Top Gear Quotes
Jeremy Clarkson: [about TVR Tuscan 2] It's supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? [whilst driving]
Jeremy Clarkson: Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn't.
Jeremy Clarkson: Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn't.
TV Show: Top Gear
Richard Hammond: [discussing Sabine's Schmitz drive round Nurburgring] Don't forget, she was only half a second a mile behind you, and she was in this van.
Jeremy Clarkson: I think we should explain. The Nurburgring, as I'm sure some of you know, is sort of open the whole time. You can pay five pounds to go on a lap, so there were other cars out there as well.
Richard Hammond: It was just an ordinary day, and you saw them. There were guys in their Porsches, Look at me in my Porsche, ha ha! and they were overtaken by a van. Driven by a girl!
Jeremy Clarkson: I think we should explain. The Nurburgring, as I'm sure some of you know, is sort of open the whole time. You can pay five pounds to go on a lap, so there were other cars out there as well.
Richard Hammond: It was just an ordinary day, and you saw them. There were guys in their Porsches, Look at me in my Porsche, ha ha! and they were overtaken by a van. Driven by a girl!
TV Show: Top Gear
Richard Hammond: [talking about the Ford GT] How much time have you spent in petrol stations on the way here?
Jeremy Clarkson: Look, the fact of the matter is, Richard, I prefer to spend my money on petrol than on teeth whitening.
Richard Hammond: I have not had my teeth whitened!
Jeremy Clarkson: Look, the fact of the matter is, Richard, I prefer to spend my money on petrol than on teeth whitening.
Richard Hammond: I have not had my teeth whitened!
TV Show: Top Gear
Richard Hammond: [Talking about the Ford GT's poor fuel economy and the fact that Jeremy is getting one] And actually, 17 and a half gallon tank. 4... 4 miles to the gallon, how far does that mean you will be able to go in your car before you ran out of petrol?
Jeremy Clarkson: 75 miles.
Richard Hammond: 75 miles?
Jeremy Clarkson: Yeah.
Richard Hammond: Well, how far then do you live, for instance, from the Top Gear office?
Jeremy Clarkson: 76 miles.
Jeremy Clarkson: 75 miles.
Richard Hammond: 75 miles?
Jeremy Clarkson: Yeah.
Richard Hammond: Well, how far then do you live, for instance, from the Top Gear office?
Jeremy Clarkson: 76 miles.
TV Show: Top Gear
Sanjeev Bhaskar: In India, no-one uses headlights or very few people use their headlights because, you know, you wear them out. Just have to buy another one.
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: This... is a car programme. There will be no cushions, there will be no rag-rolling, no-one will sing, and at the end of the series, no-one will have a recording contract. This is our new base, and this is our purpose-built test track. There are no traffic jams here, ooh... apart from this one, and no bus-lanes either. This... is Top Gear! And in the show tonight: I put two supercars head-to-head; Jason Dawe on "What to do when car dealers attack;" Richard Hammond tries to beat a speed camera; and the Star in a Reasonably Priced Car.
Jeremy: This... is a car programme. There will be no cushions, there will be no rag-rolling, no-one will sing, and at the end of the series, no-one will have a recording contract. This is our new base, and this is our purpose-built test track. There are no traffic jams here, ooh... apart from this one, and no bus-lanes either. This... is Top Gear! And in the show tonight: I put two supercars head-to-head; Jason Dawe on "What to do when car dealers attack;" Richard Hammond tries to beat a speed camera; and the Star in a Reasonably Priced Car.
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: In tonight's show: a supercar from a shed in Leicestershire; a rock star in our Reasonably-Priced car; and how many bikes can you jump with a bus.
Jeremy: In tonight's show: a supercar from a shed in Leicestershire; a rock star in our Reasonably-Priced car; and how many bikes can you jump with a bus.
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: In tonight's show: Grannies doing Doughnuts; is the new Mini any good?; Ultimate Force in our Reasonably-Priced car; and the bed spring with a bike engine takes on the Zonda around our track.
Jeremy: In tonight's show: Grannies doing Doughnuts; is the new Mini any good?; Ultimate Force in our Reasonably-Priced car; and the bed spring with a bike engine takes on the Zonda around our track.
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: In tonight's Top Gear: Evidence that the French have gone mad; evidence that the Germans have gone mad; and as an oasis of sanity, the grannies are back!
Jeremy: In tonight's Top Gear: Evidence that the French have gone mad; evidence that the Germans have gone mad; and as an oasis of sanity, the grannies are back!
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: One of these days, he's gonna kill himself and we're gonna need a new Stig.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Renault Vel Satis]
Jeremy: It's capable of going fast in the same way that Queen Victoria was capable of running. It just doesn't seem to like it very much.
Jeremy: It's capable of going fast in the same way that Queen Victoria was capable of running. It just doesn't seem to like it very much.
TV Show: Top Gear
[Presenting the new BMW Z4]
Richard: You can stick a BMW badge on a dead cat - and people would still buy it.
Richard: You can stick a BMW badge on a dead cat - and people would still buy it.
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: In tonight's Top Gear: rock star in our reasonably priced car; I learn how to drive a Lotus Elise properly; and it's religious racing as we find the fastest faith.
Jeremy: In tonight's Top Gear: rock star in our reasonably priced car; I learn how to drive a Lotus Elise properly; and it's religious racing as we find the fastest faith.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the fastest faith]
Jeremy: It's the 16th Century all over again! The Catholics come in second!
Jeremy: It's the 16th Century all over again! The Catholics come in second!
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: On tonight's Top Gear: Steve Coogan has a go in our reasonably priced car; buying a used Nissan Skyline; and we give world rally champion Richard Burns a taste of his own medicine.
Jeremy: On tonight's Top Gear: Steve Coogan has a go in our reasonably priced car; buying a used Nissan Skyline; and we give world rally champion Richard Burns a taste of his own medicine.
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: [to a young woman on the street] What have you got for a price of a Vanquish, then...? That house there?
Young Woman: Mmm-hmm
Jeremy: Detached house: three bedrooms; lounge, whatever one of those is... three bedroom house, for about the same as the Aston. Would you rather have that house or that car.
Young Woman: The car.
Jeremy: Good girl.
Young Woman: Mmm-hmm
Jeremy: Detached house: three bedrooms; lounge, whatever one of those is... three bedroom house, for about the same as the Aston. Would you rather have that house or that car.
Young Woman: The car.
Jeremy: Good girl.
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: In tonight's Top Gear: The most relaxing way to spend 280,000 pounds on a car; Richard reveals a budget Bond car; and a floppy haired star in our reasonably priced car.
Jeremy: In tonight's Top Gear: The most relaxing way to spend 280,000 pounds on a car; Richard reveals a budget Bond car; and a floppy haired star in our reasonably priced car.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Bentley]
Jeremy: You probably think there's nothing to be scared of. You probably think you can handle it—like heroin. But look... I mean, I'm going 60 miles an hour—just a little cough [lets out a cartoonish cough] and we're doing 70... and then we're going 80... and now we're doing 90... I'm and starting to feel drowsy, 'cause it's so relaxing, as we go past 100, and 110 [trails off]... 130!
Jeremy: You probably think there's nothing to be scared of. You probably think you can handle it—like heroin. But look... I mean, I'm going 60 miles an hour—just a little cough [lets out a cartoonish cough] and we're doing 70... and then we're going 80... and now we're doing 90... I'm and starting to feel drowsy, 'cause it's so relaxing, as we go past 100, and 110 [trails off]... 130!
TV Show: Top Gear
[trying to get a phone number stored on the Mercedes-Benz W220's system]
Jeremy: 349
Female Computer Voice: 249
Jeremy: Why don't you listen?
Female Computer Voice: Dialing.
Jeremy: No! Don't dial that! I don't know who that is, it might be the Queen!
Jeremy: 349
Female Computer Voice: 249
Jeremy: Why don't you listen?
Female Computer Voice: Dialing.
Jeremy: No! Don't dial that! I don't know who that is, it might be the Queen!
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: In tonight's Top Gear: A Knight in our reasonably priced car; Maserati's new coupe takes on our track; and lock out your door mirrors: we set out to find Britain's fastest white van driver.
Jeremy: In tonight's Top Gear: A Knight in our reasonably priced car; Maserati's new coupe takes on our track; and lock out your door mirrors: we set out to find Britain's fastest white van driver.
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: Now you said to me before we went out, you said, "Can you roll it," and I said "No no!"
Michael Gambon: No, I didn't mean—I thought, "would it roll?"
Jeremy: Well, yes, plainly all the evidence...
Michael Gambon: No, I didn't mean—I thought, "would it roll?"
Jeremy: Well, yes, plainly all the evidence...
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: While we're on the subject of parking, I, um... you know where we nail this program together, it's in the middle of London, okay, there's a multi-storey car park next door, two hours: £9 in there. So if you're two hours and five minutes, eighteen quid. Well, I went into Oxford last weekend, parked on double-yellow lines, right outside where I wanted to be, okay? Took the children out for lunch, went to see James Bond, got back five hours later... twenty quid parking ticket. That's pretty reasonable!
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: I got a ticket the other day, and I kid you not, for being parked badly. Since when did it become like ice skating? Where they're all standing there, well, no, I don't think that is well parked, 4 out of... and only 3 from the Nigerian judge!
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: Used to live in Fulham right next to the car pound in London. so you could drive up the west end, have a few drinks, leave the car, wobble home best way you could, wake up in the morning, they've towed it home for you. It was pricy, but kind of worth it.
TV Show: Top Gear
[Reading the information Audi sent them on the new gearbox for the Audi TT.]
Jeremy: As on conventional manual gearboxes, the transmission radios are present on input and auxilliary shafts in the form of pairs of toothed wheels. In contrast to manual gearboxes, the input shaft is divided into two sections. It comprises an outer hollow shaft and... Oh, look! Are there any engineers here? Is there anyone here who has that first, tiny grasp of engineering?
Richard: I mean, is it an automatic or a manual even?
Jeremy: [pointing to an audience member] You! You have. Look, I'm going to give you this and by the end of we've finished the news I want to understand that gearbox. Work it out. It's your homework.
Jeremy: As on conventional manual gearboxes, the transmission radios are present on input and auxilliary shafts in the form of pairs of toothed wheels. In contrast to manual gearboxes, the input shaft is divided into two sections. It comprises an outer hollow shaft and... Oh, look! Are there any engineers here? Is there anyone here who has that first, tiny grasp of engineering?
Richard: I mean, is it an automatic or a manual even?
Jeremy: [pointing to an audience member] You! You have. Look, I'm going to give you this and by the end of we've finished the news I want to understand that gearbox. Work it out. It's your homework.
TV Show: Top Gear
[Still on the Audi TT gearbox]
Richard: Is it an automatic or a manual?
Jeremy: It's witchcraft! That's what it is.
Richard: Is it an automatic or a manual?
Jeremy: It's witchcraft! That's what it is.
TV Show: Top Gear
[Watching Michael Gambon in the Suzuki Liana.]
Jeremy: You had to look at the gear lever to change there. Which is kind of like reading moving your lips... which I suppose is what you do for a living really.
Jeremy: You had to look at the gear lever to change there. Which is kind of like reading moving your lips... which I suppose is what you do for a living really.
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: In tonight's Top Gear: The ultimate family cars; what is the best hot hatchback; and the Stig meets his match on our track.
Jeremy: In tonight's Top Gear: The ultimate family cars; what is the best hot hatchback; and the Stig meets his match on our track.
TV Show: Top Gear