The West Wing Quotes
Leo: Alexander Hamilton didn’t think we should have political parties. Neither did John Adams. He thought political parties led to divisiveness.
Toby: They do. They should. We have honest disagreements. Arguments are good.
Leo: Only if they lead to statesmanship. Or it’s just theatre. And statesmanship is compromise.
Toby: What about persuasion? They’re coming for us, Leo.
Leo: I know.
Toby: I mean they’re coming for us now.
Leo: Toby, if you knew what it was like getting him to run the first time...
Toby: I know.
Leo: Like pushing molasses up a sandy hill. If I go and tell him it’s time to run again he’s going to get crazy... and frustrated. He’s going to sink into his head and he’s going to say he’s not running.
Toby: Yeah.
Leo: Yeah.
Toby: So we’ve got to do it for him. We’ll keep it away from this office but we’ve got to get real now. Leo, Ann Stark’s a war time consigliere. That’s why she was bumped up.
Leo: I’m a wartime consigliere too, Toby. I was just hoping it’d be peace time a little longer.
Toby: Yeah.
Leo: Son of a bitch!
Toby: Yeah.
Leo: Shake my hand.
[Toby and Leo shake hands]
Leo: We just formed it.
Toby: Formed what?
Leo: The Committee to Reelect the President.
Toby: They do. They should. We have honest disagreements. Arguments are good.
Leo: Only if they lead to statesmanship. Or it’s just theatre. And statesmanship is compromise.
Toby: What about persuasion? They’re coming for us, Leo.
Leo: I know.
Toby: I mean they’re coming for us now.
Leo: Toby, if you knew what it was like getting him to run the first time...
Toby: I know.
Leo: Like pushing molasses up a sandy hill. If I go and tell him it’s time to run again he’s going to get crazy... and frustrated. He’s going to sink into his head and he’s going to say he’s not running.
Toby: Yeah.
Leo: Yeah.
Toby: So we’ve got to do it for him. We’ll keep it away from this office but we’ve got to get real now. Leo, Ann Stark’s a war time consigliere. That’s why she was bumped up.
Leo: I’m a wartime consigliere too, Toby. I was just hoping it’d be peace time a little longer.
Toby: Yeah.
Leo: Son of a bitch!
Toby: Yeah.
Leo: Shake my hand.
[Toby and Leo shake hands]
Leo: We just formed it.
Toby: Formed what?
Leo: The Committee to Reelect the President.
TV Show: The West Wing
Donna: [about Lord John Marbury] Are you threatened by his brilliance?
Josh: Neither Leo nor I are threatened by his brains, his looks or his charm. He is, however, a lunatic Brit and we're grateful there's an ocean between us.
Josh: Neither Leo nor I are threatened by his brains, his looks or his charm. He is, however, a lunatic Brit and we're grateful there's an ocean between us.
TV Show: The West Wing
Lord John Marbury: Your assistant, Margaret, is looking positively buxom.
Leo: [awkwardly] Thank you. I'll tell her.
Margaret: [from outer office] Thank you!
Lord John Marbury: Oh, yes! Well done!
Leo: [awkwardly] Thank you. I'll tell her.
Margaret: [from outer office] Thank you!
Lord John Marbury: Oh, yes! Well done!
TV Show: The West Wing
Mrs. Landingham: In my day we knew how to protect ourselves.
Leo: Well, in your day you could pretty much turn back the Indians with a Daniel Boone musket, couldn't you?
Mrs. Landingham: Ah, sarcasm, the grumpy man's wit.
Leo: Go sharpen a pencil, would you?
Leo: Well, in your day you could pretty much turn back the Indians with a Daniel Boone musket, couldn't you?
Mrs. Landingham: Ah, sarcasm, the grumpy man's wit.
Leo: Go sharpen a pencil, would you?
TV Show: The West Wing
Josh: Why don't we just give the $60 billion to North Korea in exchange for not bombing us?
Bartlet: It's almost hard to believe that you're not on the National Security Council.
Josh: I know, I feel like they're missing an important voice.
Bartlet: It's almost hard to believe that you're not on the National Security Council.
Josh: I know, I feel like they're missing an important voice.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: Where are you on the missile shield?
Lord John Marbury: Well, I think it's dangerous, illegal...fiscally irresponsible, technologically unsound, and a threat to all people everywhere.
Bartlett: Leo?
Leo: I think the world invented a nuclear weapon. I think the world owes it to itself to see if it can't invent something to make it irrelevant.
Lord John Marbury: Well that's the right sentiment, certainly a credible one from a man who's fought in a war. You think you can make it stop? Well, you can't. We build a shield and somebody will build a better missile.
Bartlet: Well, it's a discussion for serious men. They say a statesman is a politician who's been dead for fifteen years. I'd like us to be statesmen while we're still alive.
Lord John Marbury: Well, I think it's dangerous, illegal...fiscally irresponsible, technologically unsound, and a threat to all people everywhere.
Bartlett: Leo?
Leo: I think the world invented a nuclear weapon. I think the world owes it to itself to see if it can't invent something to make it irrelevant.
Lord John Marbury: Well that's the right sentiment, certainly a credible one from a man who's fought in a war. You think you can make it stop? Well, you can't. We build a shield and somebody will build a better missile.
Bartlet: Well, it's a discussion for serious men. They say a statesman is a politician who's been dead for fifteen years. I'd like us to be statesmen while we're still alive.
TV Show: The West Wing
Joey (Kenny): Joshua Lyman, you have the cutest little butt in professional politics.
Josh: Kenny, really, that better have been her talking.
Josh: Kenny, really, that better have been her talking.
TV Show: The West Wing
Charlie: And why doesn't he ask the First Lady about the $500 check himself in the normal course of, you know, being married to her.
Mrs. Landingham: When the President inquires into the First Lady's personal bookkeeping, the First Lady gets angry at him... and yells.
Charlie: Well, she's gonna get angry and yell when I inquire too.
Mrs. Landingham: Well, the President doesn't care so much about that.
Mrs. Landingham: When the President inquires into the First Lady's personal bookkeeping, the First Lady gets angry at him... and yells.
Charlie: Well, she's gonna get angry and yell when I inquire too.
Mrs. Landingham: Well, the President doesn't care so much about that.
TV Show: The West Wing
Sam: They have bathrobes at the gym?
C.J.: In the women's locker room.
Sam: But not the men's.
CJ: Yeah.
Sam: Now, that's outrageous. There's a thousand men working here and fifty women...
CJ: Yeah, and it's the bathrobes that's outrageous.
C.J.: In the women's locker room.
Sam: But not the men's.
CJ: Yeah.
Sam: Now, that's outrageous. There's a thousand men working here and fifty women...
CJ: Yeah, and it's the bathrobes that's outrageous.
TV Show: The West Wing
Sam: Okay, can I talk to you about adrenaline for a second?
Ainsley: Adrenaline?
Sam: Yeah. You’re feeling it right now and it’s gonna get even more cause it’s a big night, and you were a hit and you’ve never experienced anything like this.
Ainsley: And you think I’m going to have a nutty.
Sam: I’m saying don’t drink until you’re off television.
Ainsley: God! Thanks Sam for that debating tip. You have a feel for nuances. You say I shouldn’t be drunk when I’m representing the White House.
Sam: Yeah. And remember you’re a blond, Republican girl and that nobody likes you.
Ainsley: Adrenaline?
Sam: Yeah. You’re feeling it right now and it’s gonna get even more cause it’s a big night, and you were a hit and you’ve never experienced anything like this.
Ainsley: And you think I’m going to have a nutty.
Sam: I’m saying don’t drink until you’re off television.
Ainsley: God! Thanks Sam for that debating tip. You have a feel for nuances. You say I shouldn’t be drunk when I’m representing the White House.
Sam: Yeah. And remember you’re a blond, Republican girl and that nobody likes you.
TV Show: The West Wing
Donna: [to Josh] You have to ask a girl out on a date. You can't just randomly tumble into a girl sidewise and hope she breaks up with you soon - the way you always do.
TV Show: The West Wing
Josh: Numbers don't lie.
Joey (Kenny): They lie all the time. They lie when 72 percent of Americans say they're tired of a sex scandal, while all the while, newspaper circulation goes through the roof for anyone featuring the story. If you polled a hundred Donnas and asked them if they think we should go out, you'd get a high positive response. But, the poll wouldn't tell you it's because she likes you. And she knows it's beginning to show and she needs to cover herself with misdirection.
Josh: Believe me when I tell you that's not true.
Joey (Kenny): They lie all the time. They lie when 72 percent of Americans say they're tired of a sex scandal, while all the while, newspaper circulation goes through the roof for anyone featuring the story. If you polled a hundred Donnas and asked them if they think we should go out, you'd get a high positive response. But, the poll wouldn't tell you it's because she likes you. And she knows it's beginning to show and she needs to cover herself with misdirection.
Josh: Believe me when I tell you that's not true.
TV Show: The West Wing
Joey (Kenny): There are people you haven't persuaded yet. These numbers mean dial it up. Otherwise, you're like the French radical watching the crowd run by and saying, "There go my people. I must find out where they're going so I can lead them."
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: Damn it! How the hell did it happen?
Leo: It was bad intelligence, sir.
Bartlet: You think?
Leo: Ferente left behind a radio and a soldier at the outpost. And they were deliberately sending us misinformation.
Bartlet: We never anticipated they somebody might try that? We weren't prepared for someone to try and outfox us with a stratagem so sophisticated it's an entire generation behind "Hey look, your shoelaces are untied!?" Is that how I just lost nine guys, to a damn street gang with a ham radio?
Leo: It was bad intelligence, sir.
Bartlet: You think?
Leo: Ferente left behind a radio and a soldier at the outpost. And they were deliberately sending us misinformation.
Bartlet: We never anticipated they somebody might try that? We weren't prepared for someone to try and outfox us with a stratagem so sophisticated it's an entire generation behind "Hey look, your shoelaces are untied!?" Is that how I just lost nine guys, to a damn street gang with a ham radio?
TV Show: The West Wing
Sam: [about the President] Last night you were scared to meet him.
Ainsley: And I'm still scared to meet him, but I'll overcome that in order to erase the humiliation that I've brought upon myself and my father.
Sam: You are just in your own little Euripides play over there, aren't you?
Ainsley: And I'm still scared to meet him, but I'll overcome that in order to erase the humiliation that I've brought upon myself and my father.
Sam: You are just in your own little Euripides play over there, aren't you?
TV Show: The West Wing
Leo: I fought a jungle war. I'm not doing it again. If I could put myself anywhere in time, it would be the Cabinet room, on August 4, 1964. When our ships were attacked by North Vietnam in the Tonkin Gulf. I'd say, "Mr. President...don't do it. Don't consider authorizing a massive commitment of troops and throwing in our lot with torturers and panderers, leaders without principle and soldiers without conviction; no clear mission, and no end in sight." This war is at home. The casualties are in our prisons, and not our hospitals. The amount of money the American government is spending in Colombia is the exact same amount American consumers are spending buying drugs from Colombia, we're funding both sides of this war and we'll never win it that way.
TV Show: The West Wing
Charlie: [about the President's movie options] Well, he would have especially enjoyed the scene where the Prince Myshkin character has a seizure while engaging in an erotic fantasy in a Long Island church.
Mrs. Landingham: Charlie, please don't say the word "erotic" in the Oval Office.
Charlie: I'd be perfectly happy never to say any of those words anywhere ever again.
Mrs. Landingham: Charlie, please don't say the word "erotic" in the Oval Office.
Charlie: I'd be perfectly happy never to say any of those words anywhere ever again.
TV Show: The West Wing
Margaret: [to the Surgeon General] Red meat has been found to cause cancer in white rats. Maraschino cherries have been found to cause cancer in white rats. Cellular phones have been found to cause cancer in white rats. Has anyone examined the possibility that cancer might be hereditary in white rats?
TV Show: The West Wing
C.J.: [about the movie producer] This guy's trying to get a little bit of free media by screwing with us. I'm the enforcer, Sam. I'm gonna crush him, I'm gonna make him cry, and then I'm gonna tell his mama about it!
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: I hear you’re thinking about ophthalmology.
Ellie: Oncology.
Bartlet: Why would you want to study people’s feet?
Ellie: That’s podiatry.
Bartlet: That’s children’s medicine.
Ellie: Pediatrics.
Bartlet: I thought it was obstetrics.
Ellie: That’s pregnant women.
Bartlet: And what’s the study of feet?
Ellie: Dad, you’re not going to make me laugh.
Bartlet: The only thing you ever had to do to make me happy was come home at the end of the day.
Ellie: Oncology.
Bartlet: Why would you want to study people’s feet?
Ellie: That’s podiatry.
Bartlet: That’s children’s medicine.
Ellie: Pediatrics.
Bartlet: I thought it was obstetrics.
Ellie: That’s pregnant women.
Bartlet: And what’s the study of feet?
Ellie: Dad, you’re not going to make me laugh.
Bartlet: The only thing you ever had to do to make me happy was come home at the end of the day.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: [angrily to Ellie] I have set up monumental, unprecedented, unbreakable rules about my children and the press. I have gotten White House reporters transferred to Yemen for approaching Zoey and Elizabeth. It is the law! Well, I'm sure before you gave the quote you cleared it with the Communications Office. I'm sure you went over the exact wording with C.J. Cregg and coordinated with White House strategy so that the timing was right in the news cycle. I'm certain you consulted the appropriate party leadership because you're a pretty knowledgeable operative having spent so much time with me.
TV Show: The West Wing
Sam: I'm just going to change my shirt.
Leo: You look bad. You're tired. You slept in the office. It's Friday. Go home.
Sam: Why?
Leo: Because I think you're putting too much faith in the magical powers of a new shirt.
Leo: You look bad. You're tired. You slept in the office. It's Friday. Go home.
Sam: Why?
Leo: Because I think you're putting too much faith in the magical powers of a new shirt.
TV Show: The West Wing
C.J.: No cameras.
Toby: You negotiated that?
C.J.: Yes.
Toby: They agreed to it?
C.J.: Yes. You want to make out with me now, don't you?
Toby: Well, when don't I?
Toby: You negotiated that?
C.J.: Yes.
Toby: They agreed to it?
C.J.: Yes. You want to make out with me now, don't you?
Toby: Well, when don't I?
TV Show: The West Wing
Toby: You want the benefits of free trade? Food is cheaper.
Policewoman: Yes.
Toby: Food is cheaper! Clothes are cheaper, steel is cheaper, cars are cheaper ... Phone service is cheaper! You feel me building a rhythm here? That's because I'm a speech writer and I know how to make a point.
Policewoman: Toby.
Toby: It lowers prices, and it raises income. You see what I did with 'lowers' and 'raises' there? It's called the science of listener attention. We did repetition, we did floating opposites, and now you end with the one that's not like the others. Ready? Free trade stops wars. And that's it. Free trade stops wars, and we figure out how to fix the rest. One world, one peace... I'm sure I've seen that on a sign somewhere.
Policewoman: Yes.
Toby: Food is cheaper! Clothes are cheaper, steel is cheaper, cars are cheaper ... Phone service is cheaper! You feel me building a rhythm here? That's because I'm a speech writer and I know how to make a point.
Policewoman: Toby.
Toby: It lowers prices, and it raises income. You see what I did with 'lowers' and 'raises' there? It's called the science of listener attention. We did repetition, we did floating opposites, and now you end with the one that's not like the others. Ready? Free trade stops wars. And that's it. Free trade stops wars, and we figure out how to fix the rest. One world, one peace... I'm sure I've seen that on a sign somewhere.
TV Show: The West Wing
Donna: [After Sam learns the identity of a deceased Communist spy] It was people pushing paper around fifty years ago. Why does it matter?
Sam: It was high treason, and it mattered a great deal! This country is an idea, and one that’s lit the world for two centuries and treason against that idea is not just a crime against the living! This ground holds the graves of people who died for it, who gave what Lincoln called the last full measure of devotion, of fidelity.
Sam: It was high treason, and it mattered a great deal! This country is an idea, and one that’s lit the world for two centuries and treason against that idea is not just a crime against the living! This ground holds the graves of people who died for it, who gave what Lincoln called the last full measure of devotion, of fidelity.
TV Show: The West Wing
C.J.: If you ever have a free two hours and are so inclined, try standing up without leaning on anything and talking the whole time. You won't make it. I wouldn't make it. Stackhouse wasn't supposed to last 15 minutes. He's 78 years old. He has a head cold. This bill is going to pass. Well, somebody forgot to tell Stackhouse, Dad, cause he just went into hour number eight.
TV Show: The West Wing
Leo: You just spent six billion dollars on health care. How do you feel?
Josh: I'd feel better if it meant just once I could go to a doctor without filling out something on a clipboard.
Josh: I'd feel better if it meant just once I could go to a doctor without filling out something on a clipboard.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: C.J., let me tell you something, don't ever ever underestimate the will of a grandfather. We're madmen, we don't give a damn, we got here before you and they'll be here after. We'll make enemies, we'll break laws, we'll break bones, but you will not mess with the grandchildren.
Leo: There was quite a bit of sugar in the creme' d'caramel.
Leo: There was quite a bit of sugar in the creme' d'caramel.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: [about Senator Stackhouse] Could he be a bigger horse's patoot?
Leo: I'm not really sure what part of a horse that is.
Leo: I'm not really sure what part of a horse that is.
TV Show: The West Wing
[all in voiceovers]
C.J.: There are so many days where you can't imagine anything good will happen.
Josh: You're buried under a black fog of partisanship and self-promotion and stupidity...
Sam: ...and a brand of politics that's just plain mean.
C.J.: Yes, Hoynes had us nervous with his admonishment of big oil and, yes, the president was making us nervous too. But that's for tomorrow. Tonight, I've seen a man with no legs stay standing, Dad, and a guy with no voice keep shouting. And if politics brings out the worst in people, maybe people bring out the best. Because I'm looking at the TV right now, and damn if 28 U.S. senators haven't just walked onto the floor to help.
C.J.: There are so many days where you can't imagine anything good will happen.
Josh: You're buried under a black fog of partisanship and self-promotion and stupidity...
Sam: ...and a brand of politics that's just plain mean.
C.J.: Yes, Hoynes had us nervous with his admonishment of big oil and, yes, the president was making us nervous too. But that's for tomorrow. Tonight, I've seen a man with no legs stay standing, Dad, and a guy with no voice keep shouting. And if politics brings out the worst in people, maybe people bring out the best. Because I'm looking at the TV right now, and damn if 28 U.S. senators haven't just walked onto the floor to help.
TV Show: The West Wing