Top Gear Quotes
[pointing to the Aston Martin DB9]
Jeremy: So it's Keira Knightley... [pointing to the Aston Martin DBS] or Keira Knightley, dressed in Puff Diddley's jewellery.
Jeremy: So it's Keira Knightley... [pointing to the Aston Martin DBS] or Keira Knightley, dressed in Puff Diddley's jewellery.
TV Show: Top Gear
[In an attempt to prove British Leyland made some good cars, James has to drive over a cobbled road with a colander full of eggs over his head]
Jeremy: He looks like a spaniel that's crashed into the back of a hen!
Jeremy: He looks like a spaniel that's crashed into the back of a hen!
TV Show: Top Gear
[At the former site of Longbridge when Jeremy opens his car door, the interior of the door stays put]
Jeremy: It's gone back to Longbridge!
Richard: It's on strike!
Jeremy: It's gone back to Longbridge!
Richard: It's on strike!
TV Show: Top Gear
[Richard's Triumph Dolomite Sprint has just failed the handbrake test, nearly running him over as it rolls freely backward down the slope]
Richard: Ah! That's not gone well.
[The Dolly Sprint crashes into the 33.3% Grade sign at the bottom of the slope]
Richard: Sorry! Sorry, that's gone badly wrong. It's gonna come - sorry!
James: [looking on with Clarkson] Having failed the handbrake test, he's knocked down the sign warning him how steep the hill is.
James: [voiceover] Still, every cloud and all that...
Richard: Very good test of how fast it goes... backwards... with the handbrake on.
Richard: Ah! That's not gone well.
[The Dolly Sprint crashes into the 33.3% Grade sign at the bottom of the slope]
Richard: Sorry! Sorry, that's gone badly wrong. It's gonna come - sorry!
James: [looking on with Clarkson] Having failed the handbrake test, he's knocked down the sign warning him how steep the hill is.
James: [voiceover] Still, every cloud and all that...
Richard: Very good test of how fast it goes... backwards... with the handbrake on.
TV Show: Top Gear
[James on observing why he has more egg stains on the front of his shirt than Richard's shirt after both completing the ride comfort tests]
James: I've got more on the front - Why's that?
Richard[demonstrating the colander with his hands] Because mine was... Because I have to sit further forwards than you 'cause I'm short.
James: That's what it is.
James: I've got more on the front - Why's that?
Richard[demonstrating the colander with his hands] Because mine was... Because I have to sit further forwards than you 'cause I'm short.
James: That's what it is.
TV Show: Top Gear
[After Jeremy completes his ride comfort with eggs test, he wipes the egg from his hair using the driver's seat of Richard's car].
Jeremy: [voiceover] ... Except I was desperately needed to wash my hair.
Richard: Oh get off Jeremy! That's disgus...ting [Jeremy is now standing up.]
Jeremy: What I have just done is I've wiped my hair on a seat that's 30 years old and has had some Midlander's bottom on it!
Jeremy: [voiceover] ... Except I was desperately needed to wash my hair.
Richard: Oh get off Jeremy! That's disgus...ting [Jeremy is now standing up.]
Jeremy: What I have just done is I've wiped my hair on a seat that's 30 years old and has had some Midlander's bottom on it!
TV Show: Top Gear
[for the final test, the cars would be filled with water for the presenters to drive around the Top Gear track to test build quality].
Richard: [to the fire brigade on filling up his car with water] You could have used warm water, it's freezing! [Moments later] There's 30-odd years' worth of fag ends and fluff coming up on top!
Richard: [to the fire brigade on filling up his car with water] You could have used warm water, it's freezing! [Moments later] There's 30-odd years' worth of fag ends and fluff coming up on top!
TV Show: Top Gear
James: Actually, it's a good point, because my dad had three of those, and none of the doors ever fell off.
Jeremy: No, it's not Rover's fault. They were built brilliantly.
Richard: In fact, I seem to remember that at the time, the SD1 was often praised for the way its... back doors... stayed on.
Jeremy: Exactly!
Jeremy: No, it's not Rover's fault. They were built brilliantly.
Richard: In fact, I seem to remember that at the time, the SD1 was often praised for the way its... back doors... stayed on.
Jeremy: Exactly!
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: Compo takes me for a spin in a car from his youth. Richard tries to drive a fast car without crashing, and Lewis Hamilton faces his toughest challenge yet: The Suzuki Liana.
Jeremy: Tonight: Compo takes me for a spin in a car from his youth. Richard tries to drive a fast car without crashing, and Lewis Hamilton faces his toughest challenge yet: The Suzuki Liana.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Stig]
Jeremy: Some say that when he slows down brake lights come on in his buttocks, and that if he'd been the manager of the England football squad last week, he wouldn't have been a feckless ginger gum-chewing buffoon who ruined it for all of us. All we know is, he's called The Stig.
Jeremy: Some say that when he slows down brake lights come on in his buttocks, and that if he'd been the manager of the England football squad last week, he wouldn't have been a feckless ginger gum-chewing buffoon who ruined it for all of us. All we know is, he's called The Stig.
TV Show: Top Gear
[speculating on the survey responses that led a Toyota marketing survey to imply that 28% of Europeans want their cars to make them feel ill]
Richard: That doesn't seem - "Oh, I love my Mondeo because every time I start the engine it gives me scurvy, and that's a good thing in my life!"
James: "I chose Porsche because it brings on rectal prolapse."
Richard: That doesn't seem - "Oh, I love my Mondeo because every time I start the engine it gives me scurvy, and that's a good thing in my life!"
James: "I chose Porsche because it brings on rectal prolapse."
TV Show: Top Gear
Lewis Hamilton: It is a bit cold in here though.
Jeremy: It is cold in here, it's sharp.
Hamilton: I'm surprised - I know you guys make a lot of money, can you afford a heater?
Jeremy: [definitively] No. Because we have all the money.
Jeremy: It is cold in here, it's sharp.
Hamilton: I'm surprised - I know you guys make a lot of money, can you afford a heater?
Jeremy: [definitively] No. Because we have all the money.
TV Show: Top Gear
Jeremy: [singing badly] Weeeeeee're all going daahn the pub! (aping a Sham 69 song)
TV Show: Top Gear
[On the 2007 Malaysian Grand Prix]
Jeremy: ...and you put one in on Massa, didn't you?
Hamilton: Yeah, Massa and Kimi.
Jeremy: Was Kimi drunk?
Hamilton: I dunno - I should have asked him, actually, because he was really on the left - this was Malaysia and he was really on the left, so I could outbrake him.
Jeremy: [singing in slurred Finnish accent] "I win this race and then I go down pu-ub... Who pass me? Oh, that's that new boy gone past..."
Jeremy: ...and you put one in on Massa, didn't you?
Hamilton: Yeah, Massa and Kimi.
Jeremy: Was Kimi drunk?
Hamilton: I dunno - I should have asked him, actually, because he was really on the left - this was Malaysia and he was really on the left, so I could outbrake him.
Jeremy: [singing in slurred Finnish accent] "I win this race and then I go down pu-ub... Who pass me? Oh, that's that new boy gone past..."
TV Show: Top Gear
Hamilton: It is actually quite exciting when you're flying headfirst into a barrier - the initial part, the initial part is actually quite fun, especially when you hit the gravel trap and you get some air, and then you see it coming and you think 'erk - it's gonna hurt!'
TV Show: Top Gear
[During Hamilton's lap]
Hamilton: C'mon man! [looking at the speedo] 56 miles an hour, what the...?
Hamilton: C'mon man! [looking at the speedo] 56 miles an hour, what the...?
TV Show: Top Gear
[During Hamilton's lap]
Hamilton: Look at the grip... This thing will put a Formula 1 car to shame!
Jeremy: It won't! It won't, it won't, it won't!
Hamilton: Look at the grip... This thing will put a Formula 1 car to shame!
Jeremy: It won't! It won't, it won't, it won't!
TV Show: Top Gear
[During Hamilton's lap, Lewis begins to sing]
Jeremy: Are you taking this seriously?
Jeremy: Are you taking this seriously?
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: We take part in our first ever motor race. James tests the new Fiat 500 near some youths on bicycles. And the Ascari A10. Just how fast is this thing?
Jeremy: Tonight: We take part in our first ever motor race. James tests the new Fiat 500 near some youths on bicycles. And the Ascari A10. Just how fast is this thing?
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the BMW 330d they bought to convert it into a racing car]
Richard: This is the car we enrolled. It's a BMW 330d, four years old, done 45.000 miles, we paid 11 grand for it. And now, we must turn it into a racing car by [he pauses, then continues uncertainly] ...bolting lots of racing car bits to it.
Richard: This is the car we enrolled. It's a BMW 330d, four years old, done 45.000 miles, we paid 11 grand for it. And now, we must turn it into a racing car by [he pauses, then continues uncertainly] ...bolting lots of racing car bits to it.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Mercedes Benz CLK63 AMG Black]
Jeremy: If it had a tongue, it would go around licking windows.
Jeremy: If it had a tongue, it would go around licking windows.
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight, how much passion can you get for a thousand pounds?; how much soul can you get for a thousand pounds?; and how much pain can you get for a thousand pounds?
Jeremy: Tonight, how much passion can you get for a thousand pounds?; how much soul can you get for a thousand pounds?; and how much pain can you get for a thousand pounds?
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the Stig]
Jeremy: Some say that he once lost a canoe on a beach in the north-east, and that he once did some time in a prison in Canterbury, because his teddy is called The Baby Jesus. All we know is, he's called the Stig.
Jeremy: Some say that he once lost a canoe on a beach in the north-east, and that he once did some time in a prison in Canterbury, because his teddy is called The Baby Jesus. All we know is, he's called the Stig.
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the qualifying]
Jeremy: What if I have to get out of somebody's way to let him go by...
Richard: ...I don't know, I don't know...
Jeremy: This is without any question or shadow of doubt the scariest thing I've ever done.
Richard: Yes...
James: I've broken my zip.
Richard[irritated]: That's bad?
Jeremy: What if I have to get out of somebody's way to let him go by...
Richard: ...I don't know, I don't know...
Jeremy: This is without any question or shadow of doubt the scariest thing I've ever done.
Richard: Yes...
James: I've broken my zip.
Richard[irritated]: That's bad?
TV Show: Top Gear
[on the qualifying in the night]
Richard: [voiceover] Then it was Jeremy's turn.
Jeremy: Holy cow, I can't see a thing...
Richard: [voiceover] He tried to cure the lack of visibility with speed.
Jeremy: I just took Bridge Corner flat, first time I...oh, I'm off! People behind me must be thinking, "Who is this clown?"
Richard: [voiceover] Then it was Jeremy's turn.
Jeremy: Holy cow, I can't see a thing...
Richard: [voiceover] He tried to cure the lack of visibility with speed.
Jeremy: I just took Bridge Corner flat, first time I...oh, I'm off! People behind me must be thinking, "Who is this clown?"
TV Show: Top Gear
[When Jeremy attempts to talk with The Stig after the car broke down]
Jeremy: Did it fill with smoke? Did it lose power?
Jeremy: Did it fill with smoke? Did it lose power?
TV Show: Top Gear
[When James May was in the car for the first time]
Jeremy: The Christian motorist is in the hot seat.
Jeremy: [voiceover] A few minutes later, something amazing happened.
James: I've overtaken someone!
Jeremy: The Christian motorist is in the hot seat.
Jeremy: [voiceover] A few minutes later, something amazing happened.
James: I've overtaken someone!
TV Show: Top Gear
[During the night in the race, Jeremy is in the driver's seat]
Jeremy: I'm coming up behind those Italians in the 1 Series! Look at this, it's neck on neck...now he's come across my nose! We saved you from the Germans, and that's what I get?!
Richard: [talking into his radio] Don't wreck the car!
Jeremy: I'm coming up behind those Italians in the 1 Series! Look at this, it's neck on neck...now he's come across my nose! We saved you from the Germans, and that's what I get?!
Richard: [talking into his radio] Don't wreck the car!
TV Show: Top Gear
[while The Stig is at the wheel]
Jeremy: ...and even though the missing splitter was ruining the handling, nothing was gonna stop him - nothing!
Richard: Right now, at this very moment, the computers tell us The Stig is having a wee in the car - and I'm next... [grins nervously]
Jeremy: ...and even though the missing splitter was ruining the handling, nothing was gonna stop him - nothing!
Richard: Right now, at this very moment, the computers tell us The Stig is having a wee in the car - and I'm next... [grins nervously]
TV Show: Top Gear