Top Gear Quotes
[on Jeremy's advocacy of the Noble and Richard's of the Morgan Plus 8]
James: They've brought the wrong cars.
James: They've brought the wrong cars.
TV Show: Top Gear
Richard: It's always been a bit of an old-school hooligan, the Civic Type R. If it were in a porn film, it would play the stable lad. Or the plumber. Rather than the smooth international businessman.
TV Show: Top Gear
[advocating the Rover 75]
James: There's nothing raucous about its V6 engine. It rides more smoothly than a Rolls-Royce Corniche. And it's trimmed like a first-class cabin on the Titanic. Before it sank.
James: There's nothing raucous about its V6 engine. It rides more smoothly than a Rolls-Royce Corniche. And it's trimmed like a first-class cabin on the Titanic. Before it sank.
TV Show: Top Gear
James: The problem with the Morgan is, it's just a car they forgot to stop making in the forties.
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: So, with the very greatness of Britain resting on his shoulders, the Stig is away.
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: That is German music! The treacherous Stig's listening to Beethoven! Although he probably knows it simply as the tune from the IBM ad.
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: Audi's new V6 ankle bracelet; A moment of madness from Aston Martin; And Johnny Vegas in our Reasonably-Priced Car - which should be interesting since he can't drive!
Jeremy: Tonight: Audi's new V6 ankle bracelet; A moment of madness from Aston Martin; And Johnny Vegas in our Reasonably-Priced Car - which should be interesting since he can't drive!
TV Show: Top Gear
[while interviewing Johnny Vegas]
Johnny: I wanted a people carrier, but you've slated it so much on the show.
Jeremy: Well people carriers are for people who've given up.
Johnny: Look at me!
Johnny: I wanted a people carrier, but you've slated it so much on the show.
Jeremy: Well people carriers are for people who've given up.
Johnny: Look at me!
TV Show: Top Gear
[to an audience member who declared the Subaru Impreza Turbo "common"]
Jeremy: Your job's to shut up.
Jeremy: Your job's to shut up.
TV Show: Top Gear
Richard: What I like is the way Jeremy's taken on a kind of a bouncer role here. I mean, just leaping around the audience looming at people.
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: [trying to get onto the buyer list for a Ford GT] Fords are magnificent in every way.
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: Cameron Diaz tests Lamborghini's lightweight Murciélago naked; We drive Schumacher's F1 Ferrari; And our Star in a Reasonably-Priced Car is her Majesty, the Queen.
Jeremy: Tonight: Cameron Diaz tests Lamborghini's lightweight Murciélago naked; We drive Schumacher's F1 Ferrari; And our Star in a Reasonably-Priced Car is her Majesty, the Queen.
TV Show: Top Gear
James: Have a look at this, this is our - Jeremy's - bar bill from the Isle of Man trip. [allows large stack of fanfold printer paper to fall to the floor] That's a huge number of fruit-based drinks.
TV Show: Top Gear
[accompanied by James playing the theme music on a Casio keyboard]
Richard: On tonight's cut-price Top Gear: A small plastic car that's actually quite economical; we take a seasonal Yuletide trip to, eh... Birmingham; oh, and we do have a supercar! Albeit a quite cheap one.
Richard: On tonight's cut-price Top Gear: A small plastic car that's actually quite economical; we take a seasonal Yuletide trip to, eh... Birmingham; oh, and we do have a supercar! Albeit a quite cheap one.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Chrysler Crossfire]
Jeremy: Now, of course, being a coupé, the styling is hugely important, and... oh dear.
Jeremy: Now, of course, being a coupé, the styling is hugely important, and... oh dear.
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: Nought to 60 takes 7.2 seconds. There are animals which are faster than that.
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: So. It looks like a dog doing a poo; it's slow, uncomfortable, expensive, and cursed with a cramped, badly trimmed interior, an awful gearbox and no back seats. The engine doesn't make a particularly sporty noise, the ride is terrible, and it isn't especially economical.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Brabus Smart Roadster V6 Bi-Turbo]
Richard: It's like a bottle of sports car concentrate.
Richard: It's like a bottle of sports car concentrate.
TV Show: Top Gear
[nomination for the Dullest Formula 1 Driver of the Year award]
Richard: Kimi Räikkönen. He's 24 years old, he's paid millions of pounds a year, and he chooses to live... in Chigwell.
Richard: Kimi Räikkönen. He's 24 years old, he's paid millions of pounds a year, and he chooses to live... in Chigwell.
TV Show: Top Gear
[Ugliest Car of the Year]
Jeremy: Now those were the nominations, but I'm overruling all of them. I'm playing my joker and I'm going to say that the winner is the BMW... range!
Jeremy: Now those were the nominations, but I'm overruling all of them. I'm playing my joker and I'm going to say that the winner is the BMW... range!
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: It's the Enemy of the State Award, the person who's done the most to harm the cause of the petrolhead these last 12 months. Gentlemen, the nominations.
Richard: The Chief Constable of North Wales, Richard Brunstrom, for his resolutely unpopular anti-motorist stance.
James: There are no more nominations.
Richard: The Chief Constable of North Wales, Richard Brunstrom, for his resolutely unpopular anti-motorist stance.
James: There are no more nominations.
TV Show: Top Gear
[nominations for Surprise of the Year]
Richard: And the Vauxhall Signum. In particular, we were surprised that anyone could be catatonically stupid enough to make a people carrier that can actually carry fewer people than the saloon on which it's based.
Richard: And the Vauxhall Signum. In particular, we were surprised that anyone could be catatonically stupid enough to make a people carrier that can actually carry fewer people than the saloon on which it's based.
TV Show: Top Gear
James: There's normally something really tragic about the bottom of the range. You know, the 1.6 version. A little boot badge that says you're on the bottom rung. And you sit there in a world of velour looking at a little - a little slot on the dashboard where you know there would be a switch if this was a posh version, but instead you've got a little bit of plastic that just blanks it off. And you can't help driving along and thinking, "If I'd just paid a bit more attention at school and if I'd just worked a bit harder, I'd have air conditioning."
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Jaguar XJ6]
James: This car has that magic X-factor that we like so much on Top Gear. You'd sort of expect it to be really boring, but then when you drive it, you discover it makes perfect sense. I mean, here's a Jaguar that saves you a shedload of cash, and in return, all it asks is that you just press the pedal a bit harder. That's it!
James: This car has that magic X-factor that we like so much on Top Gear. You'd sort of expect it to be really boring, but then when you drive it, you discover it makes perfect sense. I mean, here's a Jaguar that saves you a shedload of cash, and in return, all it asks is that you just press the pedal a bit harder. That's it!
TV Show: Top Gear
Richard: And as for the Alfa 147 GTA, well, that's not dead, but it's as mad as a badger.
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: an awful new car from Rover; a brilliant new car from Aston Martin; and the Apache helicopter gunship: can it get missile lock on a Lotus Exige?
Jeremy: Tonight: an awful new car from Rover; a brilliant new car from Aston Martin; and the Apache helicopter gunship: can it get missile lock on a Lotus Exige?
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: "A dog makes a better noise than that if you tread on it" (Regarding a Strokes song the show used).
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: [trying to out-manoeuvre an Apache helicopter's radar in a Lotus Exige] The best helicopter gunship in the world, flown by the best pilots in the world, the British Army, against the best handling car in the world, driven by an idiot.
Jeremy: That's not something you see everyday, a gunship in your rear view mirror.
Jeremy: That's not something you see everyday, a gunship in your rear view mirror.
TV Show: Top Gear