Top Gear Quotes
Jeremy: Get out of the way, you Polish lorry! Why are you cluttering up our roads with Latvian milk?!
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the News Segment. Hammond has just mentioned the new mini. He is wearing a bright red shirt.]
Jeremy: Whoa, what are the noises for? Do you like it?
Audience (Including James): No!
Richard: Heck, I do, Actually, I think that looks great! [silence] Maybe it's the shirt?
Jeremy: How much is it going to cost?
Richard: It's going to cost... well, they'll generally be about £2500 more than the equivalent hard top. So the Cooper S, the Supercharged version of that, £17 500, £15 500 for the coupe. About £13 500 I think for the mini one.
James: That's horrible.
Richard: Well, yeah, but the mini- it's not a cheap small car. It's an expensive small car. And I like that [points at mini].
Jeremy: It's a metrosexual car.
Richard and James: A What?
Jeremy: Metrosexual! It's the new thing! It's for the chap, he doesn't wanna be too butch, he doesn't wanna have like, you know, a big 4x4, he spends quite a bit of money on hair products- [gestures towards Richard]
Richard: Don't point at me, mate.
Jeremy: He's interested in shirts, probably wears cowboy boots- [Richard is looking sheepishly at his feet, which are clad in cowboy boots] -That kind of thing! He's a blend of gay and not-gay.
Richard: [talking over Jeremy] I am not a metro-flamin'-sexual!
Jeremy: You are a metrosexual! I can see you in one of those! [Points at the Mini Cooper's picture]
Richard: Apart from anything else, how would you know what a metrosexual is?
Jeremy: I'm not only in touch with my feminine side, I'm in touch with my gay side as well.
Richard: You're probably right.
Jeremy: Whoa, what are the noises for? Do you like it?
Audience (Including James): No!
Richard: Heck, I do, Actually, I think that looks great! [silence] Maybe it's the shirt?
Jeremy: How much is it going to cost?
Richard: It's going to cost... well, they'll generally be about £2500 more than the equivalent hard top. So the Cooper S, the Supercharged version of that, £17 500, £15 500 for the coupe. About £13 500 I think for the mini one.
James: That's horrible.
Richard: Well, yeah, but the mini- it's not a cheap small car. It's an expensive small car. And I like that [points at mini].
Jeremy: It's a metrosexual car.
Richard and James: A What?
Jeremy: Metrosexual! It's the new thing! It's for the chap, he doesn't wanna be too butch, he doesn't wanna have like, you know, a big 4x4, he spends quite a bit of money on hair products- [gestures towards Richard]
Richard: Don't point at me, mate.
Jeremy: He's interested in shirts, probably wears cowboy boots- [Richard is looking sheepishly at his feet, which are clad in cowboy boots] -That kind of thing! He's a blend of gay and not-gay.
Richard: [talking over Jeremy] I am not a metro-flamin'-sexual!
Jeremy: You are a metrosexual! I can see you in one of those! [Points at the Mini Cooper's picture]
Richard: Apart from anything else, how would you know what a metrosexual is?
Jeremy: I'm not only in touch with my feminine side, I'm in touch with my gay side as well.
Richard: You're probably right.
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: a pink Ford; a black man's Cadillac; and I go berserk in a Silver Arrow.
Jeremy: Tonight: a pink Ford; a black man's Cadillac; and I go berserk in a Silver Arrow.
TV Show: Top Gear
[during a news segment]
Jeremy: Have you seen the back seats of the Discovery?
Richard: They're magnificent!
James: Fantastic!
Richard: It's worth getting one—well you won't get one 'cos...
[Jeremy spots someone in the audience]
Jeremy: Jesus is here!
Richard: Well, we never knew!
Jeremy: Who have we booked as the guest this week?
Richard: Maybe he's not suppose to be on yet.
Jeremy: Is he the guest? That would be something, we'll have some viewers then!
Jesus: At least I'm not too tall for my hair, eh Jeremy?
Richard and James "Wahey!
Jeremy: Have you seen the back seats of the Discovery?
Richard: They're magnificent!
James: Fantastic!
Richard: It's worth getting one—well you won't get one 'cos...
[Jeremy spots someone in the audience]
Jeremy: Jesus is here!
Richard: Well, we never knew!
Jeremy: Who have we booked as the guest this week?
Richard: Maybe he's not suppose to be on yet.
Jeremy: Is he the guest? That would be something, we'll have some viewers then!
Jesus: At least I'm not too tall for my hair, eh Jeremy?
Richard and James "Wahey!
TV Show: Top Gear
James: I don't know quite what bling is, but this must be it! [pointing to FAB 1]
[Later, after he has done his review of it]
James: [sitting in the car in the studio] So, I aks [sic] you, is I bling?
[Later, after he has done his review of it]
James: [sitting in the car in the studio] So, I aks [sic] you, is I bling?
TV Show: Top Gear
Richard: [After having seen himself unable to start a car after being hypnotised by Paul McKenna] I really don't like you.
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: (On the Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren) "It sounds like the god of thunder gargling a hammer."
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: Jordan makes a boob in our Liana; Ferrari and Porsche go to war on our track; And we have some crashes on purpose.
Jeremy: Tonight: Jordan makes a boob in our Liana; Ferrari and Porsche go to war on our track; And we have some crashes on purpose.
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: (After seeing May's Audi 80)"You really can't believe that's a hundred quid car. I mean, I was ready to go, 'Oh no, James has bought a hen house'."
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the ride to Manchester in their £100 cars]
Richard: If I were a rich man, bidibidibidibidibidibidibidiboom! Okay, I've done "If I Were a Rich Man." Any other suggestions?
Jeremy: If I were a tall man?
Richard: Funny...Very funny...
Richard: If I were a rich man, bidibidibidibidibidibidibidiboom! Okay, I've done "If I Were a Rich Man." Any other suggestions?
Jeremy: If I were a tall man?
Richard: Funny...Very funny...
TV Show: Top Gear
[about to crash his £100 Audi]
James: Well... It's been good. I met Jodie Kidd... and Stephen Fry.
James: Well... It's been good. I met Jodie Kidd... and Stephen Fry.
TV Show: Top Gear
[James has just crashed his £100 Audi]
Jeremy: Yes, he's dead, so that's ten points away there! And if you want a job on Top Gear, please write to Top Gear...
Richard: No, no wait, look! He's coming 'round!
Jeremy: He's alive!
Richard: He lives!... That's not ten points off, though. Blast.
Jeremy: Yes, he's dead, so that's ten points away there! And if you want a job on Top Gear, please write to Top Gear...
Richard: No, no wait, look! He's coming 'round!
Jeremy: He's alive!
Richard: He lives!... That's not ten points off, though. Blast.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on crashing his £100 Audi]
James: [rather upbeat] That was probably the most unpleasant thing I've ever done!
James: [rather upbeat] That was probably the most unpleasant thing I've ever done!
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the 996 GT3 RS vs Ferrari 360 Challenge Stradale]
Jeremy: "Eat my exhausts, Badoer!"
Jeremy: "Eat my exhausts, Badoer!"
TV Show: Top Gear
[revealing how much he paid for his Volvo]
Jeremy: ONE POUND! One pound! Yes! The Volvo! Losers! Losers!
Jeremy: ONE POUND! One pound! Yes! The Volvo! Losers! Losers!
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: Some big challenges; Can you play darts with cars?; Which is faster, a Ford or a pigeon; And can this new Porsche break the lap record on our track?
Jeremy: Tonight: Some big challenges; Can you play darts with cars?; Which is faster, a Ford or a pigeon; And can this new Porsche break the lap record on our track?
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: [while lying underneath a Porsche Carrera GT] I'm speaking to you now from inside one of the venturi tunnels!
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: Right, what we have here is a snooker table or as Richard Hammond calls it as he arrived this morning, "Crikey, a football pitch!"
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: My name... is Jack Bauer. And this is the most economical 24 hours of my life.
TV Show: Top Gear
Richard: [After launching a car from a gas cannon down onto a parked caravan] That was a good feeling. Volvo kills caravan!
[At the end of the film]
Jeremy: You know? That's the nineteenth caravan we've destroyed on this programme in 12 months.
[At the end of the film]
Jeremy: You know? That's the nineteenth caravan we've destroyed on this programme in 12 months.
TV Show: Top Gear
[On the new Mitsubishi Lancer and Subaru Impreza]
Richard: And the other thing is, every time they launch a new model, they try and outdo each other with the quantity of letters and numbers after the cars name. So! These are the two new models. This is the Subaru Impreza STi, WRX, WR, 1. And this is the Mitsubishi Lancer Evo. VIII, MR, FQ, 3, 20.
Richard: And the other thing is, every time they launch a new model, they try and outdo each other with the quantity of letters and numbers after the cars name. So! These are the two new models. This is the Subaru Impreza STi, WRX, WR, 1. And this is the Mitsubishi Lancer Evo. VIII, MR, FQ, 3, 20.
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: Thora Hird's wardrobe on our track; Richard gets whacked with 800,000 volts; and we take three cars to the birthplace of British speed.
Jeremy: Tonight: Thora Hird's wardrobe on our track; Richard gets whacked with 800,000 volts; and we take three cars to the birthplace of British speed.
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: I actually took a photograph of these two [Richard and James] just after they'd arrived.
Richard: Ah.
Jeremy: Would you like to see it?
Audience: Yes!
Jeremy: Put, put it up.
[audience laughs at photo of Richard and James in motorcycling leathers]
Richard: Granted, that's not how we looked in our minds.
Jeremy: [singing] It's fun to stay at the YMCA, it's fun to stay at the Y...
James: But that's an illustration of why we don't want to wear crash helmets. You will kill yourself; but at least when they lay you out at your funeral you won't have helmet hair.
Jeremy: I suppose you could all dress up as red Indians and construction workers, that's another option.
James: What you don't know is that we do.
Richard: Ah.
Jeremy: Would you like to see it?
Audience: Yes!
Jeremy: Put, put it up.
[audience laughs at photo of Richard and James in motorcycling leathers]
Richard: Granted, that's not how we looked in our minds.
Jeremy: [singing] It's fun to stay at the YMCA, it's fun to stay at the Y...
James: But that's an illustration of why we don't want to wear crash helmets. You will kill yourself; but at least when they lay you out at your funeral you won't have helmet hair.
Jeremy: I suppose you could all dress up as red Indians and construction workers, that's another option.
James: What you don't know is that we do.
TV Show: Top Gear
[discussing the death of J.G. Parry-Thomas at "the birthplace of British speed"]
Richard: Getting back to this head coming off business...
Jeremy: Yeah.
Richard: Presumably what happened was the car, what, dug in, flipped, rolled...
Jeremy: Several times.
Richard: Head came off.
Jeremy: Yeah.
Richard: Couldn't the same thing happen to us?
Jeremy: Ooh, I shouldn't think so.
Richard: Right.
Richard: Getting back to this head coming off business...
Jeremy: Yeah.
Richard: Presumably what happened was the car, what, dug in, flipped, rolled...
Jeremy: Several times.
Richard: Head came off.
Jeremy: Yeah.
Richard: Couldn't the same thing happen to us?
Jeremy: Ooh, I shouldn't think so.
Richard: Right.
TV Show: Top Gear
[sitting in a rented VW Golf in Germany, waiting to be struck by artificial lightning]
Richard: My life is now in the hands of A-level physics.
Richard: My life is now in the hands of A-level physics.
TV Show: Top Gear