Top Gear Quotes
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: On tonight's show: How fast can a blind man get round our track? How much Porsche can you get for 1500 pounds? And Britain's most successful recording artist ever is in our Reasonably-Priced Car.
Jeremy: On tonight's show: How fast can a blind man get round our track? How much Porsche can you get for 1500 pounds? And Britain's most successful recording artist ever is in our Reasonably-Priced Car.
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the £1500 Porsche challenge];
Jeremy: This was a hugely advanced car when it first came out: polyurethane bumpers; first car ever to have passive rear wheel steering... I've always, always... oh my God, I've got steam.
Richard: Is Jeremy breaking down?
Jeremy: Uh, guys, I've got a lot of steam coming out of the bonnet.
James: Did he say I've got some speed, or I've got some steam?
Jeremy: [voice over] No, it was definitely steam and it was erupting after just two miles.
Jeremy: This was a hugely advanced car when it first came out: polyurethane bumpers; first car ever to have passive rear wheel steering... I've always, always... oh my God, I've got steam.
Richard: Is Jeremy breaking down?
Jeremy: Uh, guys, I've got a lot of steam coming out of the bonnet.
James: Did he say I've got some speed, or I've got some steam?
Jeremy: [voice over] No, it was definitely steam and it was erupting after just two miles.
TV Show: Top Gear
[Jeremy discovers a leak in his Porsche's cooling system and "fills" it with about 10L of water before giving up, with it gushing from the radiator almost as quickly]
James: Jeremy and Richard have gone off inside to buy an egg, in the hope that we can use that old trick of mixing the egg white into the coolant system and that will find and block...
Jeremy: This, [He shows a chocolate Creme Egg] …this is Hammond's contribution. He's bought himself a chocolate egg.
James: Jeremy and Richard have gone off inside to buy an egg, in the hope that we can use that old trick of mixing the egg white into the coolant system and that will find and block...
Jeremy: This, [He shows a chocolate Creme Egg] …this is Hammond's contribution. He's bought himself a chocolate egg.
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: [on his £1500 Porsche] "For the first time today I have no warning light on the dashboard - all is well. Apart from, you know, the rear windscreen wiper and the electric window and the electric door mirrors and the stereo, and the clock, and the air conditioning, and the speedometer and the milometer, and the piston ring that's eating the engine, and the big smoke coming out of the back, everything's fine."
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the £1500 Porsche challenge]
Jeremy: What is the next challenge?
James: You've got to spend the change from your £1500 budget...
Jeremy: Yeah..?
James: And with it, you've got to improve your car as much as possible and have it judged by an independent adjudicator who is from the Porsche owner's club.
Richard: Yeah, so you can spend all of the money from your £1500 that you didn't spend on your car... on your car.
Jeremy: How much did you spend?
Richard: I spent £750 on my car, so I've got £750 to spend on improving it.
James: I spent £900 on my car which gives me £600 to spend in improving it.
Richard: How much did you spend?
Jeremy: [mumbling] 1500
Richard: Sorry?
Jeremy: 1500
Richard: So you've got nothing to spend on improving it.
Jeremy: What is the next challenge?
James: You've got to spend the change from your £1500 budget...
Jeremy: Yeah..?
James: And with it, you've got to improve your car as much as possible and have it judged by an independent adjudicator who is from the Porsche owner's club.
Richard: Yeah, so you can spend all of the money from your £1500 that you didn't spend on your car... on your car.
Jeremy: How much did you spend?
Richard: I spent £750 on my car, so I've got £750 to spend on improving it.
James: I spent £900 on my car which gives me £600 to spend in improving it.
Richard: How much did you spend?
Jeremy: [mumbling] 1500
Richard: Sorry?
Jeremy: 1500
Richard: So you've got nothing to spend on improving it.
TV Show: Top Gear
[Jeremy and Richard grumble about James' success in producing a number eleven skidmark off the line with his Porsche]
Richard: I've never seen him do anything that lairy!
Jeremy: That is... thirty-one feet.
Richard: Not bad.
Jeremy: Don't tell him that. Yeah, you did about four inches, mate. Well done.
James: Give up!
Jeremy: Yeah, that's four inches!
James: That's quite good!
Jeremy: Yeah, no, that was me the other day in a Bentley.
Richard: I've never seen him do anything that lairy!
Jeremy: That is... thirty-one feet.
Richard: Not bad.
Jeremy: Don't tell him that. Yeah, you did about four inches, mate. Well done.
James: Give up!
Jeremy: Yeah, that's four inches!
James: That's quite good!
Jeremy: Yeah, no, that was me the other day in a Bentley.
TV Show: Top Gear
Richard: [After Jeremy does an "Asian number eleven" burnout - a rather sloppy 720-degree doughnut, as his car lacks the power to spin up the wheels in a straight line] You can't have that!
Jeremy: Look, if you were from a region of China just near Tibet northeast you'd look and you go [affects terrible "Chinese" accent] "Ah, someone write ereven!"
Jeremy: Look, if you were from a region of China just near Tibet northeast you'd look and you go [affects terrible "Chinese" accent] "Ah, someone write ereven!"
TV Show: Top Gear
[At the end of the challenge]
Jeremy: So, James, how much did you sell your Nine Forty Four for?
James: £1,400!
Jeremy: So, James, how much did you sell your Nine Forty Four for?
James: £1,400!
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: On tonight's show: Richard takes an American muscle car in a road movie... across Lincolnshire; a 4-door saloon goes head-to-head with a Lamborghini; and it's the Top Gear Awards for the best and worst of 2004.
Jeremy: On tonight's show: Richard takes an American muscle car in a road movie... across Lincolnshire; a 4-door saloon goes head-to-head with a Lamborghini; and it's the Top Gear Awards for the best and worst of 2004.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution VIII MR FQ400]
Jeremy: This is amazing! A fit young racing driver in a supercar and he cannot pull away from a fat man in a four door saloon!
Jeremy: It has this Sonic the Hedgehog arrangement on the roof to help keep it straight and true with speed, and to help it cleave the air more easily, it has shrunken door mirrors which appear to have been modeled on Shrek's ears.
Jeremy: This is amazing! A fit young racing driver in a supercar and he cannot pull away from a fat man in a four door saloon!
Jeremy: It has this Sonic the Hedgehog arrangement on the roof to help keep it straight and true with speed, and to help it cleave the air more easily, it has shrunken door mirrors which appear to have been modeled on Shrek's ears.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Toyota Prius]
Jeremy: See the trees smile at me as I waft by. And watch the children run into the road, because they haven't heard me coming.
Jeremy: See the trees smile at me as I waft by. And watch the children run into the road, because they haven't heard me coming.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Toyota Prius engine display]
Jeremy: This, I think, is a particularly good way of distracting you from the child who's run into the road having not heard you coming.
Jeremy: This, I think, is a particularly good way of distracting you from the child who's run into the road having not heard you coming.
TV Show: Top Gear
[continuing about the Prius]
Jeremy: Actually I'm being unfair. The Prius is so slow the child could run into the road, retrieve his ball, and grow to puberty before you ever actually hit him.
Jeremy: Actually I'm being unfair. The Prius is so slow the child could run into the road, retrieve his ball, and grow to puberty before you ever actually hit him.
TV Show: Top Gear
[On the Porsche Boxster]
James: Meet the new Boxster, same as the old Boxster.
[Later on]
James: This is a bargain. The best we ever had!
James: Meet the new Boxster, same as the old Boxster.
[Later on]
James: This is a bargain. The best we ever had!
TV Show: Top Gear
[The Top Gear Awards]
James: Now, elsewhere in the world, awards are awarded to reward excellence. But here, on the Top Gear awards, we like to award an award that rewards a car that we found particularly unrewarding... in 2... 2004... that's not quite right, is it?
Richard: And the Hyundai Accent, which is wretched, whatever engine it has, but we were particularly depressed with three-cylinder diesel version. It really is less fun than drowning!
Jeremy: (After being presented the Golden Cock award) "I am the Golden Cock!"
James: Now, elsewhere in the world, awards are awarded to reward excellence. But here, on the Top Gear awards, we like to award an award that rewards a car that we found particularly unrewarding... in 2... 2004... that's not quite right, is it?
Richard: And the Hyundai Accent, which is wretched, whatever engine it has, but we were particularly depressed with three-cylinder diesel version. It really is less fun than drowning!
Jeremy: (After being presented the Golden Cock award) "I am the Golden Cock!"
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: On tonight's show it's all about challenges! Which can get down a mountain the fastest: a rally car or a bobsleigh? Are modern-day showroom cars faster than racing cars from not that long ago? And can a Formula 1 Renault get round our track... in less than a minute?
Jeremy: On tonight's show it's all about challenges! Which can get down a mountain the fastest: a rally car or a bobsleigh? Are modern-day showroom cars faster than racing cars from not that long ago? And can a Formula 1 Renault get round our track... in less than a minute?
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the bobsled run]
Richard: Apparently it hits 6 and a half Gs in some of those corners down there. The driver's told me that he's been doing this for six years and he's 3 centimetres shorter. I can't afford to lose 3 centimetres!!
Richard: Apparently it hits 6 and a half Gs in some of those corners down there. The driver's told me that he's been doing this for six years and he's 3 centimetres shorter. I can't afford to lose 3 centimetres!!
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the French]
James: They are a bunch of treacherous, lamb-burning, work-shy peasants.
James: They are a bunch of treacherous, lamb-burning, work-shy peasants.
TV Show: Top Gear
James: France is a country you have to drive through to get to Italy. That's all it's for.
TV Show: Top Gear
[regarding the Ferrari 612 Scaglietti]
Dover Dock Guard: Is this your vehicle?
Jeremy: D'ya know what? It isn't, no!
Dover Dock Guard: Is this your vehicle?
Jeremy: D'ya know what? It isn't, no!
TV Show: Top Gear
James: [to Richard] You're wearing tights. I can't take lectures on physics from a man in tights. Dancing, yes. Physics, no.
TV Show: Top Gear
[after being overtaken by Jeremy in his Ferrari]
James: Permission to say 'cock' for the second time this y... I've even abandoned my luggage!
James: Permission to say 'cock' for the second time this y... I've even abandoned my luggage!
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: [on driving the Ferrari 612 in the race to Verbier] Then you get to the Alpine pass. Them on their bus: dg dg dg dg dg dg! And you're just like, ahhhnn ahhnn ahhnnnn, trying to catch them up!
TV Show: Top Gear
James: [while on the train, updating Jeremy's position] Jeremy, I've just calculated, is about here [points on map, east of Dijon] at the side of the road, talking to a gendarme. But, in a few hours' time, he'll be up here [points to centre of Paris] in a place called Le Bastille. [Richard nearly spit-takes]
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: we splash about in a supercharged German army halftrack; the "What Not to Wear" girls show us how not to drive; and I go Bo! Selecta in an Ariel Atom.
Jeremy: Tonight: we splash about in a supercharged German army halftrack; the "What Not to Wear" girls show us how not to drive; and I go Bo! Selecta in an Ariel Atom.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Daewoo Tacuma]
Jeremy: The only way you could possibly drive this car is with a box on your head, so no one could tell it's you.
Jeremy: The only way you could possibly drive this car is with a box on your head, so no one could tell it's you.
TV Show: Top Gear