Top Gear Quotes
[reading the French President's remarks on the Millau Bridge]
Jeremy: "A modern France, an enterprising, successful France, a France which invests in the future..." - He forgot to mention the fact, that the architect was British!
Jeremy: "A modern France, an enterprising, successful France, a France which invests in the future..." - He forgot to mention the fact, that the architect was British!
TV Show: Top Gear
[On the Ford Focus ST]
Jeremy: ROOOOO-NEEEEY!! (shouted out of the window of a bright orange Ford Focus ST, highlighting the typical chav nature of the driver he sees the car as being targeted at)
Jeremy: [On the power lap] It is very foggy out there today, but you'll note the Stig doesn't have his rear fog lights on, 'cause of course he's not a blithering idiot.
Jeremy: ROOOOO-NEEEEY!! (shouted out of the window of a bright orange Ford Focus ST, highlighting the typical chav nature of the driver he sees the car as being targeted at)
Jeremy: [On the power lap] It is very foggy out there today, but you'll note the Stig doesn't have his rear fog lights on, 'cause of course he's not a blithering idiot.
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: We're having a bit of a break from the norm tonight because we're going to put a Member of Parliament in our reasonably priced car. He is the Minister for Transport, which means he is the Minister for Speed Cameras. No, no, no, no, no! This is the BBC, we will treat him with respect and impartiality! So, please welcome Beelzebub himself, Dr. Stephen Ladyman!
TV Show: Top Gear
Stephen: [On the speed Camera] We paint them yellow, we put them where you can see them, and we put a big sign to tell you where they are coming. And we even printed a list on the internet. If you still got caught, whose fault is that?
Jeremy: You are the one with 9 points, and I haven't got any...
Jeremy: You are the one with 9 points, and I haven't got any...
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: Which is faster, a Renault or a bicycle? Ellen MacArthur sets sail round our track; And how much supercar do you get for 10,000 pounds?
Jeremy: Tonight: Which is faster, a Renault or a bicycle? Ellen MacArthur sets sail round our track; And how much supercar do you get for 10,000 pounds?
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Stig]
Jeremy: Some say that his tears are adhesive, and that if he caught fire, he'd burn for a thousand days... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
Jeremy: Some say that his tears are adhesive, and that if he caught fire, he'd burn for a thousand days... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
TV Show: Top Gear
[On Richard's "Fake" Ferrari (a Dino 308)]
Jeremy: There's no point going "I've bought my shirt at 'George' " [the ASDA-Walmart in-house clothing brand]; it's from ASDA! You've bought a 'George' car!
Jeremy: There's no point going "I've bought my shirt at 'George' " [the ASDA-Walmart in-house clothing brand]; it's from ASDA! You've bought a 'George' car!
TV Show: Top Gear
[Seeing James arriving on the scene with an AA truck, complete with the Lamborghini Urraco strapped to the truck's bed]
Jeremy: James had bought an AA truck! [Jeremy and Richard began to dissolve into laughter, as James hops off from the truck] James, we told you to buy a mid-engined, Italian supercar, not a truck.
Jeremy: James had bought an AA truck! [Jeremy and Richard began to dissolve into laughter, as James hops off from the truck] James, we told you to buy a mid-engined, Italian supercar, not a truck.
TV Show: Top Gear
[Beginning the challenge]
Richard: Your Seventies supercar mission for today is to drive from Bristol to "Spearmint Rhino", in Slough.
Jeremy: That's a lap-dancing club.
Richard: [apparently puzzled] Is it?
Jeremy: [mocks his attempt to appear innocent] Oh, you don't know...?!
Richard: Your Seventies supercar mission for today is to drive from Bristol to "Spearmint Rhino", in Slough.
Jeremy: That's a lap-dancing club.
Richard: [apparently puzzled] Is it?
Jeremy: [mocks his attempt to appear innocent] Oh, you don't know...?!
TV Show: Top Gear
James: [to a pedestrian] Eh? No it's not a kit car, it's a Lamborghini... Philistine!
TV Show: Top Gear
[on his Lamborghini's chronic electrical problems]
James: The Italians invented electricity, as we all know.
James: The Italians invented electricity, as we all know.
TV Show: Top Gear
[asked if his Lambo' had broken down]
James: No, I just had to stop and fill it up with electricity.
James: No, I just had to stop and fill it up with electricity.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on his Lambo]
James: Right, the battery is discharging, the oil temperature is very high, the oil pressure is very low, the engine temperature is off the end of the scale, I'm running out of petrol... but the clock is correct!
James: Right, the battery is discharging, the oil temperature is very high, the oil pressure is very low, the engine temperature is off the end of the scale, I'm running out of petrol... but the clock is correct!
TV Show: Top Gear
[after Richard's Dino has been tested against its original output on a rolling road]
Jeremy: Sixty-one Horsepower has escaped; that's how many a year?
James: Think of it another way, that's a... that's a VW Lupo that has escaped from your engine!
Jeremy: Sixty-one Horsepower has escaped; that's how many a year?
James: Think of it another way, that's a... that's a VW Lupo that has escaped from your engine!
TV Show: Top Gear
[In Lisbon, about the full-face helmeted downhill biker he was about to race in a Renault Clio]
James: Now all that was left was to psyche out [Darth Vader].
James: Now all that was left was to psyche out [Darth Vader].
TV Show: Top Gear
James: It does still look a bit like the inside of Jacques Cousteau's wetsuit in here.
TV Show: Top Gear
[After losing a race to a downhill biker in Lisbon]
James: Permission to say "Oh, cock" on BBC Two.
James: Permission to say "Oh, cock" on BBC Two.
TV Show: Top Gear
[Back in the studio after the first part of the Cheap Car Challenge...]
Jeremy: We're going to be picking that up later on, but for now, it's time to update our "ITALIAN MID-ENGINED SUPERCARS FOR LESS THAN A SECOND-HAND MONDEO CHALLENGE"...
Richard: ...chart!
Jeremy: We're going to be picking that up later on, but for now, it's time to update our "ITALIAN MID-ENGINED SUPERCARS FOR LESS THAN A SECOND-HAND MONDEO CHALLENGE"...
Richard: ...chart!
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Italian supercar challenge]
Jeremy: [...] Now, next one is the big one, okay - insurance. That's the main problem with cars of this type, okay? We had to go out and get a quote to see how low we could go, and mine was, for the Maserati, 300 pounds.
Richard: A year?
Jeremy: Yeah.
Richard: For a Maserati?
Jeremy: Yeah.
Richard: Don't be ridiculous!
Jeremy: No, you see, the reason is pretty simple: unlike you, I'm a respectable middle-aged man, unlike you, I don't have any points on my license, and it's kept in an alarmed, locked garage in one of the safest parts of the country.
James: Yeah, but hang on a minute though, because you are, what, a journalist and a broadcaster, and I happen to know that those are 2 of the highest rated insurance risks on the book.
Jeremy: Yep, you're exactly right, which is why I told them I was a doctor! [referring to his honorary doctorate in engineering]
Jeremy: [...] Now, next one is the big one, okay - insurance. That's the main problem with cars of this type, okay? We had to go out and get a quote to see how low we could go, and mine was, for the Maserati, 300 pounds.
Richard: A year?
Jeremy: Yeah.
Richard: For a Maserati?
Jeremy: Yeah.
Richard: Don't be ridiculous!
Jeremy: No, you see, the reason is pretty simple: unlike you, I'm a respectable middle-aged man, unlike you, I don't have any points on my license, and it's kept in an alarmed, locked garage in one of the safest parts of the country.
James: Yeah, but hang on a minute though, because you are, what, a journalist and a broadcaster, and I happen to know that those are 2 of the highest rated insurance risks on the book.
Jeremy: Yep, you're exactly right, which is why I told them I was a doctor! [referring to his honorary doctorate in engineering]
TV Show: Top Gear
[Jeremy has won two points for making his insurance quote two-hundred under the £500 bench-mark.]
Jeremy: Two points - for being a doctor!
Jeremy: Two points - for being a doctor!
TV Show: Top Gear
Richard: I said "I'm an after-dinner speaker." [cue mocking by Jeremy & James]
Jeremy: You see...
Richard: I've done two.
James: [scoffs] Two hundred.
Jeremy: Anyway, what was your quote?
Richard: Well for a big corporate bank, 5 grand. I suppose, for a charity, I'll do it for 3 and a half...
Jeremy: No, what was your insurance quote?
Richard: Oh! Grand.. 1000 pounds.
Jeremy: That really includes, presumably, the 800 quid to cover your new expensive teeth.
Richard: I have not... had... my teeth whi— I just haven't!
Richard: So... I actually lose... er, that's minus five... that's bad.
Jeremy: Ooh... Lose...! Englebert's going down, with his new teeth!
Jeremy: You see...
Richard: I've done two.
James: [scoffs] Two hundred.
Jeremy: Anyway, what was your quote?
Richard: Well for a big corporate bank, 5 grand. I suppose, for a charity, I'll do it for 3 and a half...
Jeremy: No, what was your insurance quote?
Richard: Oh! Grand.. 1000 pounds.
Jeremy: That really includes, presumably, the 800 quid to cover your new expensive teeth.
Richard: I have not... had... my teeth whi— I just haven't!
Richard: So... I actually lose... er, that's minus five... that's bad.
Jeremy: Ooh... Lose...! Englebert's going down, with his new teeth!
TV Show: Top Gear
James: Now I was honest, and I said - "I'm a journalist, AND a broadcaster..."
Jeremy: And I bet you told them you live in London as well?
James: Yes, that's right - y'know, Single, car parked on the street, live in an area of London that's usually on fire...
Jeremy: So your quote was...
James: [dramatic pause for breath] Five thousand pounds! [for which he loses a massive 45 points]
[general laughter and an almost sympathetic bout of one-upmanship by Jeremy recounting a previous quote for £22000 on an Escort Cosworth worth "only" £19000]
Jeremy: And I bet you told them you live in London as well?
James: Yes, that's right - y'know, Single, car parked on the street, live in an area of London that's usually on fire...
Jeremy: So your quote was...
James: [dramatic pause for breath] Five thousand pounds! [for which he loses a massive 45 points]
[general laughter and an almost sympathetic bout of one-upmanship by Jeremy recounting a previous quote for £22000 on an Escort Cosworth worth "only" £19000]
TV Show: Top Gear
[Jeremy driving a timed lap at Castle Coombe Race Circuit in his Maserati Merak]
Jeremy: 4,000 RPM! And that's all the rebuilt engine has to give!
Richard: That car is...
Jeremy: Why won't you rev?!
Richard: ...an appalling heap of junk.
Jeremy: 4,000 RPM! And that's all the rebuilt engine has to give!
Richard: That car is...
Jeremy: Why won't you rev?!
Richard: ...an appalling heap of junk.
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: We drive the new Bugatti in Italy; we drive the new Bugatti in Switzerland and France; and we drive the new Bugatti in London.
Jeremy: Tonight: We drive the new Bugatti in Italy; we drive the new Bugatti in Switzerland and France; and we drive the new Bugatti in London.
TV Show: Top Gear
[After Hammond's review of the Marcos TSO]
Jeremy: [opening the door of the Marcos TSO] What's this?
Richard: Erm...
Jeremy: [showing what he found] It's a tooth-whitening kit.
Richard: It's a plant! It's a plant!
Jeremy: It was just a theory until a moment ago...
Jeremy: [opening the door of the Marcos TSO] What's this?
Richard: Erm...
Jeremy: [showing what he found] It's a tooth-whitening kit.
Richard: It's a plant! It's a plant!
Jeremy: It was just a theory until a moment ago...
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Stig]
Richard: Some say he can swim seven lengths under water, and he has webbed buttocks... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
Richard: Some say he can swim seven lengths under water, and he has webbed buttocks... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
TV Show: Top Gear
Richard: Now, I'm dying to know the verdict, but first, something more important... your hat! What were you thinking?! You were like the dog car in Dumb and Dumber [makes a face referring to the hat James was wearing in the 2WD Vs. AWD 911 challenge]
James: [leans toward Hammond] Listen! That hat is haute couture in rallying circles.
James: [leans toward Hammond] Listen! That hat is haute couture in rallying circles.
TV Show: Top Gear
[Introducing Nigel Mansell]
Jeremy: He was the Formula 1 world champion and the American Indy car champion at the same time, and he was also Britain's highest paid sportsman, and he achieved all this despite being born with a moustache.
Jeremy: He was the Formula 1 world champion and the American Indy car champion at the same time, and he was also Britain's highest paid sportsman, and he achieved all this despite being born with a moustache.
TV Show: Top Gear