Top Gear Quotes
[on the Stig]
Richard: Some say that his first name really is "The," and that if he went on Celebrity Love Island, they'd all be pregnant, including the camera men. All we know is, he's called the Stig.
Richard: Some say that his first name really is "The," and that if he went on Celebrity Love Island, they'd all be pregnant, including the camera men. All we know is, he's called the Stig.
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: Jaguar's supercharged XKR vs. its twin sister; why do road-works take so long? And Jamie Oliver prepares a delicious lap in our Reasonably-Priced Car!
Jeremy: Tonight: Jaguar's supercharged XKR vs. its twin sister; why do road-works take so long? And Jamie Oliver prepares a delicious lap in our Reasonably-Priced Car!
TV Show: Top Gear
[Upon starting the new series]
Jeremy: Now there is actually a problem, really, because, obviously, one of us blokes has now become Princess Diana!
Jeremy: Now there is actually a problem, really, because, obviously, one of us blokes has now become Princess Diana!
TV Show: Top Gear
[referring to Richard's comeback to the studio]
Jeremy: ...and here's something I never thought I'd be saying at one point, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome... Richard Hammond!
Jeremy: ...and here's something I never thought I'd be saying at one point, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome... Richard Hammond!
TV Show: Top Gear
[having just made a grand entrance down a staircase, with fireworks and dancing girls]
Richard: That's the most embarrassing thing I've ever done!
Richard: That's the most embarrassing thing I've ever done!
TV Show: Top Gear
[on Richard's return]
Jeremy: Anyway, listen. This is the big question. I guess everybody wants to know. Are you ready? Are you now a mental?
Richard: No!
[the audience laughs]
Richard: I'm not! I'm fixed! I'm completely fixed, and normal, and healed. Thank you. What are you doing?
James: I thought you might need these... [hands Hammond tissues] ...in case you start dribbling.
Richard: That's all I've had for four months...
James: What? Tissues?
Richard: No! People hanging around just watching, waiting for my eyes to point in different directions and for me to go bonkers. I'm fixed, I'm normal.
Jeremy: Are you the same person that you were before?
Richard: Yes! I mean, the doctors were worried, because it's brain damage, you know... personality change or whatever, but... no, the only difference between me now and me before the crash is... I like celery now and I didn't... before.
Jeremy: So you're still shouty? You're still fighty?
Richard: Yes...
James: And if I take you to the pub, are you still going to want to punch me in the face after 15 minutes?
Richard: Yes, though that's, to be honest, more [gestures to Jeremy] your personality than mine.
Jeremy: I always want to punch him in the face after 15 minutes, sometimes less.
Richard: Yeah, that's perfectly normal.
Jeremy: Anyway, listen. This is the big question. I guess everybody wants to know. Are you ready? Are you now a mental?
Richard: No!
[the audience laughs]
Richard: I'm not! I'm fixed! I'm completely fixed, and normal, and healed. Thank you. What are you doing?
James: I thought you might need these... [hands Hammond tissues] ...in case you start dribbling.
Richard: That's all I've had for four months...
James: What? Tissues?
Richard: No! People hanging around just watching, waiting for my eyes to point in different directions and for me to go bonkers. I'm fixed, I'm normal.
Jeremy: Are you the same person that you were before?
Richard: Yes! I mean, the doctors were worried, because it's brain damage, you know... personality change or whatever, but... no, the only difference between me now and me before the crash is... I like celery now and I didn't... before.
Jeremy: So you're still shouty? You're still fighty?
Richard: Yes...
James: And if I take you to the pub, are you still going to want to punch me in the face after 15 minutes?
Richard: Yes, though that's, to be honest, more [gestures to Jeremy] your personality than mine.
Jeremy: I always want to punch him in the face after 15 minutes, sometimes less.
Richard: Yeah, that's perfectly normal.
TV Show: Top Gear
[moments before his dragster crash]
Richard: When the afterburner lights, I haven't got 5,000 horsepower: I've got 10,000 horsepower, and possibly the biggest accident you've ever seen in your life.
Richard: When the afterburner lights, I haven't got 5,000 horsepower: I've got 10,000 horsepower, and possibly the biggest accident you've ever seen in your life.
TV Show: Top Gear
[getting strapped into the dragster moments before his crash]
Richard: I don't wanna be upside down!
Richard: I don't wanna be upside down!
TV Show: Top Gear
[his first thought when the wheel of the jet car exploded]
Richard: Oh bugger! Something's gone wrong!
Richard: Oh bugger! Something's gone wrong!
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Stig]
Jeremy: Some say he once threw a microwave oven at a tramp, and long before anyone else, he realized that Jade Goody was a racist pig-faced waste of blood and organs... [the audience applauds wildly and Jeremy pauses for a short moment]...[laughing] all we know is, he's called the Stig.
Jeremy: Some say he once threw a microwave oven at a tramp, and long before anyone else, he realized that Jade Goody was a racist pig-faced waste of blood and organs... [the audience applauds wildly and Jeremy pauses for a short moment]...[laughing] all we know is, he's called the Stig.
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: ...how hard can it be?
Richard: Oh, how I've missed the pang of dread every time you say the words "How hard can it be?"
Richard: Oh, how I've missed the pang of dread every time you say the words "How hard can it be?"
TV Show: Top Gear
[In a fish and chip shop, ordering a meal for his work crew]
Richard: Can I have cod-and-chips... seventy-five times?
Richard: Can I have cod-and-chips... seventy-five times?
TV Show: Top Gear
[observing the approach of a storm]
Jeremy: In the immortal words of Basil Fawlty, "Oh spiffing!"
Jeremy: In the immortal words of Basil Fawlty, "Oh spiffing!"
TV Show: Top Gear
[speaking over a bull horn to the men of the D5481]
Jeremy: The Pantheon, the Pyramids, the Great Wall of China. Each a shining beacon of mans ambition and today the D5481 will join that list. We shall build this road in a day, our resurfacing work will last for a thousand years!
Jeremy: The Pantheon, the Pyramids, the Great Wall of China. Each a shining beacon of mans ambition and today the D5481 will join that list. We shall build this road in a day, our resurfacing work will last for a thousand years!
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Jaguar XKR]
Jeremy: ...while it doesn't have a shed load of power, it is still quite fast. You passed sixty miles an hour in 4.9 seconds. You passed a hundred in thirteen seconds, and that's good... but imagine how good it would be if it had more power!
Jeremy: ...while it doesn't have a shed load of power, it is still quite fast. You passed sixty miles an hour in 4.9 seconds. You passed a hundred in thirteen seconds, and that's good... but imagine how good it would be if it had more power!
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: Hugh Grant stars in our Reasonably-Priced Car; and is the new Audi TT any good? We find out... by playing golf.
Jeremy: Tonight: Hugh Grant stars in our Reasonably-Priced Car; and is the new Audi TT any good? We find out... by playing golf.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Stig]
Jeremy: Some say that he once had a vicious knife fight with Anthea Turner, and that he is in no way implicated in the cash for honours scandal... all we know is, he's called Lord Stig!
Jeremy: Some say that he once had a vicious knife fight with Anthea Turner, and that he is in no way implicated in the cash for honours scandal... all we know is, he's called Lord Stig!
TV Show: Top Gear
James: [after hearing it's now illegal to retune a radio while driving] I can't listen to an episode of the Archers in the car without losing my temper, and having a crash... deliberately... to end it.
TV Show: Top Gear
Richard: Wow! A TVR band! So presumably they play really loud, really fast and then burst into flames!
TV Show: Top Gear
[while Jeremy is speaking before the panel of experts]
James: Oh look, I found Jeremy's notes: Trousers, fat, Hitler, Teige, Mazda, Alfa, modernism, minimalism.
James: Oh look, I found Jeremy's notes: Trousers, fat, Hitler, Teige, Mazda, Alfa, modernism, minimalism.
TV Show: Top Gear
James: [in the museum gift shop, as a general question] Do you have like a single volume on the artistic influence of Alfa Romeo coupes?
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: You went to art school—you should be good at this.
Richard: Did you go to art school?
Jeremy: No I didn't.
Richard: Then you wouldn't know. All you do at art school is drink and pursue women.
Richard: Did you go to art school?
Jeremy: No I didn't.
Richard: Then you wouldn't know. All you do at art school is drink and pursue women.
TV Show: Top Gear
[to Richard on speaking before the museum experts]
Jeremy: Do you know what? We've made amphibious cars, we made a convertible people carrier, I've raced you to Oslo... this is the hardest thing I have ever faced.
Jeremy: Do you know what? We've made amphibious cars, we made a convertible people carrier, I've raced you to Oslo... this is the hardest thing I have ever faced.
TV Show: Top Gear
Museum Expert: What does it symbolize?
Jeremy: The Audi?
Museum Expert: Yes.
Jeremy: It symbolises... [pause] freedom...? [making reference to the film Braveheart] freedom...! like that.
Jeremy: The Audi?
Museum Expert: Yes.
Jeremy: It symbolises... [pause] freedom...? [making reference to the film Braveheart] freedom...! like that.
TV Show: Top Gear