know sir.
Bartlet: What the hell happened with you two? It was perfect. I just kept you in the office all the time.
Charlie: Well, she was unhappy that I was at the office all the time.
Bartlet: That was the point. If I was trying to make her happy, I'd buy her a Cabriolet.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: I like your sass.
CJ: You've got a very nice sass yourself... sir.
Bartlet: What, are you touring?
CJ: I could.
CJ: You've got a very nice sass yourself... sir.
Bartlet: What, are you touring?
CJ: I could.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: Mr. McGarry, Mr. Ziegler, Mr. Lyman, Miss Cregg. It's the Temptations! I love you guys!
Leo: You only think you've heard everything, but you haven't.
Bartlet: Hit me.
Leo: Toby.
Toby: James Hoebuck will vote yea ten-thirty if we give him $115,000.
Bartlet: Million?
Josh: Thousand. $115,000.
Bartlet: For an RV? What's he want?
Leo: An NIH study on remote prayer.
Bartlet: I like it. There should be a button on my desk I can press and forty-nine people instantly pray for me.
Leo: You only think you've heard everything, but you haven't.
Bartlet: Hit me.
Leo: Toby.
Toby: James Hoebuck will vote yea ten-thirty if we give him $115,000.
Bartlet: Million?
Josh: Thousand. $115,000.
Bartlet: For an RV? What's he want?
Leo: An NIH study on remote prayer.
Bartlet: I like it. There should be a button on my desk I can press and forty-nine people instantly pray for me.
TV Show: The West Wing
Danny: We cut farm assistance in Colombia. Every single crop we developed was replaced with cocaine. We cut aid for primary education in northwest Pakistan and Egypt; the kids went to madrassahs. Why weren't you making a case that Republican senators are bad on drugs, and bad on national security? Why are Democrats always so bumfuzzled? By the way, sixty-five more flight schools today. Maisy hasn't found your guy. Don't worry. There are thousands more.
CJ: You know something there, General Cho? If you had a story, you'd write it. If you don't have one, shut up. We just lost a vote. We're not bumfuzzled. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to cancel a photo op with a goat.
CJ: You know something there, General Cho? If you had a story, you'd write it. If you don't have one, shut up. We just lost a vote. We're not bumfuzzled. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to cancel a photo op with a goat.
TV Show: The West Wing
CJ: Well, you're impoverished, and while we don't care, we don't want you to go away empty-handed, so we offer you this goat, Ron, to give you milk.
Will: Do male goats give milk?
CJ: No, no, of course they don't. So... we offer you this thing that will just gnaw on your stuff.
Will: Do male goats give milk?
CJ: No, no, of course they don't. So... we offer you this thing that will just gnaw on your stuff.
TV Show: The West Wing
C.J.: Dad... you... cannot expect me to silently do nothing. You're going to require care.
Tal: I wasn't built for it. You came for the prom, not for this.
C.J.: Reunion. I'm not going.
Tal: Coward. That world, the expertise, the solicitude, no. No, thanks. I want to go down with some silence, with my music, with some grace.
C.J.: I'll quit and take care of you.
Tal: 'We sail,' said Pascal, 'in a vast sphere,' Claudia Jean, 'ever drifting in uncertainty, driven from end to end.' I'd much rather see you on TV, darling, than sitting opposite me, watching a demolition derby going on in my brain.
Tal: I wasn't built for it. You came for the prom, not for this.
C.J.: Reunion. I'm not going.
Tal: Coward. That world, the expertise, the solicitude, no. No, thanks. I want to go down with some silence, with my music, with some grace.
C.J.: I'll quit and take care of you.
Tal: 'We sail,' said Pascal, 'in a vast sphere,' Claudia Jean, 'ever drifting in uncertainty, driven from end to end.' I'd much rather see you on TV, darling, than sitting opposite me, watching a demolition derby going on in my brain.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: I have a problem.
Josh: Well, you're about to propose the most massive shift in foreign policy since the Marshall Plan and it's going to be wildly unpopular.
Bartlet: All right: two problems.
Josh: Well, you're about to propose the most massive shift in foreign policy since the Marshall Plan and it's going to be wildly unpopular.
Bartlet: All right: two problems.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bryce: This President can't write himself a blank check when it comes to foreign policy. Especially this President.
Will: 'Especially this President?' Because of the clause in Article 2 that says not every President gets the full powers of Commander-in-Chief?
Will: 'Especially this President?' Because of the clause in Article 2 that says not every President gets the full powers of Commander-in-Chief?
TV Show: The West Wing
Toby: I throw a rubber ball against the window; that means you come to me. As my frustration level grows, so does the velocity of the ball against the window.
Will: Don't you ever worry about the window breaking?
Toby: During moments of peak frustration: when the Speaker of the House threatened to repeal the 16th Amendment, a couple of Yankee games, and when Congress censured my boss...but it's always held up, that window, that window is a game-day player.
Will: Don't you ever worry about the window breaking?
Toby: During moments of peak frustration: when the Speaker of the House threatened to repeal the 16th Amendment, a couple of Yankee games, and when Congress censured my boss...but it's always held up, that window, that window is a game-day player.
TV Show: The West Wing
CJ: [to Carol] Stop trying to get us together, okay? If I wanted Danny I could have him. And he's still a jackass from the foreign-ops vote and many other things, so tell him I'm getting my hair done.
Danny: Your hair looks great.
CJ: [to Carol] There was no way you could tell me he was right behind me? You couldn't fit that in?
Danny: Your hair looks great.
CJ: [to Carol] There was no way you could tell me he was right behind me? You couldn't fit that in?
TV Show: The West Wing
Toby: This language proposes a new doctrine for the use of force! That we use force, whenever we see an injustice we want to correct: like Mother Teresa with first-strike capability!
Will: Damn right!
Will: Damn right!
TV Show: The West Wing
Will: I heard once - I don't know if this is true - I heard once that you convinced the President to let you rewrite a section of the State of the Union with less than twenty-four hours to go. It was the second year and everybody was a Republican, whether they were or not, and people at the DNC had convinced him to include the line, 'The era of big government is over.' And you couldn't live with it. Because government should be a place where people come together and no one gets left behind. An instrument of good. And that's exactly what we heard in the State of the Union the next night.
Toby: There were maybe four people in the room when I had that conversation.
Will: Well, if I'd have been one of them, I would have repeated it to everyone I met.
Toby: There were maybe four people in the room when I had that conversation.
Will: Well, if I'd have been one of them, I would have repeated it to everyone I met.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: Charlie, I'm gonna change my mind again on the Bible.
Charlie: [deadpan] Mr. President, you have to imagine my utter surprise.
Bartlet: Aren't you afraid that one day I'm just gonna kick your ass like it's never been kicked?
Charlie: [deadpan] Mr. President, you have to imagine my utter surprise.
Bartlet: Aren't you afraid that one day I'm just gonna kick your ass like it's never been kicked?
TV Show: The West Wing
Toby: We're not talking about the President going to Asia or the President going to Rwanda or the President going to Qumar. We're talking about the President sending other people's kids to do it.
CJ: That's always what we're talking about. And in addition to being somebody's kids, they're also soldiers and sailors, and if we're about freedom from tyranny, we should be about freedom from tyranny, and if we're not, we should shut up!
CJ: That's always what we're talking about. And in addition to being somebody's kids, they're also soldiers and sailors, and if we're about freedom from tyranny, we should be about freedom from tyranny, and if we're not, we should shut up!
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: We're for freedom of speech everywhere. We're for freedom to worship everywhere. We're for freedom to learn... for everybody. And because in our time, you can build a bomb in your country and bring it to my country, what goes on in your country is very much my business. And so we are for freedom from tyranny, everywhere, whether in the guise of political oppression, Toby, or economic slavery, Josh, or religious fanaticism, CJ. That most fundamental idea cannot be met with merely our support. It has to be met with our strength. Diplomatically, economically, materially. And if Pharaoh still don't free the slaves, then he gets the plagues or my cavalry, whichever gets there first. The USTR will go crazy and say that we're not considering global trade. Committee members will go crazy and say I haven't consulted enough. And the Arab world will just go indiscriminately crazy. No country has ever had a doctrine of intervention when only humanitarian interests were at stake. That streak's gonna end Sunday at noon.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful and committed people can change the world. Do you know why?
Will: Because it's the only thing that ever has.
Will: Because it's the only thing that ever has.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: Leo said just now that there was going to be an NEC briefing on scoring and tell her what I said.
Leo: 'What's wrong with booze and a comfortable pickup?'
Debbie: No, I see there's no hour too early for your Noel Cowardesque wit, sir.
Leo: 'What's wrong with booze and a comfortable pickup?'
Debbie: No, I see there's no hour too early for your Noel Cowardesque wit, sir.
TV Show: The West Wing
Ambassador Tiki: Mr. President, the U.S. is trampling on the sovereignty of my country and on behalf of Nzele...
Bartlet: I've just taken your airport... clearing the way for the 101st Air Assualt to take the capitol. Seven thousand troops, twenty-five battle tanks, fifteen Apache attack helicopters, and three destroyers. Strictly speaking, I conquered your country without the paperwork.
Aide: Kundu is in the midst of a civil war.
Bartlet: No, it's not. It's in the midst of a one-sided slaughtering of an entire people.
Bartlet: I've just taken your airport... clearing the way for the 101st Air Assualt to take the capitol. Seven thousand troops, twenty-five battle tanks, fifteen Apache attack helicopters, and three destroyers. Strictly speaking, I conquered your country without the paperwork.
Aide: Kundu is in the midst of a civil war.
Bartlet: No, it's not. It's in the midst of a one-sided slaughtering of an entire people.
TV Show: The West Wing
CJ: Don't be fooled: they love us in Orange County. They're crazy-go-nuts for the President - really, the whole Democratic Party in general. I think they really like it when we come to town. When we were there last month, we were working the crowd, and some young boys - worried possibly that I couldn't afford fruits and vegetables on a government salary - tossed me some of their own.
TV Show: The West Wing
Josh: You want to go to Orange County?
CJ: I think we have to go. [to Bartlet] Even though there's $1,300 with your name on it if you don't make me go with you.
Toby: Get over the dress, would you?
CJ: It was a suit, and they hit me with an avocado!
Toby: It could have been worse.
CJ: How?
Toby: They could have hit me.
CJ: I think we have to go. [to Bartlet] Even though there's $1,300 with your name on it if you don't make me go with you.
Toby: Get over the dress, would you?
CJ: It was a suit, and they hit me with an avocado!
Toby: It could have been worse.
CJ: How?
Toby: They could have hit me.
TV Show: The West Wing