Tommy Boy Quotes
Richard Hayden: Look Mommy, the Rhino's getting too close to the car.
Tommy: Him too afraid to get out, him just a little guy.
Richard Hayden: All right, that's it, fat boy, I'm gonna wail on you.
Tommy: Hey, boys and girls, it's Papa Smurf!
Richard Hayden: You don't want none of me; think it through.
Tommy: Just gimme your best shot. [Richard Punches him]
Tommy: That was it? Come on you can do better than that, can't you Captain Limp Wrist? Try again! [Richard punches him again]
Tommy: Hey everybody, is there a window open; I feel a draft! [Richard punches him twice]
Tommy: If I wanted a kiss, I'd call your mother! [Richard hits him over the face with a 2×4]
Tommy: That was a good one.
Richard Hayden: [Richard looks up] Hey, Prehistoric Forest!
Tommy: Him too afraid to get out, him just a little guy.
Richard Hayden: All right, that's it, fat boy, I'm gonna wail on you.
Tommy: Hey, boys and girls, it's Papa Smurf!
Richard Hayden: You don't want none of me; think it through.
Tommy: Just gimme your best shot. [Richard Punches him]
Tommy: That was it? Come on you can do better than that, can't you Captain Limp Wrist? Try again! [Richard punches him again]
Tommy: Hey everybody, is there a window open; I feel a draft! [Richard punches him twice]
Tommy: If I wanted a kiss, I'd call your mother! [Richard hits him over the face with a 2×4]
Tommy: That was a good one.
Richard Hayden: [Richard looks up] Hey, Prehistoric Forest!
Movie: Tommy Boy
Tommy: Hey, what's your name?
Helen: Helen.
Tommy: That's nice, you look like a Helen. Helen, we're both in sales. Let me tell you why I suck as a sales man. Let's say I go into a guy's office, let's say he's even remotely interested in buying something. Well then I get all excited. I'm like Jojo the idiot circus boy with a pretty new pet. Now the pet is my possible sale. Hello there pretty little pet, I love you. And then I stoke it, and I pet it, and I massage it. Hehe I love it, I love my little naughty pet, you're naughty. And then I take my naughty pet and I go [makes ripping noises as he tears apart the roll]
Tommy: Uuuuuuh. I killed it. I killed my sale. And that's when I blow it. That's when people like us have gotta forge ahead, Helen. Am I right?
Helen: God, you're sick.
Helen: Helen.
Tommy: That's nice, you look like a Helen. Helen, we're both in sales. Let me tell you why I suck as a sales man. Let's say I go into a guy's office, let's say he's even remotely interested in buying something. Well then I get all excited. I'm like Jojo the idiot circus boy with a pretty new pet. Now the pet is my possible sale. Hello there pretty little pet, I love you. And then I stoke it, and I pet it, and I massage it. Hehe I love it, I love my little naughty pet, you're naughty. And then I take my naughty pet and I go [makes ripping noises as he tears apart the roll]
Tommy: Uuuuuuh. I killed it. I killed my sale. And that's when I blow it. That's when people like us have gotta forge ahead, Helen. Am I right?
Helen: God, you're sick.
Movie: Tommy Boy
Tommy: Uh, what my associate is trying say is... Our new brake pads are really cool. You're not even gonna believe it. Like, let's say you're driving along the road with your family. [Picks up model car]
Tommy: You're drivin' along, la-de-da, woo. All of a sudden there's a truck tire in the middle of the road. And you hit the brakes. EEEEEEEEE! Whoa, that was close. Ha-ha. Now let's see what happens when you're driving with the other guy's brake pads. You're drivin' along, you're drivin' along, the kids start shouting from the back seat, I gotta go to the bathroom, Daddy! Not now, damn it! Truck tire. EEEEEEEE! I CAN'T STOP! [Slams model car into lighter]
Tommy: There's a cliff! AAAAAHH! And your family's screaming, [sets car on fire]
Tommy: Oh my God, we're burning alive! No! I can't feel my legs! Here comes the meat wagon. [Imitates siren]
Tommy: And the medic gets out and says, Oh my God. New guy's around the corner puking his guts out. [Imitates retching]
Tommy: All because you want to save a couple extra pennies. And to me, it doesn't...
Executive with Toy Cars: Get out. Now!
Tommy: [Richard tries blowing out flaming car] Do you validate?
Executive with Toy Cars: No!
Tommy: You're drivin' along, la-de-da, woo. All of a sudden there's a truck tire in the middle of the road. And you hit the brakes. EEEEEEEEE! Whoa, that was close. Ha-ha. Now let's see what happens when you're driving with the other guy's brake pads. You're drivin' along, you're drivin' along, the kids start shouting from the back seat, I gotta go to the bathroom, Daddy! Not now, damn it! Truck tire. EEEEEEEE! I CAN'T STOP! [Slams model car into lighter]
Tommy: There's a cliff! AAAAAHH! And your family's screaming, [sets car on fire]
Tommy: Oh my God, we're burning alive! No! I can't feel my legs! Here comes the meat wagon. [Imitates siren]
Tommy: And the medic gets out and says, Oh my God. New guy's around the corner puking his guts out. [Imitates retching]
Tommy: All because you want to save a couple extra pennies. And to me, it doesn't...
Executive with Toy Cars: Get out. Now!
Tommy: [Richard tries blowing out flaming car] Do you validate?
Executive with Toy Cars: No!
Movie: Tommy Boy
Tommy: D+?... Oh, my God... I passed! I passed! Oh, man! [shouting]
Tommy: I got a D+! I'm gonna graduate! [hugging a stranger]
Tommy: I wish we'd known each other... this is a little awkward. [shouts]
Tommy: I got a D+! I'm gonna graduate! Give me five!
Tommy: I got a D+! I'm gonna graduate! [hugging a stranger]
Tommy: I wish we'd known each other... this is a little awkward. [shouts]
Tommy: I got a D+! I'm gonna graduate! Give me five!
Movie: Tommy Boy
[Richard's car is destroyed by a deer]
Richard Hayden: No way that just happened. My car is completely destroyed.
Tommy: I swear I've seen a lot of stuff in my life, but that... was... *awesome*. [bursts out laughing]
Tommy: ... but, sorry about your car, man. That... That sucks.
Richard Hayden: No way that just happened. My car is completely destroyed.
Tommy: I swear I've seen a lot of stuff in my life, but that... was... *awesome*. [bursts out laughing]
Tommy: ... but, sorry about your car, man. That... That sucks.
Movie: Tommy Boy
[Tommy has a fake bomb strapped to himself]
Nicole Taylor, Action 8 News: Is that why you've strapped a bomb to your chest?
Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III: Oh, this isn't a bomb. These are road flares.
Ray Zalinsky: Road flares? Did you live under power lines as a kid, or something?
Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III: Ha ha ha, why?
Nicole Taylor, Action 8 News: Is that why you've strapped a bomb to your chest?
Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III: Oh, this isn't a bomb. These are road flares.
Ray Zalinsky: Road flares? Did you live under power lines as a kid, or something?
Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III: Ha ha ha, why?
Movie: Tommy Boy