Top Gear Quotes
Jeremy: [Yelling at the top of his voice over the wind noise] The Atom is fast on an entirely new level! I have never driven anything that accelerates so fast! [voiceover] It's so quick, it can destroy your entire face. [face stretches in the slipstream]. OH MY GOD!
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: [voiceover] Over the years, I've flown F-15 fighters and done power slides in airboats and strafed the desert from helicopter gunships, but for sheer excitement, this thing [the Atom] is off the scale. Even so, there will still be those who say that no car, no matter how fast it is, can ever be as exciting as a big bike.
Jeremy: [yelling over the Atom's cockpit noise again] Oh, puh-lease! I mean, I don't have to wear a helmet in here, which means my epiglottis is full of bees! And there's so much wildlife in my hair, you could film an episode of Badger Watch in there!
Jeremy: [yelling over the Atom's cockpit noise again] Oh, puh-lease! I mean, I don't have to wear a helmet in here, which means my epiglottis is full of bees! And there's so much wildlife in my hair, you could film an episode of Badger Watch in there!
TV Show: Top Gear
Richard: [After opening the door of a Mercedes-Benz G55 AMG] Unless I have been sorely misinformed, supermodels are powerless to resist a man with illuminated doorsills.
TV Show: Top Gear
James: It costs £9,400. For that you get... well, it's like a car really, only not quite as good. [Commenting on the Hyundai Accent 1.5 Diesel]
TV Show: Top Gear
James: If you've got the brochure on the Hyundai Accent on your coffee table, can I implore you please, not to do it. Buy a Fiesta, buy a second-hand Golf, go on holiday. Don't do it! [Commenting on the Hyundai Accent 1.5L diesel]
TV Show: Top Gear
James: The last Proton I drove was something called the Impian. It was a very long journey and the car was so awful that - to be honest - I wanted to harm myself. [Commenting on the Proton Gen II]
[on the Kia Magentis]
Jeremy: I drove a manual one of these the other day and I couldn't believe it, it went 1st, 2nd... SEVENTH, 8th and 9th. Now, I know what they're trying to say, look, you got two gears for quick acceleration and three for good fuel economy. But actually, the acceleration wasn't that good and the fuel economy wasn't that good and you have nothing in the middle. This one has an automatic, which makes it, well... worse. There's a very good reason why its cheap, it's crap.
[on the Kia Magentis]
Jeremy: I drove a manual one of these the other day and I couldn't believe it, it went 1st, 2nd... SEVENTH, 8th and 9th. Now, I know what they're trying to say, look, you got two gears for quick acceleration and three for good fuel economy. But actually, the acceleration wasn't that good and the fuel economy wasn't that good and you have nothing in the middle. This one has an automatic, which makes it, well... worse. There's a very good reason why its cheap, it's crap.
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: Toyota's new small car, can it play football?; The new Range Rover Sport, can it outrun a 120mm tank shell?; And James Nesbitt, how will he get on in our reasonably priced car?
Jeremy: Tonight: Toyota's new small car, can it play football?; The new Range Rover Sport, can it outrun a 120mm tank shell?; And James Nesbitt, how will he get on in our reasonably priced car?
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Stig]
Jeremy: Some say he never blinks, and that he roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves. All we know is, he's called the Stig.
Jeremy: Some say he never blinks, and that he roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves. All we know is, he's called the Stig.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Mercedes-Benz CLS 55 AMG]
Jeremy: Listen to that noise! It's like Barry White eating wasps.
Jeremy: Listen to that noise! It's like Barry White eating wasps.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Mercedes-Benz CLS 55 AMG]
Jeremy: Look - it's telling me the brakes have overheated and I should "Drive Carefully". [reluctantly] All right, I'll back it off to 140, but that's it. I'm having too much fun.
Jeremy: Look - it's telling me the brakes have overheated and I should "Drive Carefully". [reluctantly] All right, I'll back it off to 140, but that's it. I'm having too much fun.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Mercedes-Benz CLS 55 AMG]
Jeremy: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.
Jeremy: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Mercedes-Benz CLS 55 AMG]
Jeremy: The back seats aren't terribly comfortable, but they'll do for a short trip to the golf club. And you would be going to the golf club actually, because the satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations and golf courses. Everything the modern Mercedes-driver needs...
Jeremy: The back seats aren't terribly comfortable, but they'll do for a short trip to the golf club. And you would be going to the golf club actually, because the satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations and golf courses. Everything the modern Mercedes-driver needs...
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: Our transport department is now being run by Darling and Ladyman. [...] Welcome aboard Mr Ladyman. Pop down anytime you like and bring Mr Darling with you.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the diesel option for the Range Rover Sport]
Jeremy: You can't have this car with a diesel engine. It'd be like saying, "Well, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman...!" Yeah, but... [he grimaces]
Jeremy: You can't have this car with a diesel engine. It'd be like saying, "Well, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman...!" Yeah, but... [he grimaces]
TV Show: Top Gear
[Starting Range Rover Sport vs. Challenger 2 Face-off]
Jeremy: So here we are on the start line: Goliath and David... Beckham.
Jeremy: So here we are on the start line: Goliath and David... Beckham.
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the Aygo Football segment]
James: Door ball! That's not allowed!
[see Blue Aygo 2, with ball jammed inside door]
James: Door ball! That's not allowed!
[see Blue Aygo 2, with ball jammed inside door]
TV Show: Top Gear
James: Would the Element be a car for people who like hip-hop, or for people waiting for a hip-op?
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: Old Jaguars, should you buy one?; Old BMWs, are they as well made as we think?; And old Mitsubishis, should you drive a car built by an aeroplane maker?
Jeremy: Tonight: Old Jaguars, should you buy one?; Old BMWs, are they as well made as we think?; And old Mitsubishis, should you drive a car built by an aeroplane maker?
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Stig]
Jeremy: Some say he's wanted by the CIA, and that he sleeps upside down like a bat... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
Jeremy: Some say he's wanted by the CIA, and that he sleeps upside down like a bat... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
TV Show: Top Gear
[during the news, talking about the Greatest Driving Song]
Jeremy: [to Richard] You! You went on Radio 1 this week, okay? He was on Radio 1, which is a small radio station for, like, four year olds, and he said that the best ever driving song was by a band called, what are they called, the baby-snatchers?
Richard: The BodyRockers, you poor bewildered old fool!
Jeremy: [to Richard] You! You went on Radio 1 this week, okay? He was on Radio 1, which is a small radio station for, like, four year olds, and he said that the best ever driving song was by a band called, what are they called, the baby-snatchers?
Richard: The BodyRockers, you poor bewildered old fool!
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: [voiceover] ...Oxford isn't a city, it's a bus lane.
Jeremy: Oxford hates cars!
Richard: [pointing to James' Jaguar] So it's really gonna hate this!!
Jeremy: Oxford hates cars!
Richard: [pointing to James' Jaguar] So it's really gonna hate this!!
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: [voiceover] Back on the road, it turned out Hammond's BMW wasn't all that healthy either. But, it did give him a new game to play...
Richard: Ooh! Hold on a minute! I've got it! There's a problem with my brake lights. I have "Connect Three."
Jeremy: [as Hammond overtakes him] That doesn't sound good.
James: [voiceover] Ah, but Hammond wasn't going to steal the break-down honours from me! Help. [voiceover] With the others far in front, and out of sight, my wipers packed up.
Richard: Ooh! Hold on a minute! I've got it! There's a problem with my brake lights. I have "Connect Three."
Jeremy: [as Hammond overtakes him] That doesn't sound good.
James: [voiceover] Ah, but Hammond wasn't going to steal the break-down honours from me! Help. [voiceover] With the others far in front, and out of sight, my wipers packed up.
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: [voiceover] Meanwhile, the Jag just kept pounding round. The only time it came into the pits was when the Captain's sense of direction broke down.
James: No, I didn't mean to come in, I went the wrong way!
James: No, I didn't mean to come in, I went the wrong way!
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Maserati MC12 achieving the fastest lap to date]
Jeremy: You know, well, speed isn't everything... I can't believe I've just said that!
Jeremy: You know, well, speed isn't everything... I can't believe I've just said that!
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the endurance race]
Jeremy: It's not the winning. It's not the taking part. It's just bashing Hammond!
Jeremy: It's not the winning. It's not the taking part. It's just bashing Hammond!
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: Two British sports cars with forged papers; Dr. Who is the star in our reasonably priced car; And I splash out on a seventies Roller.
Jeremy: Tonight: Two British sports cars with forged papers; Dr. Who is the star in our reasonably priced car; And I splash out on a seventies Roller.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Wiesmann MF3]
Jeremy: You see the body and you think it's going to be as advanced as mud - but honestly, it corners like a cylon interceptor.
Jeremy: You see the body and you think it's going to be as advanced as mud - but honestly, it corners like a cylon interceptor.
TV Show: Top Gear